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   NEWSLETTER: "B3TA OFFERS TO RESIGN IF FINED BY THE POLICE FOR PROMOTING
   POORLY OPTIMISED GIFS"
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 This Week:
 * CHALLENGE RESULTS - musicians in art
 * OBSCENE ACRONYMS - hiding in academic papers
 * KUNT'S ASSAULT ON CHARTS - video out now
 -------------------------------------------------
 ________  ____ __  ___
 ____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |   "We're slurping the
 ___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |    internet Kool-Aid
 __/____/____/\__/_/ |_|     ... together"
 B3ta e-email 818 - 20th May 2022
 Read this issue to your warty penis, sobbing:
 http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue818
 -------------------------------------------------
 : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
   Other than making mimsies by squishing their dicks
   * SEARCHING 32 MILLION ACADEMIC PAPERS FOR
   OBSCENE ACRONYMS HIDDEN IN THE TITLES - your
   editor, switching out of third person, writes,
   "Never let it be said I won't drop everything
   important and execute an idea on a complete
   whim. I've just spent the last 24 hours
   searching 32 million academic papers for rude
   words that might be hidden in acronyms in the
   titles. Women want me, men want to be me, small
   dogs bark at me."
 https://robmanuelfuckyeah.substack.com/p/searching...
   * PRINCE ANDREW IS A S****Y N***E - the video
   for Kunt's new Royal-baiting track is out in
   preparation for his Jubilee assault on the
   charts. The aim is to get it to number 2, coz
   well, they're not going to let it be number 1
   are they? Do make sure you watch coz Kunt's been
   kicked off YouTube, probably by the Queen
   herself, as she controls such things from her
   illuminati egg.
 https://twitter.com/kuntandthegang/status/15273729...
   * MUSICIANS IN ART CHALLENGE - Our image
   challenge is going great guns with over 173
   entries. "A surprisingly good challenge"
   according to someone who messaged us. Do join
   in:
 https://b3ta.com/challenge/musiciansart/popular/
   * AI VS SEXY PHONE MESSAGES - Shardcore writes,
   "In pre-internet days horny perverts had to find
   each other leaving phone messages. Reflex
   Records (Aphex Twin's label) released a whole CD
   of them in 1999. In an 'edgy 2022 reboot' style
   I took these recordings and got an AI to dream
   up what they all looked like and act them out -
   enjoy!"
 https://www.shardcore.org/shardpress2019/2022/05/1...
   * FESSHOLE LIVE - this went really well, loads
   of laughter in the room, and look at our photos
   of the event, the audience, the joy in their
   faces is a tonic to see.
 https://www.instagram.com/p/Cdf6wiLMEhZ/
   * FRED'S BIG DAY - Fred Zeppelin writes, "First
   in an ongoing series of adventures scripted by
   and for pre-schoolers and/or morons. The first
   episode was commissioned and scripted by my
   niece aged 3, and she names everything Fred at
   the moment, so..."
 https://b3ta.com/links/Freds_Big_Day
 -------------------------------------------------
 : HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
   Buy some lovely jeans
   Are you bored of being naked? THEN BUY SOME
   CLOTHES. Hebtroco sponsor B3ta on the basis that
   the average B3tan probably needs some sturdy
   jeans to last into the 2030s and beyond. All
   made in Britain too but not in a Brexity way, in
   a sexy way.
 https://hebtro.co/shop/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : FESSHOLE
   Your confessions, fessed up, for internet points
   Each week we ask you throw your fibs into a bin
   and we pick out a few for cheap lols:
   * TEETH - "I was photographing a wedding and a
   female guest was exceptionally rude to myself
   and everybody else there, so whilst editing, I
   made her teeth banana yellow on every picture."
   * TEABAGS - "Whenever I refill the tea bags, if
   there is only 1 left in the jar, I move it to
   the top so that it is the next to fulfil its
   destiny and not consigned to a life of forever
   being trapped under its tea bag friends."
   * NONCES - "When my daughter started school we
   taught her 'don't accept lifts off strangers
   even if they say they're daddy/mummies friend
   who's come to get you.' We put it to the test by
   sending my mate to pick her up, she replied with
   'daddy doesn't have friends.' The cheeky shit."
   Join the over half a million people who've been
   selling their own farts as NFTs since Hitler was
   a baby:
 http://twitter.com/fesshole
   Preorder the book ok? If you don't we will send
   round someone big to mash your lovely face in.
 https://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/18041903...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : SITES IN BRIEF
   Links for the second series of Dotcomedy
   * MADONNA CAN PROBABLY STOP THIS NONSENSE NOW -
   you can now buy an NFT of centipedes coming out
   of Madonna's vagina. NFTs are trash but at least
   this is interestly mad.
 https://motherofcreation.xyz
   * OWEN WILSON 'WOW' API - Know Your Meme say
   that the Owen Wilson Wow meme peaked around
   2018, but if you are Elon Musk and never tire of
   using old memes to stay down with the kids, then
   this provides a useful API to access all of the
   wows that have ever come out of Owen's face.
 https://owen-wilson-wow-api.herokuapp.com
   * AI BOLLOCKS OF THE WEEK - Someone has stuck a
   load of Dril tweets into a GAN to make more
   weird AI art. Thanks internet.
 https://twitter.com/ParkerMolloy/status/1524559706...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : FRIDAY GAME
   Lyric game
   In weeks when there's not a lot of other stuff,
   there's always a Wordle clone.  This one is a
   Heardle you can play with the volume off.
 https://lyricle.app
 -------------------------------------------------
 : THINGS WE'D LIKE TO SEE NEXT WEEK
   Three ideas to kick you off
   * CHUCKIE-EGG THATCHER EDITION - Matt Round
   writes, "Just a simple Thatcher egg-chucking
   game (first-person or side-on) would be a great
   little viral thing right now"
 https://b3ta.com/board/11367794
   * STREAMING FOR GEN X - Spotify should buy the
   Napster brand and release an app that looks like
   Napster and only plays music from before the
   millennium. Plus the odd glitch where you get
   half a song and then someone shouting about
   aliens.
   * TEXT POD - a podcast where they walk through
   old text adventures like Snowball by Level 9,
   where they both tell you the complete story &
   but also laugh a bit about it along the way. I
   do not want to make this podcast. Can some nice,
   nerdy and a bit funny people make it please?
   If you you want to show us ceefax images of your
   penis - you know were to send the PNGs:
 https://b3ta.com/mailus/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : PATREON THANKS
   We love all these people. Almost romantically.
   *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
   MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
   JAMES* *STOOBERT*
   24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
   EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
   LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
   VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
   SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
   ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
   Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
   lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
   Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
   Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
   Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
   Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
   blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
   Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
   Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
   Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
   Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
   Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
   H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
   Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
   Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
   Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
   Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
   Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
   Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
   McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
   Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
   Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
   Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
   Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
   Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
   Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
   mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
   OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
   Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
   Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
   pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
   Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
   RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
   sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
   McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
   Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
   Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
   Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
   Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
   Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
   Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
   Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
   Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
   Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
   Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
   James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
   Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
   Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
   Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
   Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
   Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
   Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
   Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
   Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
   Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
   Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
   Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
   Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
   STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
   Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
   Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
   Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
   Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
   Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
   Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
   Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
   Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
   Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
   Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
   FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
   Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
   Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
   Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
   madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
   Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
   Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
   Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
   Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
   Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
   Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
   Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
   Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
   Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
   Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
   Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
   Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
   EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
   additional links; HappyToast for image challenge
   help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
   by Kat E. Thanks Kat.
   And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
   Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
   Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
   Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
   NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
   Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
   Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
   Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
   Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
   Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
   Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
   Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
   love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
   - extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
   Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
   Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
   and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
   McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
   Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
   PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
   Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
   the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
   to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
   appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
   Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
   Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
   Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
   YOU.
   And do please donate as you get occasional
   "bonus" content. Maybe.
 https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
 -------------------------------------------------
 : I'M SORRY I'VE WRITTEN A JOKE
   It's Woodkovsky's turn to apologise
   Which American singer, actress and television
   personality can you sit upon? Cher
 https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/

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