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   NEWSLETTER: "BREAKING: THE QUEEN IS DEAD IS STILL QUITE A GOOD ALBUM
   ACTUALLY"
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 This Week:
 * GAME - Saturday afternoon Ikea trip simulator
 * SHIT AI IMAGES - Easiest way to do them yet
 * FESSHOLE - Your fancying Roger Taylor confession
 -------------------------------------------------
 ________  ____ __  ___
 ____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're shitting up the
 ___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ | web again, and we're not
 __/____/____/\__/_/ |_| sorry... together"
 B3ta electronic e-mail 796 - 19th November 2021
 Read this newsletter to your Linux-loving mother:
 http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue796
 -------------------------------------------------
 : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
   Other than making problematic facial
   expressions
   * ARSE OR BISHOP? - bagpuss.org writes, "Ten
   years ago I made a puerile game called
   Arsebishop. Now it has been updated, it looks
   fresher, it works better on phones, and it has
   triple the number of arses and bishops - with
   more being added every day. Apart from that it
   is the same old rubbish. It is mildly NSFW if
   your workplace frowns upon you looking at
   pictures of priests. Or the occasional bare
   arse." https://arsebishop.com/
   * GET PAID TO MAKE A VIDEO FOR MATT ROUND -
   the designer of Can You Draw A Perfect Circle?
   Asks: "Anyone want to quickly do a weird
   version of one of those log fire videos for
   Voleflix? I’m thinking some presents are
   calmly put on the fire, maybe a Christmas
   dinner, etc. Modern phone on a tripod would be
   good enough quality, £100-200 budget depending
   on exact approach agreed."
 https://twitter.com/mattround/status/1461664120009...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : HEBTRO SPONSORSHIP
   Give your man socks this Christmas
   It's coming up to Christmas and it might be a
   cliche to buy socks, but it's really what men
   want. Men want booze, socks and cheese: so at
   least sort out the socks bit at Hebtro.
   They're British, they're made of wool and they
   keep feet toastie.
 https://hebtro.co/about/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : FESSHOLE
   Your confessions fessed up for cheap likes
   Each week you spew lies, jokes and occasional
   home truths into a Google form and we publish
   the ones we fancy publishing:
   * EMBARRASSED - "Was very hungover in work a
   few weeks ago so went for a lay down in the
   disabled toilet but don't lock the door
   properly, someone came and saw me so I had to
   pretend I'd fainted"
   * WE'VE ALL DONE IT - "I was 12 when 'I Want
   to Break Free' was released by Queen. When I
   saw the video, I didn't realise that the hot
   blond in the school uniform was actually the
   drummer. Every time I see Roger Taylor on TV,
   it reminds me that I cracked a few off to him.
   Cheers Roger."
   * RELATABLE - "The person I've been dating has
   moved cities for work, I've never done
   distance before and panicked when she asked
   for 'pics' and sent her one of my dinner."
   Add to the 199k people who need their punched
   cards inspected by Nick Berry on Heartbeat.
 https://twitter.com/fesshole
 -------------------------------------------------
 : SITES IN BRIEFS, HTML IN Y-FRONTS
   Your guide to what'll be in NTK next week
   *  BIGGEST RIGHT CLICK EVER - The joke about
   NFTs is that you can just right click them and
   not pay millions of crypto-nonce-coins for
   them. This site takes it to the logical
   conclusion and offers up several terabytes of
   NFTs as a torrent. Should you want a load of
   gack that looks like Gorillaz offcuts.
 https://thenftbay.org
   * CHINA.SWF - Interesting history of Flash
   content in China. We honestly miss the era of
   Flash, it was so convenient to get a shit game
   / quiz idea out of the door. It's so much
   fiddlier doing it in HTML, the internet really
   did take a step backwards the day that Steve
   Jobs said no to Flash on iPhones.
 https://chaoyang.substack.com/p/gold-miner-swf
   * EASIEST AI IMAGES EVER - Another day,
   another tool to generate images from text
   using AI and gans. All this stuff looks the
   same after a while, still it's fun to type
   bollocks in and see what you get.
 https://rudalle.ru/
   * THIRD LIFE FOR SECOND LIFE - The bloke
   behind Waxy.org is making his own simpler
   version of Mark Zuckerberg's Metaverse dreams
   with this charming voice chat / Habbo Hotel
   site. Best of all you don't need a £350
   headset that gives you a headache to use it.
   Our prediction is that you'll probably forget
   this exists and then in five years find out
   that the entire Polish government has been
   using it to run parliament.
 https://skittish.com/
   * REAL-TIME AI SINGING - More AI fun where one
   person's singing voice is simulated in real
   time by another person's singing voice. Give
   it two years and this shit will cause tears on
   Britain's Got Talent when some prick with a
   laptop fakes being as good as Lloyd Cole and
   the Commotions.
 https://twitter.com/hollyherndon/status/1456380565...
 -------------------------------------------
 : FRIDAY GAME(S)
   Two for the price of zero, good value yes?
   * WHAT NATION IS THIS TUNE? A Geoguessr for
   your ears. Are you more Andy Kershaw or Liz
   Kershaw in your appreciation of world music?
   Requires a Spotify account, so you'll get to
   help musicians all around the world earn their
   1p/month in streaming by playing.
 https://amusicalplanet.com
   * SATURDAY AFTERNOON IKEA TRIP SIMULATOR - We
   generally struggle with Choose Your Own
   Adventure style web games but this 'trip
   around Ikea' one worked for us for a few
   reasons. Firstly there was the existential
   bleakness, but secondly it only gives you a
   sentence or two of text before asking you to
   make a decision: you are not hit with a wall
   of tedious text. Good work.
 https://accumulationofthings.com/twine/saturday.ht...
 ------------------------------------------------
 Why were there so many Crusades?
 Because they're so Moorish.
 Thanks Natt.
 https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : BEST IMAGES THIS WEEK
   Selected from /board by the official B3ta cat
   * Monkeon's entry into the animal/human swap
   challenge is a thing of wonder for fans of
   Roger Waters' Orwell themed long-player:
 https://b3ta.com/board/11355561
   * Chumps riffed off the news and presented
   Boris Johnson's father as he sees him in his
   mind:
 https://b3ta.com/board/11355731
   * Terribleman makes their debut on B3ta with a
   new entry to a challenge we've managed to
   leave open for ten years:
 https://b3ta.com/board/11355748
 -------------------------------------------------
 : THINGS WE'D LIKE TO SEE NEXT WEEK
   Some ideas to kick you off
   Our grand theory of game design is that it's
   fun to be a bit of a cunt, so here's three
   ideas to explore that:
   * YODEL PARCEL COURIER SIMULATOR - are you
   going to sling the deliveries straight in the
   bin? What about knocking and running off?
   Maybe just throw a note in the general
   direction of the town and go straight to the
   pub.
   * UNTITLED TRAFFIC WARDEN GAME - can you
   ticket everyone for minor infractions? Bonus
   points for kicking cats.
   * EVIL LIBRARIAN - "I'm sorry but that's been
   reserved" "SHHH!" "I'm afraid the fines on
   that are 80p" and "No, we're sorry old lady,
   we don't have that in large print"
   C'mon you can develop interactive web
   experiences of being an officious mug:
 https://b3ta.com/mailus/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : PATREON THANKS
   We love all these people. Almost romantically.
   *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
   MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
   JAMES* *STOOBERT*
   24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
   EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
   LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
   VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
   SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
   ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
   Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
   lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
   Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
   Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
   Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
   Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
   blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
   McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
   Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
   Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
   Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
   Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
   Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
   James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
   Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
   Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
   Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
   James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
   Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
   Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
   McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
   Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
   Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
   Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
   Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
   Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
   Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
   Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
   Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
   bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
   Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
   wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
   Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
   Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
   Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
   Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
   Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
   Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
   Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
   Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
   Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
   Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
   Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
   Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
   Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
   Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
   Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
   Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
   Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
   Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
   McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
   Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
   Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
   Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
   Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
   Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
   Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
   Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
   Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
   Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
   Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
   Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
   Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
   Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
   peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
   Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
   Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
   Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
   Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
   Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
   Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
   John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
   Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
   Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
   Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
   olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
   M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
   Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
   Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
   Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
   Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
   Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
   Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
   Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
   McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
   Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
   Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
   Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
   Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
   Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
   Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
   Kahn, Matt.
   EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
   additional links; HappyToast for image
   challenge help; and Dr Dunno for extra
   support. Proofing by Kat E. Thanks Kat.
   And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
   Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
   Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
   Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
   NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
   Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
   Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
   Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
   Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
   Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
   Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
   Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST -
   special love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart.
   NEW NEWSEST - extra love love love to si
   Jobling & Daniel Calvin. And bonus new love to
   Douglas Pennant, Roy Santos & Will Thompson.
   We love you. OH GOD, and more bonus love to
   Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil McGuire & Paul
   Blanchard - you sexy people. And Mike Powell
   and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and PJ. Ooooh
   and John Daly. Love you. And a special thank
   you to the super generous Paul Topping.
  And do please donate as you get occasional
  "bonus" content. Maybe.
 https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
 -------------------------------------------------
 : TOP TIP
   Charm attractive women into having sex with
   you by quoting the Monty Python films. (Je
   suis un vagabond)
 https://b3ta.com/questions/toptips

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   THIS WEEKS HEADLINES
   --------------------

   * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS
   * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES
   * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS

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