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   NEWSLETTER: "YOUR RESULTS OF YOUR BUM TEST ARE HERE: IT'S VERY SMELLY"
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 This Week:
 * CHALLENGE: Modernise Books
 * TOY - Stupid chat bot
 * GAME - draw some MS Paint stuff
 -------------------------------------------------
 ________  ____ __  ___
 ____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're shitting up
 ___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |   the web with terrible
 __/____/____/\__/_/ |_|     content... together"
 B3ta email 850 - 23 Feb 2023
 Ask AI to read this issue in the voice of Kojak:
 http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue850
 Subscribe: https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
   Other than making their family despair
   * MODERNISING BOOKS - probably the best bit of
   B3ta entertainment this week is our image
   challenge where we've asked you to provide your
   own (in)sensitivity reading to the classics and
   update them for now. Put b3tans in charge of the
   entire publishing industry now.
 https://b3ta.com/challenge/modernisebooks/popular/
   * STUPID CHAT BOT - dumbdestroy7 writes,
   "Thought you might find this funny. It's an AI
   chatbot that's been trained on all the dumbest
   stuff in the world (Homer Simpson quotes, Pauly
   Shore screenplays, that one bodybuilding forum
   where they argued about how many days there were
   in the week, etc). The first AI you don't have
   to fear will steal your job or overthrow
   humanity. It's pretty fun to chat with as well."
   Yep, we were entertained as it doesn't do
   particularly predictable things.
 https://2dumb2destroy.com/
   * D-DAY SOUND COLLAGE - The centuries of sounds
   blokes writes, "Hello! I have recently made
   this. Fairly self-explanatory." Yep, 82 mins of
   sound of the Normandy landings which kicked off
   the liberation of France and the end of the
   second world war.
 https://centuriesofsound.com/2023/02/06/d-day-tues...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
   Buy some lovely threads
   The god-like men at Hebtro sponsor B3ta &
   Fesshole and they also make durable clothes to
   cover up your nakedness and shame. Each one is
   made in the UK and to the highest standards so
   it won't fall apart in the first wash. Get some
   NOW.
 https://hebtro.co/new/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : FESSHOLE
   Your confesses coughed up like cat sick
   Each week you fling your lies into a Google bin
   and we fish around for a few to tweet out for
   precious internet likes:
   * DUMPED - "My ex-husband cheated on me. When I
   divorced him, he told me I was too ugly to find
   someone else and that I would be alone for the
   rest of my life. The next day, I fucked one of
   his friends. The day after, I fucked his other
   friend."
   * ART PRANKERS - "Graphic designer by trade. I
   produce fake covers for novels that don't exist
   - Harry Potter 9, Thursday Murder Club 4 etc -
   and stick them to whatever book I'm reading on
   the train. If anyone asks, I beg them not to
   tell anyone as the book is secret and not
   published yet."
   * FUCK YOU, SMILEY - "I was chair of an
   interview panel and didn't give the best
   candidate the job because they were too fucking
   cheerful and I couldn't put up with that shit
   everyday."
   Join the 0.9 million people who have mistaken
   this tawdry account for that cool one that posts
   single frames of the 1979 BBC series Shoestring
   with no context.
 https://twitter.com/fesshole/
   * BOOK BOOK BOOK - Remember you can still buy
   the book, it costs absolutely fuck all at £6.49,
   which is the same price as a coffee if you're
   being ripped off somewhere swanky.
 https://amzn.to/3EQU6wb
   * FESSHOLE LIVE: EDINBURGH - your editor is
   bringing Fesshole to Scotlandshire on April 25th
   at the legendary Monkey Barrel. Tickets on sale
   NOW.
 https://www.designmynight.com/edinburgh/whats-on/c...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : FRIDAY GAME
   Nice drawing game
   How good are your MS Paint skills?  Copy the bad
   art, and get points for how close it is to the
   original.  All tasteful imagery, so it doesn't
   really matter that there's no magenta in the
   colour palette for b3tans to draw with.
 https://xella.itch.io/plagiarism-4-profit
 -------------------------------------------------
 : SITES IN BRIEF
   Content made by people we can't claim as B3tan
   * GOOD ACTUALLY COMEDY SONG - Most comedy songs
   are pretty dreadful but this kept us
   entertained, so with that faint praise, enjoy
   this Australian dude singing about how he
   doesn't work here.
 https://www.youtube.com/watch
   * NUCLEAR TOURISM - Astonishing photos of
   happier, simpler, more cancer-y times.
 https://rarehistoricalphotos.com/atomic-tourism-la...
   * MAKING UNHAPPY TOAST - Incredibly stressful
   short film of a man trying to carbonise bread.
   Our heart rate was dangerously increased. 
 https://b3ta.com/links/Making_Toast
   * DON'T MUSKY WITH MY BUSINESS - See how well
   Elon Musk's $44 billion attention machine is
   doing by looking at how much press coverage he
   gets over time.  Sadly doesn't have data from
   before December for the first couple of hectic
   months, but there does seem to be a noticeable
   decline from almost everyone apart from Fox News
   who lurrrrve him and want to colonise Mars with
   his babies.
 https://dayssincelastelon.com
   * WEATHER AS ART - Turn last year's weather into
   pretty patterns which you can enjoy as pixel
   art, use as a knitting pattern, or stare at that
   alarming red line from last summer and feel some
   of that creeping climate anxiety.
 https://temperature-blanket.com
 -------------------------------------------------
 : IMAGE CHALLENGE
   Balloons
  
   Who doesn't like balloons? Birthday, Hot air,
   Weather, Barrage, Denied Spy Satellite, there's
   a balloon for everyone. See all the images from
   the 'Balloons' challenge now:
 http://b3ta.com/challenge/balloons/popular
 -------------------------------------------------
 : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
   Some ideas to kick you off
   * MICHAEL JACKSON BREAK OUT - just that the
   cover to the single of Billie Jean does rather
   look playable
 https://twitter.com/botofthepops/status/1627700601...
   * 'SOUP IS JUST GRAVY WITH AN A-LEVEL' - a huge,
   crowd-sourced project to describe food in
   amusing ways.
   * MEAT PRODUCT OR GRINDR USER NAME - this is
   largely off the back of buying 'big daddy beef
   rump steak' in Sainsbury's.
   Don't be a tragic plonky, send your projects to the Magic Donkey:
 https://b3ta.com/mailus/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : PATREON THANKS
   We love all these people. Almost romantically.
   *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
   MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
   JAMES* *STOOBERT*
   24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
   EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
   LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
   VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
   SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
   ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
   Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
   lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
   Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
   Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
   Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
   Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
   blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
   Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
   Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
   Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
   Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
   Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
   H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
   Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
   Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
   Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
   Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
   Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
   Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
   McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
   Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
   Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
   Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
   Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
   Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
   Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
   mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
   OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
   Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
   Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
   pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
   Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
   RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
   sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
   McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
   Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
   Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
   Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
   Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
   Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
   Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
   Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
   Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
   Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
   Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
   James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
   Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
   Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
   Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
   Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
   Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
   Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
   Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
   Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
   Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
   Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
   Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
   Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
   STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
   Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
   Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
   Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
   Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
   Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
   Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
   Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
   Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
   Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
   Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
   FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
   Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
   Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
   Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
   madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
   Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
   Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
   Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
   Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
   Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
   Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
   Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
   Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
   Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
   Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
   Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
   Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
   EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
   additional links; HappyToast for image challenge
   help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
   by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (You're welcome - Kat)
   And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
   Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
   Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
   Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
   NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
   Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
   Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
   Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
   Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
   Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
   Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
   Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
   love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
   - extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
   Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
   Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
   and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
   McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
   Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
   PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
   Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
   the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
   to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
   appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
   Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
   Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
   Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
   YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
   Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
   you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
   Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
   THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
   And do please donate as you get occasional
   "bonus" content. Maybe.
 https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
 -------------------------------------------------
 : AH FUCK IT, BONUS FESSHOLE
   "I've been subscribed to my mum's onlyfans for
   the past eighteen months. I don't watch - I'm
   not sick - but my mum has been struggling
   financially for the past two years but has never
   accepted any help money wise from me, so instead
   I have three onlyfans accounts all subscribed."

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