we love the web
    
   email us
   go to messageboard newsletter archive home
   NEWSLETTER: "THANK YOU FOR SUBSCRIBING TO 'YOUR SAUSAGE' MAGAZINE"
   next issue »
   « previous issue

 This Week:
 * QUIZ - Adrian Chiles or John Shuttleworth
 * MORE QUIZZES - Plan your tube journey game
 * AI SHITE - Bots write "jokes"
 -------------------------------------------------
 ________  ____ __  ___
 ____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're saving the web by
 ___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |  hacking ZX Spectrums
 __/____/____/\__/_/ |_| games to make them spidery"
 B3ta email 854 - 24 Mar 2023
 Read this issue to any idiot who wants to listen:
 http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue854
 Subscribe: https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK #1
   Old school interactive projects like it's 2005
   * TUBE JOURNEY PLANNER GAME - Ed Jefferson
   writes,  "prove your public transport
   logistical  skills with 5 thrilling levels of
   London  Underground journey planning to
   complete."  Neat idea, a tough quiz, and most
   of  all, a challenging wank.
 https://edjefferson.com/journeyplannerchallenge/
   * WHO SAID IT - ADRIAN CHILES OR JOHN
   SHUTTLEWORTH?  Monkeon writes, "I've made an
   old-school  A or B quiz, primarily as an excuse
   to  have a comforting Shuttleworths binge as
   research."  We enjoyed this because it turns
   out  we're so good at it that this should be
   our  job.
 https://monkeon.co.uk/shuttleworth-or-chiles/
   * BOTS WRITE JOKES - Your editor has been
   indulging  his misanthropy by getting GPT-4 to
   write  jokes about humans being rubbish and
   obsolete.  Sample gag: "Why do humans love
   puzzles?  They need constant reminders that
   they  can still solve simple problems." It's
   also  worth clicking the "how this works"
   button  for a bit of a read.
 https://b3ta.com/botswritejokes/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
   "Tell a mate"
  
   Hebtro have launched a new thing where if you
   tell  people about their products and get them
   to  buy stuff they'll bung you £20. They write,
   "Introduce  a new friend to HebTroCo and we'll
   give  you £20 each. We're calling it Tell A
   Mate,  T&Cs obvs (£20 is store credit, no
   clearance  items, £100 min spend, must be a new
   customer,  no dodgy stuff), but we thought we'd
   see  how it goes." Sign up everyone, tell your
   chums.
 https://hebtro.co/tell-a-mate/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : FESSHOLE
   Your confessions fessed up for cheap lols
   Each week you type your lies into a big Google
   form  and a we tweet out a few of them to see
   if  anyone says anything original like "didn't
   happen"  - here's our favs this week:
   * CORRECT OPINION - "I'm in charge of
   recruitment  for a large team. When we have
   interview  days I sit each candidate in a room
   with  a variety of newspapers. I make sure that
   anyone  who picks up the Daily Mail never make
   it  to the second interview."
   * OUR SECRET SHAME - "About a year ago, the
   company  I worked for switched to a 4 day week.
   Never  told my Wife. Each Friday, I hire out a
   small  office where I play Football Manager. I
   like  to pretend it's my Manager's office. I
   have  'conversations' with players about
   disciplinary  matters and contracts."
   * YOU'RE DUMPED -  "It's our 4 year
   anniversary  soon. In those 4 years, he's
   cooked  once, washed up 6 times, and never done
   laundry.  His anniversary gift will be
   cardboard  boxes to pack his shit and me asking
   for  my keys back."
   Join the account that people only follow
   because  they've mistaken it for that funny one
   that  posts clips of Alan Sugar getting his
   catchphrase  wrong:
 https://twitter.com/fesshole/
   Buy the book - it costs literally fuck all,
   £6.49,  what's that these days? One quarter of
   a  new U2 album?
 https://amzn.to/3EQU6wb
   We're on tour, with four dates coming up in
   Edinburgh,  Belfast, Bristol and Manchester.
   There  will be badges.
 https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
 -------------------------------------------------
 : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK #2
   Podcasts, books, events etc
   * KLF BOOK REMIXED - We're very excited that
   John  Higgs’ KLF book is getting republished
   with  17,000 words of new content for the 10
   year  anniversary. Hardback, £23 for that
   version.  Can't bloody wait.
 http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/139961035...
   * I AM THE EGGSTOCK - Chris Shaw from I Am The
   Eggpod  has launched his afternoon of Beatles
   talks  and tickets are available NOW. Samira
   Ahmed,  Stuart Maconie, David Quantick and Mark
   Lewisohn  all in one place. Now that's the orgy
   people  would pay twice the price for.
 https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/i-am-the-eggpod-liv...
   * WORLD'S WORST POPSTAR CHAT - your editor
   joined  in on the podcast Worst Foot Forward
   and  genuinely enjoyed chatting absolute
   bollocks  about David Sylvian - we're not
   arguing  this is essential content, but if you
   want  to hear some men rambling about old pop
   music  and having a nice time, then that's what
   it  is.
 https://worstfootforward.libsyn.com/ep-271-rob-man...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : SITES IN BRIEF
   Content from outside the extended b3taverse
   * USA CLOCKS, FUCK YEAH  - To show Americans
   how  annoying everyone else finds their stupid
   date  format, this dev has used the same logic
   to  make a clock. Forward it to Joe Biden and
   see  if we can embarrass him into doing
   something  about the problem.
 https://domsson.github.io/freedom-clock/
   * TAXHEAVEN 3000 - Latest mschf thing, we
   suppose  the UK version would have some
   Bullingdon  Club member sneering at your
   earning,  suggesting tax fiddles &
   unapologetically  getting all the numbers
   wrong.
 https://taxheaven3000.com/
   * SLASH DOT DOT DOT DASH DASH DASH DOT COM - A
   chat  room to talk in Morse code. It's
   pleasingly  slow, and there's no dot-dashing in
   the  world that can do a cry-laughing emoji, so
   loads  better than Twitter.  Note that there is
   a  training room if you don't want to start
   with  an agonisingly long bollocking for typing
   gibberish  at experienced users.
 https://morse.halb.it
   * PROBLEMATIC CONTENT DUMP - A massive amount
   of  the late Victor Lewis Smith's work has been
   uploaded  to the Internet Archive. Some nicely
   obscure  finds here. Plenty of material has
   aged  terribly, of course, but it all rattles
   along  so fast that there's usually a good joke
   around  the corner.
 https://archive.org/details/vls-archive/
   * ESTATE AGENT SINGS YOU AROUND A PROPERTY -
   this  is pretty entertaining whilst also being
   horrific,  but yep, it'll help shift the
   property  as it'll get attention. We've also
   spent  10 minutes wondering if we should give
   up  this glam life of a newsletter editor and
   work  as a dog groomer in Leighton Buzzard.
 https://b3ta.com/links/This_is_a_promotional_film_...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
   Some ideas to kick you off
   * ZOOPLA OR ZOOROPA - can you tell the
   difference  between 90s pictures of U2 or
   unaffordable  housing?
   * MARRIAGE 2.0 - can't some Silicon Valley
   dickhead  come and disrupt this ancient legal
   bond?  Maybe make it an app where you can get
   divorced  by giving your spouse a thumbs down
   for  a lacklustre handjob.
   * IT'S ALWAYS FILLING IN THE THIRD IDEA - that
   leaves  us sitting there for an hour stumped
   for  anything to write. So what we need is a
   third  idea generator, which reminds us of
   previous  ways we've thought up ideas, like
   reading  old pop music magazines from the 1980s
   until  something lands.
   Don't be a twee fail, send us an e-mail:
 https://b3ta.com/mailus/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : PATREON THANKS
   We love all these people. Almost romantically.
   *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
   MCCREADIE*  *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
   JAMES*  *STOOBERT*
   24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
   EELES,  CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
   LOCKE,  CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
   VANDENBERGH,  MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
   SPAZZCAPTAIN,  WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
   ALBERT  MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
   Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
   lee  burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
   Adam  Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
   Woodfield,  Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
   Storrar,  Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
   Anne-Marie  Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
   blossomshed,  Carl Morgan, Catherine
   McAllister,  Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
   Tonks,  Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
   Dave  Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
   Catley,  David Gardiner, David King, David
   Mills,  Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
   Eric  von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
   James,  Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
   Milinovich,  Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
   Iain  Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
   Ian  Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
   James  Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
   Stewart,  Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
   Frayling,  Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
   McNally,  Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
   Foster,  John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
   Evans,  Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
   Konrad  Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
   Holloway,  Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
   Buchanan,  Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
   Matthew  Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
   Wilkes,  midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
   Carteret,  Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
   bewes,  Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
   Westerman,  Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
   wouda,  Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
   Richard  Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
   Robbie  Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
   Saleem  Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
   Simon  Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
   Simon  waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
   Anglesey,  Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
   Jokl,  Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
   Rees-Williams,  Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
   Wil  Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
   Hazlewood,  Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
   Chris  Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
   Daniel  Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
   Tidey,  Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
   Macinnes,  John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
   Curtis,  Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
   Saunders,  George Preston, James O'Malley,
   Martin  Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
   Hannah  Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
   McHugh,  Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
   Liddell,  Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
   Moody,  Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
   Justin  Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
   Tommey,  Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
   Carl  Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
   Jan  Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
   Tom  Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
   Beardwood,  David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
   Alastair  Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
   Robinson,  Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
   Naples,  Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
   Harry,  Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
   Michael  Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
   peter  royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
   Tim  Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
   Danny  Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
   Anderson,  Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
   Shirling,  Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
   Groom,  Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
   Sound,  Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
   John  Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
   Bond,  David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
   Emma  Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
   Fisher,  Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
   olak-Anti,  Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
   M,  Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
   Marc  Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
   Michael  Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
   Nigel  Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
   Peter  Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
   Abraham,  Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
   Robert  Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
   Hanner,  Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
   McAuley,  Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
   Swedemason,  Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
   Tom  Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
   Tickner,  Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
   Ward,  Jace Otting, James Meers, John
   Griffiths,  Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
   Kant,  Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
   Kahn,  Matt.
   EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
   additional  links; HappyToast for image
   challenge  help; and Dr Dunno for extra
   support.  Proofing by Kat E. Thanks Kat.
   (You're  welcome - Kat)
   And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
   Clarke,  Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
   Colley.  Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
   Dion  Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
   NEWER  ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
   Rackstraw,  Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
   Bionic,  Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
   Smith,  Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
   Lovell.  And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
   Oliver,  James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
   Lindsay  Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
   Dave  Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST -
   special  love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart.
   NEW  NEWSEST - extra love love love to si
   Jobling  & Daniel Calvin. And bonus new love to
   Douglas  Pennant, Roy Santos & Will Thompson.
   We  love you. OH GOD, and more bonus love to
   Alex  Collin-Oakley, Phil McGuire & Paul
   Blanchard  - you sexy people. And Mike Powell
   and  Damion Brown and Ross Carter and PJ. Ooooh
   and  John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
   Corcoran.  Love you. And a special thank you to
   the  super generous Paul Topping. And a thank
   you  to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
   appreciated  Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
   Murray  Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
   Blarg.  YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
   Attila  Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
   YOU.  And new new thanks to Dale Goodall,
   Gillian  Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan
   Norton.  Thank you, you kind humans. And...
   Leighton  Stevenson, Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil
   Bennett.  Thx. BONUS THANKS: Gillian Parrott,
   Funny_hat  & Gub~gub.
   And do please donate as you get occasional
   "bonus"  content. Maybe.
 https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
 -------------------------------------------------
 : AH FUCK IT, BONUS FESSHOLE
  
   * WE'VE DID THIS IN ABOUT 1995 - "I used to
   work  with a lazy, useless arsehole. I once
   took  a print screen of his desktop, including
   all  the icons, and set it as his background. I
   then  deleted all the icons so that clicking
   them  did nothing."

   next issue »
   « previous issue
   Newsletter
   We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net.

   _____________________ [ go ]
   --------------------
   THIS WEEKS HEADLINES
   --------------------

   * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS
   * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES
   * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS

   READ LATEST ISSUE
   archive