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   NEWSLETTER: "THE NEWSLETTER THAT STILL POSTS 20+ YEARS AFTER IT STARTED
   SIMPLY OUT OF SPITE"
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 This Week:
 * FIVE STAR MUSIC REVIEWS - can you spot them?
 * FLICKING VS AT YOUR OWN WEBCAM - fun for all
 * BUY YOUR OWN ZX SPECTRUM - in 2024, oh yes
 -------------------------------------------------
 ________  ____ __  ___
 ____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're shaving the
 ___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |   web with our
 __/____/____/\__/_/ |_|   Web Shaver 2000"
 B3ta email 919 - 29 Aug 2024
 Read this newsletter to "our kid" and have a fight:
 http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue919
 -------------------------------------------------
 : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
   Other than making "butter" out of "cream"
   * MUSIC STAR RATING QUIZ Monkeon writes, "I've
   eventually managed to finish a new thing. One of
   those projects that morphed a lot - it started
   out as a Smash Hits quiz, but I didn't think
   concentration-broken internet people would want
   to read long paragraphs of text just to play a
   game." So instead Monkeon is asking you to match
   the reviews to the stars given and that's a
   surprisingly compelling thing to play and we'd
   happily see it extended beyond pop music and to
   mustard and toothbrushes.
 https://monkeon.co.uk/reads-like-a-five
   * TELLING COMPUTERS TO F OFF - Matt Gordon
   writes, "I made a new AI-proof captcha You
   middle finger at your webcam to prove your
   human. AI isn't allowed to be rude." This is
   actually enormous fun as flicking Vs at yourself
   is somehow joyous. If we could extend this
   project we'd like to see hundreds of clips of
   people flicking Vs and grinning that the
   computer recognised it.
 https://rudecaptcha.xyz/
   * SOME SORT OF ADVENTURE GAME THING - dngdng
   writes, "I made a fighting fantasy style text
   adventure based on The Citadel Of Chaos, called
   A Castle Built From Random Rooms, in which you
   must escape a castle that is, strangely enough,
   built from random rooms." He also tells us to
   "please do not harm the cats", therefore surely
   he wants us to harm the cats?
 https://dngdng.itch.io/a-castle-built-from-random-...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP *YES,IT'S A SALE*
   Go on, buy some clothes
   Well this is the bit where we encourage you to
   support our sponsors by buying their clothes and
   mentioning that it's made in the UK, designed to
   last and makes ideal gifts for the men in your
   life, including yourself. Fine, we've said that
   many times, what else can we say? They've got a
   sale on and also got Issue 2 of their magazine
   out. Dig deep, it's better value than renting a
   hotel in Manchester at the same time as the
   Oasis gigs.
 https://hebtro.co/its-a-sale/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : FESSHOLE
   Yes the social media account that we all hate
   Five years ago we opened a Google form and asked
   you to fill in a few jokes and lies and it's
   ruined our life, so here's a few that we didn't
   hate this week:
   * CORPORATE CHAT - "I make up cringe corporate
   sayings in Teams meetings to see if they catch
   on. I felt a great sense of achievement when my
   boss remarked about a client wanting a
   substandard product 'if the ducks want bread,
   give them bread'. I had forgotten about that
   one."
   * LIFE GOALS - "Last night I fancied a snack,
   but didn't want to go downstairs & wake up the
   dogs, knowing it would lead to 5 minutes in the
   garden for a wee. Instead I seduced the hubby
   and as we were finishing up, I mentioned that a
   snack would be lovely. Tea and toast achieved."
   * RELATABLE - "Spotted a friend on a park bench.
   Went up and discreetly sat next to them. I said
   'be careful, there's a lot of strange people out
   here.' It wasn't my friend and I ran away."
   Follow the worst reason to be on BskyB since the
   Squarial.
 https://bsky.app/profile/fesshole.bsky.social
   Buy tickets for live shows in Birmingham, Isle
   of Wight, Preston and Wolverhampton.
 https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
   Buy the book that's so good that strangers have
   given it mostly good reviews on Amazon.
 https://amzn.to/40ySjVn
 -------------------------------------------------
 : SITES IN BRIEF
   Ye Olde Websites
   * FINALLY, DEFRAGGING IS A VIDEO GAME - In this
   game, you must defrag a hard drive by hand. It's
   a pretty easy puzzle, but quite relaxing to play
   and set in every nerd's safe place of an
   imaginary operating system - we don't recognise
   it as based on a real one, anyway.
 https://defrag-game.com
   * CRYPTIC WANKERS - W****e of the week is this
   one in which every day you get a single cryptic
   crossword clue to solve. The nice thing is that
   it talks you through the answer at the end,
   should you find these things impossible and want
   to learn how to think like a *Googles*
   cruciverbalist.
 https://minutecryptic.com
   * LET'S TURN BACK THE CLOCK ON TWITTER - An
   attempt to emulate the chatter that would have
   been going on in 1995, had Twitter existed back
   then.  A nice concept, though (as always) the
   AI-generated waffle is a bit boring to actually
   read. Would have been far more fun if it was an
   Amsphone simulator and all the chat was raging
   about Alan Sugar buying Sinclair Research.
 https://twitter-95.com
   * BUY YOUR OWN ZX SPECTRUM - there's been many
   attempts to reboot the plucky rubber beast for a
   modern audience but this one has been made by
   the company that made the cool C64 remakes so it
   might actually be good? We've ordered one
   anyway, just so we can type up a newsletter on
   Tasword.
 https://amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B0DCZLFHB1/b...
   * FAMILY FORTUNES GENERATOR - create your own
   screen grabs so you can cause rows in the family
   group chat about exactly how problematic the
   1980s were.
 https://t.co/kfK4VbK7QJ
   * RETRO SOCIAL MEDIA - Congratulations to 'Space
   Hey' getting one million followers - that's the
   social network consciously designed to be a bit
   myspace-y and retro. We flicked around and found
   people were arguing about the same culture war
   stuff that other social networks are arguing
   about so, £1m prize to anyone who can work out
   how to build something that avoids that.
 https://blog.spacehey.com/entry
   * OBITS FOR GONE DOMAINS - didn't we all
   register loads of TLDs back in the day? Then
   realise that paying £10 a year forever isn't the
   best use of cash when people only ever look at
   about 5 websites. Say farewell here.
 https://goodbye.domains/
 -------------------------------------------------
   Yeah yeah, sign up to the B3ta Patreon coz the
   trickle of money that it makes means your editor
   can afford to keep this newsletter project
   running. Plus there's bonus stuff.
 https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
 -------------------------------------------------
 : IMAGE CHALLENGE
   Alien
   Here's the best images from last week:
   * Captain Howdy brings us 'One Foot In The
   Gralien"
 https://b3ta.com/board/11410303
   * Monkeon shows us exactly how the on board
   operating system would be used.
 https://b3ta.com/board/11410359
   * Mictoboy produces something, that had it been
   a Star Trek combo, could be captioned "just
   beamed down for a shit, watch out for the
   Klingons"
 https://b3ta.com/board/11410325
   * See all the other images from the 'Alien'
   challenge:
 http://b3ta.com/challenge/alien/popular
   >> This week: Adolescent Games <<
   Games were always aimed at teenagers, but with
   the exception of Skool Daze, rarely reflected
   their actual life of hanging around bus-stops
   and stropping at their parents.  Let's fix that
   by designing games about adolescence.
 http://b3ta.com/challenge/adolescentgames/popular
 -------------------------------------------------
 : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
   Follow ups on previous stories
   * TREES ARE GOOD, TREES ARE GOOD - Matt Gordon,
   previously mentioned, also got in touch to
   mention his tree planting project launched in
   this very newsletter was a hit, "the tree
   planting spotify song I launched on b3ta has now
   planted 36,000 trees! Thanks to all the people
   from the newsletter who streamed it (3.6 million
   times!):
 https://mptr.ee
   * ONE BILLION RADIO BUTTONS - We mentioned that
   'one million checkboxes' website in this very
   newsletter once. What happened next is quite
   glorious.
 https://eieio.games/essays/the-secret-in-one-milli...
   * WHAT 3D DOG POO MAN DID NEXT - Matt Round is
   working on a new game, which is "what happened
   next" if in the context of it being a sequel to
   his Penga. He writes, "got someone working on
   Styscraper graphics, it's going to look great -
   it's sort of 'spiritual successor' to penga, but
   building instead of pulling apart." Matt is
   documenting his progress on one of the many
   social media sites that is not Twitter.
 https://bsky.app/profile/mattround.com/post/3kyqxd...
   * TINY AWARD WINNERS - as semi-launched in this
   newsletter and spoiler alert and spoiler alert,
   the winner is something mentioned in this very
   newsletter, but what?
 https://tinyawards.net/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
   Some ideas to kick you off
   * REALISTIC GUIGSY SIMULATOR - One of those tap
   the rhythm games but it's the bass notes in
   early Oasis tracks. Obviously this is very easy
   to do but the fun comes from having a little
   Noel on the screen bullying you and docking your
   pay for answering back.
   * FRUIT MACHINE SIMULATOR TWO - Make the sequel
   to one of the most pointless Codemasters games
   ever, but this time you play as the machine. You
   get to fix the odds and rip people off. The
   malicious joy comes from grinding someone into
   poverty through gambling addiction.
   * NODDY HOLDER'S SPELLING BEE - similar to that
   NYT game we're addicted to but it's all noize /
   coz etc.
   Email us. Great things happen when you use the
   mail form.
 https://b3ta.com/mailus/
   And as a bonus idea, Matt Round suggests, "An
   award for the site with the highest number of
   'data sharing partners' in its annoying cookie
   notice. I think the highest I've seen is around
   1,500 but I'm sure that can be comfortably
   beaten."
 -------------------------------------------------
 : PATREON THANKS
   We love all these people. Almost romantically.
   *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
   MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
   JAMES* *STOOBERT*
   24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
   EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
   LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
   VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
   SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
   ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
   Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
   lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
   Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
   Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
   Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
   Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
   blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
   Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
   Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
   Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
   Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
   Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
   H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
   Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
   Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
   Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
   Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
   Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
   Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
   McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
   Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
   Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
   Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
   Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
   Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
   Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
   mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
   OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
   Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
   Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
   pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
   Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
   RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
   sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
   McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
   Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
   Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
   Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
   Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
   Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
   Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
   Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
   Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
   Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
   Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
   James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
   Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
   Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
   Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
   Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
   Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
   Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
   Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
   Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
   Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
   Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
   Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
   Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
   STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
   Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
   Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
   Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
   Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
   Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
   Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
   Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
   Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
   Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
   Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
   FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
   Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
   Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
   Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
   madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
   Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
   Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
   Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
   Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
   Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
   Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
   Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
   Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
   Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
   Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
   Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
   Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
   EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
   additional links; Monkeon for image challenge
   help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
   by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (Buttery good times - Kat)
   And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
   Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
   Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
   Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
   NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
   Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
   Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
   Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
   Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
   Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
   Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
   Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
   love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
   - extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
   Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
   Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
   and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
   McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
   Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
   PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
   Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
   the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
   to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
   appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
   Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
   Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
   Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
   YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
   Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
   you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
   Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
   THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
   BONUS THANKS TO NEWEST: Niomi Wightman, Matt &
   JonC. Super-newest thank to Benjamin Blundell
   and Stuart. Super bonus news thanks to Luka
   Mikec, Peter Henningsen & Mike Coats. Super
   double new thanks to Katie Steckles, Prophyria,
   Rob Mahon, Kier Fox-Mayr, Geoff Tidey, Simon
   Howard.
   Oh just subscribe, you wonderful people.
 https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : BONUS "LIFE HACK" FESSHOLE
   "My wife's sisters are always telling their own
   kids to ring me for lifts to their clubs and
   hobbies etc as they are never around. I've
   started drinking wine or beer the minute I get
   in from work so I can't drive them anywhere."

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   * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS
   * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES
   * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS

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