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   NEWSLETTER: "THE NEWSLETTER THAT REFUSES TO PRESENT GB NEWS EVERY WEEK"
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 This Week:
 * REVERSE 'GUESS WHO' - Monkeon delivers fun
 * HONK - Weebl makes epic animation
 * HEY PESTO - Student dinners solved
 -------------------------------------------------
 ________  ____ __  ___
 ____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We saved the web, it was
 ___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |  a mistake and we're
 __/____/____/\__/_/ |_|   sorry... together"
 B3ta email 881 - 27th Oct 2023
 Read this issue to whilst huffing spunk fumes:
 http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue881
 -------------------------------------------------
 : SCI-FI IMMERSIVE THEATRE
   Sponsored link
   Ever wanted to fly a spaceship? Now's your
   chance to take the helm. Bridge Command is
   launching in November, and will be at MCM Comic
   Con this weekend.
 https://bit.ly/bridgecommand2
 -------------------------------------------------
 : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
   Other than making piss puddles under the desk
   * GUESS YOU - Monkeon writes, "I've made a niche
   and pointless tool. Find out who is your closest
   lookalike from the classic Guess Who characters.
   Hopefully some 100%ers will share their picture
   to see how accurate it is." This is genuinely
   great and it nailed us and made us laugh. What
   more do you want?
 https://monkeon.co.uk/guess-you
   * HONK - King of Badgers, Weebl has been doing
   his animated songs again and writes, "This is
   what happens when my wife suggests I wear
   trucker caps. Or. I only wanted to learn a bit
   of Blender." This is solidly entertaining and
   makes us nostalgic for dancing around the
   Student Union to The Grid.
 https://b3ta.com/links/HONK:6
   * PESTO - WrittenBittern has made a toy that
   generates pesto recipes to help students and
   writes, "Several years have passed since I made
   isbritaingreatagain.com, so it's time for
   another site - this time <drum roll>... A
   Preposterous Profusion of Pesto Possibilities."
 https://pestomatrix.com/
   * CRISPY BUSINESS - Matt Round's Crisp Sandwich
   Day went off with an enormous burst of
   publicity, even getting on TV. You, dear reader,
   should declare your own 'day', this newsletter
   wishes for 'International Swearing Day' where
   you can call everyone a cunt.
 https://vole.wtf/crisp-sandwich-day/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
   Action men?
   Our sponsors Hebtro have made some non-copyright
   infringing jumpers that are ideal for "men of
   action" - we actually really fancy these and if
   we weren't such fat cunts we'd offer ourselves
   up as models. You know the drill, ideal as
   birthday presents for your difficult men in your
   life and built to the highest standards in the
   UK and designed to last.
 https://hebtro.co/new/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : FESSHOLE
   Your confessions shat out like anal diarrhoea
   Each week you type some words into a Google form
   and we read them all (200->400 per day) and pick
   out a few to post on social media, for strangers
   to tell us we've picked the wrong ones and we've
   ruined Fesshole.
   * REVENGE - "Girl who hated me at work snitched
   on me for automating my job and working an hour
   a day - the consequence was that the company
   allowed me to start automating tasks across
   every department and my pay has since doubled.
   Thanked her for the promotion every day until
   she quit."
   * SHAMPOO TOMFOOLERY - "In our shared house of 6
   people, I often pour large dollops of the posh
   shampoos and conditioners down the drain while I
   shower. The other 5 members constantly argue
   over who's stealing who's product. Things are
   getting fierce. I'm bald. Therefore immune to
   their blame."
   * ACTUALLY A CONFESSION - "I cheated on
   Countdown. I claimed to have got the maths
   section, but just said I did it the same way as
   the other contestant, and waved a piece of paper
   at them with some numbers on. I won the game and
   wouldn't have without this round. I now own a
   fraudulently obtained tea pot."
   Follow the account that only has followers
   because people mistook it for the one that posts
   pandas that look like Paul McCartney.
 https://twitter.com/fesshole/
   Buy tickets for the show - the next one is in
   Nottingham, home of ITV's Robin of Sherwood.
 https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
   Pre-order the book, it's out on the 9th of Nov
   and it literally killed us making it. We are
   dead now.
 https://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B0CFG74H...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : SITES IN BRIEF
   Insert tenuous links here
   * ARE YOU BIKE CURIOUS? Neat use of AI that
   shows you the streets you live in, as if they
   were reconfigured for pedestrians and cyclists.
   We could live in paradise but instead we've
   chosen to live in hell.
 https://dutchcyclinglifestyle.com/
   * OLD INTERNET BOLLOCKS - Neal Dotfun has been
   doing some internet archaeology and bringing
   early web moments back to life in his museum.
   We'd forgotten the Helicopter Game was
   originally part of seethru.co.uk. I hope there
   was an episode of Attachments in which David
   Walliams struggled with ActionScript in order to
   launch it in time to make the Friday Thing
   newsletter.
 https://neal.fun/internet-artifacts/
   * OBSCURE MUSIC DIVE - The Pudding have done one
   of their interactive deep dives on the thousands
   of musical genres in Spotify's database.  It
   made us wonder if any band has ever started by
   coming up with the name of a new genre first and
   tried to make music to match.  May try and
   invent Kip-Hop later - probably going to be some
   sort of guided sleep meditation that rhymes.
 https://pudding.cool/2023/10/genre/
   * SHIT WEB - Enjoyed this "website where people
   can track their poos" submitted by siobhan.h,
   who says, "The website invites users to put in
   their postcode and they are then shown where
   their local water company is discharging their
   poo."
 https://www.wheresmypoo.com
   * TUBE QUIZ - This enjoyable little quiz went
   viral this week, so they've inevitably now
   ruined it with intrusive advertising in the
   mistaken belief that you can ever make money
   from such things.  Basically, the 50 States game
   from Friends but for Londoners instead of smug
   New York flatmates.
 https://london.metro-memory.com
 -------------------------------------------------
 : IMAGE CHALLENGE
   Results for the bins challenge
 
   We asked you to photoshop bins in what at least
   one person called "the most British challenge
   ever" - here's our three favs:
   * PUN JOKE - thanks Jaunty Art
 https://b3ta.com/board/11399353
   * PET JOKE - thanks plankton
 https://b3ta.com/board/11399318
   * FILM JOKE - thank brb
 https://b3ta.com/board/11399779
   Of course should your wish to view them all, log
   onto our website Binterest:
 https://b3ta.com/challenge/bins/popular/
   >> This week: Medieval Advertising<<
   Let's jump in the b3ta time machine and design
   some ads to flog shit to the people of the
   middle ages.
 https://b3ta.com/challenge/medievaladvertising/pop...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
   Some ideas to kick you off
   * POLITICS - we can't be bothered to do it but a
   bot that just quote tweets "General Election
   NOW!" on every bit of news involving the Tories
   * DO DAVID SHRIGLEY PROPERLY - he's got a
   project where he's turning Dan Brown books into
   Orwell by pulping, which is a bit lightweight -
   why not cut all the words up and stick them down
   in the right order to make Nineteen Eighty-Four
   instead?
   * BEATLES - 10p to the first person to dub on
   Jimmy Savile doing "now then, now then" every
   time the Beatles sing "now & then"
   Do tell us about your latest projects, we check
   out everything we're sent.
 https://b3ta.com/mailus/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : PATREON THANKS
   We love all these people. Almost romantically.
   *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
   MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
   JAMES* *STOOBERT*
   24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
   EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
   LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
   VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
   SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
   ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
   Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
   lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
   Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
   Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
   Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
   Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
   blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
   Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
   Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
   Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
   Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
   Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
   H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
   Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
   Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
   Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
   Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
   Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
   Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
   McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
   Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
   Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
   Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
   Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
   Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
   Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
   mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
   OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
   Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
   Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
   pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
   Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
   RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
   sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
   McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
   Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
   Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
   Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
   Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
   Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
   Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
   Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
   Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
   Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
   Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
   James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
   Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
   Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
   Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
   Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
   Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
   Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
   Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
   Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
   Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
   Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
   Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
   Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
   STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
   Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
   Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
   Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
   Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
   Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
   Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
   Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
   Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
   Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
   Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
   FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
   Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
   Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
   Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
   madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
   Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
   Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
   Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
   Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
   Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
   Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
   Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
   Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
   Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
   Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
   Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
   Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
   EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
   additional links; Monkeon for image challenge
   help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
   by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (General Election NOW -
   Kat)
   And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
   Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
   Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
   Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
   NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
   Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
   Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
   Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
   Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
   Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
   Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
   Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
   love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
   - extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
   Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
   Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
   and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
   McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
   Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
   PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
   Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
   the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
   to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
   appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
   Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
   Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
   Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
   YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
   Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
   you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
   Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
   THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
   And do please donate as you get occasional
   "bonus" content. Maybe.
 https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
 -------------------------------------------------
 : AH FUCK IT, BONUS 'WORK' FESSHOLE 
   "Overheard a bloke at work bragging about his
   £300 earbuds; so every time he's on a Teams call
   I now ask him to speak up or to repeat himself.
   It's caught on now, everybody's doing it."

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