we love the web
    
   email us
   go to messageboard newsletter archive home
   NEWSLETTER: "WHAT DID YODA SAY TO THE CHUCKLE BROTHERS ABOUT SOCIAL
   DISTANCING? TWO METRE, YOU."
   next issue »
   « previous issue

 "What did Yoda say to the Chuckle Brothers about social distancing? Two metre, you."
 This Week:
 * QUIZ - How decisive are you?
 * FESSHOLE - Cat nipple doctor shock
 * BBC MICROS - a surprising amount of them. OK, two
 -------------------------------------------------
 ________  ____ __  ___
 ____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "Preparing for Lockdown 2
 ___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |  by stockpiling bog roll
 __/____/____/\__/_/ |_|    memes... together"
 B3ta email 755 - 2nd Nov 2020
 Read this issue whilst huffing the air of Wham!
 http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue755
 -------------------------------------------------
 : BUY 'WORD CLOUD' TAROT CARDS
   Sponsored link
   This newsletter is sponsored by veteran B3tan
   Priestess who says: "Ever wanted to learn the
   tarot, but been too lazy to learn which cards
   have which meanings? Fed up with looking up
   cards on websites and in books? I was, so I
   made a deck with the meanings written on them
   to make it easy. They are glossy and black and
   have pretty aliens on them too."
 https://wordcloudtarot.com
 -------------------------------------------------
 : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING THIS WEEK
   Other than eating ham and wanking
  
   * HOW DECISIVE ARE YOU? Monkeon has been
   mucking about trying to work out how decisive
   you are, and writes, "Hopefully the question
   format I chose doesn't detract from the twist,
   but the idea of a Sophie's Choice quiz amused
   me more than standard personality questions."
 https://monkeon.co.uk/howdecisiveareyou/
   * BIG VAG ENERGY - Fogfood tells us about this
   "Goofy rap video I made with some pals. The
   animation was erm time-consuming."
 https://b3ta.com/links/Big_Vag_Energy
   * VIRAL COMICS - Ambegris writes, "Not blogged
   for a while but have a look at how comics have
   handled viral outbreaks over the years."
 https://the-slipper.blogspot.com/2020/07/viral-com...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : BUY A SWEARY SCARF YOU SEXY PEOPLE
   Gazooks! A scarf that swears!
   Hebtro are now selling scarfs with swearing on
   them, and they'd love suggestions for new
   phrases. Rude and all made in the UK too. Buy
   them now before they sell the toss out.
 https://hebtro.co/product/sweary-scarf/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : FESSHOLE
   Your confessions, fessed up for cheap lols
  
   Each week we ask you to spit your lies into a
   box and publish the ones that either make us
   laugh or boggle:
   * TATTOO - 'I'm Chinese and love to ask people
   why they have "butthole" tattooed on
   themselves. I can't even read Mandarin.'
   * MEOW - "Took my cat to the vets because I
   was concerned about some lumps I'd found on
   him. Paid £32 to have the vet tell me that my
   cat did indeed have nipples."
   * SHOES - 'My husband refuses to help our
   local homeless guy, because "Every time I see
   that cunt he's wearing a new pair of
   trainers!" I wonder why, Mr "I've got 80 pairs
   of Adidas Gazelles" No mate, you've got
   73....'
   Join the 90,0000+ arseholes who've typed over
   a million words into a tiny Google form. Link
   goes to the best of September so share it for
   goodness.
 https://twitter.com/fesshole/status/13182496235349...
   BTW: As the Elon Musk of bullshit Twitter
   accounts, we welcome these new rules where BBC
   staff can't post anything they really think.
   Post anonymously - we wont rat you out for
   your contentious opinions.
 -------------------------------------------------
 : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
   Celebrating Sean Connery
   With the sad demise of the Highlander II: The
   Quickening star Sean Connery, we're asking you
   to pay tribute using your pirated copies of
   Corel Draw:
   https://b3ta.com/challenge/seanconnery/popular
   /
   And still open, we've got Horror Books which
   is well worth a click.
 https://b3ta.com/challenge/horrorbooks/popular/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : SITES IN BRIEF
   Projects made by people we are "othering"
   * WHAT CAN YOU CODE IN 280 CHARS? - That BBC
   Micro Twitter bot now has a website.  Glad
   they have done this, as these things always
   look best side-by-side in one massive
   collection, and they are now safe from the
   Twitter spam-ban-algorithm.
 https://bbcmicrobot.com
   * PAT SHARP VS ZELIG - Pat Sharp's has written
   a weird fictional autobiography where he's
   inserted himself into 1980s history. Not sure
   we'd bother reading the whole book but it's at
   least interesting that he's taken an odd
   approach.
 https://twitter.com/anitathetweeter/status/1319364...
   * ELECTION 1982 GAME - See if you can run the
   country better than the tories did in the
   '80s. This made us laugh until we cried,
   sticking up VAT to 100% and refusing to spend
   any money. Click the PLAY button.
 http://bbcmicro.co.uk/game.php
   * MAKE ME A ZOMBIE - everything is using GAN
   technology now, including shitty zombie
   make-over apps. Still, we got some cheap lols
   from putting Gary Glitter into it and thought
   "best not post this on Twitter"
 https://makemeazombie.com/
   * AI-GENERATED BOB ROSS PAINTINGS - get your
   relaxing images via more GAN stuff.
 https://twitter.com/happylittlepx
   * MONKEON RECOMMENDS - Rico writes "a game
   which passed my test that if I play it to the
   end then it might be newsletter-worthy.  I was
   expecting a remake of Scary Maze Game, but
   it's not a screamer."
 https://donitz.itch.io/dreader
 -------------------------------------------------
 If you think about it, most films could be a
 Jurassic Park sequel / prequel, but just telling
 you part of the story that doesn't contain
 dinosaurs.
 -------------------------------------------------
 : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
   Follow-ups on previous stories
  
   * GANKSY ART SELLS SELLS SELLS - Holy shit.
   Matt Round has sold 110+ of his Banksy-esque
   AI artworks - the first one cost £1 (we bought
   it) and for each sale the price as gone up £1.
 https://vole.wtf/ganksy/
   * B3TA CODER HAS SPUDS STOLEN - one-time B3ta
   coder Paul Curry has had his potatoes nicked
   and went straight to the papers. https://www.sussexlive.co.uk/news/sussex-news/man-...
   * YOKO ONO BOT TALKS TO SEAN LENNON - Just
   Sean Lennon having a chat with his robot mum.
 https://twitter.com/seanonolennon/status/131854811...
 -------------------------------------------------
 We recommend our audience of largely middle-aged
 UK men who like comedy and old computers vote
 against Trump in this election they are not part
 of.
 -------------------------------------------------
 : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
   Make something good, you know you should
  
   * HOW ELITIST ARE YOU? - analyses your Twitter
   account sees whether you reply to people with
   significantly lower follower accounts than
   yourself or mostly talk UP.
   * HOW DRUNK ARE YOU? - Amazon could
   theoretically predict if you're drunk from
   your mouse movements and then funnel you into
   product list of crisps and speedboats.
  
   Send your bobbins to:
 https://b3ta.com/mailus/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : PATREON THANKS
   We love all these people
   *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
   MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
   JAMES* *STOOBERT*
   24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
   EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
   LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
   VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
   SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
   ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
   Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
   lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
   Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
   Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
   Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
   Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
   blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
   McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
   Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
   Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
   Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
   Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
   Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
   James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
   Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
   Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
   Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
   James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
   Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
   Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
   McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
   Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
   Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
   Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
   Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
   Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
   Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
   Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
   Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
   bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
   Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
   wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
   Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
   Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
   Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
   Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
   Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
   Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
   Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
   Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
   Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
   Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
   Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
   Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
   Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
   Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
   Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
   Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
   Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
   Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
   McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
   Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
   Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
   Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
   Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
   Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
   Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
   Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
   Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
   Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
   Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
   Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
   Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
   Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
   peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
   Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
   Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
   Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
   Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
   Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
   Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
   John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
   Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
   Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
   Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
   olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
   M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
   Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
   Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
   Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
   Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
   Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
   Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
   Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
   McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
   Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
   Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
   Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
   Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
   Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
   Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
   Kahn, Matt.
   EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round.
   And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
   Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
   Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
   Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
   NEWER ONES: Mark (Mavis), Joshua Rackstraw,
   Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri Bionic, Chris
   Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris Smith, Daniel
   Malbon, James Heaver and Phil Lovell. Please
   join the patreon so we can afford to buy
   sausages. And a special thanks to the Hebtro
   gang. Buy their scarves. Link at the top.
 http://patreon.com/b3ta

   next issue »
   « previous issue
   Newsletter
   We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net.

   _____________________ [ go ]
   --------------------
   THIS WEEKS HEADLINES
   --------------------

   * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS
   * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES
   * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS

   READ LATEST ISSUE
   archive