we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "BRIAN MAY'S GARDENING ACCIDENT: WEEDS WILL, WEEDS WILL WRECK YOU" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * FONTS - Not without swearing. Hooray! * DOCTOR WHO - Played on the bass guitar. Oh yes * FESSHOLE - Best posts of April in one handy link ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "What idiot called it ___/ _ |/_ > Scunthorpe Sans swear-blocking font << Matt Round writes, "Using fancy ligatures I made a font that detects common swear words, but there's a special exemption for 'Scunthorpe', they've suffered enough from crap content filters over the years." This is totally wristwatch. https://vole.wtf/scunthorpe-sans/ >> More anonymous opinions << We've rejigged our anonymous opinions account a bit so check it out if you haven't looked at it recently. Hot takes include: "Those Peaky Blinder flat caps just make everyone who wears them look like a massive twat", "Linda McCartney was waay more talented than her husband - did he think up veggie sausages? Did he fuck" and "Radio 1 is a series of ghastly noises interspersed with the jabbering of unbearable, self-regarding cunts." https://twitter.com/anon_opin >> Doctor Who played on the bass << Blonix has been amusing himself by playing the Doctor Who theme tune on the bass using loops. No, come back, it's quite fun. https://b3ta.com/links/Dr_Who_loops >> Dubbed animals << Slurpy J is back on his bullshit and dubbing animals again. https://b3ta.com/links/See_the_problem_here_is_you... ------------------------------------------------- What idiot named the Genesis album "And Then There Were Three" and not No Hackett Required? ------------------------------------------------- : FESSHOLE Your anonymous confessions, confessed Each week we collate your fibs about sex and pissing into sinks into shareable content. Our faves include: * FARTS - "My girlfriend feel asleep minutes before we were supposed to have sex. So I drilled a massive fart into her face. The next morning she said she had a dream about a weird-sounding cow." * SPITE CLUB - "Working late I used to sneak into the boardroom and write things like 'merger', 'privatisation?' and 'asset overhaul' on the whiteboard, then half rub them out. People using the room the next day started SO many rumours." * CHOP - "My post-vasectomy guidance said to ejaculate at least twice a week for 12 weeks. My wife had agreed to 'sort out' all necessary ejaculations. I reprinted the leaflet so it said 'twice a day'. Best 12 weeks of my life." If this kind of grot is your bag then follow on Twitter dot bollocks. Link goes to the best posts of April - nice. https://twitter.com/fesshole/status/12565776902928... ------------------------------------------------- Linda McCartney missed a trick not selling Veggie Wings ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Content made by bastards who aren't us * BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY REINVENTED AS GOOD - you will spend the next six minutes of your life listening to Bohemian Rhapsody played with 2 million individual notes in a monstrous great midi file and you won't regret a second of it https://www.youtube.com/watch * MAKE YOUR NEXT PROJECT LOOK EXACTLY LIKE WINDOWS 98 - a beautiful, meticulously-designed UI that is perfect to delight a core audience of nostalgic, middle-aged nerds. https://jdan.github.io/98.css/#intro * NEURAL NET MUSICAL MASHUPS - Writing music is now obsolete as AI can take previously written songs and make new ones out of it complete with vocals. The legal implications are huge. https://openai.com/blog/jukebox/ * AI MEME GENERATOR - final proof that after the machines take everybody's paying job they'll take over all shitposting too. They won't be good at it 100% of the time, but they will be extremely cheap. https://imgflip.com/ai-meme * 'CLOSED DUE TO COVID' SIGNS - Lovely idea as someone has collected the messages businesses have put up in their windows to tell customers why they're closed. It's all surprisingly warm and supportive, although perhaps that's because a lot of them are Canadian. https://duetocovid19.com * JAY-Z RAPS HAMLET SPEECH - From Vocal Synthesis, a YouTube channel dedicated to audio deepfakes, like everyone's problematic fave GW Bush singing In Da Club. https://www.youtube.com/watch * IMPROVE NIRVANA - Cobain's finest covered but every high note is at half speed. As it should be. https://www.youtube.com/watch ------------------------------------------------- Groundhog Day 2020 but Bill Murray doesn't notice he's in a time loop as every day is the same anyway. ------------------------------------------------- : IMAGE CHALLENGE Grown Up Movie Cartoons Here's the best images from last week: * "WITHNAIL AND I" by S4RK https://b3ta.com/board/11312961 * "AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON" by HappyToast https://b3ta.com/board/11312846 * SE7EN - by Paint! https://b3ta.com/board/11313118 * See all the other images from the 'Grown Up Movie Cartoons' challenge: http://b3ta.com/challenge/grownupmoviecartoons/pop... >> This week: Social Distancing Computer Games << We're still in lock down and playing computer games, but what if those games had to obey the same rules. Social distance Pacman and start a GTA killing spree because someone coughed near you. http://b3ta.com/challenge/SocialDistancingComputer... ------------------------------------------------- Fair play to Bowie and Prince for checking out before things really turned to shit. ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make "content" and make us feel content Some ideas to kick you off: * DYSTOPIAN READING CLUB - each week the guest brings in their favourite apocalyptic novel to discuss on a podcast. [And now an advert from our sponsors: Have you bought the prepper's survival kit?] * VR BOOK READER - The best place to read a book is a train journey. The next innovation in reading technology will be VR contact lenses that put you on a train to Leeds and then you read Adrian Mole on a virtual Kindle. * HEADPHONES THAT DON'T NEED CHARGING - maybe they could have wires or something? Mail us here - and don't send us photographs of your pubes and call it art - we've blocked you James. https://b3ta.com/mailus ------------------------------------------------- Everyone who eats a sausage should be prepared to kill a sausage dog. ------------------------------------------------- : PATREON THANKS We love all these people *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON JAMES* *STOOBERT* 24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY, SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW, ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright, lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna, Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster, blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green, Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane, Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase, Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt. EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round & David Stevenson. Plus Simbosan. And congratulations to Britain's PM on his approximately 6th or 7th child. Please join the patreon so we can afford to eat. And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger, Dion Ashton and newest one Paul Blanchard. Thanks Paul. http://patreon.com/b3ta next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive