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   NEWSLETTER: "WHAT'S BLACK AND WHITE, IN YOUR INBOX, AND YOU MOSTLY
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 This Week:
 * MEMECEPTION RESULTS - it's a good challenge shock
 * AUSTRALIA - forgotten pop music from kangaroos
 * JOHN PERTWEE - Dubious road safety joke
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 ________  ____ __  ___
 ____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're saving the web so
 ___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ | that future generations
 __/____/____/\__/_/ |_|can use HTML tags for food"
 B3ta email 894 - 2nd Feb 2024
 Binary-bark this issue to your AIBO dog:
 http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue894
 -------------------------------------------------
 : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
   Other than making their house guests feel itchy
   * MUSIC DOWNUNDER - Monkeon writes, "I've done a
   bit of data mining of the Australian charts in
   the hope of finding some new pop gold. Turns out
   Australian charts were also ruined by Simon
   Cowell around 2003, but there were some
   impressive mullets along the way." Neat idea,
   would work well with a one-off podcast detailing
   all the finds.
 https://monkeon.co.uk/countdown-under/
   * MEMECEPTION RESULTS SO FAR - Every-so-often
   one of our challenges actually works in that
   there's a good amount of entries and it's quite
   funny - we know - a miracle. Anyway, tuck into
   memeception where boarders are mixing up memes. 
   And join in too, should any of you remember your
   passwords. 
   https://b3ta.com/challenge/memeception/popular
   * JON PERTWEE ON ROAD SAFETY - AVR2 writes,
   "Remember SPLINK? The 'handy' mnemonic for the
   Green Cross Code? Well, there was an even more
   ill-fated one before that. Not really, it's just
   a very stupid idea that made me laugh." Next
   week: the Green Cross Code robot wanks off Dusty
   Bin.
 https://b3ta.com/links/Jon_Pertwees_rejected_road_...
   * SCARYDUCK WRITES, "I've got a new book on the
   way, can I plug it in the B3ta newsletter?" Ok
   then: B3ta veteran Scaryduck (Alistair Coleman)
   has launched an Unbound crowdfunder for his new
   book More Angry People In Local Newspapers - the
   follow-up to his reasonably received 2018 Angry
   People In Local Newspapers - only bigger, better
   and far less disappointing. All the classics,
   loads of new stuff, and without meddling editors
   taking all the carefully crafted funny shit out
   of it.
   https://unbound.com/books/more-angry-people-in-loc...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
   Our sponsors would like to clothe your body
   There are two types of company in the world -
   those who'd happily turn your grandmother into
   pulp to earn an extra 10p and those who try and
   do the right thing. Hebtro are the latter, they
   don't outsource production overseas to save
   money, they pay their workers properly and they
   use the best materials so that the products
   last. Yes, this means they aren't cheap, but you
   get what you pay for. So b3tans, sort yourselves
   out or grab some birthday presents for the men
   in your life you'd rather not go nude.
 https://hebtro.co/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : FESSHOLE
   Confessions f-f-fessed up like u-u-Utah Saints
   Each week you barf a bunch of lies into a huge
   Google form and we pick out a few to publish on
   four separate social media platforms in the hope
   that the public will be entertained or at least
   not call the police.
   * JOB HUNTING TIPS - "If I see the word
   'passionate' on a CV it goes in the bin. No one
   is passionate about insurance, fuck off"
   * BUSTIN' MAKES ME FEEL GOOD - "When I was 14 I
   took a copy of Ghostbusters to my friends house
   to watch. Half way through, the film cut out to
   a homemade porno of my mum & dad shagging on a
   pool table. I'm now 40 & never been able to
   watch Ghostbusters since."
   * WE'VE ALL DONE IT - "Getting out of the
   shower, I once slipped and fell on the toilet
   plunger, which ended up quite deeply penetrating
   my arsehole. I gently pulled it out myself and
   ate ibuprofen like skittles for a week instead
   of going to hospital, because I knew they
   wouldn't believe me."
   Follow the account that only has followers
   because people mistake it for that one that
   posts dogs shitting on inferior computers like
   the Commodore 64. Link goes to the best of
   January so that's worth a click, if clicking is
   something that you still do, now that everything
   is about thumbs, you thumb wankers.
 https://twitter.com/fesshole/status/17530632564013...
   Come to the shows - we've got Leicester,
   Cambridge, Glasgow, Brighton, Northampton and
   Dublin coming up and quite honestly at some
   point you're going to be dead so you might as
   well see some shit first.
 https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
   The book is still for sale. You could buy it
   should giving us money be your findom kink.
 https://amzn.to/40ySjVn
 -------------------------------------------------
 : SITES IN BRIEFS
   It's content Jim, but not as we know it
   * WORD COMBO FUN - Neal Dotfun's back and has
   created an infinite alchemy game, in what by our
   count is now the 4th decent use of AI. The
   instructions are lacking, but drag elements on
   top of other elements in order to discover new
   ones.
 https://neal.fun/infinite-craft/
   * A LITTLE BIRD TOLD YOU - the sounds of birds
   slowed down is both beautiful and eerie and is a
   good reminder for you to all watch Hitchcock's
   The Birds again as it's even better than you
   remember.
 https://b3ta.com/links/Swifts_in_slow_motion_but_i...
   * TODAY'S COMPUTER METAPHOR FOR THE ETERNAL
   FORCES THAT GUIDE THIS WORLD - This seemed to do
   really well on the definitely-not-nerds-only
   hangout that is Mastodon.  A mix of Pong and
   Breakout which you can't actually play, unless
   you put a bet on if Day or Night is going to
   win.
 https://pong-wars.koenvangilst.nl
   * ASCII MOVIE BOLLOCKS - MSCHF stopped flogging
   their ridiculous tat to Nathan Barleys in order
   to make one of their fun web projects instead. 
   In this case, they're trying to avoid copyright
   by turning movies to ASCII. A conceptually nice
   idea that we couldn't get to load in our
   console.
 https://ascii.theater
   * TEEN ARRESTED FOR TAPING FISH TO ATMS - torn
   on this story on whether it's the work of a
   sociopath or an artist. Maybe all art is like
   that.
 https://ftw.usatoday.com/2024/01/fish-bandit-arres...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
   Other than fuck all as usual
   * HAPPY TOAST ARNOLDIVERSARY - this B3ta regular
   has received a thumbs up from Arnold
   Schwarzenegger.
 https://twitter.com/Schwarzenegger/status/17531147...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
   Some ideas to kick you up in the idea minge
   * WHERE ARE YOU IN PAUL MCCARTNEY YEARS? - this
   week we've worked out that this newsletter
   editor would be, if he were Paul McCartney,
   working on the largely unpopular Off The Ground
   LP and licensing the minor hit 'Hope Of
   Deliverance' to Now That's What I Call Music 24.
   Yipee!
   * LOOK THE OTHER WAY - the computer game where
   horrific world news comes in daily, and you the
   player tap left and right to "look the other
   way."
   * UNTITLED CLOUD GAME - a game where you play a
   mischievous little cloud, ruining Alanis
   Morrisette's wedding day and bringing happiness
   to the members of the Jesus & Mary Chain.
   Go on, tell us about your stuff, we do look at
   everything sent in and we do mean everything.
 https://b3ta.com/mailus/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : PATREON THANKS
   We love all these people. Almost romantically.
   *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
   MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
   JAMES* *STOOBERT*
   24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
   EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
   LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
   VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
   SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
   ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
   Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
   lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
   Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
   Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
   Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
   Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
   blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
   Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
   Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
   Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
   Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
   Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
   H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
   Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
   Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
   Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
   Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
   Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
   Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
   McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
   Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
   Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
   Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
   Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
   Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
   Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
   mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
   OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
   Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
   Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
   pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
   Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
   RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
   sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
   McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
   Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
   Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
   Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
   Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
   Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
   Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
   Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
   Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
   Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
   Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
   James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
   Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
   Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
   Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
   Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
   Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
   Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
   Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
   Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
   Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
   Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
   Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
   Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
   STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
   Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
   Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
   Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
   Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
   Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
   Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
   Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
   Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
   Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
   Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
   FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
   Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
   Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
   Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
   madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
   Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
   Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
   Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
   Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
   Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
   Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
   Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
   Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
   Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
   Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
   Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
   Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
   EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
   additional links; Monkeon for image challenge
   help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
   by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (thumbs up - Kat)
   And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
   Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
   Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
   Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
   NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
   Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
   Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
   Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
   Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
   Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
   Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
   Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
   love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
   - extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
   Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
   Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
   and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
   McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
   Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
   PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
   Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
   the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
   to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
   appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
   Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
   Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
   Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
   YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
   Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
   you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
   Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
   THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
   BONUS THANKS TO NEWEST: Niomi Wightman, Matt &
   JonC. Super-newest thank to Benjamin Blundell
   and Stuart.
   And do please donate as you get occasional
   "bonus" content. Maybe. No, actually done a
   couple of bits recently, do sign up.
 https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
   Oh and friends tell friends to subscribe to the
   B3ta newsletter, that really is the most useful
   thing you could do with your life at this moment
   in time.
 https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : AH FUCK IT, BONUS 'MEN, LEARN FROM THIS' FESSHOLE
   "Left my wife of 22 years for a 26 year old
   barmaid. Worst mistake of my life. We have
   nothing in common, she doesn't know anything
   about me, we have no inside jokes. Daily I'm in
   situations and think "i can't wait to tell my
   wife about this" but I fucked it up for an ego
   boost."

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   THIS WEEKS HEADLINES
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   * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS
   * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES
   * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS

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