we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: ISSUE90: "BEFORE I KNEW IT, I WAS ALMOST BALD" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * SITE - Crap Hair Cut * PHOTOS - Sock Fucking * VIDEO - Soaking People ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | ___/ _ |/_ > Crap Haircut << Ah Dogbomb. He's been contributing to b3ta for a while. And now? He's cut his hair. Yeah yeah, sounds dull. But the joy is in the detail and what a bad job he's made of it. http://www.dogbomb.co.uk/20030529-haircut/ >> Email Lunchboxes << It's nice to able to email someone a picture you found on the web. But have you ever felt that the thing missing was the ability to wrap the image up in a lunchbox? That's what the Mantlepies guys think. Works best if you know how fiddle with image URLs. http://www.mantlepies.com/Ecards/Ecards.html >> Sock Fucking << Remember the Red Hot Chilli Peppers "cocks in socks" poster? Did you want to join in? Now you can thanks to Steve's site. Warning: nerdy blokes wearing socks on their cocks. http://cgi.fucksocks.co.uk/ >> Soaking Pedestrians << "We decided it would be a good idea to purchase a super soaker," writes Obscure Intro, "and drive around squirting people, of course we caught it all on film and here it is..." Hmmm. Can't you get arrested for this? BTW: There's a lot of video here. The last one on the second page made our heart pound. http://www.b3ta.com/board/1261860 >> Weebl & Bob Papier Maché << If you've been reading b3ta for a while you'll know all about the Weebl & Bob cartoons. Rob Nyman is a fan and has shown his love by building models of their stars. He did it all himself, without any help from the grown-ups. http://www.nottingham.ac.uk/~ppxran/weebl/index.ht... ------------------------------------------------- : OFFICE CUNT CORNER Bad lyrics Mugwump Lee writes - "This is a showcase website for the fantastic lyric-writing of one Will Van Der Byl. It is actually for real, we work in the same office. Although he doesn't know that everyone in the building has seen it, laughed at it, formed ironic fan-clubs etc. Oh, and the bike isn't his." http://www.freewebz.com/vanderbyl/a.htm BTW: Has some twat in your office got a cringe-making website that makes him look a total dickhead? Tell us and we might just tell the world. ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates. >> Convert Your Cock Into A Vagina << Boys! The thing you've been waiting for: now you can have a vagina of your own and pee sitting down. Icky and expensive. Just like the real thing. http://www.castlesupplys.com/newframe/pocketv.htm >> Database Your Gay Shags << Let's say you are a promiscuous gay man. Think of the trouble you'd have remembering all your shags. Thank fuck someone has made an incredibly anal database to handle it all. Complete with a checkbox for rimming. How handy. http://www.tekknick.com/itrick/ >> How Dodgy Are You? << Now you can find out how many years in jail your guilty past would buy you. As these things go, it's rather entertaining. We belong in prison for a long, long time. But then we already knew that. http://www.thesite.org/magazine/dodgy.html >> Jap Sitcom "nigger" Fest << We've been trying to link to this item for weeks but it's so popular that the site keeps going down. It's a Japanese TV show about a family obsessed with the word "nigger" Too ridiculous to be considered rascism, but certainly in questionable taste. If this link doesn't work try Kazaa. It's worth it. http://fredwick.com/files/tokyo_breakfast.asx >> The Most Disturbing Conversation of my life << Tucker Max. Heard of him? You should have. He's one of the few people out there writing genuinely entertaining copy on the web. It mostly involves him getting drunk and shagging. This one is a lovely little chat in a gay bar. Click around a bit. He's funny. http://tuckermax.com/Stories/conversation.htm >> Titanium Fansite << The web is a place for fans to live out their geeky fandom. And also a place for us to laugh at it. To you or me titanium is the stuff that swanky laptops are made of. Sample quote: "I have been a fan of the metal ever since I heard of its important uses in industry, such as its high melting point." Fucking hell. The best bit is the guestbook. Look-see! http://titaniumfansite.4t.com/fsguestbook.html >> "I fortold Christina Aguilera" << C'mon. The going's good. Let's laugh at more net nutters. This one thinks his wank fantasy art inspired songstress Christina Aguilera. And the joke is? It looks nothing like her. Webtard. http://www.artoflawmack.com/poster_girl.htm >> Techno Wanks << We all love wanking and what could be better than doing it without fingers? Why not plug your muffin into this device and get with the groove? http://www.audi-oh.com/Store/default.asp ------------------------------------------------- : 15 SECONDS OF STUPID Short anims from b3ta people >> Cows with no legs << Weebl has been on holiday for the last few weeks - and do you know the first thing he did on his return? He animated cows with no legs. Strange little fellow. http://195.149.21.55/misc/clow.swf >> Exam lucky charm << Spacefish has been taking exams. Instead of revising he's made a short song to send to his friends and inspire them to do well. Crap but charming. http://www.glastonbridge.co.uk/flash/facts.html >> Headbutt the screen << RoboticLegs has made this tiny interactive toy. You can make a man headbutt the screen. by dragging with your mouse. Oddly satisfying. http://www.alittlepoison.com/comment/archives/chri... ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Wogan's Wig Challenge Each week we run a competition to test your creative skills. We set a challenge and you open Photoshop and mess with our heads. Last week we wanted the adventures of Terry Wogan's Wig: http://b3ta.com/challenge/wogan/ We asked B3ta boarder 'HP' to judge the entries - here are his 3 faves. HP writes - #1 "Terry's wig went to San Francisco - The fabulous babe magnet that is Terry as a rampant homosexual is nice enough, but this is wonderfully executed too. (Tart Monkey) http://b3ta.com/board/1286772 #2 "Woganberry - A truly awful pun with some nice, simple, back to basics photoshopping. (Marioshi) http://b3ta.com/board/1273068 #3 "Specialist head wear for our Terry - What is this? It makes no sense, but it's fantastic." (skankycode) http://b3ta.com/board/1254491 >> This Weeks Challenge << This week, the scary Challenge Dictator gave us the suggestion, "Bad Song, Worse Movie": http://b3ta.com/challenge/badsongworsemovie/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * WANK HOLIDAY MONDAY II - "100k visitors so far," writes Nik Roope, "Also our second wank holiday is now on June the 9th." Yay for not wanking. http://www.wankholidaymonday.co.uk ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include: * INTERVIEW WITH A PLUSHIE - Do you fuck soft toys? Have you got photos of your doing so? Do you fancy being interviewed and mocked? Get in touch. * CAT FISH SCREENSAVER - "My 6 yr old boy is engrossed by all things gnarly." writes Lou, "He loves your sea creatures screensaver and requests a new version with animated dogfish / catfish, as he doesn't quite get the whole they are a fish, but a dog thing." Make a small boy's dream come true. Here's the old one: http://www2.b3ta.com/screensaver/ * LEGO SEX AIDS - well we've had everything else. Surely Lego strap-ons are the next step. Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Links sent in by Elliott Solomon, Nicholas.Axtell Steven Lord, Jez, Ashley Ringrose & Follymoff. Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry. Board research by Fnord. Image challenge handled by Mike Trinder. Proofing by the singing b4ta dwarfs. (66976) next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive