we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "THANKS TOM HANKS. T.HANKS" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * GAME: The Kilobyte's Gambit * MOVIE RECOMMENDATIONS: 'Actor Your Age' * CHALLENGE: Robot Pop music ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving the web ___/ _ |/_ > The Kilobyte's Gambit << Matt Round combined an incredibly tiny chess engine from miniaturisation genius Toledo Nanochess and wonderful pixel art by Pinot W. Ichwandardi to create "Can you beat 1024 bytes of JavaScript?" And the answer is, you probably can't unless you've learnt some solid chess strategy. https://vole.wtf/kilobytes-gambit/ >> Actor Your Age << Monkeon has made a movie recommendation engine that asks for your age and then gives you an age appropriate actor in a film that they acted in at your age. He writes, "I am grateful to Christopher Lee for helping make the upper age it works for nice and high." https://monkeon.co.uk/actoryourage/ >> Centuries of Sound - 1933 << Centuriesofsound AKA James has been making collages of sound based upon the music from a year. He's now in 1933 - give it a long long listen. We phoned him earlier to ask what years he was looking forward to? The sixties. https://centuriesofsound.com/2021/03/01/1933/ ------------------------------------------------- : FESSHOLE Your confessions turned into useless likes We asked you to stop confessing but you won't so here's some that amused us this week. * EGGS "Every Friday night for the last 4 years I've secretly thrown an egg on top of my neighbour's roof. He went up to replace a tile yesterday and said the mess up there was unbelievable. There's no reason for this, I think I need help." * POT NOODLE - "I've written to Unilever to complain that the sachet of soy sauce in a king sized pot noodle is the same size as the sachet in a regular pot noodle." * NEIGHBOURS - "My neighbour hasn't secured their smart TV, so every now and then I'll cast some spectacularly hardcore porn onto it - sometimes I hear a scream from them. No regrets, they have a bloody yappy dog." Link goes to the best of January - so that's worth a click if you have no soul and laugh at misfortune. https://twitter.com/fesshole/status/13654300062985... ------------------------------------------------- : BOT OF THE POPS Back online Your editor's project to do the 80s pop charts in real time fell off the internet because the image code broke but he's fixed it, and it's a classic week this week. It's the Joe Dolce / Ultravox battle for number one that still makes grown men weep to this day. https://twitter.com/botofthepops Also done a quick FAQ about the bots but the too-long-didn't-read is "Python, Tweepy and no he won't build your idea unless you pay him then fuck it, probably will." https://robmanuelfuckyeah.substack.com/p/rob-manue... ------------------------------------------------- Yes fascists are bad but do you know who also is bad? The SEO genius that stuck watermarked stock photos at the top of most Google image searches. ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BEEF The delicious bone-stock of other people's content * HOW TRICKY'S FIRST LP WAS MADE - Enjoyable, longish read from the producer of Tricky's Maxinquaye - it sounds like a bit of a nightmare but you'll have an entertaining 15 mins. https://www.marksaunders.com/blog/2021/2/26/blog-0... * DID YOU KNOW IT'S STILL MARCH 2020? Today is March 370th, 2020. Fact. http://longmar.ch * RECORD SIMULATOR - neat Javascript toy that takes a YouTube video and plays it as a record. Stick your own bollocks in it. https://thomaspark.co/projects/needledrop/ * CAT DETECTOR - "Day 357 of the pandemic I made the cat detector" writes Tim V. Looks good, wonder if it'll detect a cat if you point it at a dog with a sticker on its head saying "CAT"? Coz that confuses us anyway. https://twitter.com/Ajediday/status/13174527717639... * MYSPACE IS BACK! Well a sort-of-copy that people are using ironically, or nostalgically- who knows and it now has over 100K users. Maybe some B3tans could bring back Friends Reunited? Or a social network where everything is Hamster Dance. https://spacehey.com/ * DIXIELAND QUEEN - always fun to hear something familiar transformed in a silly way. Hats off to the fucking lot of you. https://www.youtube.com/watch * WHAT IF THE ONION WAS NERDIER? - Monkeon writes, "I discovered this techie version of The Onion the other day, which is mostly pumping out relatable content for web devs about crap Wordpress plugins and excessive javascript libraries. Enjoyably sarcastic, though you only really need the headlines. The equivalent of Fry and Laurie's Open University Blooper sketch for non-devs, I'd imagine." https://theolognion.com ------------------------------------------------- Instead of getting rid of the Royal Family, let’s make everyone Royal. Universal income for all by expanding the civil list to everyone. Arise, Sir Public. ------------------------------------------------- : IMAGE CHALLENGE Robot pop Daft Punk have called it quits, so there's a huge gap in the pop robot market. Give us some replacements in the form of puns, photoshops and gifs. It's actually a good one this week, Happy Toast and Dr Dunno have really pulled out the stops and there's loads of good entries. Click the fuck out of it ok? http://b3ta.com/challenge/robotpop/popular ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Some free ideas for inspiration * THIS JESUS DOES NOT EXIST - shove every artist illustration you can find of Jesus into a GAN for some mildly controversial fun. Do other religious figures if you really want to make some awful point that will probably explode in your face like the dry jizz of Piers Morgan. * slAIde INTO MY DMS - Can AI get dates by sliding into women's DMs? And that we're capable of having thoughts like this means that some techbro is probably already doing it. * PODBLASTING - search on Twitter for people saying stuff like "I'm available for podcasts" and invite them on a series of increasingly strange pods that are just you doing different stupid voices. * MC TUNES READS AUDIOBOOKS - The latest from MSCHF is to deep fake audiobooks by Gucci Mane ( *Harry Hill Shrug* ). Nice idea, but shame they haven't done a version featuring a 90s rapper for the middle-aged clicks. MC Tunes reads Lady Chatterley's Lover. Hey, YOU could do that. * POP TUBE MAP - turn this thread into an actual tube map. From Whitney Euston to Sister Sledgware Road. https://twitter.com/robmanuel/status/1366467816841... OK, that's five ideas which is too many for a rule of three but fuck it. https://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- FYI: The writers of Spinal Tap observed that Eric Clapton was bloke name + train station and ran that formula again and created Nigel Tufnel. ------------------------------------------------- : PATREON THANKS We love all these people *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON JAMES* *STOOBERT* 24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY, SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW, ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright, lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna, Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster, blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green, Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane, Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase, Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt. EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round. And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger, Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN NEWER ONES: Mark (Mavis), Joshua Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil Lovell. Please join the patreon so we can afford to buy sausages. And a special sexy thanks to the Hebtro gang. 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