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   NEWSLETTER: "THE NEWSLETTER THAT DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT IF YOU READ IT"
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 This Week:
 * SHED OF THE YEAR - Winners announced
 * PONG VIDEO - actually you'll want to see this
 * MONKEY ISLAND - John Higgs talks about it
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 ________  ____ __  ___
 ____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're shaving our balls
 ___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |  then we're shaving the
 __/____/____/\__/_/ |_|   web... together?
 B3ta electro-email 920 - 6th Sep 2024
 Read this newsletter to your hungry cat:
 http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue920
 -------------------------------------------------
 : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
   Other than jizzing in their own hair
   * SHED OF THE YEAR WINNERS - Unclewilco writes,
   "The Winner of Cuprinol Shed of the year 2024 is
   Wrinkly, Rusty and Retro. Just like most b3tans
   I'm a Rusty, Wrinkly and a bit Retro but not as
   much as our winner of the 18th Shed of the
   year." Excellent news, and congratulations to 18
   years of sheds, and never once giving an award
   to David Cameron.
 https://www.readersheds.co.uk/share.cfm
   * JOHN HIGGS VS MONKEY ISLAND - Your editor
   interviews John Higgs, yes our favourite author
   of all time, but not about books, but about
   playing Monkey Island. Yes, this will all make
   sense if you listen, we promise.
 https://www.patreon.com/posts/111546608
   * ALARMING MERCH - David Firth of Salad Fingers
   fame has brought out a range of disturbing
   finger puppets, ideal for livening up your
   fingering time.
 https://saladfingersstore.com/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP *YES,IT'S A SALE*
   Fine clothes for you to wear
   Have you ever worried that you're 40 and still
   wearing potato sacks? Well help is at hand from
   Hebtro who promise not to sell you any potato
   sacks, but fine clothes, made in the UK and to
   the highest standards so they last a long time.
   Ideal gifts for men, both badly dressed and well
   dressed actually.
 https://hebtro.co/its-a-sale/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : FESSHOLE
   Your confessions, you know the drill, mr swill
   Each week we ask you to stop submitting
   confessions but it's like shouting "there's no
   fire" coz all people hear is "fire" and the
   confessions keep coming. Here's three we didn't
   totally hate:
   * THE STONES - "As a teenager in Neustrelitz
   (East Germany), I painted small stones purple
   and left them all over town. Did it for years.
   It drove the police and Stasi nuts. It meant
   nothing. It just felt good to do something they
   couldn't control or understand."
   * THE SKIDS - "Spent a good chunk of the last 20
   years complaining to my wife about the kids
   leaving skid marks on the toilet bowl. Youngest
   moved out 2 weeks ago and it turns out it's been
   my wife the entire time."
   * THE DOORS - "Neighbours are away & the
   house-sitter asked me for help with the back
   door that was stuck. Grabbed GT85 lubricant,
   fixed the sliding bolts, & while she was
   distracted, I lubricated the creaking hinges on
   their front door that have been driving me mad
   for 3 years."
   Follow the account that has 14,000 followers on
   the social media account that's not as popular
   as Threads but has more journalists on it.
 https://bsky.app/profile/fesshole.bsky.social
   Come to the shows - coming up is Birmingham and
   then Isle of Wight, Preston & Wolverhampton.
 https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
   Buy the book: It's less than £3 at the moment
   due to Amazon's slightly insane price system
   that shifts it around.
 https://amzn.to/40ySjVn
 -------------------------------------------------
 : SITES IN BRIEF
   The type-ins that Acorn User rejects, we publish
   * PONG VIDEO  - This nerd project has turned
   Pong into a minimalistic music visualiser. Being
   a nerd project, however, you have to dick around
   with Python to get it working for yourself,
   rather than have a web front-end that could make
   it popular with non console-fiddlers, but still
   the example video is very pleasing.
 https://victortao.substack.com/p/song-pong
   * GRAPH GUESSER - W****e of the week is this
   game in which you must guess what the graph is
   of.  The one-a-day format feels a bit pointless
   for this one, though the questions are decent
   and you can go back in time and play the old
   rounds anyway.
 https://www.graphs.world/
   * SWEAR LIKE A SPACEMAN - NASA have given us a
   "your name" toy in which you can get Landsat
   images to spell out things like bigwanks, should
   you so desire.
 https://landsat.gsfc.nasa.gov/apps/YourNameInLands...
   * IS MY BLUE YOUR BLUE - apparently lots of
   people see blue differently and here's your
   chance to compare it to other people.
 https://ismy.blue/
   * NO HEADLINE HERE, JUST WATCH - Do you want to
   watch a short and odd video that'll make your
   heart beat faster?
 https://b3ta.com/links/Oh_well:9
 -------------------------------------------------
 : IMAGE CHALLENGE
   Adolescent games results
   Ok. We asked you to make computer games for
   teenage boys, that actually were about the
   concerns of teenage boys and most of you didn't
   bother. But hey, there were some great entries.
   * Monkeon pondered on the limited language
   skills of the teens:
 https://b3ta.com/board/11410575
   * Plankton did a solid, if smelly, pun:
 https://b3ta.com/board/11410587
   * And it's Monkeon again, with a genius entry,
   for all your ZX81 fans out there (we preferred
   the Jupiter Ace):
 https://b3ta.com/board/11410547
   See them all on the one and only website that is
   b3ta:
 https://b3ta.com/challenge/adolescentgames/popular...
   To celebrate Noel weaving his dark patterns
   spell on the population of the UK to pony up
   more money than God, it's time for you to
   photoshop Britpop.
 https://b3ta.com/challenge/britpop/popular/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
   Follow ups on previous stories
   * REVENGE WRAPPING PART TWO - in a belated
   follow-up that we should have printed in 2014,
   coz some email got lost down the back of a sofa,
   Mike Worth writes, "About this time last year,
   you featured the brother-proofed card I gave my
   brother for Christmas in the newsletter; this
   year he returned the favour."
 https://web.archive.org/web/20140215100720/http://...
   * THE SHAME, MAN - Last week we said something
   about "trees are good" as a throwaway headline
   and it promoted Dave Bagpuss to make this.
 https://b3ta.com/links/The_Shamen_Trees_are_Good
 -------------------------------------------------
 : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
   Some ideas to kick you off
   * WORST ANIMATED ALBUM ART - whilst nosing
   around streaming services we find ourselves
   increasingly irritated by classic album art that
   has been animated in crass ways. Could you
   document the worst for us all to mock?
   * "A RETURN TO FORM" - apparently David Gilmour
   has a new LP out and he says it's the best thing
   he's done since Dark Side Of The Moon. As this
   is highly unlikely, we'd like a project that
   recorded every time an artist has made a similar
   claim. Yeah it's just marketing, yeah it's just
   about
 creating a headline, but it does grate.
   * OASIS-O-TRON 2000 - given there are 23 people
   other than the Gallaghers who've been in either
   Oasis, Beady Eye or Noel Gallagher's Low Hanging
   Fruit: write a web app that randomly makes
   potential line-ups, and offers up the spares for
   reunions of The Seahorses and ABBA.
   Oh go on, make some shit and tell us, ok?
 https://b3ta.com/mailus/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : PATREON THANKS
   We love all these people. Almost romantically.
   *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
   MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
   JAMES* *STOOBERT*
   24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
   EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
   LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
   VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
   SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
   ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
   Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
   lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
   Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
   Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
   Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
   Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
   blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
   Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
   Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
   Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
   Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
   Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
   H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
   Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
   Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
   Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
   Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
   Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
   Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
   McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
   Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
   Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
   Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
   Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
   Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
   Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
   mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
   OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
   Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
   Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
   pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
   Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
   RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
   sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
   McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
   Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
   Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
   Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
   Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
   Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
   Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
   Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
   Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
   Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
   Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
   James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
   Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
   Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
   Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
   Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
   Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
   Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
   Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
   Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
   Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
   Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
   Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
   Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
   STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
   Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
   Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
   Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
   Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
   Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
   Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
   Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
   Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
   Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
   Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
   FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
   Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
   Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
   Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
   madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
   Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
   Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
   Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
   Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
   Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
   Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
   Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
   Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
   Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
   Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
   Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
   Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
   EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
   additional links; Monkeon for image challenge
   help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
   by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (Mango lassi for all -
   Kat)
   And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
   Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
   Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
   Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
   NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
   Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
   Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
   Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
   Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
   Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
   Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
   Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
   love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
   - extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
   Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
   Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
   and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
   McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
   Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
   PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
   Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
   the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
   to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
   appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
   Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
   Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
   Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
   YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
   Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
   you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
   Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
   THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
   BONUS THANKS TO NEWEST: Niomi Wightman, Matt &
   JonC. Super-newest thank to Benjamin Blundell
   and Stuart. Super bonus news thanks to Luka
   Mikec, Peter Henningsen & Mike Coats. Super
   double new thanks to Katie Steckles, Prophyria,
   Rob Mahon, Kier Fox-Mayr, Geoff Tidey, Simon
   Howard.
   Oh just subscribe, you rotten people.
 https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : BONUS "BINS" FESSHOLE
   "When I put the bins out I do it so the handle
   is facing outwards so the bin men don't have to
   turn it round. Inside I feel a sense of
   philanthropy and compassion and look down on all
   my neighbours who don't do this as unpleasant
   Tory bastards who don't care about the working
   man."

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   THIS WEEKS HEADLINES
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   * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS
   * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES
   * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS

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