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 This Week:
 * GAME - are people dead or alive?
 * SONG - bready toast celebrated in tune at last
 * QUIZ - Absurd trolley problems
 -------------------------------------------------
 ________  ____ __  ___
 ____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're shitting up the
 ___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |  internet slip-stream
 __/____/____/\__/_/ |_|     ... together"
 B3ta email 824 - 08 Jul 2022
 Read this issue with a sour look on your anus:
 http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue824
 -------------------------------------------------
 : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
   Other than making brown bananas that don't need peeling
  * TOAST SONG - Pi Bennet has written a song about
  how great toast is and it's kind of charming and
  reminds us that it's probably nearly 20 years
  since Jonti Picking did the Badger track.
 https://b3ta.com/links/TOAST:6
   * THE WIKIPEDIA-BASED CELEB MORTALITY GAME -
   Bagpuss.org have written a dead or alive game
   and we asked them for a quote and they said,
   "whoever would have imagined that 92% of people
   think that Bubbles the chimp was dead".
 https://is-or-was.com/
   * BEATLES / JAMES BOND BOOK - John Higgs's new
   book is nearly out. Can't wait to read it. One
   of our favourite minds on one of our favourite
   subjects: the Beatles. It couldn't be more up my
   street unless he somehow wrote a book weaving
   connections between the Beatles and the history
   of 1980s home computing.
 https://geni.us/LoveAndLetDie
 -------------------------------------------------
 : HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
   Buy some jeans ok?
   Each week we implore you to buy some clothes
   from Hebtro, coz they sponsor B3ta, and more
   importantly their clothes are built to last,
   made in Britain and the complete opposite of
   fast-fashion. Sort yourself out with some good
   threads ok?
 https://hebtro.co/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : FESSHOLE
   Your confessions fessed up for cheap likes
   Each week you wank into a bin that we sieve for
   chunks and then hold them up to people sitting
   down for dinner and ask "does this smell right
   to you?"
   * CUNNING - "The tooth fairy forgot to take my
   son's tooth last night. I said she was probably
   on strike and blamed Boris Johnson."
   * JUSTIFIED - "I always tell my dog I love him.
   A friend once told me that was 'a bit gay,' and
   I should stop. I cut all ties with said friend,
   ghosted that motherfucker the very same day. If
   my border collie is reading this, love you
   mate!"
   * EVEN MORE CUNNING - "I've trained my son to
   insist on special days like Father's Day or my
   birthday that he needs to buy me a pint of beer
   in the pub. I insist on a half. The pub staff
   always upgrade it to a full pint free of charge
   when he pays, because he's four years old.|
   This week the link goes to the best of Fesshole
   for April, we've got a bit behind the best ofs,
   so let's try and catch up. It's a banger of a
   selection btw, you'll enjoy it.
 https://twitter.com/fesshole/status/15439834653680...
   PLEASE PRE-BUY THE FESSHOLE BOOK - it's going to
   be out for Christmas and we've put a lot of work
   into re-reading everything ever sent in (over
   100,000 entries) to pick out truly the best.
 https://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/18041903...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : SITES IN BRIEF
   We love HTML, best of all the languages...
   * ABSURD TROLLEY PROBLEMS - enjoyable set of
   moral problems in the trolley format. Although
   they've missed a trick by not making some
   spectacular death scenes.
 https://neal.fun/absurd-trolley-problems/
   * COMPOUND SWEAR SCIENCE - Enjoyably studious
   analysis of those slightly irritating compound
   swear words like "cunt puffin". Although we do
   wonder if it was all our fault with stuff like
   "xylophone buggery" and "zebra bastard" from
   back in, ooh, 2001. Sorry.
 https://colinmorris.github.io/blog/compound-curse-...
   * SISYPHUS TEACHES TYPING - type the ball up the
   hill and watch it roll back down again with this
   oddly addictive time sink.  All our mistakes
   made me realise quite how fat fingered we are.
   Curse you Zeus for making us this way.
 https://maxhgrobins.itch.io/mondays
   * AI NEWS - This site generates AI images to go
   with news stories.  Obviously, no AI news will
   ever take Ananova's place in my heart. If you
   want a factoid now Steve Wright's no longer
   doing them, then Wikipedia says Ananova was
   partly based on Carol Vorderman.
 https://prompt.press
   * EMAIL YOUR FUTURE SELF - Send your future self
   a message via the form on this site.  As we'll
   be at peak gammon age when we get it, we've
   advised the miserable old bastard to stop
   considering voting Conservative, just in case.
 https://sitegeist2022.com
 -------------------------------------------------
 : B3TA vs the BORIS JOHNSON NEWS
   A photoshop special
  Each week you open photoshop and occasionally the
  news forces you into making some sort of satire.
  Well, if you must:
   * Some sort of the comment on the Boris Johnson
   situation from 'Turtle Power'
 https://b3ta.com/board/11371023
   * Everyone is doing this pun but here's
   Backrubslut's version:
 https://b3ta.com/board/11370988
   * SnappyUK introduces Gazza to the mix
 https://b3ta.com/board/11370978
   The 'popstars on holidays' challenge is still
   open with over 90 entries:
 https://b3ta.com/challenge/popholidays/popular/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : THINGS WE'D LIKE TO SEE NEXT WEEK
   Ideas to kick you off
   *  8008135 - a social media account subtitled
   "inanimate objects displaying inordinately
   pleasing numbers"
   * SQUATTING IN NO 10 COUNTER - how many days
   since Boris Johnson said he was going to resign,
   but that he's still there?
   * UNBOUND FOR LPS  - We do wonder why there's
   not an Unbound for LPs. Yes bands do crowdfund
   these things all the time, but we mean a
   business that makes it easy. You raise £20k and
   you get a sympathetic producer, studio time,
   someone to help improve the writing, all the fun
   bits that make you feel special as a musician,
   rather than everything being a bedroom demo as
   usual, as well as the CDs / streaming all sorted
   out.
   Give your content:
 https://b3ta.com/mailus/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : PATREON THANKS
   We love all these people. Almost romantically.
   *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
   MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
   JAMES* *STOOBERT*
   24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
   EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
   LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
   VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
   SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
   ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
   Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
   lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
   Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
   Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
   Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
   Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
   blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
   Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
   Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
   Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
   Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
   Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
   H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
   Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
   Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
   Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
   Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
   Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
   Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
   McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
   Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
   Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
   Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
   Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
   Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
   Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
   mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
   OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
   Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
   Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
   pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
   Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
   RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
   sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
   McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
   Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
   Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
   Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
   Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
   Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
   Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
   Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
   Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
   Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
   Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
   James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
   Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
   Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
   Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
   Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
   Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
   Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
   Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
   Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
   Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
   Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
   Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
   Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
   STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
   Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
   Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
   Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
   Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
   Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
   Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
   Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
   Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
   Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
   Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
   FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
   Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
   Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
   Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
   madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
   Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
   Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
   Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
   Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
   Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
   Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
   Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
   Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
   Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
   Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
   Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
   Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
   EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
   additional links; HappyToast for image challenge
   help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
   by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (You’re welcome - Kat)
   And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
   Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
   Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
   Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
   NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
   Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
   Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
   Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
   Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
   Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
   Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
   Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
   love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
   - extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
   Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
   Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
   and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
   McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
   Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
   PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
   Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
   the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
   to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
   appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
   Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
   Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
   Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
   YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
   Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
   you, you kind humans.
   And do please donate as you get occasional
   "bonus" content. Maybe.
 https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
 -------------------------------------------------
 : I'M SORRY I'VE WRITTEN A JOKE
   Hagbardsapple apologises for the following
   Q. How does a Linux sysadmin treat nappy rash
   when his baby won't let him apply crem?
   A. sudo crem
 https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/

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   * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS
   * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES
   * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS

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