we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "EVERY SONG IS A UTAH SAINTS SONG IF YOU SHOUT 'U-U-U-U UTAH SAINTS!' OVER THE TOP" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * INTERACTIVE - 17th Century Death Roulette * MUSIC - Coronavirus as plinky-plonky tune * TRAVELATOR - Performing The Smiths ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're hiding under ___/ _ |/_ > 17th Century Death Roulette << Matt Round writes, "Spin the wheel with hundreds of nasty ways to go taken from London’s Dreadful Visitation, a collection of Bills of Mortality from 1665, the year the plague came out of nowhere and spread across London." Nice. Teeth killed us/ https://vole.wtf/death-roulette/ Matt has also made a cartoon generator. Which shouts "OK BOOMER!" a lot, so don't be upset old time readers of B3ta. https://vole.wtf/avocado-n-toast/ >> Travelator Performs The Smiths "How Soon Is Now” << Pesky Young Scamp writes, "You may remember my mildly amusing video of a Jubilee Line Ticket Barrier singing Blur's Song 2. Well, it's taken over 6 years for the follow-up." Yay, it's everyone's favourite racist band! https://b3ta.com/links/Heathrow_Moving_Walkway_Per... >> Coronavirus as music << The world is teetering on the verge of a pandemic and Shardcore has turned the 8k of Coronavirus RNA into music. It's quite listenable. Who knew the apocalypse would be so soothing? http://www.shardcore.org/shardpress2019/2020/02/28... BONUS CORONAVIRUS DEAD POOL POLL: How many deaths do you think there will be in the UK due to the coronavirus by the end of the year? Add your estimate to the form and if you're right you'll have the satisfaction of being right, you smug wanker. http://bit.ly/coronavirusdeadpool ------------------------------------------------- : BOOK PLUG Turned On: Science, Sex and Robots Kate Devlin, one time B3ta Question of the Week enthusiast writes, "Hello! Would you possibly be so kind as to mention in the b3ta newsletter that my book is out in much cheaper paperback and that it has the most b3ta-like index possible? (Cock rings, p. 33, Computers pp. 71-72)" https://wordery.com/turned-on-kate-devlin-97814729... ------------------------------------------------- : FESSHOLE Anonymous confessions corner Each week we select the shittiest material from our anonymous confessions account and publish it. Here's the worst, no sorry, best: * SACKED - "I got the sack for gross misconduct after looking at porn in the office. When I got offered a new job and had to give my most recent employer as a reference so I bought a burner phone, gave them that number and put on an accent when they called so they wouldn't know it was me." * BACKED - "I met a girl in a club and we danced and kissed for most of the night. I got progressively more drunk and at some point mistook another girl for her, and accidentally went home with her instead. I had a 2 year relationship with this second girl. Never told her about my mistake." * QUACKED "I used to call people out of the phone book & pretend to be from KFC, offering free chicken if they could cluck on the phone for one minute. Very few people refused." Make sure you join the 57,000 twats who've followed this bollocks so far. https://twitter.com/fesshole ------------------------------------------------- What idiot called the early 80s band Altered Images instead of Photoshopped? ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF More sustenance for your content pipe * DRIL OR AI? - Dril/Wint, weird internet bloke originally from the Something Awful forums continues to amuse and baffle the twatsphere, and this quiz asks whether you can tell the difference between artificial intelligence and his musings. http://dril-turing-test.surge.sh * AI GENERATED LYRICS - type in a subject and let drivel appear. E.g. "I got aids from these flowers, I lost my husband to aids". Yes we typed in AIDS. No shut up, you'd do the same. https://theselyricsdonotexist.com/ * AI CATS - really shit ones, because that's the one good joke AI can do "duh, computer make rubbish thing" https://twitter.com/normalcatpics * BBC MICRO BOT - People are doing amazing things with this BBC Micro Bot on Twitter, it can run code in a tweet. Someone has even got a version of Conway's Life working. Now can someone please make an Amstrad one? And tell Lord Sugar he never did better work. https://twitter.com/bbcmicrobot * MINI GAMES - Considering the limitations of Twitter to make interactives, these pause-a-gif games are really rather lovely. https://rockpapershotgun.com/2020/01/25/taro-oono-... * LONELY ROBOTS - Google’s street view camera taking photos of itself in mirrors. Mournful sci-fi vibes. http://the-camera-in-the-mirror.tumblr.com ------------------------------------------------- Name suggestion for a bridge between Ireland and Scoland: Ireduct. ------------------------------------------------- : IMAGE CHALLENGE Title Sequence Swap Here's the best images from last week: * DON'T MENTION THE SHOWER - by monkeon http://b3ta.com/board/11306445 * HERE IS A BOX, A MUSICAL BOX WOUND UP AND READY TO PLAY - by S4RK. http://b3ta.com/board/11306772 * "THAT'S A SMASHING BLOUSE EDDIE" - by TheCrookitFigger http://b3ta.com/board/11306404 * See all the other images from the 'Title Sequence Swap' challenge: https://b3ta.com/challenge/titlesswap/popular/ >> This week: Dadvertising << Dadvertising, ads for dads. Create flashy, expensive adverts for barbecue tongs, sheds and socks. Or perhaps go the other way and make more practical and dad friendly commercials for high end designer goods. http://b3ta.com/challenge/dadvertising/popular/ ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make some not guff stuff Your suggestions this week: * WHICH [5]TH MEMBER OF THE BEATLES ARE YOU? - If George Martin or Brian Epstein is the 5th Beatle, which number Beatle between 6 and 7.7 billion are you? * WHICH ACT HAS THE MOST MONTHLY LISTENS ON SPOTIFY - Abba or Queen? It's Queen with 33 million - Abba has one 11m. There's a quiz in this. * A VOLUME CONTROL FOR DOGS (AND CHILDREN) - maybe a snooze button too. Send your guff to: https://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- Star Trek: Picard, reviewed - "Make it so-so" ------------------------------------------------- : PATREON THANKS We love all these people *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON JAMES* *STOOBERT* 24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY, SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW, ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright, lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna, Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster, blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green, Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane, Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase, Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt Please join the patreon so we can afford to eat. And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim Clarke, Simon Balch - and even newer ones Clemence Saussez, Derek Colley and Martin Pritchard. http://patreon.com/b3ta next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive