we love the web
    
   email us
   go to messageboard newsletter archive home
   NEWSLETTER: "ISSUE 811 OF PRINCESS DIANA'S FAVOURITE NEWSLETTER, PROBABLY,
   HAD SHE LIVED"
   next issue »
   « previous issue

 This Week:
 * IMAGE CHALLENGE - Books that don't exist
 * INTRODUCING... The 'Gowl' Detector
 * BRITPOP - Relive the Oasis vs Blur battle
 -------------------------------------------------
 ________  ____ __  ___
 ____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're shitting up
 ___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |    the web
 __/____/____/\__/_/ |_|     ... together"
 B3ta email 811 - 25 Mar 2022
 Read this doing a Welsh accent that doesn't go iffy:
 http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue811
 -------------------------------------------------
 : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
   Other than making trouble at home
   * BATTLE OF BRITPOP - Monkeon writes - "I have
   made a new trumps game for fans of 1995 chart
   scraps.  Warning: May Contain Bonehead."
   Remember the Oasis vs Blur chart battle of 26
   years ago, well this time it's back, as if it
   were a free gift stuck to Select Magazine.
 https://monkeon.co.uk/battleofbritpop/
   * GOODBYE, MR GIFFY - B3ta lowers flags to
   half-mast at the news that the inventor of the
   GIF, Stephen Wilhite, has died of COVID-19. We
   pay tribute in the only way we can, linking out
   to our bot that posts random gifs from
   GEOCITIES.
 https://twitter.com/search
   * INTRODUCING THE 'GOWL DETECTOR' - James
   Kelleher has been using AI to detect 'gowls' in
   video. Now, with the newsletter team not being
   Irish we had to ask for an explanation and James
   tells us "A gowl is basically just a fool.
   Actually, 'fool' doesn’t capture it. Just an
   awful person to be around." Then James
   continues, hopefully not personally, "and a 'dry
   shite' is a complete bore."
 https://twitter.com/etienneshrdlu/status/150623558...
   * WHAT A LOVELY HAT - 'Barry From The Shit Farm'
   has spent his week making a Boba Fett hat for
   his nephew. What a lucky nephew.
 https://b3ta.com/links/1583802
 -------------------------------------------------
 : UPSHOT SPONSORSHIP
   Spicing up the bland world of sports coverage
   If you like sport, you'll love the Upshot - a
   weekly newsletter dishing out gossip,
   controversy and tasteless jokes from the world
   of British sport.
   Sign up for free and get a five minute hit of
   sporting filth every Friday.
 https://upshot.email/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : FESSHOLE
   Your confessions, fessed up for cheap lols
   Each week we ask you fib into a Google form and
   then we share the most entertaining fibs for
   worthless internet points:
   * GOOD IDEA FOR A NEW TWITTER ACCOUNT - "I set
   up a complaint box at work. People think HR set
   it up but it was me. At the end of every week I
   take the box home and read about all this petty
   drama that's been built up."
   * KARMA - "I had a blazing row with my husband
   about not storing our new skirting board under
   our bed, poking out & causing a trip hazard.
   That evening when he tripped over it in the dark
   and wrecked himself against the wall was one of
   the greatest moments of my life."
   * TOO RELATABLE - "My husband has started a
   football podcast with his friends and thinks he
   is now a celebrity. It's awful. I cringe every
   time."
   Now this is the bit where we boast how much the
   account has grown (430k!) and then link to it,
   however this week we're linking to the newly
   launched Instagram version that only posts the
   best one each day, as we figure repeating the
   exact same format on all platforms is too much
   like a good idea.
 https://www.instagram.com/fesshole/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
   Get yourself a woolly jumper
   Hebtro are now selling woolly jumpers like your
   Nan used to knit. We've already got two and will
   probably share some embarrassing photos soon
   enough. Get yours now, they're great:
 https://hebtro.co/product-category/jumpers/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : FROM THE B3TA ARCHIVES
   Pornalike Quiz
   Christ we really made some crap in the heyday of
   B3ta, this quiz is sexist, too long and the
   theme tune really irritates. If we could give
   notes to ourselves 15 years ago: mix in more
   men, have the theme tune vary a bit, we hear
   that intro too often, limit to 10 questions max.
 https://www2.b3ta.com/pornalike-quiz/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : SITES IN BRIEF
   Stuff to make Sir Berners-Lee renounce his knighthood
   * FROM THIS WEEK IN CRYPTO RESISTANCE - An
   attempt to show what social media will be like
   when Jack Dorsey gets his weird tech-bro dream
   and the internet is ruined with web3 shit. A bit
   too po-faced in execution, but it makes its
   point.
 https://welcome2web3.com
   * IS YOUR KITCHEN TRYING TO KILL YOU? - From the
   URL, we were expecting a troll site encouraging
   people to zap their phones to death, but this
   (to our limited knowledge) does appear to be
   something that would work should you be worried
   that your microwave is trying to kill you.
 https://ismymicrowaveleaking.isotropic.us
   * THE MOST RACIST LOOKING COMEDIAN IN THE UK -
   funny skit from an English dude who looks like a
   traditional English racist but doesn't share
   such opinions.
 https://b3ta.com/links/Problems_with_looking_racis...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : FRIDAY GAME
   Guess the actor
   An enjoyable IMDb quiz in which you must guess
   the mystery actor.  The idea that makes it work
   is that when you guess the wrong actor from the
   right film, any films they both appeared in are
   revealed, thus allowing you to make a tactical
   choice rather than it just being guesswork.
   Shoehorned into the Wordle format for no reason
   as always.
 https://actorle.com
 -------------------------------------------------
 : BEST IMAGES THIS WEEK
   The world as reimagined through Amstrad GPaint
   Each week you use pixels to make us lol and we
   hate you for it. Here's the best:
   * Happy Toast has been imagining what a lovely
   time on the beach Boris Johnson has had on his
   holidays
 https://b3ta.com/board/11363298
   * Dick Wonder has been pondering the world of
   shitting in bottles
 https://b3ta.com/board/11363594
   * Monkeon has produced a stunning work of satire
   that Boris Johnson will never recover from
 https://b3ta.com/board/11362885
   NEW CHALLENGE, BOOKS - authors are remembered
   for their best work, but what about their other
   books: the shit ones that they'd rather forget?
   Show us lesser known books by popular authors.
 https://b3ta.com/challenge/theirotherbooks/popular...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : THINGS WE'D LIKE TO SEE NEXT WEEK
   Some ideas to kick you off
   * AMSTRAD CPC BASIC BOT - you know those Twitter
   bots that allow you to code the BBC Micro? Can
   someone make one for the Amstrad please, as we
   only support Locomotive BASIC at B3ta Towers
   * JK ROWLING'S BUSINESS PARTNER SIMULATION - You
   play the head of the film studio that makes her
   films and theme parks. What has she said on
   Twitter now? How does it affect your bottom
   line?
   * NAME THAT DRUM MACHINE - throw up photos of
   CR78s and BOSS Dr-55's and crowdsource new names
   for them like Dave. Yes this IS a filler item as
   we couldn't think of a third item.
   Stick your content into our content hole you
   champs.
 https://b3ta.com/mailus/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : PATREON THANKS
   We love all these people. Almost romantically.
   *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
   MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
   JAMES* *STOOBERT*
   24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
   EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
   LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
   VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
   SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
   ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
   Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
   lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
   Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
   Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
   Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
   Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
   blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
   Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
   Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
   Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
   Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
   Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
   H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
   Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
   Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
   Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
   Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
   Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
   Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
   McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
   Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
   Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
   Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
   Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
   Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
   Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
   mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
   OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
   Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
   Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
   pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
   Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
   RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
   sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
   McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
   Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
   Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
   Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
   Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
   Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
   Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
   Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
   Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
   Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
   Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
   James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
   Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
   Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
   Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
   Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
   Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
   Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
   Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
   Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
   Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
   Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
   Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
   Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
   STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
   Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
   Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
   Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
   Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
   Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
   Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
   Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
   Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
   Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
   Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
   FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
   Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
   Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
   Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
   madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
   Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
   Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
   Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
   Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
   Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
   Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
   Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
   Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
   Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
   Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
   Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
   Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
   EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
   additional links; HappyToast for image challenge
   help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
   by Kat E. Thanks Kat.
   And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
   Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
   Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
   Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
   NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
   Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
   Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
   Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
   Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
   Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
   Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
   Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
   love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
   - extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
   Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
   Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
   and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
   McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
   Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
   PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
   Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
   the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
   to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
   appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
   Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
   Blarg. YAY!
   And do please donate as you get occasional
   "bonus" content. Maybe.
 https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
 -------------------------------------------------
 : I'M SORRY I'VE WRITTEN A JOKE
   This week an apology from Cumquat May
   Why did Bonnie Tyler subscribe to the
   Cardiologist Network YouTube channel? She wanted
   total e-clips of the heart
 https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/

   next issue »
   « previous issue
   Newsletter
   We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net.

   _____________________ [ go ]
   --------------------
   THIS WEEKS HEADLINES
   --------------------

   * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS
   * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES
   * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS

   READ LATEST ISSUE
   archive