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   NEWSLETTER: "MR BLOBBY'S FAVOURITE NEWSLETTER DEMANDS YOUR EYEBALLS"
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 This Week:
 * FRANKIE SAY - "Play this web interactive"
 * WEEBL & BOB - Twenty years old, fuck me
 * HOW TO - Win at Penga
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 ________  ____ __  ___
 ____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |  "We're shaving the web
 ___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |  like a yak, every week
 __/____/____/\__/_/ |_|  and beyond... together"
 B3ta email 822 - 17 Jun 2022
 Read this issue begging for the content to stop:
 http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue822
 -------------------------------------------------
 : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
   Other than making sinister "marmalade" again
 
   * FRANKIE SAY RELAX: THE COMPUTER GAME - Monkeon
   has taken an idea we posted in a recent
   newsletter about making a reaction game out of
   Relax and made it real. He writes, "My pointless
   research for this has actually made me quite a
   fan. Their 12 inch remixes are particularly fun
   for being such stupid sample-heavy things.
   Crediting Klaus Schulze with a remix he didn't
   actually do is a nice bit of trolling."
 https://monkeon.co.uk/frankiesayrelax/
   * CELEBRATE TWENTY YEARS OF WEEBL - Jonti
   Picking is celebrating two decades of "well come
   back bring pie" and yes we are all old, but
   we're (mostly) not dead so here's to the next
   twenty years. B3ta is less than halfway done.
 https://b3ta.com/links/1587963
   * HOW TO WIN AT PENGA - last week we launched
   Matt Round's Penguin Tetris game and this week
   JimmerUK tells you how to WIN:
 https://twitter.com/JimmerUK/status/15370307133876...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
   Buy some shorts
   Look, it's burning up with heat around here so
   you probably don't fancy buying jeans, but
   Hebtroco also sells shorts, so let's get those
   legs out with some British-made clothes that are
   built to last.
 https://hebtro.co/product/action-shorts/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : FESSHOLE
   Your confessions hucked up like a cat being sick
   Each week you type some bollocks into a Google
   form and we pick out the bits that we find funny
   or amusing and share it for empty internet
   likes:
   * ELDERY PARENTS - "I buy my dad, who's in his
   late seventies, top quality tools for birthdays
   and Christmas. He appreciates them but I'm also
   playing the long game. My wife would never let
   me buy expensive tools for myself."
   * IMPROMPTU GAMES WE PLAY - "Whenever I wake up
   in the middle of the night I try and 'sense'
   what the precise time is before checking my
   phone to see if I am right. This morning I got
   it spot on: 4.46am. I am really thrilled at my
   achievement but haven't told anybody as it just
   sounds weird."
   * COPING STRATEGIES - "Once a week during the
   first lockdown I'd drive 150 miles to the middle
   of the Moors never using the same route twice
   like a shit spy. Then I'd walk 40 minutes,
   scream my lungs out and go home. I think
   planning and executing this each week stopped me
   from topping myself."
   Join the half a million people who just want the
   pain to stop.
 http://twitter.com/fesshole
   BUY THE BOOK: Please pre-buy the Fesshole book
   that'll be out for Xmas and is the ideal gift
   for your grumpy Uncle who can sit in the corner
   occasionally smirking, before leaving in the loo
   to entertain guests.
 https://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/18041903...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : SITES IN BRIEF
   Content for Amy's I in 2003 or whatever
   * 'RING TONE BANGERS' - an account that reposts
   old ringtunes and system start-up bongs etc.
   Good stuff, if that's your bag.
 https://twitter.com/ringtonebangers
   * WOEFULLY NEGLECTED WEBSITE - painfully
   accurate satire on the state of the web in these
   platform dominated times.
 http://woefullyneglected.com
   * AI BOLLOCKS OF THE WEEK - Interesting look at
   some of the limitations of AI image generators
 https://astralcodexten.substack.com/p/a-guide-to-a...
   * REMEMBER WEEZER? Weezer have launched their
   new single with this novelty record player to
   which you listen by spinning round in circles,
   neglecting to acknowledgethat their fanbase is
   now at an age where bad knees should be more of
   an accessibility consideration. If they're now
   in the web interactives game, then we'd like to
   suggest one in which you upload your photo and
   an AI tells you precisely how much you look like
   Buddy Holly.
 https://humanrecordplayer.com
   * CHESS 2.0 - Chess, but with pawns as the only
   pieces.  The idea could be expanded to make a
   chess construction kit - can you design a better
   starting layout than the traditional board?
 https://aslangames.itch.io/pawn-battle
   * GOODBYE IE - Missing Internet Explorer
   already? This site gives you an authentic
   experience of the good old days. Now get off the
   internet, your mum needs to use the phone.
 https://lagplorer.tms.sx
 -------------------------------------------------
 : BEST B3TA 'PHOTOSHOPS' THIS WEEK
   A sideways look are the news through Corel Draw
   Each week the b3tans open Paint Shop Pro and
   train their satire pixels on current events and
   here's three of our favs:
   * Happy Toast has waged war upon India Jones:
 https://b3ta.com/board/11369826
   * Monkeon is worried about how Michael Knight is
   copying with the credit crunch
 https://b3ta.com/board/11369948
   * Cumquat May is being rude about Boris Johnson,
   the naughty scamp
 https://b3ta.com/board/11369269
   Check out the rest of our popular images this
   week:
 https://b3ta.com/board/popular/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : THINGS WE'D LIKE TO SEE NEXT WEEK
   Free ideas to stick into your brain pipe
   * THE MANIC MINER SEQUEL THAT *SHOULD* HAVE
   HAPPENED IN 1984 - take the Jet Set Willy
   screens and rework them as Manic Miner, so
   they're sequential, get the blobs, next level.
   Screens that can't really be done in one, coz
   lack of access, could be grouped. So a level
   could be three screens occasionally.
   * SCLEROTIC BY MADONNA - An economic confidence
   indicator could probably be plotted over time by
   counting the amount of times the FT and
   Economist use the word 'sclerotic'
   * IS THERE A THIRD FRANKIE GAME SOMEONE CAN
   MAKE? - Two Tribes would lend itself to some
   sort of nuclear war text adventure, or maybe
   just write a choose-your-own-adventure where you
   play the one of 'the lads', Nasher, Basher,
   Tasher, whoever they are, and wake up drunk in
   some terrible hotel room in Liverpool, in a pile
   of your own vomit, and have to hitchhike to
   London to appear on Cheggers Plays Pop, else
   Trevor Horn will give a bad remix.
   Stick your content here, and we'll be the judge:
 https://b3ta.com/mailus/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : PATREON THANKS
   We love all these people. Almost romantically.
   *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
   MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
   JAMES* *STOOBERT*
   24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
   EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
   LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
   VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
   SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
   ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
   Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
   lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
   Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
   Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
   Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
   Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
   blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
   Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
   Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
   Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
   Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
   Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
   H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
   Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
   Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
   Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
   Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
   Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
   Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
   McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
   Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
   Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
   Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
   Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
   Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
   Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
   mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
   OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
   Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
   Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
   pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
   Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
   RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
   sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
   McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
   Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
   Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
   Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
   Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
   Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
   Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
   Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
   Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
   Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
   Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
   James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
   Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
   Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
   Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
   Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
   Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
   Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
   Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
   Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
   Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
   Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
   Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
   Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
   STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
   Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
   Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
   Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
   Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
   Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
   Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
   Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
   Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
   Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
   Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
   FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
   Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
   Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
   Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
   madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
   Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
   Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
   Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
   Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
   Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
   Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
   Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
   Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
   Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
   Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
   Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
   Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
   EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
   additional links; HappyToast for image challenge
   help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
   by Kat E. Thanks Kat.
   And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
   Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
   Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
   Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
   NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
   Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
   Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
   Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
   Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
   Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
   Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
   Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
   love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
   - extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
   Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
   Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
   and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
   McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
   Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
   PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
   Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
   the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
   to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
   appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
   Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
   Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
   Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
   YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
   Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
   you, you kind humans.
   And do please donate as you get occasional
   "bonus" content. Maybe.
 https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
 -------------------------------------------------
 : I'M SORRY I'VE WRITTEN A JOKE
   The Porcupine From Purgatory apologises
   What's the opposite of Piers Morgan?
   Piers Nacht.
 https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/

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   * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS

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