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   NEWSLETTER: "OPENING THIS NEWSLETTER WILL MAKE YOUR BALLS OR OVARIES
   QUIVER WITH CARNAL LUST"
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 This Week:
 * TIM VINE - Recreated using HTML & Javascript
 * EGGPOD - Please vote for it to win Eurovision
 * TORY FACTS - You do want Tory Facts don't you?
 -------------------------------------------------
 ________  ____ __  ___
 ____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're saving the web 
 ___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |  for laters and eating
 __/____/____/\__/_/ |_|  the webgetables first"
 B3ta email 869 - 14th July 2023
 Read this issue pretending to be a sock:
 http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue869
 Subscribe, lobsters: https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
   Other than making their parents despair
   * SHIT THE TORIES DID - internet shit-stirer
   JimmerUK writes, "Do you remember way back last
   year, you retweeted my 'Shit the Tories did'
   Google form? Well, the past couple of days I
   actually did something with the data." Well this
   is depressing, apparently the Tories have done
   loads of bad things, who knew?
 https://dont-forget.co.uk/what-the-tories-did/
   * REALISTIC TIM VINE SIMULATOR - games designer
   Quentin Delvallet writes, "Hi, I am Quentin
   Delvallet, the French guy who made Mimolette.
   You spoke about my game in the latest
   newsletter, so I googled Tim Vine, and made a
   game about him. I am not sorry for this. Have a
   nice day." Wow, this is a response to a request
   in last week's newsletter, can more people
   listen and act upon our ramblings? Thank you.
 https://quentindelvallet.itch.io/earpen
   * BUFFY'S SWEARING INTERNET TELEPHONE -
   developer David Wakelin has made a "Modern
   Remake Of Buffy's Swearing Keyboard" which
   "should work on all your smart portable
   telephones too" although to be fair to us, the
   old one works too, as we bunged it through a
   flash emulator a few years back.
 https://buffy.davidwakelin.co.uk
 
   * VOTE EGGPOD - B3ta's favourite Beatles
   podcaster Chris Shaw writes, "Last year EggPod
   somehow made it as a finalist in the British
   Podcast Awards - a small fry against the big
   guns and celebrities of poddage. This year,
   could it possibly... win? If you get a moment
   could you possibly help out and cast a vote
   here?" We've voted AND thrown eggs at the judges
   for a bit of pre-vote marketing.
 https://www.britishpodcastawards.com/voting/
   * NAPOLEON TRAILER REMIXED - video trickster
   Dogfood has remade the "Napoleon Trailer but
   Napoleon from Bill & Ted" Made us smile and want
   to watch both films.
 https://b3ta.com/links/Napoleon_Trailer_but_Napole...
   Wow, it's a packed B3ta section this week, which
   is always a relief, apparently we might have a
   new game from Matt Round for next week too.
   Bunting for everyone.
 -------------------------------------------------
 : HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
   Buy some clothes ok?
   What are you wearing? Is it completely shit?
   Help is at hand with Hebtro who'll take your
   pennies and turn them into hard-wearing clothes,
   all made in the UK. Thanks Hebtro, we are no
   longer naked.
 https://hebtro.co/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : FESSHOLE
   Your confessions fessed up like cat vomit
   Each week you wank your lies into a big sock and
   we scrape a few off and read them out on
   CB-Radio and see if they get any truckers to say
   "ten-four":
   * SNEAKY - "We started putting extra food in our
   12 y/o's packed lunch after he expressed upset
   that a couple of poor kids in his class 'never
   have enough to eat.' 6 months in the lying
   little bastard is almost a stone heavier and it
   rather looks like we've been duped."
   * FOOD TIPS - "Got dumped. She dated a new lad.
   Feeling jilted I anonymously stalked his
   instagram stories. Two years on I'm still doing
   it. But not for the reason you'd think. He's got
   an unreal eye for a restaurant. Never had a bad
   meal whenever I've gone out ever since."
   * KIDS SAY THE CUNTIEST THINGS - "My 5yo son's
   confession really. He's started addressing me
   Daddy-Waddy and his Mum Mummy-Wummy. Cute. Same
   affectionate formula with his brother,
   Eddie-Weddie. Our problem? We named his baby
   sister Frankie."
   Join the Friends Reunited account that would
   probably have one million followers but Elon
   Musk is a bell-end so it's only 999,000.
 https://twitter.com/fesshole
   Buy the Kindle version - it's only 99p, what's
   that in inflation-UK, like 50 grams of butter?
 https://amzn.to/3EQU6wb
   Oh god the Whitley Bay gig was fantastic, one of
   our favourites yet for the raw enthusiasm in the
   room. Tickets on sale for Walthamstow and
   Leicester now. Buy them because every show is
   unique, it really is, as the entire second half
   is different every time.
 https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
 -------------------------------------------------
 : SITES IN BRIEF
   Observe W3 code and close the links behind you
   * TOYS WITH TOO MUCH VOLTAGE - turns out all you
   need to do to create comedy is to add too many
   of these volt things to electric toys - maybe
   the same would improve Ricky Gervais?
 https://b3ta.com/links/Fun_with_voltage
   * THE FUTURE OF AI - most AI stuff is boring but
   this is so weird most people have accepted that
   they are well up for our algo-generated future.
 https://b3ta.com/links/I_for_one_welcome_our_new_A...
   * BLOB TOY - we weren't going to stick this
   physics experiment in but then realised we'd
   spent half an hour playing with it. Blobby
   blobby blobby!
 https://oimo.io/works/blob/
   * MSCHF have crowdsourced a cheap rotoscoping of
   ironic internet favourite The Bee Movie, should
   you want to see a very low resolution version of
   the film punctuated with obscene flash frames
   from the occasional troll.
 https://thefreemovie.buzz
   * TETRIS IN REVERSE (arise, sir tet?!) - as you
   must chip-off the blocks so that they can fall.
   The instructions aren't particularly clear, but
   basically the shapes on the left must be cut
   from the bottom, and must be the same way up as
   pictured.  We're pretty sure it's impossible to
   win due to the amount of blocks being
   indivisible by 4, but it's quite a relaxing
   thing to play nevertheless.
 https://vividfax.itch.io/fudge
   * MIDI UNTIL WE DIE - As a newsletter who has
   never forgiven Tim Berners-Lee for removing our
   precious HTML MIDI embeds, we enjoyed browsing
   this JavaScript player's collection of over
   200000 cheesy versions of popular tunes.  WE
   reckon you'd get less fights on the web if every
   site had enforced MIDI.
 https://chiptune.app/browse/MIDI/Status%20Quo/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
   Some ideas to kick you in the idea dick
   * LOOKALIKES - write a Chrome plug-in that
   replaces every photo of a celebrity with one
   from one of those shit lookalike agencies.
   * GRAND THEFT CODSALL - we'd like to play a
   video game where we steal a Mini Metro and
   ram-raid Greggs.
   * THE SHINING IN GIFS - Can you tell The Shining
   in old Geocities GIFs? We'll start:
 https://twitter.com/geocitiesgifbot/status/1679265...
   Don't fail us:
 https://b3ta.com/mailus/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : PATREON THANKS
   We love all these people. Almost romantically.
   *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
   MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
   JAMES* *STOOBERT*
   24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
   EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
   LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
   VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
   SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
   ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
   Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
   lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
   Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
   Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
   Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
   Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
   blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
   Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
   Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
   Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
   Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
   Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
   H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
   Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
   Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
   Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
   Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
   Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
   Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
   McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
   Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
   Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
   Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
   Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
   Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
   Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
   mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
   OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
   Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
   Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
   pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
   Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
   RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
   sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
   McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
   Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
   Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
   Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
   Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
   Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
   Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
   Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
   Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
   Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
   Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
   James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
   Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
   Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
   Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
   Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
   Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
   Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
   Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
   Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
   Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
   Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
   Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
   Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
   STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
   Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
   Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
   Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
   Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
   Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
   Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
   Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
   Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
   Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
   Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
   FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
   Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
   Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
   Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
   madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
   Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
   Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
   Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
   Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
   Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
   Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
   Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
   Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
   Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
   Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
   Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
   Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
   EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
   additional links; HappyToast for image challenge
   help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
   by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (Righto - Kat)
   And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
   Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
   Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
   Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
   NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
   Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
   Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
   Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
   Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
   Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
   Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
   Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
   love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
   - extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
   Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
   Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
   and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
   McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
   Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
   PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
   Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
   the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
   to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
   appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
   Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
   Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
   Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
   YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
   Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
   you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
   Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
   THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
   And do please donate as you get occasional
   "bonus" content. Maybe.
 https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
 -------------------------------------------------
 : AH FUCK IT, BONUS HOUSE-SELLING FESSHOLE
  
   "I was told that to help sell your house, you
   should cook a roast chicken as the smell makes
   it 'feel homely', I spent hours slaving over a
   chicken before the viewers arrived, within 2
   minutes the woman said she would need to leave
   as she was vegan and the smell made her sick"

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   THIS WEEKS HEADLINES
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   * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS
   * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES
   * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS

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