we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "WHAT'S A VAMPIRE'S FAVOURITE CURRENCY? BITCOIN" next issue » « previous issue "What's a vampire's favourite currency? Bitcoin" This Week: * IS IT CAKE? - The big questions answered * PARENTING TIP - How to avoid the tooth fairy * FACEHUGGER - Now with bushy, 1970s pubes ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're eating your ear ___/ _ |/_ > Complete chill out video << Your editor has made a 43 min video to accompany his Tripping Forecast. Book off an hour to trip balls before starting the rest of your life. https://www.youtube.com/watch >> Watch trailers from any year << Ed Jefferson has enjoyed visiting a virtual 1988 Odeon instead of a real lurgy-infested cinema this week. https://edjefferson.com/trailertimemachine/ >> Is it cake ? << Richard Westenra asks the question we're all asking "is it cake?" https://richardwestenra.com/is-it-cake/ >> Face Hugger From Aliens With Pubic Hair << Jakedamusss writes, "I couldn't find a picture of the face hugger from Aliens with pubic hair - so I made some." https://ibb.co/album/sjKHhk >> Word Up, but beats 2 and 4 are swapped << Inspired by that Ghostbusters one the other day, The Ghost of Fungus Past, has been dicking with audio in an amusing way. https://b3ta.com/links/Word_Up_but_beats_2_and_4_a... >> Star Turns GIF Compilation << "I've been making these looping animations of actors turning their heads using film posters. No time to do them anymore so I compiled them all into a video with music." writes dunk3d. https://b3ta.com/links/Star_Turns_GIF_Compilation >> Choir lols << Justwhatever22 writes "I run a choir, and we made a video. it's a little summarisation of how we feel about recent developments" https://b3ta.com/links/Yes_we_Kanye_Bubonic_plague... ------------------------------------------------- The Communards claimed that they "Never Can Say Goodbye", however Jimmy Somerville says "Goodbye" 42 times. And a further 17 more times in the 12" remix. ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff made by people we consider strangers * JOHN TITOR PODCAST - older readers might remember the time John Titor came from the future to post on the internet. His whole fascinating story is told in this podcast. Buckle up for madness. https://podtail.com/podcast/crackpot/time-traveler... * WHAT'S THE 90s MUSIC CANON - A bit American in the song choices, but this bit of fun data journalism asks the important questions: how long do songs take to fade from the public consciousness? Not soon enough in some cases. https://pudding.cool/2020/07/song-decay/ * OMG! BBC MEWS! - Quite an old school idea - a clone of the BBC news site which replaces the people with cats. Occasionally funny and occasionally bad taste. Like something we might have made in 2002. https://bbcmews.co.uk/news * JIGSAW OF A JISGAW - does what it says on the tin. https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/darrencullen/... * ENDLESS DOOM SCROLLER - This is basically a minimalist version of the Twitter experience. Show your non social-media friends what fun they are missing out on. https://endlessdoomscroller.com ------------------------------------------------- Ultravox and Ian Astbury gigs postponed. Cancel Cult Ure has gone too far. ------------------------------------------------- : FESSHOLE Your anonymous confessions, fessed up for lols Each week we ask you to confess stuff and then stick all your lies in one place. Here's the best this week: * AUTOPILOT - "I can't drive so my girlfriend drives me most places. I started playing football with a few colleagues and leaned in for a kiss when one of them dropped me off at home. It will haunt me until the day I die." * PANDERING - "Our son believed he needed glasses, but just wanted them to look smart. The eye exam confirmed it. We bought him £10 display glasses. He put them on and was like 'finally, I can see', we never told him. Easier than dealing with his shit." * CUNNING - "My daughter just lost her tooth but cause we're on lockdown & i haven't used cash for ages i have no change, only a tenner so I've told her the tooth fairy is on lockdown because of covid." Join the 80k foolish pricks that have followed this junk. https://twitter.com/fesshole/ ------------------------------------------------- Jaws 3-D refers to Jaw's three dicks. Change our minds. ------------------------------------------------- : FOLLOW UP ON PREVIOUS STORIES What happened next * VR HANDS - someone put one of the ButtyStock 3D models into VR - needs sound. https://twitter.com/Scampleton/status/128338117594... ------------------------------------------------- Us: Hi Nik Kershaw, follow me back, I'm a journalist with a request *Nik Kershaw is now following you* Us: Send snoods! *Nik Kershaw has blocked you* ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Free ideas to get you busy * PAINT NAMER - Someone has mentioned the paint company Farrow & Ball and it's quite within your grasp to make a fake paint name generator. Real examples: Broccoli Brown, James White, Dead Salmon & Mole's Breath. * KAREN SIMULATOR - We want to play a game where we get to be shitty in shops & phone police on kids kicking a ball into garden. Sounds fun. * AN OFF SWITCH FOR ROYALS - If Covid means royals just quietly get married without making a big public song and dance about it then, well, that's a small plus. Stick your balls in the form of doom: https://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- Which of the following phrases was rhymed with "Toxic" in the 2003 Britney Spears hit of the same name? a. I've hurt my coccyx b. Don't step in dog sick c. I'm Sandi Toksvig ------------------------------------------------- : PATREON THANKS We love all these people *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON JAMES* *STOOBERT* 24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY, SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW, ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright, lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna, Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster, blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green, Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane, Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase, Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt. EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round. And don't forget Madonna's controversial advice to be nice to incels on social media: "like" a virgin. And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger, Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN NEWER ONES: Mark (Mavis), Joshua Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil Lovell. Please join the patreon so we can afford to buy sausages. And a special thanks to the Hebtro gang. Buy their scarves. Link at the top. http://patreon.com/b3ta next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive