we love the web
    
   email us
   go to messageboard newsletter archive home
   NEWSLETTER: "EAT FOOD AND 3D PRINT SCULPTURES WITH YOUR BOTTOM"
   next issue »
   « previous issue

 This Week:
 * CHALLENGE - Right actor, wrong film results
 * THREADS - Happy 40th bday to nuclear piss dread
 * JOHN HIGGS - Doctor Who book to pre-order
 -------------------------------------------------
 ________  ____ __  ___
 ____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "If you've got ideas for
 ___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |  saving the web from AI
 __/____/____/\__/_/ |_|  dross - please share"
 B3ta email 923 - 27th Sep 2024
 Read this issue wearing your cool CD Discman:
 http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue923
 -------------------------------------------------
 : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
   Other than making snot tributes to the Royals
   * ANTI SOCIAL MEDIA SONG - John Dog writes,
   "I've done a video for my latest release made
   with love and panic. People tell me it gets
   quite funny towards the end." We quite liked
   this, we sorta wanted to hate it but, yeah, we
   ran with it. Twitter must die, apparently.
 https://b3ta.com/links/Ive_done_another_one_of_the...
   * WHAT ARE THE MOST POPULAR FLAVOURS OF CRISPS?
   Matt Round writes, "Less than a month to go til
   Crisp Sandwich Day 2024 so I did some data
   analysis." Nice work Matt, we can't wait until
   it's CRISPMAS!
 https://vole.wtf/crisp-sandwich-day/#news
   * HIDE YOUR CATS, IT'S AN ALF PODCAST - Your
   editor writes, "Invited onto a podcast to talk
   about a TV show I've never watched - which I
   quite liked doing, as it's kinda fun to do a bit
   of homework about something I don't know about
   then shout it at people." Have you got one of
   these podcast things? Then why not invite your
   editor on more things? Even ones not about ALF,
   we haven't watched Bigfoot and the Hendersons
   either.
 https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/alfsplaini...
   * OUR FAV AUTHOR WRITES DOCTOR WHO BOOK - John
   Higgs writes, "Delighted to share the cover of
   my next book, EXTERMINATE / REGENERATE: THE
   STORY OF DOCTOR WHO. Out in April, details and
   pre-order here." We can't wait for this, Higg's
   last book on the Beatles/Bond crossover stuff
   was a work of fucking joy.
 http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/139961477...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
   Clothes, that you can buy, with your pounds
   Each week we ask you to stop reading this
   newsletter without your trousers on as we find
   it a bit embarrassing and want to make sure your
   leggies are covered up. Help is at hand from
   Hebtro who make trousers and shirts and boots
   and stuff, and will sell them to you using this
   internet hyperlink. All made in the UK and ideal
   as gifts for blokes.
 https://hebtro.co/new/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : FESSHOLE
   Yes it's confession time you horrible wankers
   Apparently us asking you to stop confessing just
   encourages you so instead we're going to ask you
   not to give us £100. Please do not give us
   money. Anyway, some of the slightly better ones
   this week includes:
   * BOG - "I don't think anyone's found the
   'correct' thing to say when using a public
   toilet and someone knocks on the stall to check
   if anyone's in there. But what just came out of
   my mouth was 'Yes, it's me'"
   * ARSES - "My mom's fess really, but she has
   bought a brand of toilet paper purely because it
   is named 'Nicky' for the past 15 years, because
   her awful boss in 2009 was named Nicky and the
   idea of wiping her arse with Nicky was the only
   thing that kept her sane."
   * TESCO - "As an American immigrant to UK, I've
   been trying for years to hide my accent while
   ordering food, coffee, etc. Two years ago, a
   Tesco delivery driver and I said 'cheers' at the
   exact same time in the exact same bored tone. I
   still buzz with pride every time I remember it."
   Follow the account that's sorta ok if you like
   this sort of thing.
 https://bsky.app/profile/fesshole.bsky.social/
   Do come to the shows if only because it gives
   this newsletter editor a reason to get around
   the country. And that's actually rather fun and
   interesting for him coz sitting around in North
   London all the time can get a bit samey.
 https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
   Buy the books coz you know, they're books and
   you can use them to steady uneven tables or even
   kindle a fire.
 https://amzn.to/40ySjVn
 -------------------------------------------------
 : SITES IN BRIEF
   Websites, they're like apps, but useful
   * JUSTICE FOR THREADS URINATION LADY  - it's
   Threads' 40 year anniversary, a reminder that
   after years of just being "Woman Who Urinates on
   Herself", someone eventually added a full bio to
   Anne Sellors' IMDB profile. (BTW: Make sure
   you're staying and watching BBC4 on Wed 9th
   October, as it's a full night of nuclear doom
   nostalgia TV.)
 https://m.imdb.com/name/nm1856457/bio/
   * PLAY 'BREAK/SPACE' NOW - Honestly spent the
   week addicted to this ZX Spectrum space trader
   game that won some gaming jam in 2017. It's
   lovely coz it's basically a one screen RPG that
   takes 5 mins to play, then you can play it
   again. For some reason this is like crack to us.
 https://spectrumcomputing.co.uk/playonline.php
   * STREET LEVEL WORD SEARCH - A lovely little
   code/art project in which Brooklyn's street view
   has been hooked up with a text reader so that
   you can find out that "J.P. Wank" is a real
   estate company, or look at a door where a
   promising street artist has written "twat". Just
   now hook it up to a lyrics machine to make
   videos for songs.
 https://alltext.nyc
   * DOUBLE OR SHITS - This minimalist game in
   which you must keep doubling the number stops
   your brain wandering for about a minute, and
   would probably turn Carol Vorderman into some
   sort of zen master.
 https://playdoubles.org
   * Greedy Unicorn recommends "Rubber Keyed
   Wonder: A film about the history of the ZX
   speccy, with a live Q&A after. It's at the IMAX
   on Thursday 03 October 2024 17:45. If there was
   a corner of the internet that would appreciate
   this film, it's probably this one."
 https://whatson.bfi.org.uk/imax/Online/default.asp...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : IMAGE CHALLENGE
   Right actor, wrong film results
   This proved to be a popular challenge with over
   100 entries, which is the metric we judge these
   things by, break into 3 figures and we're
   popping a champagne cork going "it's a hit lads,
   B3ta is back"
   * Dick Wonder has rewritten Titanic to fix that
   controversial ending
 https://b3ta.com/board/11411131
   * Monkeon proves once again that he's a genius
   https://b3ta.com/board/11411318
   * Cumquat May gives us this one in questionable
   taste but we did giggle. Thanks Tom Hanks.
 https://b3ta.com/board/11411146
   Oh see the popular ones, all 100+ of them:
 https://b3ta.com/challenge/rightactorwrongrole/pop...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : FOLLOW UPS ON PREVIOUS STORIES
   What b3tans did next
   * HEY HEY 16 LISTENERS - Monkeon tells us, "And
   if he hasn't sent you it, a nice follow up in
   which MJ Hibbett reveals b3ta to be almost as
   good a place to advertise as Radio Times. I'm
   not sure b3ta is quite ready for the walk-in
   bath ads yet, though. Give it ten years."
 https://mjhibbett.co.uk/blog/showblog.php
   * justwhatever22 writes, "HEY YO I'M THE HAIRY
   BLOKE in the bohemian rhapsody choir who made
   and posted that video. I just saw that you put
   it at the top of the newsletter! I've been a
   b3tan since about 1792: fuck getting a Grammy, I
   am seriously beyond delighted. Amazing... thanks
   absolutely heaps!" He also mentions they'll be
   playing in London next summer probably - so look
   out for that.
 -------------------------------------------------
 : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
   Some ideas to kick you off
   * ABOUT BULLSHIT - Can you guess what this
   company does from the first paragraph of their
   About page? Would be an OK quiz if anyone could
   be bothered to make it.
   * ARE YOU THE SOCIAL MEDIA POLICE? "Have you
   ever DM'd someone asking them why are they still
   following someone?" "Are you judging people for
   posting on the Musk-o-Tron 2000 or Zukerberg's
   shite machine?"
   * 40 MIN EDITS - A whole project dedicated to
   cutting down bloated CDs to the correct length.
   There's a great LP in The Stone Roses Second
   Coming if you reduced it to the 8 or 9 good
   tracks and cut the swampy intro and dodgy
   "secret" track.
   Your emails to the usual form.
 https://b3ta.com/mailus/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : PATREON THANKS
   We love all these people. Almost romantically.
   *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
   MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
   JAMES* *STOOBERT*
   24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
   EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
   LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
   VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
   SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
   ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
   Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
   lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
   Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
   Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
   Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
   Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
   blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
   Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
   Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
   Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
   Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
   Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
   H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
   Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
   Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
   Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
   Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
   Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
   Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
   McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
   Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
   Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
   Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
   Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
   Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
   Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
   mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
   OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
   Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
   Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
   pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
   Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
   RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
   sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
   McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
   Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
   Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
   Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
   Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
   Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
   Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
   Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
   Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
   Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
   Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
   James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
   Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
   Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
   Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
   Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
   Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
   Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
   Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
   Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
   Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
   Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
   Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
   Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
   STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
   Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
   Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
   Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
   Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
   Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
   Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
   Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
   Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
   Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
   Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
   FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
   Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
   Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
   Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
   madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
   Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
   Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
   Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
   Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
   Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
   Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
   Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
   Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
   Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
   Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
   Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
   Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
   EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
   additional links; Monkeon for image challenge
   help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
   by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (That - Kat)
   And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
   Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
   Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
   Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
   NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
   Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
   Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
   Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
   Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
   Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
   Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
   Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
   love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
   - extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
   Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
   Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
   and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
   McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
   Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
   PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
   Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
   the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
   to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
   appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
   Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
   Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
   Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
   YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
   Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
   you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
   Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
   THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
   BONUS THANKS TO NEWEST: Niomi Wightman, Matt &
   JonC. Super-newest thank to Benjamin Blundell
   and Stuart. Super bonus news thanks to Luka
   Mikec, Peter Henningsen & Mike Coats. Super
   double new thanks to Katie Steckles, Prophyria,
   Rob Mahon, Kier Fox-Mayr, Geoff Tidey, Simon
   Howard. And new bonus thanks to Tim Chuma, Tom
   YeOldeForge, Austin Hofeman & Marcus Penning.
   AND new thanks to atomic.
   Oh just subscribe, you lovely lovely people.
 https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : BONUS "ROWLING CHAT" FESSHOLE
   "I recently received an email from a guy named
   'Harry Potter'. I couldn't help but laugh for
   five straight minutes and then wonder how much
   this guy's life has sucked because of a book."

   next issue »
   « previous issue
   Newsletter
   We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net.

   _____________________ [ go ]
   --------------------
   THIS WEEKS HEADLINES
   --------------------

   * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS
   * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES
   * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS

   READ LATEST ISSUE
   archive