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   NEWSLETTER: "MONOBROWS IMPLY THE EXISTENCE OF STEREOBROWS"
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 This Week:
 * SURVEY - Did you have imaginary friends?
 * NIRVANA - their "music" now improved
 * KUBRICK - Now for kids
 -------------------------------------------------
 ________  ____ __  ___
 ____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're saving the receipts
 ___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ | to claim back expenses for
 __/____/____/\__/_/ |_| reading your bad tweets"
 B3ta electronic e-email 763 - 19 Mar 2021
 Read this issue mouthing "why tho?"
 http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue763
 -------------------------------------------------
 : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE MADE THIS WEEK
   Other than making toe-jam in their toes
   * IMAGINARY FRIENDS REUNITED - Matt Round is
   doing a survey on imaginary friends and wants
   to know about yours. The plan is, once he
   knows all about them, he can stick them into
   their own social network where they can live
   forever.
 https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdGNx4gEr...
   * STOCK VIDEO JAMES BOND - Dogfood has been
   trying to make a James Bond movie from stock
   footage.
 http://b3ta.com/links/1562653
  *  DOUBLE BUBBLE TROUBLE - Jaymeekae writes,
  "My online app connects strangers for a moment
  to play with bubbles together." Hopefully this
  is not a front for a nonce club.
 https://in.bimble.space/flock
 -------------------------------------------------
 Waiter: How would sir like his bison steak cooked?
 Malcolm McLaren. Buffalo grills. Brown the outside, brown the outside.
 -------------------------------------------------
 
 : FESSHOLE
   Your confessions turned into useless likes
   * SEX - "My wife and I have an open
   relationship, had a few fun dates but now I
   just use the time every other week to play
   dungeons and dragons with some friends."
   * LOVE - "My boyfriend wants us to move in
   together when lockdown ends. But he's gluten
   intolerant and won't have bread at home.
   Pretty sure I love toast more."
   * AND THEN THE ROYAL MAIL - "I'm a postman,
   and I hate delivering all of your non
   essential shit. Do you really need all those
   clothes? All those shitty ornaments? Trainers?
   To go where exactly? The front room? You thick
   fucks. Stop it. Potentially risking our lives
   to deliver you crap. I hate you all."
   How many fuckers follow this now? About
   119,000, almost exactly the population of
   Tunbridge Wells, and just as committed to the
   green ink. Link goes to the best of February
   2021, so worth a click if you're a grandad
   with a mouse, or a tap if you're a modern
   person with a "thumb".
 https://twitter.com/fesshole/status/13714948766810...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : SITES IN BEEF
   Stuff made by other wankers. "Them" if you will
   * NIRVANA REPLUGGED - Joel3sixty writes, "Just
   found out a friend of mine gets acapella
   versions of songs and then re-records the
   music - this one is brilliant and deserves a
   bigger audience." Actually this is quite
   amusing and very open to doing more.
 https://m.youtube.com/watch
   * ZOOM MEETING DISRUPTOR - Loading his
   Emulator II up with samples of coughs and
   sneezes worked for Ferris Bueller. Now you can
   get out of Zoom meetings by also using a
   library of sound effects. Because more free
   time with nothing to do is what everyone wants
   right now.
 https://zoomescaper.com
   * DOES YOUR APP WORK FOR SOMEONE ON DRUGS? -
   No idea if this offer is genuine, but they
   make a good point about usability that Jakob
   Nielsen is clearly too massive a square to
   ever have considered.
 http://highqaguy.com
   * KUBRICK FOR KIDS - ArcOnInternet discovered
   this lovely kids' book in their archive
   rambles. The idea of explaining enigmatic
   films in such a way that kids can understand
   them is actually a really good idea. Twin
   Peaks: The Return next please.
 https://archive.org/details/2001_A_Space_Odyssey_K...
   * CALCULATING PI WITH A TWITTER POLL - by
   asking people to shut their eyes and poke the
   screen.
 https://twitter.com/jasonshiga/status/137118428325...
   * RANDOMISED SPACESHIP GENERATOR - in case you
   need a random spaceship. (We'd like a button
   to blow them up with lasers please.)
 https://ship.shapewright.com/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : IMAGE CHALLENGE
   Same Director vs Advert Mash
   The 'Same Director' challenge was brilliantly
   dominated by Dr Dunno:
 http://b3ta.com/challenge/samedirector/popular
   And this week we're asking you to take a
   famous slogan or mascot from one ad campaign
   and apply it to another product. Lets mash up
   adverts!
 http://b3ta.com/challenge/advertmash/popular
 -------------------------------------------------
 : HEBTRO SPONSORSHIP
   Yes, buy those sweary scarves
   Ah it's time to write some copy to sell some
   scarves, please buy some scarves ok? They've
   got swear words on them and if you buy them,
   B3ta lives to see another day coz the whole
   weird enterprise makes a few quid and we can
   justify spending so much time on it nearly 20
   years after we mistakenly thought it up.
 https://hebtro.co/product/sweary-scarf/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : FOLLOW UPS
   What happened next
   * MORE TINY CHESS - Matt Round writes, "If you
   need more for newsletter, bloke who did the
   chess engine used in Kilobyte's Gambit has now
   used the same graphics to make a real DOS game
   that runs on ancient PCs." Holy mother of
   fuck, we're not bothering to download this but
   we're glad that he bothered.
 https://nanochess.org/chess7.html
   * CLICKBAIT ROBOT, BACK BACK BACK - Your b3ta
   editor has brought his headline mashing bot
   back from the dead and... it's still pumping
   out stuff about Brexit and Theresa May as he
   hasn't really updated the templates.
 https://clickbaitrobot.tumblr.com/
   * MICROCONTROLLER DUDE -  MattCarr writes,
   "Hey - if you liked my Ocelot console project
   from B3ta email 677 (11 May 2018), I've just
   finished another microcontroller project
   called Game Raccoon. It's all about trying to
   design a new Sega flashcart from scratch, with
   a complete 'making-of' going from sketches on
   paper to manufacturing in China and writing
   the built-in software and trying out Sonic
   hacks."
 https://www.mrdictionary.net/gameraccoon/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : DEAR UNCLE B3TA
   Readers' Letters
  
   * LOOK-A-LIKES - matthewwilliamsimpson writes,
   "Way back in 2018, I asked if you thought like
   me, Alan Davies looks like Belgian singer
   Johan Verminnen. Thanks for giving me a
   mention! I wonder if you also think that Jamie
   Laing looks like athlete Eliott Crestan?"
   Sorry, haven't heard of either of them and
   there is no technology on earth that will
   allow us to find out.
   * WHITE CHRISTMAS - Peteharmanuk writes, "I
   remember a flash animation you had featured of
   'the snowman' only it was called The Semen and
   the lyrics went along the lines of "I'm
   wanking in your haaaiiir'." Nope. Never heard
   of it. Stop emailing us.
   If you've got a question we can shrug at, post
   it to B3ta, c/o Notes & Queries, The Guardian.
 http://b3ta.com/mailus/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
   Three, free ideas for inspiration
   * SWEARING KIDS - If you ever want to make
   some easy amusing content - point your phone
   at a four-year-old and ask them to list all
   the swears they know. Rarely fails to amuse.
   * AM I THE ASSHOLE? An app that’s just loads
   of photos of Boris Johnson and then one every
   hundred photo it is a close-up of a wrinkly
   sphincter. Tap yes for points.
   * WHAT PERCENT FLAG NONCE ARE YOU? Just idly
   thinking what we would be making if UsVsTh3m
   was still a thing and you know we would have
   probably made it.
   Go on, make some stuff, you lazy twats:. 
 https://b3ta.com/mailus/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : PATREON THANKS
   We love all these people. Almost sexually.
   *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
   MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
   JAMES* *STOOBERT*
   24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
   EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
   LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
   VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
   SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
   ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
   Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
   lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
   Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
   Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
   Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
   Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
   blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
   McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
   Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
   Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
   Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
   Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
   Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
   James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
   Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
   Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
   Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
   James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
   Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
   Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
   McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
   Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
   Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
   Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
   Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
   Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
   Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
   Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
   Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
   bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
   Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
   wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
   Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
   Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
   Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
   Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
   Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
   Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
   Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
   Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
   Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
   Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
   Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
   Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
   Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
   Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
   Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
   Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
   Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
   Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
   McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
   Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
   Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
   Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
   Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
   Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
   Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
   Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
   Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
   Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
   Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
   Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
   Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
   Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
   peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
   Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
   Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
   Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
   Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
   Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
   Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
   John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
   Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
   Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
   Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
   olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
   M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
   Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
   Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
   Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
   Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
   Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
   Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
   Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
   McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
   Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
   Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
   Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
   Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
   Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
   Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
   Kahn, Matt.
   EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round. Plus
   David Stevenson on proofing the pudding.
   And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
   Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
   Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
   Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
   NEWER ONES: Mark (Mavis), Joshua Rackstraw,
   Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri Bionic, Chris
   Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris Smith, Daniel
   Malbon, James Heaver and Phil Lovell. And
   further thanks to newer ones: Ben Oliver,
   James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss, Lindsay
   Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards, Dave
   Wong & Stafford Lawrence. We love you and do
   please donate as you get bonus content (Rob
   shouting into his audio recorder, yes YOU will
   hate it.)
 https://www.patreon.com/b3ta

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   THIS WEEKS HEADLINES
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   * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS
   * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES
   * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS

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