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   NEWSLETTER: "THE NEWSLETTER THAT FILMS ITSELF COMMITTING A CRIME EVERY
   WEEK BECAUSE CONTENT NEVER SLEEPS"
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 This Week:
 * WEEBL - Makes a C64 game music album
 * GAME - Hampster Invaders
 * FESSHOLE LIVE - Coming to Leicester Comedy Festival
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 ________  ____ __  ___
 ____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're shitting
 ___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |   the bed
 __/____/____/\__/_/ |_|     ... together"
 B3ta email 845 - 20 Jan 2023
 Read this issue to your poor confused dog:
 http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue845
 Subscribe: https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
   Other than making semen omelettes, again
   * HAMSTER INVADERS - Malevole writes, "Yes,
   Hampster Dance and Space Invaders, together at
   last Clear the first wave to get a blast of
   Cognoscenti vs Intelligentsia - Cuban Boys got
   in touch & suggested adding their classic hit
   single!" Next week hopefully we'll get Emotion
   Eric Pong.
 https://vole.wtf/hampster-invaders/
   * BATTERSEA POWER STATION SOUNDSCAPE - Fred
   Zeppelin writes, "I went to the newly re-fangled
   Battersea Power Stn when it was unusually empty,
   and wandering around noticed some weird
   thrumming and 'singing' that made for a pleasant
   and relaxing atmosphere. So I ran home and got
   my audio recorder, and added no effects. You may
   find it nice to have on in the background of
   working etc." Useful to drown out our inner
   monologue of dark thoughts on how to fix old
   Cure albums.
 https://b3ta.com/links/Battersea_Power_Station_sou...
   * IF YOU SEE SID TELL HIM - Older readers will
   remember when Jonti Picking launched 'Badger
   Badger Badger' in this newsletter of record, and
   twenty odd years later we're here to tell you
   he's just put out an album of Commodore 64 SID
   tune covers. An ideal soundtrack for a sad wank.
 https://bit.ly/sidlifecrisiscd
 -------------------------------------------------
 : HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
   Go on, buy some lovely clothes
   Hebtro make clothes, and if you wear them it'll
   protect you from being damp or cold, which is a
   good thing, as being nude in the British climate
   can lead to misery. So simply give Hebtro some
   of your money, and all your lifestyle problems
   will be solved in hardwearing fashion.
 https://hebtro.co/new/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : FESSHOLE
   Your confessions fessed up for the fuck of it
   Each week you shout about your miserable lives
   into our Google form and we pick out a few for
   the hordes to shout "SHAME! SINNER!" to:
   * SEXY - "I heard my neighbour moaning one
   morning and had a wank listening to her. Found
   out later, she was out, and it was a pigeon."
   * GOOD PLAN - "This Christmas we both told our
   parents that we were at our partner's family.
   Actually spent the day at home with each other
   curled up on the sofa watching Lord of the Rings
   in our pyjamas and eating roast potatoes dipped
   in gravy. It was perfect"
   * PRACTICAL - I'm a single woman, and any time
   I'm looking for a tradesman, I go on Tinder.
   Strike up a convo, few dates, job I couldn't get
   anyone for is done. Plumber, electrician,
   handyman, works a treat."
   Join the 851k people who've mistakenly followed
   this account thinking it's that funny one that
   shows eBayers' reflections in mirrors:
 https://twitter.com/fesshole/
   Buy the book, it's cheap at £6.49 and absolutely
   ideal to keep in the toilet so you don't have to
   read the back of shampoo bottles whilst you shit
   and masturbate.
 https://amzn.to/3EQU6wb
   * FESSHOLE LIVE, LEICESTER COMEDY FESTIVAL, 11TH
   FEB - three weeks until the next show, buy
   tickets so we don't look like the sad fucks that
   we are.
 https://comedy-festival.co.uk/event/fesshole-live/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : SITES IN BRIEF
   No AI projects, coz they're all samey as fuck
   * THE 88X31 GIF COLLECTION - if you've been on
   the Internet for as long as us, then this is a
   piquant slice of nostalgia for the time when our
   pubes weren't grey.
 http://cyber.dabamos.de/88x31/
   * SALESFORCE AS DATING APP - Some guy we knew
   applied a grim kind of management style to his
   online dating: "Laura is on stage two, I want to
   close on the next meet, else I'm out". Turns out
   there's now an app for that and really, the
   world needs to end now. Is there an app for
   self-Dignitas yet?
 https://dateforce.app/
   * YOUR LIFE IS SLIPPING AWAY - A novel way of
   measuring how much of your life has been wasted
   in a pointless meeting.  What things have people
   achieved in the time it's taken you to decide on
   what shade of brown the new logo should be?
 https://timemymeeting.com
   * ALIEN ABDUCTION - An idle clicker in which you
   must abduct all the humans before zooming off
   into space.  Aesthetically pleasing and
   addictive, but at least you can complete it in
   under 15 minutes, so you don't get to the "I'm
   wasting my life and can't stop!" stage of these
   at their worst.
 https://kindanice.itch.io/ufo-clicker
   * WORD PROCESSING FUN - Word, but designed as an
   executive toy rather than a boring bit of work
   software.  Take a nice relaxing walk with your
   words, and enjoy the comforting tap of the
   typewriter as you stroll along.  All play and no
   work word processing - Jack Torrance would
   approve.
 https://ludipe.itch.io/this-is-not-word
   * SOMETHING FOR YOU CUNTS TO LISTEN TO - we're
   enjoying this 1979 Japanese LP which sounds a
   bit like Nintendo music played by a real band.
   You know, the summery island level stuff.
 https://www.youtube.com/watch
 -------------------------------------------------
 : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
   Some ideas to kick you in the brain balls
   * POP, POPPING-OFF CLOCK - with the death of
   David Crosby on our minds, some sort of
   depressing death clock that lists all the
   legendary 60s musicians we have left, and how
   many are gone.
   * ALARMING SATIRE - Create your
   police-rapist-hiding-in-plain-sight name by
   adding something scary like Psycho or Murderer
   or Rapist to a blokey version of your own first
   name. Ok, maybe not.
   * 8008135 - a web project dedicated to spotting
   vaguely amusing numbers and number plates.
   Send your projects to the Magic Donkey:
 https://b3ta.com/mailus/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : PATREON THANKS
   We love all these people. Almost romantically.
   *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
   MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
   JAMES* *STOOBERT*
   24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
   EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
   LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
   VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
   SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
   ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
   Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
   lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
   Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
   Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
   Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
   Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
   blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
   Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
   Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
   Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
   Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
   Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
   H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
   Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
   Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
   Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
   Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
   Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
   Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
   McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
   Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
   Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
   Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
   Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
   Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
   Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
   mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
   OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
   Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
   Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
   pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
   Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
   RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
   sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
   McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
   Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
   Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
   Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
   Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
   Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
   Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
   Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
   Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
   Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
   Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
   James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
   Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
   Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
   Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
   Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
   Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
   Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
   Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
   Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
   Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
   Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
   Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
   Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
   STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
   Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
   Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
   Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
   Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
   Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
   Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
   Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
   Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
   Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
   Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
   FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
   Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
   Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
   Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
   madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
   Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
   Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
   Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
   Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
   Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
   Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
   Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
   Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
   Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
   Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
   Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
   Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
   EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
   additional links; HappyToast for image challenge
   help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
   by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (You're welcome - Kat)
   And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
   Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
   Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
   Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
   NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
   Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
   Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
   Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
   Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
   Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
   Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
   Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
   love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
   - extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
   Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
   Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
   and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
   McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
   Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
   PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
   Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
   the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
   to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
   appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
   Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
   Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
   Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
   YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
   Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
   you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
   Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx.
   And do please donate as you get occasional
   "bonus" content. Maybe.
 https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
 -------------------------------------------------
 : AH FUCK IT, BONUS FESSHOLE
  
   "As a naive 21 year old, I was followed down a
   street in Amsterdam by a man repeatedly saying
   'Charlie?' I answered, 'No, Jeremy' because that
   is my name."

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   * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS

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