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   NEWSLETTER: "THE NEWSLETTER THAT'S BEEN ASKING COUNCILS TO BAN IT SINCE
   2001"
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 * ZX SPECTRUMS - Still shit, get an Amstrad instead
 * NEW CHALLENGE - it's something about LPs again
 * FESSHOLE LIVE - Four shows on sale inc Leeds
 -------------------------------------------------
 ________  ____ __  ___
 ____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're shaving the web
 ___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |  by sticking the HTML
 __/____/____/\__/_/ |_|   through PKZIP.EXE"
 B3ta newsletter 946 - 2nd May 2025
 Read this issue through vocoder, Kraftwerk nonces:
 http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue946
 -------------------------------------------------
 : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
   Other than making their pets smell of eggs
   * SMASH BITS - PDF file fans rejoice because
   there's a new ZX Spectrum 'magazine' just for
   you. Sloanysoft writes, "I've recently been
   working on a brand new and completely free
   magazine dedicated to reviewing brand new games
   for the ZX Spectrum. The magazine has been put
   together by members of the Spectrum Computing
   forum, with the idea of showcasing all the new
   games still being made and helping those new to
   the Spectrum homebrew scene find them." We'll
   reluctantly link this up whilst taking to our
   graves the belief that the Amstrad CPC was the
   superior computer. Actually the mag is great,
   the colour scheme alone is an affront to the
   eyes, as it should be.
 https://breakspace.itch.io/issue-1
   * TREE FACTS - Smartie123 brings us this
   ridiculously charming animation where a childish
   dinosaur draws a tree. This is the business.
 https://b3ta.com/links/Tree_Fact
   * CUTTING THREADS - shnookey1 writes, "Bit of an
   experiment, I took the film Threads, and got
   people to watch one minute at a time on their
   phones and filmed this. SO this is a film across
   lots of diff phones, I did do whole film, this
   is first 20 mins on twenty phones." This is
   probably something more to watch 1 minute of and
   think about rather than the whole thing.
 https://b3ta.com/links/Cutting_Threads_have_you_wo...
   * MUSIC CONNECTIONS QUIZ - Cryptic DJ writes,
   "I've created this music-and-words daily quiz -
   name the songs then guess the word link, a new
   one every day. I would be so grateful if you
   could give it a little mention in your
   newsletter - it's legal (got music licences) and
   has no ads, no app, no login, and plays in any
   browser - genius! (apart from that I haven't
   worked out how to monetise it)." Ah yes, the
   eternal curse of the internet. The secret is
   getting lucky.
 https://crypticdj.com/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
   You know clothes, you should buy some
   Ok, here's how it works: Hebtro sponsor the b3ta
   newsletter and in return we mention them each
   week in the sponsored slot. We point out they
   make all their swag in the UK, pay their staff
   properly and make clothes mostly for men who
   want sturdy clothes, that'll last and make them
   look like dudes who know which end of a chainsaw
   to use. Ideal as presents, ideal for yourself.
   Copy so good we accidentally convinced this
   newsletter's lady partner to buy us a load of
   this stuff for Christmas as clearly we must
   really love it. And we do.
 https://hebtro.co/new/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : FESSHOLE
   Your fesses, it's the confessions bit suckers
   Each week you type shit into a form and we post
   some of it, and some of the internet understands
   it's just meant to be a bit of a laugh whereas
   others believe it's the worst thing that's ever
   happened online. Well fuck the lot of you, we're
   not stopping now. Three of our favs these week
   include:
   * CELEBRITY BULLYING - "My wife has a friend
   who's a semi famous actor, every time we have a
   BBQ or social event all my friends are under
   strict instructions not to recognise her, mainly
   because it drives her insane but also we have a
   sweep on how long before she name drops someone
   really famous."
   * ECCO THE ADOLF IN... "Told elderly neighbour
   my son was a big fan of Minecraft. She looked
   horrified. Very awkward conversation followed as
   I claimed it was all good fun and helped develop
   children's creativity, until it became apparent
   she thought I'd said Mein Kampf."
   * FFS MUM! "Mum's fess. Went to her house for
   easter. My niece offered me some of her easter
   egg. I said I can't as I'm allergic to
   chocolate. My Mum laughed & said "oh yes, I
   forgot to tell you, you're not really, we used
   to tell you that when you were younger to stop
   you eating it". I'm 37"
   Follow the account that people who still use
   Twitter hate that it's on BlueSky, and equally
   the Blueskiers are constantly furious it's still
   on Twitter. What can you do? Make it post on
   Truth Social to really annoy people? And the
   Morning Star forums for balance.
 https://bsky.app/profile/fesshole.bsky.social/
   * Oooh we've got FOUR shows up for sale, count
   them, think Leeds is the announcement we've not
   mentioned before.  Leeds - Hifi Club - 24th
   July, Diss - Corn Hall - 10th Sept, Worthing -
   Factory Live - 15th Oct, Liverpool - Hot Water
   Comedy - 12th Nov. Do come as it's a good excuse
   to leave the house and your editor likes hanging
   around the bar afterwards and talking to whoever
   wants to chat. Which is generally old b3tans who
   want to tell us the internet was better back in
   2001 - not that we hugely agree, go and make
   good stuff now, the world isn't over until you
   die.
 https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
   And yes buy the books, the lovely books, the red
   one and the yellow one. The red one sold better
   but the yellow one is probably a slightly better
   book. Such is publishing.
 https://amzn.to/40ySjVn
 -------------------------------------------------
 : SITES IN BRIEF
   Important sites to copy to your 'Prepper Disk'
   * YOU ARE GENERATIVE AI - A game where it
   doesn't matter if you get the answer right or
   wrong, just be confident about it. Nice use of
   Interactive Fiction to mock the worst invention
   since the Amstrad Em@i... let's say the Amstrad
   PenPad for a change.
 https://direkris.itch.io/genai
   * OBSCURE WEBSITE CORBER - Play the indie web
   together in real time and bring back a bit of
   shared experience to our fragmented lives. They
   are best played without the fuzzy overlay but a
   nice bit of design work, regardless.
 https://hypertext.tv
   * CHESS-INGTON WORLD OF ADVENTURE - A million
   games of chess going off at once. Presumably
   Elon would claim to be able to play about 420 at
   once because he's up there with Albert Einstein
   and Johnny Ball, and not one to miss the
   opportunity for a shit weed reference.
 https://onemillionchessboards.com
   * DOOM IN SQL - a nerdy attempt to mock up the
   core features of everyone's favourite first
   person shooter using the classic database
   programming language. Next week we'll bring you
   My Little Pony Adventure Island in LOTUS-123.
 https://www.hey.earth/posts/duckdb-doom
   * SAY NO TO ALGO-SOUP - "In the age of slop,
   craft is rebellion" - interesting interview with
   neal.fun, the guy who bought Matt Round's circle
   game off him.
 https://www.workingtheorys.com/p/the-craft-neal-ag...
   * WE LOVE THIS IDEA - Insane demo that involves
   swapping a Commodore 64's audio & video outputs.
   Yes, so the sound chip does the visuals and the
   video chip does the audio. More of this please,
   it's strange witchcraft that makes our fingers
   feel itchy.
 https://www.quiss.org/signal_carnival/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : IMAGE CHALLENGE
   Zombies challenge results
   It's been 21 years since our Zombies! challenge,
   and most of the images are now 404 dead. We
   asked you to bring them back to life with
   another undead challenge.
   * Thanks to 'BOCBOY' for bringing us the first
   ever vegan zombie and then putting a cherry on
   the top of the joke with a speech bubble. Nice
   work.
 https://b3ta.com/board/11417282
   * 'NINJ' is here to make you wish that a certain
   political agitator had his little trip in an
   airplane go a little differently
 https://b3ta.com/board/11417181
   * 'CAPTAIN HOWDY' is making us hungry for flour,
   and not the kind that Fleetwood Mac used to blow
   up each other's arses in the 1970s.
 https://b3ta.com/board/11417251
   See them all on the website that some people
   call "past its prime" but what do they know?
   Yes, they're correct, but being correct isn't
   what's important in this life, it's having
   staying power to be still standing when your
   enemies have given up. Yeah in your face Club
   Penguin.
 https://b3ta.com/challenge/zombies2/popular/
   >> This week: album cover cameos <<
   Take figures from classic album covers and
   insert them into other places where you think
   they'd look at home. Suggested by Captain Howdy.
 https://b3ta.com/challenge/albumcovercameos/popula...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : FOLLOW UPS ON PREVIOUS STORIES
   Yes, it's 'what happened next'
   Fuck all happened.
 -------------------------------------------------
 : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
   Some ideas to inspire you to make not slop
   * SKIP INTRO - Write a TV show, just so you
   could do this one shit gag, where the viewer can
   press 'skip intro' button and it plays a new
   intro where the cast skip down the street,
   having a lovely time. No idea for the show
   beyond that.
   * WRITE A SONG LIKE LAYLA - that is about
   wanting to shag your mate's wife. We've just run
   through a list of our friends' spouses and the
   list of potential songs we could write about
   them, and none of them would be seductive, and
   many of them would cause irreparable rifts in
   our friendship. Best not do that then.
   * A COMPLETE LIST OF ALBUMS THAT ARE SECRETLY
   ABOUT BUM HOLES - E.g. 'So Red The Rose' by
   Arcadia, if you squint a bit you can read "so
   red" as sored, that is a poetically inventive
   past tense verb form of the adjective "sore" and
   "the rose" as a euphemism for sphincter. We've
   also got a "rub arsehole" theory about Rubber
   Soul.
   Don't bore us, get to the chorus:
 https://b3ta.com/mailus/
   OOOH READER'S LETTER - The_Cold_Stare has got in
   touch with a request - "I have an idea for a
   quiz - and it can fill your Star In Next Issue
   bit which is evidently a painful part of the
   newsletter for you to write. WHO"S WHO: Band
   edition. Obscure band picture and you have to
   identify the drummer, or guitarist, or singer.
   Just tried it with a pic of The Wombats (I know
   them but have no idea who is who) and you can
   sort of tell. I am sure someone can knock that
   one up"
 -------------------------------------------------
 : PATREON THANKS
   We love all these people. Almost romantically.
   *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
   MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
   JAMES* *STOOBERT*
   24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
   EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
   LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
   VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
   SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
   ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
   Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
   lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
   Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
   Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
   Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
   Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
   blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
   Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
   Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
   Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
   Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
   Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
   H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
   Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
   Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
   Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
   Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
   Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
   Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
   McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
   Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
   Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
   Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
   Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
   Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
   Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
   mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
   OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
   Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
   Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
   pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
   Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
   RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
   sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
   McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
   Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
   Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
   Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
   Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
   Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
   Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
   Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
   Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
   Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
   Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
   James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
   Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
   Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
   Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
   Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
   Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
   Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
   Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
   Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
   Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
   Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
   Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
   Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
   STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
   Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
   Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
   Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
   Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
   Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
   Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
   Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
   Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
   Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
   Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
   FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
   Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
   Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
   Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
   madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
   Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
   Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
   Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
   Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
   Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
   Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
   Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
   Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
   Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
   Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
   Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
   Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
   EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
   additional links; Monkeon for image challenge
   help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
   by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (charging wirelessly -
   Kat)
   And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
   Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
   Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
   Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
   NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
   Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
   Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
   Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
   Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
   Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
   Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
   Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
   love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
   - extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
   Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
   Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
   and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
   McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
   Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
   PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
   Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
   the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
   to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
   appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
   Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
   Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
   Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
   YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
   Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
   you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
   Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
   THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
   BONUS THANKS TO NEWEST: Niomi Wightman, Matt &
   JonC. Super-newest thank to Benjamin Blundell
   and Stuart. Super bonus news thanks to Luka
   Mikec, Peter Henningsen & Mike Coats. Super
   double new thanks to Katie Steckles, Prophyria,
   Rob Mahon, Kier Fox-Mayr, Geoff Tidey, Simon
   Howard. And new bonus thanks to Tim Chuma, Tom
   YeOldeForge, Austin Hofeman & Marcus Penning.
   AND new thanks to atomic.
   Oh just subscribe, you lovely lovely people.
 https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : BONUS "DUMP HIM" FESSHOLE
   "Every Sunday I spend hours making a roast for
   the family & the only contribution from my
   husband is he makes the gravy. And then without
   fail he spends the whole meal going on about how
   great the gravy is. Going to pour it over his
   fucking head the fat gravy eating cunt."

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   * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS
   * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES
   * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS

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