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   NEWSLETTER: "'WHERE WE'RE GOING, WE DON'T NEED RHODES' - ANDY TO JOHN ON
   STARTING THE POWER STATION"
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 * MODEM SOUNDS - Squeeeeeeaakkkkkk bop bop beep
 * NEW YORKER CARTOON GAME - can you guess the year?
 * IMAGE CHALLENGE - genrebend your books
 -------------------------------------------------
 ________  ____ __  ___
 ____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're saving the web by
 ___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ | rebooting the internet
 __/____/____/\__/_/ |_| clock to 2001... together"
 B3ta e-newsletter-mail-email 954 - 14th July 2025
 Read this issue on your wank shrine to Thatcher:
 http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue954
 -------------------------------------------------
 : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
   Other than making their eyelids fat
   * INTERNET PHONE BOOK - kristoffer writes, "i
   made an internet phone book. it sold out. but
   now we are reprinting it. can i call your help
   for promotion for when we are ready with the
   reprint! the book itself is written in html and
   css and sent to the printer using ctrl+p." Sorry
   Kris, we don't run a service where we have a
   calendar going for sticking things in the
   newsletter later, it's when you email it in or
   never. Still, it looks like a fun project, and
   there's an option on the website where you can
   register your email for interest when it's
   launched. So do that, readers.
 https://internetphonebook.net/
   * INTERNATIONAL SPACE STATION TRACKER -
   shkspr.mobi writes, "I built a silly thing which
   lets you look up the position of the
   International Space Station via the command
   line. It is both big and clever to abuse obscure
   DNS records." Nice, next let's have a project
   where you can ping Voyager?
 https://shkspr.mobi/blog/2025/07/get-the-location-...
   * ANTI SOCIAL MEDIA COMIC - designthinkingcomic
   writes, "Hello! I draw a weekly webcomic called
   'Design Thinking!' about being a
   designer/creative person in our increasingly
   Tech-ruled world. Was hoping I could pimp my own
   newsletter in your newsletter and help keep
   people off horrible social media sites." Sorry
   mate, looks like we're stuck with social media,
   the only winning move is to invent a time
   machine and kill the baby Facebook.
 https://designthinkingcomic.substack.com
 -------------------------------------------------
 : HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
   You need some clothes, so buy some ok?
   Hebtro make lovely clothes, built to last and
   made in the UK to the highest quality. Unlike
   the type of crap available in most online stores
   which is produced using borderline slave labour.
   Shop ethically, or don't, but you have to live
   with your decisions.
 https://hebtro.co/new/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : FESSHOLE
   Your fesses fessed up
   We were recently listening to The La's and
   watched a few videos of Lee Mavers saying his LP
   was crap and it made us think we shouldn't write
   negative stuff about Fesshole because we find it
   a bit funny to do so. Maver's campaign to sell
   his LP going "it's shit" is so obviously flawed
   because it only works on people who've already
   listened and gone "oh this is great, cheer up
   Lee" whereas others go, "oh it's crap is it? I
   won't bother." This is why Oasis saying they
   were the best band in the world was a better
   idea. Anyway, Fesshole is the best social media
   account in the world and we're proud of it.
   * EGG - "My husband has shaved his head in
   solidarity with me as I go through cancer
   treatment. However, had he actually listened to
   the doctor at my last appointment, he'd know
   that my hair probably won't fall out and he
   looks like an egg for no reason."
   * MATRIX - "One of the guys in my team is a big
   conspiracy theorist and has mooted the idea that
   we are all living in a computer simulation.
   Whenever we have a Teams call I take my watch on
   and off several times, off camera, hoping to
   convince him that he is seeing a glitch in the
   matrix."
   * SPIDER - "Earlier this week I considered being
   that guy and speaking to my son's school about
   some of the stuff he's being taught; namely the
   existence of feminist spiders. Glad I didn't, as
   long story short, he can't pronounce the word
   venomous properly."
   Follow the account that's on threads, instagram,
   bluesky, mastodon and that other one with AI
   Hitler on it, we truly live in the worst
   timeline.
 https://www.threads.com/@fesshole
   Come to the shows. It's LEEDS next then
   Liverpool, Diss and Worthing. They are fun
   shows, do come, you'll have a good time and your
   editor likes hanging out in the bar afterwards
   and chatting bollocks so you can quiz him about
   why he didn't front page your terrible jokes in
   2003 or whatever.
 https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
   Buy the books which are also great, because one
   of them is red and the other is yellow, in
   tribute to the Leeds goth band Red Lorry, Yellow
   Lorry.
 https://amzn.to/40ySjVn
 -------------------------------------------------
 : SITES IN BRIEF
   MechaMrBronson's Bookmarks
   * TYPE INVADERS - Novel little typing game where
   you play dodgeball by tapping the letters to
   move around the screen. For people who took
   their Mavis Beacon as seriously as their
   Asteroids.
 https://managore.itch.io/daniel-linssens-typing-ch...
   * CAN YOU COUNT UNDER PRESSURE? This week's 'dle
   asks you to guess how many people are in the
   photos. Judged by AI doing the face recognition
   stuff it's good at, rather than the getting high
   on predictive text and generating bollocks that
   it's increasingly best known for.
 https://crowdle.xyz/
   * HOW OLD ARE THESE CARTOONS - Finding a big
   data pile of attractive JPEGs first and turning
   them into a quiz second is a decent approach to
   coming up with a web game. The New Yorker has
   done that with this game in which they've made
   Chronophoto with their cartoons. An excuse to
   look at some nice old cartoons, as much as
   anything.
 https://www.newyorker.com/puzzles-and-games-dept/l...
   * A HISTORY OF MAC SETTINGS - a nerdy in-depth
   thing that doesn't use screenshots. Instead it
   has a load of emulators running MacOS/X/NeXT and
   there are games and easter eggs to find.
 https://aresluna.org/frame-of-preference/
   * DIAL UP MODEM SOUNDS, FROM 300 BPS TO 56K -
   you have to watch this with the subtitles on,
   it's the most charming description of robot
   bloops ever written.
 https://www.youtube.com/watch
   * STOP ROBOTS STEALING YOUR STUFF - in this
   world where AI bots are slurping up all the
   content to make more terrible content, here's
   how to stop them.
 https://bsky.app/profile/guydupont.bsky.social/pos...
   You know how to email us: use the form, Luke.
 http://b3ta.com/mailus
   BTW: If you want some respite from *gestures
   around at stuff* we'll tell you what we really
   enjoyed today: listening to a few episodes of
   season 4 of Alan Partridge's From The Oasthouse.
   It's an utter joy and a reminder of what comedy
   can do: make you laugh and temporarily forget a
   darker world.
 -------------------------------------------------
 : THE B3TA MAIL BAG
   You email in crap - we print it
   * DH-SMELL - TomsFakeEmail writes, "I took a
   picture of the biggest, smoothest shit I'd ever
   done. Seriously it was like Godzilla's tail - I
   shit you not (pun intended). I was going to
   submit it to the b3ta newsletter, but my wife
   made me delete the picture. Sorry." Looks like
   your wife made the right decision, we really do
   not need to see your poos. But feel free to send
   in a photo of your wife.
   * ADVOCACTEA - Tea-Drinker sent in a very
   rambling note which we won't make you read, but
   the crux of it was advocating for Typhoo tea
   over Yorkshire, which is clearly trollish
   nonsense as Typhoo is piss-weak tea for people
   who only buy it coz it's often on offer in
   Iceland and you get a lot of bags for your
   money. But it's a false economy, and we know,
   because we're currently working our way through
   a big box of it and hating ourselves. UPDATE: As
   of going to press we've been to M&S and got some
   extra strong tea-bags. Nice. We'll save the
   Typhoo for guests that we hate.
   If you want to send us a missive, then you know
   where the form is, Luke.
 https://b3ta.com/mailus/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : FOLLOW UPS
   What happened next on previous stories
   * EPISODE OF THE PULL UP CHALLENGE - Pig Face
   Turnips writes, "Probably mainly of interest to
   those into pull ups or following 'the
   challenge'" We're weirdly gripped by this and
   wish we could do one pull up ourselves, but
   we're old internet men, more used to pulling
   muscles.
 https://b3ta.com/links/Ep_2_of_The_One_Pull_Up_Cha...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : IMAGE CHALLENGE
   Disco challenge results
   For some reason we decided to do a disco
   challenge, probably a tribute to our favourite
   crisps, we forget now, but some of the best
   images include:
   * These titans of 1970s TV secretly being the
   BeeGees - thanks 'Octo'
 https://b3ta.com/board/11418892
   * 'Ya What' did a YMCA joke
 https://b3ta.com/board/11418840
   * And we'll give a little big up to 'plankton'
   as we were almost pleased to see this lady, yes
   she was terrible but by being followed by Boris
   & Truss, she's less bad by comparison
 https://b3ta.com/board/11418867
   See all the images from the B3ta Disco
   challenge:
 https://b3ta.com/challenge/disco/popular/
   And of course we've got a new challenge up for
   genre-swapping books and yeah, we're not meant
   to pick favourites but it's going better than
   the Disco challenge so get clicking and join in:
 https://b3ta.com/challenge/genreswapbooks/popular
 -------------------------------------------------
 : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
   Some ideas which we've had this week, use them
   * HYPOCRYPTOCAL BLOG - We noticed that Simon's
   Cat has gone to the shit coin dark side. So take
   screen grabs of minor shitty celebs / brands
   that have gone all in on crypto - plus a bit of
   raging how they"re cunts, and have let down the
   Internet community of animated cat fans
   * IS THIS CANCER OR JUST A LUMP? - the new hit
   quiz from the now quite old team at UsVsTh3m.
   (We're fine btw, it WAS just a lump.)
   * BRIGHTON BOYCOTS THE SPECTATOR - seeing as the
   glossy  Der Stürmer has threatened to bomb
   Brighton we're hoping the residents could
   organise a boycott like how Liverpool did with
   the Sun. Words should have consequences.
   If you make stuff then you should tell us about
   stuff because b3ta is read by the illuminati.
 https://b3ta.com/mailus/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : PATREON THANKS
   We love all these people. Almost romantically.
   *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
   MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
   JAMES* *STOOBERT*
   24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
   EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
   LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
   VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
   SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
   ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
   Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
   lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
   Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
   Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
   Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
   Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
   blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
   Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
   Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
   Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
   Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
   Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
   H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
   Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
   Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
   Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
   Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
   Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
   Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
   McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
   Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
   Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
   Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
   Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
   Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
   Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
   mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
   OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
   Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
   Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
   pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
   Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
   RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
   sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
   McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
   Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
   Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
   Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
   Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
   Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
   Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
   Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
   Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
   Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
   Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
   James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
   Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
   Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
   Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
   Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
   Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
   Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
   Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
   Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
   Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
   Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
   Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
   Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
   STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
   Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
   Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
   Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
   Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
   Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
   Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
   Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
   Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
   Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
   Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
   FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
   Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
   Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
   Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
   madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
   Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
   Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
   Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
   Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
   Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
   Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
   Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
   Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
   Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
   Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
   Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
   Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
   EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
   additional links; Monkeon for image challenge
   help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
   by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (At last - Kat)
   And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
   Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
   Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
   Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
   NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
   Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
   Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
   Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
   Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
   Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
   Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
   Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
   love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
   - extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
   Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
   Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
   and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
   McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
   Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
   PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
   Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
   the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
   to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
   appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
   Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
   Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
   Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
   YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
   Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
   you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
   Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
   THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
   BONUS THANKS TO NEWEST: Niomi Wightman, Matt &
   JonC. Super-newest thank to Benjamin Blundell
   and Stuart. Super bonus news thanks to Luka
   Mikec, Peter Henningsen & Mike Coats. Super
   double new thanks to Katie Steckles, Prophyria,
   Rob Mahon, Kier Fox-Mayr, Geoff Tidey, Simon
   Howard. And new bonus thanks to Tim Chuma, Tom
   YeOldeForge, Austin Hofeman & Marcus Penning.
   AND new thanks to atomic.
   Oh just subscribe, you lovely lovely people.
 https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : BONUS "WASTING POLICE TIME" FESSHOLE
   "My wife's gone away for a fortnight in the sun
   so I've decided to re-pave my patio; it'll give
   the neighbours something to talk about. Nosey
   cunts"

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   THIS WEEKS HEADLINES
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   * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS
   * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES
   * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS

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