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   NEWSLETTER: "THE QUEEN NEVER GOT TO CLICK THESE LINKS :("
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 This Week:
 * CHILDHOOD AMBITIONS - did they come true?
 * CHALLENGE - How are the King Charles pics going?
 * SEX TIPS - well not really, but yeah
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 ________  ____ __  ___
 ____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're sorry about saving
 ___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |   the web, it was a
 __/____/____/\__/_/ |_|   terrible mistake..."
 B3ta email 832 - 16 Sep 2022
 Read this issue badly formatted on your phone:
 http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue832
 -------------------------------------------------
 : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
   Other than making bad smells on the sofa
   * CHILDHOOD AMBITIONS - Back in oooh 1978 Matt
   Round asked, in this very newsletter, for you to
   confess your childhood ambitions and he's
   finally got round to making a 'thing' out of it.
   Turns out most of you wanted to be serial
   killers AND succeeded.
 https://vole.wtf/childhood-ambitions/
   BTW: This has reminded us that we once ran a
   Question Of The Week on the same subject. Well
   it's something to read should you fancy living
   back in 2007 just before Facebook and
   smartphones took off.
 https://b3ta.com/questions/childhoodambitions/
   * INTERVIEW WITH A B3TAN - Oh and why not read
   an interview with Fraser Lewry, the B3tan who
   used to help us run QOTW, back in the day, and
   now lives in New Zealand, which is a bit of an
   upgrade really.
 https://www.oamarumail.co.nz/features/from-the-bir...
   * BEATLES BOOK - it would also be remiss for us
   to not mention that it's John Higgs' launch day
   for his Beatles / James Bond book, which is well
   worth a read, as we were lucky enough to get a
   preview copy.
 http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B09XBVQVH...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
   Buy some lovely jeans and coats and stuff
   Because Hebtro don't tell us what to write we
   can say anything including "BUY PATRIOTIC JEANS
   FOR THE QUEEN!" However, what we really should
   say is something about how they've brought out
   some coats for winter, coz yes, cold weather is
   coming. Brr. Wrap up warm. All made in the UK to
   the highest standards.
 https://hebtro.co/product-category/jackets/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : FESSHOLE
   Your confessions fessed up for useless likes
   Each week you throw your lies into a Google form
   and we pick out a few to throw onto social
   media, to see which ones make people annoyed.
   * MAIN CHARACTER SYNDROME - "Read in a Jack
   Reacher book that you shouldn't turn on the
   light that comes on in your car when you open
   the door as it's a sniper's dream. Not had it on
   for years and never been sniped. Winner."
   * FOOTY LIAR - "I'm 44. Loved football all my
   life. Season ticket for 15 years. I have no idea
   what's going on most of the time. Can't read
   tactics or figure the formation but I know when
   to make the right noises and say 'space!' I like
   it when we score though."
   * SEX TIPS "After sex I place a single tissue
   over my knob to make it look like a little
   ghost. I shout 'woooo' at my girlfriend and
   twitch it about. She says she's going to leave
   me if I do it again. I'm going to do it again."
   Follow fesshole on Twitter dot twats, if you
   like.
 https://twitter.com/fesshole/
   But more importantly pre-order the book so that
   the publishers don't have a shit-attack that
   they've backed a dud.
 https://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/18041903...
   And do buy tickets to the Xmas show.
 https://www.designmynight.com/london/whats-on/come...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : SITES IN BRIEF
   Click these bastards, like you mean it ok?
   * YES, YOU SHOULD BE AFRAID - this project is
   using CCTV and AI to find Instagram photos being
   taken. That this is even possible using
   off-the-shelf stuff, god knows what stuff
   Governments have.
 https://driesdepoorter.be/thefollower/
   * COLLABORATIVE SOUND NONSENSE - This art
   project uses machine learning to connect any
   sound you record with similar sounds from around
   the world.  Communicate with a caveman grunt, or
   just let rip down your microphone and hear from
   fellow petomanes around the world.
 https://soundoftheearth.org
   * LET'S GO FISHING - We recently saw someone
   complain about the amount of fishing-based indie
   games there are at the moment.  But the world's
   a stressful place, and Bob & Paul have taught us
   that fishing is a relaxing thing to do, so bring
   them on.  This one is a puzzler - try and catch
   all the fish without running out of line.
 https://rhythmlynx.itch.io/curious-fishing
   * PLOT GENERATOR - Jean-Luc Godard may no longer
   be with us, but his ideas live on in this
   generator, which is a coded-up version of a
   formula Umberto Eco once wrote to pastiche his
   style. It seems based more on the esoteric later
   films than the fun early ones, so probably not
   much use to Quentin Tarantino when he's looking
   for stuff to steal.
 http://godard-plot-generator.glitch.me
   * ROYAL FAMILY  - This semi-suppressed 1969 doc
   about the Royal Family is pretty interesting.
   The BBC keep knocking copies off YouTube, at the
   request of the Palace, but this version on
   Archive.org seems to be hanging around. Banned
   mainly because it demystifies the royals a bit -
   they're a bit boring.
 https://archive.org/details/royal-family-1969_2021...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : IMAGE CHALLENGE
   King Charles challenge still open
   69 entries so far and our favs include:
   * "I was very very drunk" by Q4Nobody
 https://b3ta.com/board/11376323
   * "Queue/Queen" by Mr Dogshit
 https://b3ta.com/board/11376849
   * "Commemorative ears" from plankton
 https://b3ta.com/board/11376364
   Check out all the entries, or, indeed, add your
   own. If you get hung for treasons we'll
   photoshop an apology to your family.
 https://b3ta.com/challenge/kingcharles/popular/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
   Some ideas to kick you off
   * REPUBLICANISM 2.0 - A #NotMyKing plug-in idea
   - code that scans your internet shopping basket
   for products with marked with Royal Warrant and
   then offers up alternatives.
   * BYE-BYE, NADINE - Ewhitmey writes, "Hi. A
   request for the newsletter. Can someone please
   make a single purpose website with the URL
   Isnadinedorriesstillinthecaninet.com. Just a
   single page which switches from Yes To No." Well
   the boat has sailed on this one. Thankfully.
   * CLICK ME BABY ONE MORE TIME - How many times
   can the internet click on Britney Spears in this
   idea that we might have done in 2001.
   Send photographs of your testicles to:
 https://b3ta.com/mailus/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : PATREON THANKS
   We love all these people. Almost romantically.
   *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
   MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
   JAMES* *STOOBERT*
   24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
   EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
   LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
   VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
   SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
   ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
   Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
   lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
   Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
   Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
   Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
   Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
   blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
   Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
   Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
   Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
   Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
   Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
   H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
   Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
   Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
   Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
   Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
   Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
   Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
   McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
   Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
   Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
   Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
   Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
   Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
   Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
   mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
   OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
   Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
   Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
   pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
   Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
   RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
   sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
   McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
   Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
   Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
   Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
   Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
   Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
   Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
   Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
   Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
   Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
   Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
   James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
   Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
   Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
   Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
   Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
   Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
   Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
   Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
   Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
   Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
   Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
   Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
   Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
   STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
   Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
   Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
   Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
   Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
   Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
   Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
   Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
   Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
   Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
   Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
   FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
   Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
   Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
   Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
   madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
   Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
   Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
   Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
   Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
   Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
   Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
   Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
   Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
   Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
   Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
   Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
   Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
   EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
   additional links; HappyToast for image challenge
   help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
   by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (You’re welcome - Kat)
   And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
   Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
   Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
   Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
   NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
   Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
   Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
   Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
   Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
   Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
   Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
   Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
   love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
   - extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
   Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
   Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
   and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
   McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
   Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
   PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
   Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
   the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
   to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
   appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
   Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
   Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
   Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
   YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
   Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
   you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
   Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx.
   And do please donate as you get occasional
   "bonus" content. Maybe.
 https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
 -------------------------------------------------
 : I'M SORRY I'VE WRITTEN A JOKE
   Squiggy apologises for the following
   A load of dogs have just escaped from the police
   station. Luckily the police are currently out
   there chasing many leads.
 https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/...

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   * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS
   * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES
   * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS

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