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   NEWSLETTER: "IF YOU OPEN ONE B3TA NEWSLETTER THIS YEAR, LET IT BE THIS
   ONE"
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 This Week:
 * 90s JOKE INTERNET - revived for your "lols"
 * PRODUCTIVITY WEBSITES - now all blocked
 * SUPPORT KUNT - F*ck the Tories for No 1
 -------------------------------------------------
 ________  ____ __  ___
 ____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're printing out the
 ___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |   the web on a dot matrix
 __/____/____/\__/_/ |_|   printer ... together"
 B3ta email 842 - 16 Dec 2022
 Read this issue at a funeral for a Sinclair QL:
 http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue842
 Subscribe: https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK #1
   Other than making their old teachers disappointed
   * GUESS THE AI PROMPT - Prakhar897 writes, "Hey,
   I created an AI art based Wordle type game: You
   get an image generated from a "hidden" prompt
   and you have to guess the prompt." Actually
   quite fun to play, although the prompt never
   seems to be "rip off a load of artists and make
   them grumpy"
 http://diffudle.com/
   * NEW MONKEON CONTENT ABOUT OLD INTERNET CONTENT
   - "I have a new thing!" trills Britain's better
   version of Neal.Fun, "I wanted to make a random
   button for the whole Internet Archive, but my
   test threw up too much NSFW and fash conspiracy
   shit, so I went to my safe space of the 1990s
   and made a button for the Wayback Machine using
   DMOZ data from the time instead." This is a
   treasure trove of content, and someone should
   make a 'depths of old lols internet' social
   media project too.
 https://monkeon.co.uk/90s-web-humor-button/
   * THE PRODUCTIVITY BLOCKER - Stevenjnass writes,
   "While there are plenty of Chrome extensions for
   helping you focus, this is the first one that
   blocks productive websites so you can relax. It
   currently blocks over 80 productive websites
   including: Slack, Fiverr, Duolingo, Linkedin and
   Dropbox. The extension is free and exists mostly
   as a parody of our glamorisation of always
   working, hustle culture." Nice idea. Next week:
   a reverse adblocker that replaces news articles
   with even more ads. Hooray!
 https://www.productivityblocker.com/.
 -------------------------------------------------
 : SPONSORED LINKY-DINKY
   Buy a 'Day Book'
   Thank you to REPEAT B3ta newsletter sponsor
   Keith Ford - who wrote, "I ran out of Day books
   in my office, and saw shops wanted £20 for a new
   Moleskine so I designed a custom day book." And
   now he writes, because he's bought a second
   advert, "The ad worked, and I got a few sales.
   How about I bung you another couple of hundred
   and we run this? I want to be fair, especially
   with B3ta readers, so want to offer cost price
   to them."
 https://bit.ly/3hSmrJ8
 -------------------------------------------------
 : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK #2
   Wow, a rare second b3ta people section. Busy!
   * F*CK OFF TORIES - Kunt's campaign to f*ck up
   the charts with "F*ck Off Tories" officially
   starts today. Download and steam the tracks now.
   We recommend the Cassette Boy remix.
 https://b3ta.com/links/The_Kunts_vs_Cassetteboy
   And the complete list is here:
 https://theconservatives.info/
   * CALENDAR: LAST CHANCE TO BUY - Christhebarker
   has made a calendar of all his art/comedy
   photoshops, and for our money it's the best
   version of his merch as you can stick a calendar
   on a wall, unlike a book, and it's much much
   cheaper than prints. Buy now, as it looks
   fantastic. BTW: He's also got an exhibition
   starting this Saturday at the Museum Of Comedy
   in that London. So check that out too - using
   your eyes and feet.
 https://shop.printtrail.com/product/the-art-of-lig...
   * WATCH A B3TAN FUCK UP MAKING AN OMELET - Fred
   Zeppelin writes, "a genuine best first attempt
   to recreate the Korean Tornado Omelet. A partial
   success!" We fancy trying this now although we
   suspect we'd be equally shit.
 https://b3ta.com/links/How_Hard_Can_It_Be
 -------------------------------------------------
 : HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
   Christmas means durable stocking fillers
   It's coming up to Christmas, so it's time to buy
   the men in your life some durable jeans and
   shirts so they look swish for the new year. Buy
   lots of them too so that Hebtro don't think it's
   a bad idea to keep sponsoring this terrible
   newsletter. Link goes to all the new stuff, so
   get gift buying.
 https://hebtro.co/new/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : FESSHOLE
   Your confessions fessed up for shit lols
   Each week you shit into a bucket and we swill it
   around looking for "shit gold" like some
   old-timey prospector in the great turd rush.
   Here's the chunkiest:
   * PATHOS - "I drink alone in the pub. Every time
   I return to my table I see my phone has lit up
   and I get a glimmer of hope it's a text from a
   friend. It's not, it's my bank telling me I've
   just spent money on the pint I bought."
   * THE LIFE WE WANT - "As a junior recording
   engineer, I accidentally erased a small part of
   a song by a major band. Spent an entire night in
   the studio alone repairing it with bits from
   later on in the song. When I hear it on the
   radio now, the fear comes back."
   * RELATABLE - "I once paid £3.99 to stream a
   film on Amazon because I couldn't be arsed to
   get up for the DVD I had on the shelf not 15ft
   away."
   Join the, fucking hell, 793k people who follow
   this in the mistaken belief it might be funny
   like that account which rates shit Guinness
   pints or that bongs on the hour like Big Ben.
 https://twitter.com/fesshole/
   And of course, here is the plea to buy the book,
   as it's the dream of every chancer cunt who
   opens a novelty social media account to get a
   book deal. No really, it's good, we put loads of
   effort into making it readable, it's not very
   much money and is an ideal Christmas present for
   a horrible child.
 https://amzn.to/3EQU6wb
 -------------------------------------------------
 : SITES IN BRIEF
   Your future link-rot despair on archive.org
   * ULSTER TV COMMERCIAL BREAK IN 1973 - the mix
   of terrible cheap adverts and alerts about
   terrorism is quite the aesthetic as morons would
   say. We would like a whole Look Around You spin
   off in this style.
 https://twitter.com/CFBClips/status/16027357270533...
   * NOKIA SNAKE ADVENTURE - Now, we like Snake and
   we like flip-screen map-making, but no need to
   find out which is best, as this combines the
   best of both worlds with a lovely bit of retro
   glitch design.
 https://toulou.itch.io/strgsnek
   * BIG GAME OF LIFE - An impressive bit of coding
   that could really do with a big ABOUT button to
   let people know what it is up to.  Basically,
   Conway's Game of Life is given extra dimensions
   which you can browse by dragging and scrolling
   your mouse wheel to zoom in and out of its
   infinite patterns.  Probably of interest to the
   mushroom enthusiasts in your life.
 https://oimo.io/works/life/
   * WHAT SONGS MEAN, ACCORDING TO AI - We suspect
   we're going to see a lot of text-based AI
   projects over the coming months, gradually
   killing Google with its guff.  This is the most
   interesting one we've seen this week - an AI
   that tries to tell you what a song is about.  As
   always, typing in stupid questions and hoping it
   amuses you with a bad answer seems the best use.
 https://songtell.com/frankie-goes-to-hollywood/rel...
   * STEVEN SEAGAL CHOKE HOLD DIORAMA. That Bobby
   Fingers has been at it again. Set aside 30 mins
   of your life and get into this weird zone.
 https://b3ta.com/links/Steven_Seagal_Choke_Hold_Di...
   * FIRST TECHO RECORD EVER? Manuel Gottsching,
   Kraut rocker from Ash Ra Tempel died this week,
   and let's celebrate his genius by listening to a
   60 minute track he made to listen to on his
   Walkman for a flight in 1984, and possibly
   accidentally invented techno in the process.
 https://b3ta.com/links/Manuel_Gottsching_RIP
 -------------------------------------------------
 : OH AND WE SHOULD PIMP THE FESSHOLE SHOW AGAIN
   December 21st, that London
   Do come because your editor plans to do the show
   and then hang around and chat with
   b3tans/fessholians who fancy getting arseholed
   just before Christmas.
 https://www.designmynight.com/london/whats-on/come...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
   Ideas to start you off
   * ELON MUSK RPG - it would probably be quite fun
   to play a Musk RPG where you can live out your
   thin skinned fantasies of banning all your
   critics from your web forum for posting mean
   things and shoot off a few space rockets.
   * A "THAT LONDON" AMBIENT SOUND BOARD - tube
   trains, taxi drivers being racist, err you think
   of the rest.
   * A MORAL COMPASS PLUG-IN FOR CHROME - that
   tells you if using a website is morally dubious
   or not. (Please don't make us leave Twitter and
   stop linking to Amazon, oh God.)
   Send your content in, go on, we do look at
   everything. With our eyes.
 https://b3ta.com/mailus/
   Oh fuck it, we've got a bonus Elon idea.
   @ElonLocationTracker social media account and it
   mostly posts stuff like "SPACE X HQ, on the toilet,
   masturbating and crying about Grimes"
 -------------------------------------------------
 : PATREON THANKS
   We love all these people. Almost romantically.
   *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
   MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
   JAMES* *STOOBERT*
   24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
   EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
   LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
   VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
   SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
   ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
   Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
   lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
   Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
   Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
   Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
   Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
   blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
   Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
   Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
   Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
   Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
   Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
   H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
   Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
   Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
   Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
   Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
   Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
   Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
   McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
   Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
   Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
   Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
   Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
   Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
   Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
   mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
   OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
   Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
   Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
   pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
   Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
   RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
   sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
   McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
   Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
   Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
   Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
   Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
   Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
   Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
   Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
   Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
   Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
   Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
   James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
   Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
   Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
   Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
   Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
   Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
   Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
   Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
   Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
   Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
   Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
   Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
   Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
   STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
   Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
   Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
   Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
   Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
   Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
   Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
   Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
   Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
   Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
   Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
   FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
   Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
   Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
   Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
   madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
   Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
   Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
   Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
   Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
   Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
   Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
   Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
   Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
   Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
   Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
   Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
   Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
   EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
   additional links; HappyToast for image challenge
   help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
   by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (You're welcome - Kat)
   And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
   Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
   Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
   Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
   NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
   Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
   Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
   Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
   Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
   Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
   Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
   Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
   love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
   - extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
   Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
   Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
   and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
   McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
   Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
   PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
   Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
   the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
   to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
   appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
   Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
   Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
   Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
   YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
   Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
   you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
   Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx.
   And do please donate as you get occasional
   "bonus" content. Maybe.
 https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
 -------------------------------------------------
 : I'M SORRY I'VE WRITTEN A JOKE
   Christhebarker apologises for this
   What's the difference between the Royals and a
   sandwich filling? Nothing, they are both in
   bread.
 https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/...

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   * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS
   * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES
   * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS

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