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   NEWSLETTER: "RADIOACTIVITY - DISCOVERED BY MARIAH CAREY"
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 This Week:
 * ANNOUNCEMENT - first CRISP SANDWICH DAY ever
 * QUIZ - Tory or not
 * CHALLENGE - some 1970s internet results
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 ________  ____ __  ___
 ____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're saving the web
 ___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |  so we can resell it
 __/____/____/\__/_/ |_|  to pay the gas bill"
 B3ta email 830 - 02 Sep 2022
 Read this issue whilst cosplaying as a pylon:
 http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue830
 -------------------------------------------------
 : UPSHOT SPONSORSHIP
   Spicing up the bland world of sports coverage
   If you like sport, you'll love the Upshot - a
   weekly newsletter dishing out gossip,
   controversy and tasteless jokes from the world
   of British sport.
   Sign up for free and get a five minute hit of
   sporting filth every Friday.
 https://upshot.email/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
   Other than making wet patches in their trousers
   * TORY OR NOT TORY - bagpuss.org writes, "Next
   week 0.3% of the electorate will probably choose
   Liz Truss to continue the arduous task of
   ruining Britain. I always thought that you could
   spot a Tory a mile off, so I microwaved up a
   stupid game to test this theory. In 'Tory, or
   not Tory', you'll see official portraits of 10
   Members of Parliament. You decide if each photo
   is of a Conservative MP, or from one of the
   other political parties that you'd be better off
   voting for."
 https://toryornottory.com/
   * ANNOUNCING, CRISP SANDWICH DAY - Matt Round
   writes, "It's time there was a special day to
   celebrate this iconic foodstuff, so I've gone
   and done it. You can pledge support at the
   bottom of the page to add your name to crisp
   sandwich history."
 https://vole.wtf/crisp-sandwich-day/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
   Buy some lovely clothes
   Have you ever considered that you should cover
   up your legs and arms and stuff with clothes so
   that you're not naked? If so, Hebtro is here to
   help you by providing clothes for cash - all
   made to the highest standards, made in the UK,
   and designed to last:
 https://hebtro.co/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : FESSHOLE
   Your confesses fessed up for cheap lols
   Each week you shout your lies into a bucket and
   we fish a few out for pointless internet likes.
   * CUNNING - "Two years ago my wife cancelled
   Skysports, & I started a long game. My 6 y/o son
   had never been into football & I started work
   subtly: playing footy in the garden with him,
   getting him playing in local team. Now he's just
   asked to watch on tv. Skysports reinstated. Job
   done."
   * STUPID - "My boyfriend is sweet and tender but
   his intelligence makes me question the
   relationship after he said 'I love how your hair
   grows at different speeds.' I have a fringe."
   * MONSTROUS - "I am meant to be on a diet as my
   husband says he would love me more if I was
   slimmer. I secretly eat Flakes in bed and brush
   the crumbs onto his side. The resulting 'skid
   marks' have led the shallow judgemental bastard
   to believe his personal hygiene is somewhat
   lacking."
   Follow now on the fucking terrible Twitter
   account.
 https://twitter.com/fesshole/
   Pre-order the Fesshole book, for it will be
   fantastic.
 https://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/18041903...
   FESSTIVE HOLE - your editor has announced a
   Christmas show for the 21st of December. Do
   come, the plan is to do the fesses, then hang
   around for a drink afterwards. BOOZE! London!
   Fun!
 https://www.designmynight.com/london/whats-on/come...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : SITES IN BRIEF
   Print now, for when you can't afford the web
   * 80s COMEDY NERDERY - More Dirty Feed gold that
   seems to have gone down well with the comedy
   geeks.  A parody in the Spitting Image book of
   the 70s treasure hunt Masquerade turns out to
   have been a real competition, but no one
   believed them because it just looked like a
   joke.  This is the story of what happened next.
   Might try some of the tricks in Neil's Book of
   The Dead to see if you can actually attain
   spiritual transcendence by following his advice.
 https://dirtyfeed.org/2022/08/in-search-of-the-gol...
   * TLC IN SHIT TLD PUN - We like the idea of
   owning a domain for the sake of a pun. Here's
   TLC's 27 year old (christ!) banger encoded into
   JSON. Annoying that the MIDI doesn't autoplay
   due to the W3 ruining everyone's fun by
   outlawing such HTML shenanigans.  Perhaps when
   we Brexit from the W3, we'll get autoplaying
   sound back.
 https://dontgojsonwaterfalls.com
   * GUESS THE HOUSE PRICE - One of the worst
   things about middle age is having to pretend to
   be interested in house prices.  Assuming that,
   like football, people actually do find that
   stuff interesting, this seems a very good idea
   for a quiz.  Can you guess how much the house
   went for? Could do with a UK version, though.
 https://listed.fun
    * BASSLINE THAT DESTROYS LAPTOPS - Loving Adam
    Neely on the Janet Jackson bassline that breaks
    laptops. Goes nicely into music theory detail.
 https://www.youtube.com/watch
   * BEST TRAILER - Daniel Radcliffe stars as Al
   Yankovic in the first trailer for 'WEIRD: THE AL
   YANKOVIC STORY'. We're not sure if this will be
   entertaining for a whole movie, but it's one of
   the most entertaining trailers we've seen in a
   long while.
 https://twitter.com/DiscussingFilm/status/15642395...
   * DEEP DIVE ON OLD INTERNET - in an idea we're
   actually annoyed we didn't think of, going deep
   on the weird corners of the Internet Archive. A
   worthy sequel to the similar, Depths of
   Wikipedia.
 https://twitter.com/internetdepths
   * AI BRILLIANCE / DOOM IS HERE - 'Stable
   Diffusion' now available to run on an M1 Mac. In
   other words, this means the AI image maker
   that's better than Dall-E, will work on a £1k
   laptop. The cat is truly out of the bag and the
   world will never be the same again.
 https://replicate.com/blog/run-stable-diffusion-on...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : RESULTS SO FAR FROM THE 70s INTERNET
   Your photoshops 'shopped'
   We've been imagining a 1970s internet over on
   bee-three-tea-ay. Here's some of our favs:
   * Monkeon's take on the 1970s Nyan cat
 https://b3ta.com/board/11375351
   * How buffering would have worked for Margo
   Leadbetter, from Ninj
 https://b3ta.com/board/11374864
   * And S4RK brings us their take on Wicker Man
 https://b3ta.com/board/11375097
   All this on more on the website your mum likes
   to block on the router:
 https://b3ta.com/challenge/70sinternet/popular
 -------------------------------------------------
 : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
   Some ideas to kick you off 
   * STREAMING CLOSEDOWN - Free idea for @netflix.
   A closedown option in the menus which you could
   set to 2am or so which would play the national
   anthem and tell you to go to bed.
   * 'WHO THE HELL ARE THEY?' A PODCAST FOR OLD
   PEOPLE - A podcast where a Jon Ronson-a-like
   works through the biggest accounts on TikTok
   working out who the hell they are and what their
   content means that it's popular.
   * NATIONALISE THE ENERGY INDUSTRY - it's going
   to have to happen sooner or later and it'll be
   cheaper than propping them up.
   Send your junk to:
 https://b3ta.com/mailus/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : PATREON THANKS
   We love all these people. Almost romantically.
   *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
   MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
   JAMES* *STOOBERT*
   24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
   EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
   LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
   VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
   SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
   ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
   Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
   lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
   Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
   Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
   Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
   Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
   blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
   Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
   Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
   Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
   Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
   Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
   H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
   Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
   Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
   Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
   Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
   Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
   Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
   McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
   Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
   Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
   Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
   Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
   Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
   Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
   mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
   OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
   Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
   Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
   pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
   Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
   RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
   sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
   McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
   Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
   Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
   Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
   Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
   Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
   Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
   Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
   Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
   Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
   Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
   James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
   Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
   Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
   Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
   Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
   Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
   Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
   Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
   Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
   Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
   Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
   Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
   Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
   STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
   Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
   Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
   Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
   Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
   Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
   Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
   Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
   Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
   Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
   Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
   FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
   Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
   Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
   Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
   madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
   Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
   Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
   Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
   Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
   Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
   Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
   Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
   Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
   Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
   Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
   Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
   Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
   EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
   additional links; HappyToast for image challenge
   help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
   by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (You’re welcome - Kat)
   And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
   Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
   Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
   Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
   NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
   Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
   Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
   Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
   Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
   Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
   Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
   Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
   love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
   - extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
   Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
   Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
   and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
   McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
   Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
   PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
   Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
   the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
   to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
   appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
   Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
   Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
   Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
   YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
   Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
   you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
   Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx.
   And do please donate as you get occasional
   "bonus" content. Maybe.
   https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
   gorbachev wiv da angles now. hope he's up there
   jamming with reagan and maggie a nu
   intermediate-range nuclear forces treaty, kurdt
   cobain on bass
 -------------------------------------------------
 : I'M SORRY I'VE WRITTEN A JOKE
   Smallbrainfield apologises for the follow
   What kind of sugar actually tastes salty?
   Alan.
 https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/...

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   * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS
   * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES
   * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS

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