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   NEWSLETTER: "WE'RE ALL 3D PRINTERS GEARED UP TO PRINT TURDS"
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 This Week:
 * SONG - Kunt pays tribute to the People’s Prince
 * WEBSITE - The return of Question Swap
 * SEXY DOGS - well a short Fesshole anecdote ok?
 -------------------------------------------------
 ________  ____ __  ___
 ____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're mourning the death
 ___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |   of our prince: DMX
 __/____/____/\__/_/ |_|     ... together"
 B3ta email 766 - 09 Apr 2021
 Read this issue formally & wearing a black tie:
 http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue766
 -------------------------------------------------
 : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE MADE THIS WEEK
   Other than shagging flags like true patriots
   * KUNT PLAYS TRIBUTE TO THE PRINCE OF OUR
   HEARTS - thank you to B3ta's favourite popstar
   for nailing the nation's mood.
 https://kuntandthegang.bandcamp.com/track/phil-im-...
   * THE RETURN OF QUESTIONSWAP - Phantomboner
   writes, "The years have flown. 16 years ago
   you featured QuestionSwap.com in your
   newsletter and it did quite well. I recently
   decided to give it an update and do it
   properly. B3ta was where it all began, and it
   would be great if you could mention it again
   in your newsletter. Good to see B3ta powering
   on. Thanks!" Nicely timed with the death of
   Yahoo Questions too.
 http://www.questionswap.com/
   * HORRIBLE OUT-OF-DATE POLITICAL SATIRE - we
   were going through the old email bin and we
   found this from mikeisbrill from about 5 years
   ago and figured we'd mention it, he wrote, "I
   wrote a book about Jeremy Clarkson and David
   Cameron having sex in a Premier Inn room. I
   can send the PDF on request. 99p is a bit much
   to be honest." Actually it's free on Kindle
   Unlimited, whatever that is.
 https://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B01BUTZK...
 -------------------------------------------------
 
 : FESSHOLE
   The confessions account we regret starting
   Each week we ask you to type some bollocks
   into a form and we publish our favourite bits.
   Honestly, that's the entire project.
   * WIFE - "The wife called me by mistake when
   she was supposed to be calling the Chinese
   restaurant to order. I was in the next room. I
   put on a fake Chinese accent and gave her a
   load of shit so she threatened to talk to my
   manager."
   * TESCO - "Once walking through Tesco I saw a
   guy I knew from somewhere, so said hello to
   not be rude. Stood chatting for at least 2
   mins before he hinted that the reason I knew
   him was probably because he played in midfield
   for Liverpool, and we'd never met before.
   Still cringe now."
   * SEXY DOGS - "I went on a lockdown park-walk
   date with a woman and her dog. I tried to make
   a fuss of the dog so I'd look good but 'hello
   gorgeous!' came out as 'hello sexy!'. It was a
   short, quiet walk. The longest of my life."
   Join the 123k people who should know better:
 https://twitter.com/fesshole/
   FYI: In memory of Prince Philip, @fesshole
   will continue to run horrible anecdotes from
   horrible people all day and into the future.
 -------------------------------------------------
 : SITES IN BRIEF
   Content made by people we are "othering"
   * WHAT ARE THE POP HITS IN EAST FINCHLEY?
   Pudding are doing more pop music data
   gathering, this time looking at localised pop
   charts for your city. We'd never even heard of
   the song everyone is listening to round our
   way, which seems about right. We might start
   humming it in an attempt to be more
   neighbourly.
 https://pudding.cool/2021/04/music-bubble/
   * THEY MIGHT BE TECH BANDWAGON JUMPERS - An
   enjoyable look at how They Might Be Giants
   used 90s tech to promote themselves with
   gimmicks - Phone lines, Hypercards, Flash, CD
   Shuffle - all the gold.
 https://tedium.co/2021/03/31/they-might-be-giants-...
   * BBC MICROBOT MAN TELLS ALL - 30 minutes of
   the guy behind the BBC Micro Bot telling us
   all about it whilst facing the wrong camera.
   It's great how something so simple has evolved
   to such impressive places, especially
   considering it started with someone posting a
   loop of PRINT "POO", as is only right.
 https://youtube.com/watch
   * WE'VE GOT YOUR NAME LA-LA-LA - new UK Cyber
   Security Council announces itself without
   buying the domain, so inevitably someone else
   gets it.
 http://ukcybersecurity.org.uk
   * 90S MICROSOFT DEVELOPER REVEALS EVERYTHING -
   You know when you find a YouTube channel that
   you can just keep watching? Well this one
   works for us. A mid-90s Microsoft developer
   doing war stories.
 https://www.youtube.com/watch
   * SPACE JAM WEBSITE REMEMBERED - not only have
   we had the death of Yahoo Answers but after 25
   years the original Space Jam website has been
   taken offline. Is nothing sacred anymore?
 https://www.esquireme.com/content/51612-after-25-y...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : IMAGE CHALLENGE
   Art Jobs
   With Covid closing museums, works of art need
   to find a new source of income. Send paintings
   and sculptures out to work.
 http://b3ta.com/challenge/artjobs/popular
 -------------------------------------------------
 : HEBTRO SPONSORSHIP
   Yes, buy those sweary scarves
   Do you have a cold neck and love swearing?
   Thank fuck Hebtroco are here to sell you
   swearing scarves. WARNING: Wearing these might
   make you so attractive to the people you want
   to bang that you might be overwhelmed in sex
   offers.
 https://hebtro.co/product/sweary-scarf/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : DEAR UNCLE B3TA
   Readers' top tips
   * HOW TO CLEAN YOUR KEYBOARD - Sandettie Light Vessel Automatic writes, "Clear space on desk, turn keyboard upside down and drop onto the keys from a height of about 2 inches.  Do this about three or four times.  Be disgusted by the amount of detritus littering your desk." Er... thanks?
   * HOW TO CLEAN YOUR LOO - Quefelli writes, "One thing---when using a loo brush, DOWNSTROKES ONLY. That is all" Er.. Why are you telling us this?
   Send us your missive:
 http://b3ta.com/mailus/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
   Ideas from our readers to inspire you
   * MAKE YOU FEEL OLD - twilkosta asks for "a
   website that, given your age, tells you how
   long until you're too old for various schemes
   (youth discounts, internship schemes,
   newsround press pack). After 30 it just tells
   you you're too old, period."
   * HOW POWERFUL IS YOUR FRIDGE? Twilkosta
   continues, "Also, a website that continually
   provides an up-to-the-minute version of how
   powerful the average phone/fridge/watch is,
   relative to Apollo-era computers. And shows
   you a picture of space. So you never lose your
   sense of wonder."
   * MILK SOLVER - joe.aule asks "Ever had that
   weird crusty dried milk form around the top of
   a plastic milk bottle? I just had a bit fall
   in my tea. Disgusting. I'd like to see a way
   of preventing a repeat occurrence."
   Go on, make some stuff, you lazy shits: 
 https://b3ta.com/mailus/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : PATREON THANKS
   We love all these people. Almost sexually.
   *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
   MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
   JAMES* *STOOBERT*
   24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
   EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
   LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
   VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
   SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
   ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
   Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
   lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
   Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
   Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
   Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
   Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
   blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
   McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
   Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
   Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
   Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
   Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
   Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
   James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
   Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
   Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
   Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
   James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
   Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
   Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
   McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
   Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
   Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
   Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
   Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
   Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
   Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
   Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
   Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
   bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
   Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
   wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
   Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
   Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
   Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
   Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
   Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
   Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
   Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
   Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
   Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
   Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
   Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
   Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
   Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
   Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
   Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
   Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
   Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
   Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
   McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
   Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
   Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
   Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
   Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
   Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
   Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
   Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
   Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
   Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
   Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
   Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
   Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
   Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
   peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
   Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
   Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
   Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
   Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
   Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
   Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
   John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
   Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
   Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
   Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
   olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
   M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
   Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
   Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
   Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
   Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
   Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
   Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
   Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
   McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
   Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
   Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
   Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
   Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
   Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
   Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
   Kahn, Matt.
   EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
   additional links; HappyToast for image
   challenge help; and Dr Dunno for something or
   other. Newsletter proofing by Kat E.
   And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
   Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
   Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
   Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
   NEWER ONES: Mark (Mavis), Joshua Rackstraw,
   Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri Bionic, Chris
   Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris Smith, Daniel
   Malbon, James Heaver and Phil Lovell. And
   further thanks to newer ones: Ben Oliver,
   James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss, Lindsay
   Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards, Dave
   Wong & Stafford Lawrence. We love you and do
   please donate as you get bonus content (Rob
   shouting into his audio recorder, yes YOU will
   hate it.)
 https://www.patreon.com/b3ta

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   THIS WEEKS HEADLINES
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   * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS
   * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES
   * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS

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