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   NEWSLETTER: "IMAGINE IT'S STILL 2001 BY SQUEEZING INTO SMALLER JEANS AND
   READING THIS ASCII NEWSLETTER"
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 This Week:
 * ADD PIGEONS - to the Rolling Stones
 * BUY TAT - from the darkest web
 * CROWDFUND - Chris Barker's new comic
 -------------------------------------------------
 ________  ____ __  ___
 ____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |   "We're saving the web
 ___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |  by screengrabbing all the
 __/____/____/\__/_/ |_|  spiders or something"
 B3ta email 866 - 23rd June 2023
 Read this issue to your dead goldfish:
 http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue866
 Subscribe, wanks: https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
   Other than making sweet sweet love
   * ADDING PIGEONS TO SYMPATHY FOR THE DEVIL -
   Stevierar writes, "This has been stuck in my
   head and now it is free. It takes nearly two
   minutes to start." Well we were moderately
   amused.
 https://b3ta.com/links/I_added_pigeons_to_Sympathy...
   * YOU'LL NEED TO KNOW YOUR ONIONS FOR THIS ONE -
   Dumbdestroy7 writes, "Thought you might find
   this funny. The Dark Web Gift Shop is the first
   ever tourist trap on the Dark Web. The Dark Web
   is kind of a hassle to get to, so we think
   visitors should leave with a souvenir. Prove to
   everyone you used your credit card on the Dark
   Web by purchasing our signature 'I Visited the
   Dark Web and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt'"
   If Tor is your thing then get torring so you can
   be vaguely ripped off in the name of art. Paste
   the following into your TOR browser but delete
   the new lines first.
 Om4mbulz3aq2tzi5rhrsfpqacwn
 J552n57hsm7ix5bamjrawpg63cgqd
 .onion/home/
   * CROWDFUND CHRIS BARKER'S SECOND COMIC - Chris
   writes, "Up to you if you want to put this in
   the newsletter. It would be timely what with
   Glastonbury and everything but I worry you're
   not really into it." Haha, we'll bung it in,
   Chris.
 https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/dregs/dregs-o...
   * MATT ROUND UPDATE - "Will probably launch
   Britain's Most Boring Person award next week,
   also got a nice little word game in the works
   but not sure if that'll be next or be slotted in
   further down the queue." Link goes to preview of
   the award.
 https://twitter.com/mattround/status/1671166573397...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
   Buy some fantastic clothes
   Each week we implore you to go and spend money
   with Hebtro, who sponsor both B3ta and Fesshole,
   and sort yourself out with some fine togs. All
   made in the UK to the finest standards and
   designed to last.
 https://hebtro.co/its-a-sale/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : FESSHOLE
   Your fesses fessed up as disposable content
   Each week you type your lies into a huge Google
   spreadsheet and we pick out a few to tweet out.
   Our favs include:
   * WE'VE ALL DONE IT - 'I sucked a guy off down a
   garden path at 5am. We heard an 'Oh my god!' and
   both turned. A woman was stood in her dressing
   gown looking mortified. I fled the scene, only
   to get a message from him saying it was his mum.
   Then a second message asking me to go back and
   finish him off."
   * DOPE - "My dad thinks he has Alzheimer's,
   going for loads of tests. His memory has gone
   and his brain isn't functioning. He doesn't have
   it, he just ran out of vape and nicked one from
   my room. It was a weed one from USA, he's been
   stoned the whole time. Can't tell him."
   * REVENGE - "My landlord confessed that he only
   put my rent up because the letting agent told
   him to and he wouldn't have thought about it
   otherwise. I get my revenge by repeatedly
   reporting their business as 'permanently closed'
   on Google and Apple Maps."
   Follow the Twitter account that many have
   mistaken for the tedious one that posts boats
   with amusing names.
 https://twitter.com/fesshole
   Buy the book, which at £6.99 is approximately
   the price of a motorway service station handjob
   in 1972, plus you could use the paper to wipe
   yourself clean. Bargain.
 https://amzn.to/3EQU6wb
   Tickets for sale! Belfast went well, Bristol
   this Sat (sold out), Newcastle coming up (sold
   out) and we've got London and Leicester
   available:
 https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
 -------------------------------------------------
 : SITES IN BRIEF
   Pages from Weefax
   * GREAT BRITISH GETTY IMAGES - enjoy selections
   from UK Getty such as "A man in a white shirt
   smoking a cigarette walks past a large
   photograph of Fish and Chips with mushy peas in
   a motorway service station car park on the M6"
   and "Discarded Stella Artois beer can,
   Oxfordshire, The Cotswolds, United Kingdom
   (2006)" Truly a portrait of our country, more
   profound than any art you could imagine.
 https://twitter.com/shitbritishpics
   * LONDON UNDERGROUND DOTMATIC FONTS - Project
   suggestion: use this to make a thing that shows
   what's imminent in your calendar, or on TV, or
   whether you're about to turn into a werewolf.
 https://github.com/petykowski/London-Underground-D...
   * ET GAME SEQUEL - Atari's E.T. is considered
   one of the worst games of all time, and this
   unofficial sequel sees the horrible little space
   lizard go postal and take his revenge on his
   more successful Atari co-stars.  Deliberately
   crap, but still more playable than the original.
   Perhaps in 20 years time, we'll get an
   impossible anniversary edition where his gun is
   replaced by a walkie talkie.
 https://therealmattkain.itch.io/et-returns
   * SPIROCLOCK - Well, we like a novelty clock,
   and we like a spirograph, but which is best?  No
   need to find out, as this online clock combines
   the best of both worlds.  A second hand for the
   next release please.
 https://sophiehoulden.com/randomstuff/epitime/
   * HOLD SPACE TO FLY STRAIGHT - A minimalist
   one-button game that seems easy at first, but
   quickly becomes frustrating due to how fiddly it
   is in reality. Unexpectedly addictive but IT
   SHOULDN'T BE THIS HARD.
 https://seudonimm.itch.io/hold-space-to-fly-straig...
   * COUNTDOWN USA - The game wonks at the New York
   Times are trying to do for maths what Wordle did
   for letters. Basically just the numbers game
   from Countdown, but the combining-circles UI
   works really well for avoiding brackets.
 https://www.nytimes.com/games/digits
 -------------------------------------------------
 : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
   Some ideas to kick you off
   * KITCHEN GUESSER GAME - when we're bored we
   like to weigh stuff like forks on the kitchen
   scale and guess the weights.
   * MORRISSEY OR KEIR STARMER - create the quiz
   that might have done numbers a few years ago.
   Work it by photos or opinions, up to you.
   * ARE PEOPLE TRULY FRIENDLY UP NORTH - use an
   autodialer to dial everyone with a landline and
   use AI sentiment analysis to see where they get
   more annoyed.
   Don't fail us:
 https://b3ta.com/mailus/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : PATREON THANKS
   We love all these people. Almost romantically.
   *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
   MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
   JAMES* *STOOBERT*
   24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
   EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
   LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
   VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
   SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
   ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
   Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
   lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
   Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
   Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
   Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
   Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
   blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
   Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
   Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
   Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
   Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
   Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
   H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
   Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
   Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
   Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
   Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
   Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
   Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
   McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
   Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
   Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
   Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
   Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
   Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
   Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
   mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
   OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
   Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
   Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
   pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
   Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
   RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
   sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
   McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
   Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
   Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
   Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
   Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
   Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
   Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
   Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
   Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
   Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
   Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
   James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
   Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
   Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
   Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
   Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
   Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
   Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
   Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
   Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
   Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
   Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
   Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
   Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
   STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
   Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
   Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
   Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
   Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
   Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
   Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
   Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
   Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
   Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
   Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
   FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
   Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
   Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
   Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
   madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
   Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
   Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
   Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
   Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
   Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
   Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
   Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
   Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
   Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
   Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
   Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
   Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
   EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
   additional links; HappyToast for image challenge
   help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
   by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (A thousand high fives -
   Kat)
   And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
   Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
   Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
   Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
   NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
   Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
   Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
   Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
   Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
   Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
   Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
   Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
   love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
   - extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
   Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
   Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
   and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
   McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
   Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
   PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
   Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
   the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
   to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
   appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
   Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
   Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
   Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
   YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
   Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
   you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
   Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
   THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
   And do please donate as you get occasional
   "bonus" content. Maybe.
 https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
 -------------------------------------------------
 : AH FUCK IT, BONUS FESSHOLE BREXIT METAPHOR
   "Been married 18 years, thought I'd try my
   chances on Tinder. Turns out I'm as attractive
   as dog shit on your shoe on a hot day. Bought
   the wife some flowers. Thank god I'm not
   single."

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   --------------------
   THIS WEEKS HEADLINES
   --------------------

   * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS
   * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES
   * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS

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