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   NEWSLETTER: "YOU WON'T SPOT A SINGLE UNION JACK IN ANY OF THESE LINKS"
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 This Week:
 * IMAGINARY FRIENDS REUNITED - at last
 * BRIAN SEWELL SOUNDBOARD - Rebooted for the 2020s
 * FREDDO - The biggest ever? Maybe
 -------------------------------------------------
 ________  ____ __  ___
 ____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |  "We're saving the web 
 ___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |  to send off for a free
 __/____/____/\__/_/ |_|  badge ... together"
 B3ta fax-o-tron 765 - 02 Apr 2021
 Read this issue in the language of "woof":
 http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue765
 -------------------------------------------------
 : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE MADE THIS WEEK
   Other than shitting themselves
   * IMAGINARY FRIENDS REUNITED - Matt Round
   writes, "I asked people about their childhood
   imaginary friends then brought them back in
   their own social network, including the weird
   & creepy ones..." As we published the call for
   content in this very newsletter, these are
   YOUR imaginary friends - and see if you can
   spot ours?
 https://vole.wtf/imaginary-friends/
   And as a bonus from Matt - he's also been
   building the world's biggest Freddo chocolate
   bar. Well we say it's the biggest but we
   didn't check.
 https://twitter.com/VOLEwtf/status/137759169313913...
   * MORE COWBELL THAN YOU COULD EVER WANT -
   Jonty Wareing writes, "This week I discovered
   ultimatecowbell.com, a listing of every known
   song featuring cowbells. So obviously I
   converted it into a 204 hour Spotify
   playlist."
 https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2hGZ9IEmDJ6jdia4...
   * BRIAN SEWELL NEWS - secretbatcave writes, "I
   have ported the first Brian Sewell soundboard
   from its sad mortal flash husk and commuted it
   to HTML 5 (or JavaScript, or something equally
   horrid). This means one can use it on your
   phone or tablet, like a modern person."
 https://secretbatcave.co.uk/sewell/
 -------------------------------------------------
 
 : FESSHOLE
   The confessions won't stop. Please stop.
   Each week we ask you to confess your sins to
   our cyber priests who definitely don't touch
   up the kids. Our favs this week:
   * BISCUITS - "My wife and I have been keeping
   a secret stash of biscuits hidden from our
   children. What she doesn't know is I have a
   double secret stash of even better biscuits
   all for me."
   * APPLES - "I eat an apple every morning..I
   then put the core on top of the drivers side
   windscreen wiper and wait for idiots who drive
   up my arse to overtake me .. as they do I
   activate the aforementioned wipers in the hope
   of hitting the prick overtaking me .. I have a
   success rate of 76%"
   * FARTS - "I run a lot, up to 50 or 60 miles a
   week, and take it pretty seriously...but
   whenever I fart on a run I still pretend it's
   like a Knight Rider style turbo boost and put
   on a little sprint. I am 45 this year."
   Join the 122,289 people who should know
   better:
 https://twitter.com/fesshole/
   Or alternatively read the anon_opin one which
   is less popular for follows, but creates more
   arguments in the replies.
 https://twitter.com/anon_opin/
 -------------------------------------------------
 Make your own 'Elvis Costello name' by mixing
 the first name of a famous musician, who is
 identifiable by that name alone, with last name
 of a comedian, who again is clearly identifiable
 by that alone:
 Beyonce Seinfeld
 Shakira Izzard
 Sade Gervais
 -------------------------------------------------
 : SITES IN BRIEF
   Content made by people we are "othering"
   * CAN YOU GUESS WHAT IT IS YET? A medley of
   Prodigy tracks played *absolutely
   convincingly* on Stylophones is the content
   you didn't know you needed in your life
 https://www.youtube.com/watch
   * HIDDEN GAME MESSAGES - Enjoying this
   account. The messages from devs that you can
   find from looking through the source or
   binaries of old games.
 https://twitter.com/devmsg_txt/
   * REDDIT'S SECOND - try to guess the
   second-most voted picture, or wait to see vote
   counts for fewer points
 https://new.reddit.com/r/Second/
   * DUCKPOND MAP - This site is creating a
   global database of duckponds. As someone who
   used to go and sit at the duckpond if my mum
   had been nagging and I wanted to delay getting
   home from the shop, I appreciate the
   sentiment.
 https://sickofthis.xyz
   * NO, YOU DO WANT TO READ THIS SHORT STORY
   ACTUALLY - "My milkman was in The Fall. He
   played on Hex Enduction Hour. If you catch him
   on a quiet morning, he’ll reminisce about
   recording ‘Hip Priest’. The postman was also
   in The Fall, around the time of Cerebral
   Caustic. I was never in The Fall."
 https://reflexfiction.com/i-was-never-in-the-fall-...
   * SKIP INTRO, SAVED - The Web Design museum
   are collecting flash intros to film websites,
   should you want to remember what the Memento
   site looked like in order to tattoo it on your
   leg so you never forget again.
 https://youtube.com/playlist
 -------------------------------------------------
 : FRIDAY GAME
   Attack on Suez Canal
   It's been good to see a lot of people building
   Suez Canal stupid web shit this week.  Most
   stopped making sense the moment the boat was
   free, but this one still works.  Can you do
   better than Captain Evergreen? Best with sound
   off to avoid the scream.
 https://attackonsuezcanal.com
 -------------------------------------------------
 : IMAGE CHALLENGE
   This week: Flags
   Flags, one word challenge. Redesign them, rub
   up against them or stick them where they don't
   belong.
 http://b3ta.com/challenge/flaaaaags/popular/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : HEBTRO SPONSORSHIP
   Yes, buy those sweary scarves
   Do you have a cold neck and love swearing?
   Thank fuck Hebtroco are here to sell you
   swearing scarves. WARNING: Wearing these might
   make you so attractive to the people you want
   to bang that you might be overwhelmed in sex
   offers.
 https://hebtro.co/product/sweary-scarf/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : DEAR UNCLE B3TA
   Readers' Letters
   * B3TA CAUSED COVID - Nick Prou writes, "On
   1st December 2019 the first known COVID-19
   patient started having symptoms. It's likely
   that the disease actually emerged slightly
   earlier than that, in mid-November perhaps. On
   16th November 2019, the B3ta newsletter 733
   was titled 'I hope this email finds you ill'.
   Well I hope you're happy." Well we weren't but
   we are now.
   * APOCALYPSE - eric.van.lit writes, "Hello,
   Long time reader here. I really miss your
   'signs of the apocalypse' feature in the
   newsletter. Can you bring it back? Or are
   there no signs anymore? Even worse, has the
   apocalypse already come and I did not
   notice??" Yeah, look out the window mate.
   * FOOD TIPS  - bogeypie writes, "Have you
   tried a banana and ham toasted sandwich? Now
   banana is ok and ham is ok, toasted they are
   still both ok.  But put them together in a
   sandwich and put that in your breville and
   heaven comes out.  The mixture of ham,
   saltyness and sweetness and gooeyness all
   mixed together is just fantastic."
   Send us your missive:
 http://b3ta.com/mailus/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
   Free ideas to inspire you
   * OLD SONGS UPDATED - Ed Sheeran should update
   Pinball Wizard and call it Minecraft Wizard to
   make us hate everything that is good in the
   world
   * CAPSLOCK 2.0 - Capslock is largely useless.
   It should be changed in the operating system
   so that it toggles the CASE of the text you've
   CURRENTLY SELECTED.
   * NANOBOTS THAT CAN SCRATCH OUR BACKS - coz
   it's permanently itchy.
   Go on, make some stuff, you lazy shits: 
 https://b3ta.com/mailus/
 -------------------------------------------------
 We've read a list of popular names for boys and
 the following shortenings are acceptable:
 Leonardo - Nardo
 Damian - Ian
 Jacob - Cob
 Sebastian - Stain
 Samuel - Mule
 Wyatt - Yacht
 Joshua - Shoe
 -------------------------------------------------
 : PATREON THANKS
   We love all these people. Almost sexually.
   *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
   MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
   JAMES* *STOOBERT*
   24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
   EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
   LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
   VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
   SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
   ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
   Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
   lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
   Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
   Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
   Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
   Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
   blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
   McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
   Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
   Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
   Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
   Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
   Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
   James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
   Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
   Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
   Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
   James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
   Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
   Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
   McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
   Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
   Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
   Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
   Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
   Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
   Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
   Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
   Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
   bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
   Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
   wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
   Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
   Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
   Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
   Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
   Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
   Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
   Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
   Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
   Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
   Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
   Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
   Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
   Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
   Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
   Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
   Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
   Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
   Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
   McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
   Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
   Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
   Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
   Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
   Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
   Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
   Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
   Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
   Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
   Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
   Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
   Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
   Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
   peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
   Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
   Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
   Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
   Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
   Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
   Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
   John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
   Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
   Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
   Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
   olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
   M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
   Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
   Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
   Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
   Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
   Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
   Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
   Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
   McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
   Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
   Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
   Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
   Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
   Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
   Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
   Kahn, Matt.
   EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
   additional links; HappyToast for image
   challenge help; and Dr Dunno for something or
   other.
   BTW: You're not a true Londoner until you've
   fought the chief raven at the Tower and he has
   said, "My liege you've fought well" and offers
   a wing and bows.
   And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
   Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
   Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
   Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
   NEWER ONES: Mark (Mavis), Joshua Rackstraw,
   Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri Bionic, Chris
   Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris Smith, Daniel
   Malbon, James Heaver and Phil Lovell. And
   further thanks to newer ones: Ben Oliver,
   James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss, Lindsay
   Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards, Dave
   Wong & Stafford Lawrence. We love you and do
   please donate as you get bonus content (Rob
   shouting into his audio recorder, yes YOU will
   hate it.)
 https://www.patreon.com/b3ta

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   THIS WEEKS HEADLINES
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   * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS
   * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES
   * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS

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