we love the web
    
   email us
   go to messageboard newsletter archive home
   NEWSLETTER: "CAN'T WAIT FOR LOCKDOWN TO END. FIRST THING WE'RE GOING TO DO
   IS SPEND ALL DAY AT HOME TWEETING."
   next issue »
   « previous issue

 This Week:
 * BUTTYSTICK - Ver 3.0 released you lucky peeps
 * SPOOKY TUBE RECORDING - 'The Nothing Line'
 * OH GOD - A lockdown song (but kinda ok)
 -------------------------------------------------
 ________  ____ __  ___
 ____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |  "We're saving 
 ___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |    the web ...
 __/____/____/\__/_/ |_|      socially distanced"
 B3ta free-email 760 - 26 Feb 2021
 Read this issue to your confused dog:
 http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue760
 -------------------------------------------------
 : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING THIS WEEK
   Other than making sinister "unpoisoned" cake
    * MORE CRISP SANDWICH PHOTOS - Matt Round
    writes "ButtyStock v3 launched, finally
    meeting the massive demand for stock
    illustrations of crisp sandwiches and letting
    people speak their brains about it." He means
    there's now comments - so go and empty your
    lungs into pure HTML.
 https://vole.wtf/buttystock/
   * LOCKDOWN SONG - Enriqueponce writes, "We're
   having a Bourgeois Lockdown! And we're
   wondering if we're going to miss it." This
   pretty much matches our experience: B3ta HQ
   has done the puppy thing and gone for a fuck
   loads of walks.
 https://b3ta.com/links/Were_having_a_Bourgeois_Loc...
   * THE NOTHING LINE - Your editor writes "I
   recorded the sound of an empty Underground
   train and it made me feel a bit weird and
   spooky." File under: Urban Pandemic Ambient.
 https://robmanuelfuckyeah.substack.com/p/i-recorde...
   * ASHENS MOVIE ON BLURAY - Ashens has been in
   touch to say that a window has opened to buy
   his movie on BluRay. He's doing short runs so
   he doesn't bankrupt himself with stock - so
   get in now whilst they are for sale. And this
   won't be on Amazon - well the digital version
   will be - but not the disk.
 http://ashensmovie.com
 -------------------------------------------------
 : FEZHOLE
   Your fezzes, ranked for against the ideal ur-fez
   Each week we shit in a bucket and contemplate
   our lives and then approve a couple of tawdry
   confessions for cheap internet likes. Here's
   some that didn't make us not smile this week.
  
   * MISAPPREHENSION - "Until I was about 15
   years old, I thought the Ministry of Sound was
   a branch of the UK Government."
   * CHIMES - "I have been stealing my neighbours
   garden wind chimes and I will continue to do
   it until they stop buying more. No one needs
   clanging and tinkling at 3am."
   * WHEELY GOOD FUN - "Sometimes I deliberately
   put the wrong wheelie bin out a day early to
   confuse the neighbours, my greatest feat is
   seeing a whole row of blue Bins out on a black
   bin day and then a load of complaints on the
   local Facebook group about the council."
   Join the 109,400 people who are looking at
   this account going "please, can't you just
   stop?"
 https://twitter.com/fesshole/
 -------------------------------------------------
 Fact of the day: Gary Barlow is married to one
 of the Bombalurina dancers from Timmy Mallet's
 Yellow Polka Dot Bikini.
 -------------------------------------------------
 : SITES IN BRIEF
   Stuff made by non-b3tans. The talented bastards.
   * SHORT SCI-FI STORY - imagining a plausible
   future world where minds can be scanned,
   booted-up in hardware, and the absolute
   nightmare that's going to be. Sweet dreams.
 https://qntm.org/mmacevedo
   * WHAT GRADES CAN AI GET IN COLLEGE? - We all
   know AI-everything is coming but how good is
   now? Yep, it can get grade C in exams. We're
   all utterly fucked.
 https://www.eduref.net/features/what-grades-can-ai...
   * HE SHOOTS, HE DOESN'T SCORE - text chats of
   men hoping to get it on and missing. Don't
   worry guys - the secret is... always wear
   skidmarked pants. Sod's law will kick in and
   sexy-time is guaranteed.
 https://www.instagram.com/downbadpatrol/
   * TV'S BOTTOM, NOW IN MINIATURE - who doesn't
   want Richie & Eddie's Hammersmith pomme de
   terre made tiny? Lovely detail.
 https://instagram.com/minibottomflat/
   * MAKE AN ICEBERG, WATCH IT FLOAT - making a
   point that icebergs are often drawn in
   diagrams in unstable orientations. But
   somehow, such fun.
 https://joshdata.me/iceberger.html
   * MOON SOFT - Long lecture (1hr+) on the
   software and hardware that got people to the
   moon and yet it flies by. You will never claim
   that  your calculator is more powerful again.
 https://www.youtube.com/watch
 -------------------------------------------------
 : BUY SOME BRITISH MADE 'ACTION BLANKETS'
   Yes you, you sexy b3tan with nice shoulders
   Action blankets are basically blankets with
   holes in them for your head. What 'action' you
   do in them is up to you, but we've mosting
   been sobbing. It's ideal as lube. Please buy
   some so Hebtro continues to support B3ta and
   Fesshole with their cash.
 https://hebtro.co/product-category/action-blankets...
 -------------------------------------------------
 There are two types of people who get to see
 dogs sucking themselves off a lot: weird
 internet perverts and people who own dogs.
 -------------------------------------------------
 : FRIDAY GAME
   How much are these celebs worth for voice mail?
  
   Guess which fading celebrities are hawking
   themselves for the most money on Cameo. The
   game engine seems a bit over-designed, as I'd
   personally rather have a fast-moving
   single-click version.  Obviously designed by a
   coder.
 https://kinda.fun/cameo
 -------------------------------------------------
 : IMAGE CHALLENGE
   This week: Dinosaur Internet
  
   What if Dinosaurs had the internet? Show us
   how T-Rex and all his mates would get on with
   Jurassic Spotify, Facebook and online
   shopping.
 http://b3ta.com/challenge/dinosaurinternet/popular
 -------------------------------------------------
 : THINGS WE'D LIKE TO SEE NEXT WEEK
   Free ideas for your idea brains
  
   * ONE INBOX - how the fuck is anyone meant to
   cope with messages on about 15 different
   networks? Give us one place please.
   * PAY PEOPLE NOT TO TWEET - probably a better
   business idea than paying for tweets.
   * REVERSE TV SHOWS - Someone should make the
   inverse of the show where Tories learn how to
   do stand up, and instead get a load of Tory
   MPs teach comedians how to lobby government,
   fix elections and take bribes.
   Throw some dead kittens in the bag:
 https://b3ta.com/mailus/
 -------------------------------------------------
 Science can put people on the moon and let no
 one has designed a glass microwave plate that
 fits easily and doesn't end up making a dull
 clunk as it rotates unless you're super fucking
 careful and position it like a microsurgeon
 every time.
 -------------------------------------------------
 : PATREON THANKS
   We love all these people
   *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
   MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
   JAMES* *STOOBERT*
   24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
   EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
   LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
   VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
   SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
   ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
   Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
   lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
   Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
   Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
   Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
   Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
   blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
   McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
   Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
   Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
   Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
   Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
   Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
   James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
   Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
   Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
   Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
   James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
   Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
   Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
   McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
   Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
   Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
   Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
   Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
   Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
   Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
   Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
   Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
   bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
   Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
   wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
   Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
   Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
   Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
   Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
   Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
   Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
   Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
   Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
   Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
   Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
   Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
   Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
   Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
   Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
   Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
   Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
   Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
   Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
   McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
   Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
   Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
   Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
   Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
   Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
   Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
   Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
   Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
   Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
   Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
   Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
   Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
   Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
   peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
   Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
   Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
   Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
   Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
   Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
   Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
   John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
   Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
   Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
   Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
   olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
   M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
   Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
   Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
   Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
   Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
   Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
   Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
   Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
   McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
   Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
   Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
   Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
   Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
   Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
   Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
   Kahn, Matt.
   EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round.
   And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
   Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
   Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
   Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
   NEWER ONES: Mark (Mavis), Joshua Rackstraw,
   Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri Bionic, Chris
   Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris Smith, Daniel
   Malbon, James Heaver and Phil Lovell. Please
   join the patreon so we can afford to buy
   sausages. And a special sexy thanks to the
   Hebtro gang. Buy their stuff.
 https://www.patreon.com/b3ta

   next issue »
   « previous issue
   Newsletter
   We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net.

   _____________________ [ go ]
   --------------------
   THIS WEEKS HEADLINES
   --------------------

   * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS
   * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES
   * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS

   READ LATEST ISSUE
   archive