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   NEWSLETTER: "HOUSES ARE BITCOIN FOR BOOMERS"
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 This Week:
 * BAD TASTE - Fred & Rose board game (sorry)
 * SCIENCE - Can you play Doom on crabs?
 * CHALLENGE - Flaaaagggsss!
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 ________  ____ __  ___
 ____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |   "We're auto-saving
 ___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |  the web without even
 __/____/____/\__/_/ |_|   CTRL S... together"
 B3ta web log post 764 - 26 Mar 2021
 Read this issue whilst cursing your own shoes:
 http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue764
 -------------------------------------------------
 : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE MADE THIS WEEK
   Other than flicking their beanz.com
   * FRED AND ROSE THE BOARD GAME - rickstrong1
   writes, "Hi. I made this board game about Fred
   and Rose West - "Fred & Rose in Double
   Trouble". I think it works but as I'm in
   isolation under lockdown, I haven't been able
   to playtest it." Ok this is in terrible taste
   and we're only linking to it as a warning that
   we don't approve. However, if you DO play it,
   do send us a follow-up telling us how it went.
 https://makeyourselfuncomfortable.wordpress.com/20...
   * SUEZ BOAT GAME - Ed Jeffs has taken the big
   story of the moment and turned it into viral
   gold. Yes, that's a 100% accurate write-up.
 https://edjefferson.com/boat/
 -------------------------------------------------
 Bond should be called double-zero seven
 -------------------------------------------------
 
 : FESSHOLE
   Digital priests waiting for your call 24/7
   Each week we read your confessions and turn
   them into hyperlinked content. This is what
   the Catholics should do - they're missing a
   trick. Or stick the Shroud of Turin on an NFT.
   * EUPHEMISM - "I once had to explain at
   distressing length to an older female
   co-worker, in front of the office, that I did
   not in fact have kids I needed to drop off at
   the pool."
   * EDMONDS IS RIGHT - "Once met Noel Edmonds
   and told him Mr Blobby was the worst thing
   ever let loose on the world. He told me I was
   a miserable bastard."
   * DOESN'T EVERYONE DO THIS? "Everytime I see
   Aloe vera, I say 'Hello Vera' in an old
   woman's voice as if I've just bumped into my
   friend Vera."
   Join the 121,322 people who should have their
   hard drives checked by the authorities:
 https://twitter.com/fesshole/
   BTW: Here's a bonus fess because it's so
   wholesome: "I trained as a teacher coz my
   salary has never been much over min wage. I
   only wanted the money, thought I'd be shit at
   it, but survive for a few years before being
   found out. More fool me, the last 2 years have
   been the best of my life, love the kids, and I
   am doing really well."
 -------------------------------------------------
 : SITES IN BRIEF & ONION SOUP
   Stuff made by other twats on the internet.com
 
   * LOGO QUIZ - A surprisingly tricky logo quiz
   - can you tell which tech logo is the real
   one, and which has been tweaked?  Does b3ta's
   bear have his ears on the top or on the side
   of his head?
 https://logoquiz.fun
   * HOW MANY CRABS DOES IT TAKE TO PLAY DOOM? So
   apparently crab behaviour is predictable
   enough that you can use them to build a logic
   gate. All computers are based upon logic gates
   therefore it's conceptually possible to run
   Doom on crabs. But how many?
 https://twitter.com/Foone/status/13740886292245790...
   * THE HI-DE-HI CONTENT YOU'VE WAITED 40 YEARS
   FOR - An enjoyable deep dive into the Hi-De-Hi
   title sequence, revealing the gentle sit-com
   contained some surprisingly dark stock
   footage.
 http://dirtyfeed.org/2021/03/talking-stock-hi-de-h...
   * FONT GAME - someone has written an entire
   game inside a font. If you want to understand
   how it works you'd better go and talk to Matt
   Round because he understands this stuff. We
   should have asked him actually - bugger.
 https://coderelay.io/fontemon.html#player
   * A META GAME ABOUT GDPR/COOKIE CONSENT POPUPS
   - How fast can you change your settings to not
   accept any cookies?  We assume this is based
   on what happens if you try and turn off
   consent, anyway, as we tend to just click okay
   without reading the details the B3ta
   newsletter is now probably married to Jeff
   Bezos.
 https://cookieconsentspeed.run
   * MORE KLF OUT - yeah this is just a KLF fan
   newsletter these days but Solid State Logic 2
   is out on streaming, which is largely 12"
   mixes and curios. There's also a HD transfer
   of Kylie Said To Jason on YouTube which is
   great but seeing Bill's pores all close up
   does maybe suggest a reason the kids didn't go
   for it in 1989.
 https://www.youtube.com/watch
 -------------------------------------------------
 The title of Hall and Oates' 1982 LP H2O implies
 a ratio of two Halls atoms to one Oates atoms,
 and yet if you check the track-listing, Hall
 sings nine songs to Oates' two, suggesting the
 correct title would be closer to H5O & they also
 could have done the theme to Hawaii Five-O.
 -------------------------------------------------
 : IMAGE CHALLENGE
   Flaaaaags
   Flags, one word challenge. Redesign them, rub
   up against them or stick them where they don't
   belong.
 https://b3ta.com/challenge/flaaaaags/popular
 -------------------------------------------------
 Stevie Wonder - much loved singer & musician
 Steve Wonder - Midlands based mobile DJ
 Steven Wonder - late period Bucks Fizz member
 Stephen Wonder - Javascript dev who blogs too much
 Stephenie Wonder - Alan Sugar's PA (1983-87)
 Esteban Wonder - Morrissey's live-in pool boy
 -------------------------------------------------
 : HEBTRO SPONSORSHIP
   Yes, buy those sweary scarves
   Do you have a cold neck and love swearing?
   Thank fuck Hebtroco are here to sell you
   swearing scarves. WARNING: Wearing these might
   make you so attractive to the people you want
   to bang that you might be overwhelmed in sex
   offers.
 https://hebtro.co/product/sweary-scarf/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : DEAR UNCLE B3TA
   Readers' Letters
  
   * FRIENDS - Worcester Dan writes, "Matt
   Round's imaginary friends project, reminds me
   of a conversation in the office from a few
   years back. Talking about imaginary friends a
   colleague who will remain nameless says and I
   quote 'I always wanted imaginary friends but I
   couldn't imagine any' this still makes me
   laugh 2 years later." Didn't make us laugh Dan
   but maybe our readers have lower standards.
   * CHIPS - AmishIS writes, "Several years ago,
   you kindly acted on my suggestion to dedicate
   newsletter 555 to Hans Camenzind, designer of
   the iconic 555 timer chip. I notice you're now
   two newsletters away from newsletter 741 - and
   the 741 op-amp is an equally iconic and
   venerable chip, familiar to geeks everywhere.
   So, may I plead for a dedication to Dave
   Fullagar?" Sorry mate, lost this email down
   the back of the sofa so missed this one.
   * RUDE - Uklocksport writes, "The GPS location
   app what3words provides hours of fun for the
   family. All these are valid:
   ///always.touching.myself
   ///massive.stiff.nips ///really.dangly.bits
   ///sticky.wizard.sleeve ///warm.otter.pockets
   ///between.soapy.jugs ///taking.large.dumps
   ///massive.saggy.hooter ///doing.dodgy.stuff"
   - Nice to have a hobby mate.
   If you've got a letter for our trained b3ta
   staff to throw in the bin, then fish it out
   again coz we want some easy content - get in
   touch.
 http://b3ta.com/mailus/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : COMING SOON
   Longwave 2.0 - Silicon Trip
   Friends fear the b3ta editor has been making
   concept albums again. Nothing to hear yet,
   just a couple of teaser images:
 https://twitter.com/l_o_n_g_w_a_v_e/status/1373977...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
   Free ideas to inspire you
   * JENGA TV SHOW - Once played it for money
   with a friend, the first game was to win £1,
   then £2, and £4 etc. We quit when it got to
   about £32 riding on on a single brick.
   Honestly one of the most exciting gaming
   experiences we've ever had.
   * FLAG SHAGGERS, THE MOVIE - If we're read by
   anyone in the porn industry - then please put
   Flag Shaggers into production. We'll even toss
   off a script if you ask nicely.
   * DEAD CAT GENERATOR - HappyToast suggests, "A
   random MP/Insane distraction generator. Grab
   all the parliamentary MP photos and combine
   them with pints of milk, boxes painted like
   buses, dead cats etc. Could work as a clicky
   app or a twitter bot."
   Go on, make some stuff, you lazy cunts: 
 https://b3ta.com/mailus/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : PATREON THANKS
   We love all these people. Almost sexually.
   *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
   MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
   JAMES* *STOOBERT*
   24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
   EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
   LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
   VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
   SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
   ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
   Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
   lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
   Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
   Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
   Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
   Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
   blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
   McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
   Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
   Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
   Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
   Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
   Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
   James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
   Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
   Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
   Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
   James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
   Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
   Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
   McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
   Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
   Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
   Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
   Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
   Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
   Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
   Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
   Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
   bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
   Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
   wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
   Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
   Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
   Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
   Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
   Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
   Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
   Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
   Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
   Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
   Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
   Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
   Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
   Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
   Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
   Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
   Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
   Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
   Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
   McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
   Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
   Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
   Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
   Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
   Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
   Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
   Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
   Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
   Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
   Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
   Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
   Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
   Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
   peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
   Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
   Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
   Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
   Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
   Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
   Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
   John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
   Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
   Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
   Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
   olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
   M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
   Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
   Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
   Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
   Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
   Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
   Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
   Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
   McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
   Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
   Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
   Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
   Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
   Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
   Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
   Kahn, Matt.
   EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
   additional links; HappyToast for image
   challenge help; and Dr Dunno for something or
   other.
   And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
   Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
   Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
   Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
   NEWER ONES: Mark (Mavis), Joshua Rackstraw,
   Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri Bionic, Chris
   Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris Smith, Daniel
   Malbon, James Heaver and Phil Lovell. And
   further thanks to newer ones: Ben Oliver,
   James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss, Lindsay
   Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards, Dave
   Wong & Stafford Lawrence. We love you and do
   please donate as you get bonus content (Rob
   shouting into his audio recorder, yes YOU will
   hate it.)
 https://www.patreon.com/b3ta

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   THIS WEEKS HEADLINES
   --------------------

   * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS
   * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES
   * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS

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