we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "SELF-ISOLATING SINCE 1973 AND NOT BY CHOICE" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * AI ART - For sale, at last * FESSHOLE - Improving charity shop donations * TEST - Are YOU going bald? SPOILER: YES! ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're barking ___/ _ |/_ > GANksy - A.I. street artist << Matt Round writes, "I trained a neural network on the work of a certain street artist and ended up creating a dark twisted visual genius, some of it is weirdly disturbing. You can also buy the art and then sell it to a Saatchi for millions." Your editor bought the first one for £1 so hopefully that's the retirement fund sorted out. https://vole.wtf/ganksy/ >> Quarantine Age Kicks << Shardcore has made a song that sits halfway between mad conspiracy bullshit and satire but the Mark E Smith performance is genuinely compelling. A confused thumbs up from us. https://b3ta.com/links/Quarantine_Age_Kicks >> I made these pictures move << Drivelsieve is doing his Terry Gilliam 2.0 shtick again and it's wonderful. https://b3ta.com/links/I_made_these_pictures_move:... ------------------------------------------------- : BUY A SWEARY SCARF YOU SEXY PEOPLE Gazooks! A scarf that swears! Hebtro are now selling scarfs with swearing on them, and they'd love suggestions for new phrases. Rude and all made in the UK too. Buy them now before they sell the piss out. https://hebtro.co/product/sweary-scarf/ ------------------------------------------------- What's flat and wooly? Larry the laminated. ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Flat, slow, clicky video * WHAT YOUR WEBCAM KNOWS ABOUT YOU - it can guess your age, your gender and find out what else. (It thought we were 22, so we now welcome our surveillance society future.) https://hownormalami.eu * 70s POP STARS KUNG FU - Stevie Nicks And Abba's Frida Star In This Women's Self Defense Manual https://imgur.com/gallery/esPrlbH * 303/808 TOY - make your own shitty acid house in your browser. Cat nip for Gen X. https://808303.studio * ARE YOU GOING BALD? A webcam with an 8 second delay so that you can inspect the back of your head and see how the bald patch is coming along. https://doilookweird.com * ASK JEEVES 2.0? A search engine of old school retro sites, yes B3ta is there, you cheeky bastards. https://wiby.me * FOLK GAMES - a great thread of games people have made up to amuse themselves, some really interesting concepts in there, that could be translated into novelty mobile games. https://twitter.com/HawkDanny/status/1313881230312... ------------------------------------------------- We've just realised that when Frankie sang "Welcome To The Pleasure Dome" the pleasure dome was probably Holly's bell-end, rather than some big top circus tent like I imagined when I was 10. ------------------------------------------------- : FESSHOLE Your confessions, fessed up for cheap lols Each week we ask you to spit your lies into a box and publish the ones that either make us laugh or boggle: * SEX - "My nosey bastard kids went snooping into our closet the other day and now I have fend off questions from them about why mummy has a school uniform, and what school she goes to, and when she goes. Mortifying." * BOOKS - "Before giving away a book to a charity shop I forge the author's signature on it. I've written things like 'To Dave, hope you enjoy, Geoffrey Chaucer'" * SCRABBLE - "I've been playing online scrabble with an old man and felt like we had bonded over playing against each other for 6+ months but after messaging him I realised he was a bot and I'm honestly heartbroken." Join the 87,0000 arseholes who've typed 1.1 million words into a tiny Google form: https://twitter.com/fesshole ------------------------------------------------- Porridge is just milky flapjacks. Change our mind. ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT Follow-ups on previous stories * DEATH STATS - Matt Round writes, "17th Century Death Roulette launched shortly before pandemic hit, I looked at when its traffic fell off a cliff and concluded the UK started shitting itself about coronavirus on March 9th." https://vole.wtf/death-roulette/ * WE SUGGESTED THIS IN THE LAST NEWSLETTER - and we see someone has built one although not a b3tan as far as we know. (Brave linking it to his work site, but it's in Dutch so angry MAGAs will probably be too confused to send death threats.) https://hastrumpdied.com ------------------------------------------------- : IMAGE CHALLENGE Animal Adverts Here's the best images from last week: * GROUCH SAYS. "IT'S GOOD SHIT, KIDS!" - from PedroHin http://b3ta.com/board/11327694 * CEILING CAT IS WATCHING YOU GROUT - from b0rk3d http://b3ta.com/board/11327148 * AFTERSHAVE ADVERT - from razzle http://b3ta.com/board/11327370 * See all the other images from the 'Animal Adverts' challenge: http://b3ta.com/challenge/animaladverts/popular/ >> This week: Artist Puns << Think of an artist and do a funny with their name. http://b3ta.com/challenge/artistpuns/popular/ ------------------------------------------------- If you want to know which surname has the power in the family, it's not the kids, it's what the pets are registered under at the vet. ------------------------------------------------- : PATREON THANKS We love all these people *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON JAMES* *STOOBERT* 24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY, SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW, ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright, lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna, Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster, blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green, Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane, Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase, Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt. EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round. And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger, Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN NEWER ONES: Mark (Mavis), Joshua Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil Lovell. Please join the patreon so we can afford to buy sausages. And a special thanks to the Hebtro gang. Buy their scarves. Link at the top. http://patreon.com/b3ta next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive