we love the web
    
   email us
   go to messageboard newsletter archive home
   NEWSLETTER: "THE OFFICIAL FAN CLUB NEWSLETTER OF YOUR ENDLESS BOTTY BURPS"
   next issue »
   « previous issue

 This Week:
 * GAME - hunt for "jobs" on LinkedIn
 * BREAKFAST - sing whilst eating some
 * SAUSAGES - Present this newsletter to your butcher*
 -------------------------------------------------
 ________  ____ __  ___
 ____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're sorry we saved
 ___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |  the web, we won't do
 __/____/____/\__/_/ |_|  it again... together"
 B3ta email 851 - 3rd March 2023
 * Read this issue to your poor confused butcher:
 http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue851
 Subscribe: https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
   * JOB HUNT - Pbhenningsen writes, "Hey! You guys
   have featured a few projects I've worked on
   before: The Doomsday Alarm Clock, You Have Not
   Died of Dysentery. Thought you might find this
   funny. It's called JOB HUNT. It's DUCK HUNT, but
   with Linkedin job posts instead of ducks. If you
   don't shoot your resume out fast enough, all the
   opportunities will fly away."
 https://woe-industries.itch.io/job-hunt-new-post
   * BREAKFAST - Si Bennett has written a song
   extolling the virtues of a Full English. See if
   you end up singing it, Saturday morning, with
   your fry-up treat.
 https://b3ta.com/links/Breakfast:3
   * MODERNISING BOOKS - The updating literature
   challenge is still going well. Over 140 entries
   now, it's like a B3ta challenge from when we
   were cool in the 1990s, like an internet version
   of the pop group Sleeper.
 https://b3ta.com/challenge/modernisebooks/popular/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
   Buy some natty threads
   Each week the crew at Hebtro live in fear over
   what text we'll stick in this bit in exchange
   for their sponsorship money, but worry not, it's
   only tell you, dear reader that they make really
   great clothes, designed to last a long time and
   that they're frankly cheap for the wear you'll
   get out of them. And they're both very very
   handsome, so get your gardening gloves on Mum,
   there's plenty of pictures:
 https://hebtro.co/new/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : FESSHOLE
   Your 'fesses 'fessed up as 'fessions
   Each week we implore you to stop sending us
   confessions and yet you never listen. So with a
   heavy heart we have to report that you are at it
   again:
   * DAD, NO - "After a heavy night at a friends I
   had a horrible feeling I'd driven my car home.
   It was only a few streets but I was alarmed when
   I saw my car parked outside. Imagine how I felt
   when it dawned on me that my 14 year old son
   drove me home, and he was also very drunk."
   * BAD HUSBAND - "My husband didn't buy me
   anything for Valentine's Day so I ordered a
   dozen red roses to be delivered and thanked him
   for getting me them. He said 'you're welcome'.
   He now thinks I have an admirer. Keep the
   miserable bastard on his toes."
   * MORE DAD WHIMSY - "On the morning school run,
   once I've dropped my son, I drive past another
   dad. We always look out for each-other and
   exchange a wave.Every morning for 5 years now.
   We've never spoken a word, don't know eachothers
   names but that wave to my mate brings me
   happiness each morning."
   Join the 910k people who've mistaken this
   terrible account for that popular one that posts
   pictures of David Sylvian with his lipstick out.
 https://twitter.com/fesshole/
   You might as well buy the book, it's £6.49 which
   is fuck all really and you could probably use
   the hard shiny cover to snort Ajax off.
 https://amzn.to/3EQU6wb
   * Do come to the next Fesshole show which is on
   the 25th of April in Edinburgh in the future
   Free Republic of Scotland.
 https://www.designmynight.com/edinburgh/whats-on/c...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : FRIDAY GAME
   Contexto
   One of those one game per day things that have
   sprung up since Wordle ruined your Mum's brain.
   This one asks you to guess a word using
   similarity. Kinda like that warmer/colder game
   kids play. But with language.
 https://contexto.me/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : SITES IN BRIEF
   Bookmark these for the next time Twitter is borked
   * MAZE GAME - We love Gauntlet, but find that
   most dungeon crawlers require a bit too much
   effort in learning the rules.  This mini
   game-a-day emoji version is just right, though
   we're unsure how much skill is actually involved
   in winning. Either it's really easy, or we've
   still got the required ability from the many
   hours we spent as a Valkyrie on our Amstrad CPC
   464 with colour monitor.
 https://rogule.com
   * AI QUIZ - Not entirely awful AI idea of the
   week is this quiz that mashes up two movies, and
   you must identify both.  AI's skills appear to
   be still at the gag-free face-swaps stage of
   Photoshopping, so b3ta is mostly safe for now.
 https://cinemashle.com
   * DOPE FLAT - whoever lived here last probably
   ended up in jail. Check all the photos.
 https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/131970932#/?channel=RES_BUY
   * TOP 50 BRITISH HORROR FILMS - a list, no come
   back, a good one which will make you want to
   work through it and watch the ones you haven't
   seen already.
 https://www.horrifiedmagazine.co.uk/film/top-50-br...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
   Free ideas to nourish your creative soup juice
   * RATE MY CUP OF TEA - a game where you make a
   cup of tea and an English person criticises you
   for doing it wrong.
   * WHOSE LINE OF CODE IS IT ANYWAY? - an improv
   show where the prompts are all from an AI Clive
   Anderson asking a real troop of actors to
   perform Friends scripts where AI has made Joey
   into a bag of inert gas (etc).
   * ADULT WORK VS BIG DATA - there was a recent
   @anon_opin which claimed "There are 16352 UK
   escorts listed on Adultwork. Of these only 2072
   have pubic hair of some fashion." Honestly, this
   is gold, what could you get out of a deep data
   dive on this source? A PhD? A hit book?
   Don't fail us, it's time to mail us:
 https://b3ta.com/mailus/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : PATREON THANKS
   We love all these people. Almost romantically.
   *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
   MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
   JAMES* *STOOBERT*
   24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
   EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
   LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
   VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
   SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
   ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
   Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
   lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
   Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
   Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
   Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
   Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
   blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
   Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
   Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
   Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
   Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
   Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
   H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
   Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
   Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
   Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
   Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
   Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
   Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
   McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
   Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
   Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
   Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
   Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
   Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
   Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
   mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
   OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
   Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
   Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
   pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
   Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
   RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
   sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
   McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
   Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
   Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
   Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
   Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
   Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
   Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
   Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
   Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
   Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
   Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
   James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
   Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
   Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
   Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
   Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
   Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
   Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
   Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
   Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
   Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
   Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
   Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
   Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
   STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
   Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
   Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
   Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
   Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
   Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
   Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
   Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
   Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
   Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
   Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
   FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
   Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
   Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
   Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
   madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
   Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
   Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
   Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
   Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
   Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
   Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
   Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
   Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
   Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
   Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
   Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
   Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
   EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
   additional links; HappyToast for image challenge
   help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
   by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (You're welcome - Kat)
   And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
   Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
   Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
   Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
   NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
   Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
   Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
   Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
   Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
   Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
   Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
   Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
   love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
   - extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
   Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
   Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
   and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
   McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
   Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
   PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
   Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
   the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
   to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
   appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
   Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
   Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
   Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
   YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
   Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
   you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
   Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
   THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
   And do please donate as you get occasional
   "bonus" content. Maybe.
 https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
 -------------------------------------------------
 : AH FUCK IT, BONUS FESSHOLE
   I was called into a meeting with HR over white
   powder residue found on my desk by the cleaners.
   I was deeply embarrassed but had to come clean
   that at 48 years old I still enjoy a sherbet Dip
   Dap.

   next issue »
   « previous issue
   Newsletter
   We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net.

   _____________________ [ go ]
   --------------------
   THIS WEEKS HEADLINES
   --------------------

   * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS
   * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES
   * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS

   READ LATEST ISSUE
   archive