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   NEWSLETTER: "YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO DOG SHIT MONTHLY HAS EXPIRED"
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 This Week:
 * FANTASY WILBURY GENERATOR - One for each year
 * A DEAL NOT TO BE MISSED - Mediaeval weaponry
 * 14 SECONDS OF SPARKY GOLD - Just watch it
 -------------------------------------------------
 ________  ____ __  ___
 ____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "The official newsletter
 ___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |  of the staying in bed
 __/____/____/\__/_/ |_|  and sulking fanclub"
 B3ta electronic email 925 - 11th October 2024
 Read this issue to:
 http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue925
 -------------------------------------------------
 : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
   Other than mailing turds to Top Cat for funsies
   * THE TRAVELING WILBURYS FOR ANY YEAR IN HISTORY
   - Monkeon has answered our request to make a
   thingie that allows you to build Traveling
   Wilburys line-ups for any year. The idea is to
   make you feel old, if catching your own face in
   the black mirror on the laptop between videos of
   porn wasn't enough. He writes: "Hopefully the
   logo doesn't look too botched, as I realised too
   late that George and Jeff were outnumbered when
   it came to choosing the American or British
   spelling."
 https://monkeon.co.uk/the-time-traveling-wilburys/
   * THE SWEAR-O-TRON 2000 - C_kick writes, "I
   decided to rework one of my generators (the
   insult & swear word one), mainly because the old
   code was bloated and broken, and also to
   practise my JavaScript and CSS coding a bit.
   Went all-out in the design/interaction, and
   really loving it myself so far. And besides
   that, I have added quite a lot more words, so I
   had quite a few laughs while reworking it." What
   a cunt.
 https://foulomatic.hnldesign.nl/
   * OH GOD, ALF NO CONTEXT - In our doomed attempt
   to make Ricardo Autobahn's podcast about ALF a
   hit we've encouraged him to make an 'Alf no
   context' account with the idea that'll be a
   massive hit and then he can promo the pod off
   the back of it. Well that's the theory, pushing
   this uphill might be another matter.
 https://twitter.com/ALFContext
 -------------------------------------------------
 : HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
   Go on and buy some clothes
   Hebtro make durable clothing mostly for men, and
   it's all manufactured in the UK. It's ideal for
   a treat for yourself, or if you're in the market
   for buying gifts for blokes, then it's a big
   list of things that'll probably go down well.
 https://hebtro.co/new/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : FESSHOLE
   The confessions stuff is here
   Each week we read literally thousands of
   confessions and then post out sixteen a day on
   social media, and then pick three for the b3ta
   newsletter. So this is the best of the best -
   the finest cream risen to the top of the shit
   soup:
   * TEAR-JERKER - "I'm obviously grateful for my
   son in a lot of ways but mainly because after
   moving towns I found myself to become extremely
   lonely. Fast forward 8 years I have loads of dad
   mates due to his school/football clubs and
   they're all top blokes, thank you my boy."
   * EVIL, BUT THEN SORTA FUNNY - "As a teen I
   kidnapped a cat from a nearby street & locked it
   in the garage, with the intention of collecting
   eventual 'reward'. Pinched tins of tuna from the
   kitchen to feed it. Felt guilty within a few
   hours & let it go, only for him to return for
   tuna twice a week for 8 years"
   * NOPE, FOOTBALL - NO IDEA - "I'm a Liverpool
   season ticket holder, my 4 year old has recently
   started singing Arne Slot's name to the tune of
   baby shark, it's annoyingly very catch and I'm
   genuinely terrified that I'll start drunkenly
   singing it at a game."
   Sub to the account that's now on BlueSky as that
   appears to be where most of the people we know
   have gone, although it is also on Mastodon too.
   Actually we get better numbers on Threads but
   we've struggled to automate the posting there.
 https://bsky.app/profile/fesshole.bsky.social/
   Come to the live shows as it's a good reason for
   a newsletter editor to spend a few hours away
   from a keyboard and basking in the glow of a few
   hundred people going "actually, this is quite
   fun isn't it?" Wolverhampton, Isle of Wight,
   London & Preston coming up.
 https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
   Buy the book, link goes to the yellow one rather
   than the red one. Coz that's what we call them
   here, the yellow and the red one, coz we were
   encouraged to give them names that were too
   similar and now we slightly regret this.
 https://amzn.to/40ySjVn
 -------------------------------------------------
 : SITES IN BRIEF
   The best pages on Ceefax this week
   * BUY THIS MILTARY EQUIPMENT - Some fucker is
   selling a trebuchet and he knows full well what
   a publicity magnet this is, so has made a video
   to promote it.
 https://b3ta.com/links/Trebuchet_for_sale
   * PETS ON WHEELS - This tortoise on a
   mini-skateboard appears to be quite happy that
   he can get around quicker and it's clear that
   this technology should be rolled out to all of
   our slow, shelled friends
 https://b3ta.com/links/It_seems_to_adapt_surprisin...
   * CONTENT FOR ELECTRICIANS - A short 14 second
   video that'll play in your mind for longer than
   the 14 seconds it takes to watch it.
 https://b3ta.com/links/One_for_any_sparks_on_b3ta
   * DRAWING A WANK - A collaborative drawing site
   where the novelty is you get to use crayons. 
   The format means that even the inevitable
   horrible bits get diffused by the feeling of
   primary school nostalgia.
 https://crayon.town
   * SCRABBLE TO THE BOTTOM - W****e of the week is
   this game in which you must play
   Scrabble-for-one and join the top word to the
   bottom with the available tiles.  Not exactly
   difficult, but quite a pleasant way to pass a
   minute of your life.
 https://bridj.link
   * STUPID FUCKING FORMATS - Green Day join the
   hipster web by remaking Dookie with dead media. 
   Seems very MSCHF inspired, but thankfully not as
   Nathan Barley as those agencies can sometimes
   be. Seems more of a Weezer thing to do, though.
 https://dookiedemastered.com
 -------------------------------------------------
 : IMAGE CHALLENGE
   Meaty puns results
   Last week to celebrate Keir Starmer demanding
   that
   Hamas "release the sausages" B3ta has entirely
   pivoted to animal-flesh wordplay and here's our
   fabs:
   * We had Dick Wonder's take on Status Quo which
   wasn't pictures of meatstick men:
 https://b3ta.com/board/11411597
   * Plankton gave us some supermarket dialogue:
 https://b3ta.com/board/11411534
   * Monkeon gave us a joke that's probably very
   literary and clever:
 https://b3ta.com/board/11411600
   See them all if you're someone who finds eating
   animals a bit weird and funny:
 https://b3ta.com/challenge/meatypuns/popular/
   And this week we're asking you to make opposite
   games. You know, Pong where you're the ball and
   you have to avoid the bat or something like that
   but funny.
 https://b3ta.com/challenge/oppositegames/popular/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
   Some ideas to kick you off
   You know the score, sometimes we don't have any
   ideas for this, so we'll think up an ideas
   generator and see what comes out. So this week
   it's going to be "literal games"
   * LITERAL PONG - a computer game where you have
   to identify the smelly things from the
   expressions of the people smelling them.
   * LITERAL SPACE INVADERS - a game where you get
   points from marching in and peeing in the urinal
   right next to where the other dude is pissing.
   And for round two you can make people feel very
   uncomfortable on public transport.
   * LITERAL TEMPEST - ok this is a harder one to
   work out, maybe it's a game where you drop
   storms on people who are having a good time to
   make them miserable? Or it's a game where you
   have to learn all the lines to a Shakespeare
   play and type them in, and have shoddy 8-bit
   characters saying stuff back at you like "that's
   not the line dude, ffs"
   You can do better than us so try ok?
 https://b3ta.com/mailus/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : PATREON THANKS
   We love all these people. Almost romantically.
   *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
   MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
   JAMES* *STOOBERT*
   24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
   EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
   LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
   VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
   SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
   ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
   Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
   lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
   Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
   Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
   Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
   Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
   blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
   Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
   Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
   Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
   Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
   Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
   H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
   Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
   Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
   Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
   Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
   Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
   Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
   McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
   Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
   Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
   Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
   Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
   Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
   Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
   mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
   OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
   Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
   Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
   pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
   Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
   RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
   sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
   McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
   Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
   Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
   Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
   Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
   Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
   Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
   Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
   Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
   Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
   Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
   James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
   Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
   Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
   Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
   Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
   Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
   Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
   Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
   Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
   Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
   Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
   Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
   Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
   STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
   Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
   Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
   Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
   Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
   Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
   Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
   Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
   Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
   Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
   Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
   FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
   Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
   Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
   Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
   madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
   Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
   Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
   Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
   Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
   Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
   Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
   Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
   Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
   Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
   Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
   Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
   Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
   EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
   additional links; Monkeon for image challenge
   help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
   by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (Jib jab - Kat)
   And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
   Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
   Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
   Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
   NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
   Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
   Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
   Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
   Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
   Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
   Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
   Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
   love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
   - extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
   Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
   Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
   and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
   McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
   Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
   PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
   Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
   the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
   to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
   appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
   Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
   Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
   Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
   YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
   Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
   you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
   Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
   THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
   BONUS THANKS TO NEWEST: Niomi Wightman, Matt &
   JonC. Super-newest thank to Benjamin Blundell
   and Stuart. Super bonus news thanks to Luka
   Mikec, Peter Henningsen & Mike Coats. Super
   double new thanks to Katie Steckles, Prophyria,
   Rob Mahon, Kier Fox-Mayr, Geoff Tidey, Simon
   Howard. And new bonus thanks to Tim Chuma, Tom
   YeOldeForge, Austin Hofeman & Marcus Penning.
   AND new thanks to atomic.
   Oh just subscribe, you lovely lovely people.
 https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : BONUS "LIFE GOALS" FESSHOLE
   "Last year, Sainsbury's awarded me the dubious
   honour of being the 6th biggest buyer of Double
   Deckers in my town. My main objective this year
   isn't career progression or personal happiness,
   it's to be in the top 3 buyers of Double Deckers
   in my town."

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   * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS
   * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES
   * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS

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