we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "WHICH INTROSPECTIVE SINGER-SONGWRITER STEALS MALE DUCKS? NICK DRAKE" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * INTERACTIVE - Silent movie thingie * IMAGE CHALLENGE - Fucking swearing again * FESSHOLE - The truth about microwave "rules" ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're screwing our eyes ___/ _ |/_ > Silent movie (no) soundboard << Monkeon has made a thing that turns classic animated gifs into silent movies. He writes, "New Shit from me! The original concept was just to pop up cards with random onomatopoeia on them, but I ended up making full clips. The opposite of digital remastering." https://monkeon.co.uk/silentmoviesoundboard/ >> The Person Behind The Comedian << Pig Face Turnip writes, "Made this little chat show where the guest comedian isn't allowed to talk. Warning: contains bikini wrestling. No nudity, but there is a bottom in a bikini on display." https://b3ta.com/links/The_Person_Behind_The_Comed... >> VR is great! << JamHamster writes, " I've been sharpening up my video editing skills and slung together some of my 'greatest hits' (yes, I went there!). If you like Games and cartoon violence, it might be worth a click!" https://b3ta.com/links/VR_is_great ------------------------------------------------- Sequels to Telegram Sam that Marc Bolan might have written had he lived: E-mail Dale MySpace Jase Telex Bex Fax Machine Jean Internet Relay Chat Pat ICQ Pru MSN Jen eBuddy Dudley ------------------------------------------------- : KLF CORNER Coz that's what the kids are into these days * Our chum Chris Atkins has just got out of jail for tax fraud and has written a book about his experiences. We've "raad" the audiobook version and particuarly enjoyed Chris's impressions of the prisoners "you get me fam". Highly recommended. And also, in further KLF news, we hear that there *might* be film-y action from him too in this area. https://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B07WHMTW... * And closer to home - we've rejigged our bot that retweeted out The Manual: How To Have A Number One The Easy Way so that it'll reply to you with a random sentence if you talk to it. Maybe use for for oblique advice? https://twitter.com/_the_manual_ ------------------------------------------------- Beatles lyrics fixed for decimalisation / metric. "He's got 50p up his nose" "If she's gone I can't go on. Feeling 0.61 meters small" "I'm coming down fast but I'm over 1.6 kilometres above you" ------------------------------------------------- : FESSHOLE Anonymous confessions corner Each week we select the best material from our anonymous confessions account. * LIES - "The landlord at my local thinks I'm a Charlton Athletic fan. I fucking hate football. I must have drunkenly agreed with him about them being good. It's been 4 years and I have to look up their latest score every time before go in." * MORE LIES - "For the past twelve years we've told my mother in law we were going to a New Year's Eve party, so she'd have our son. We haven't left the house. Or had people over. Not once." * NOT A LIE - "On completion of heating a microwave meal I don't let the meal stand for 1 minute,I serve straight away." Make sure you join the 55,000 people who've followed this bollocks so far. https://twitter.com/fesshole ------------------------------------------------- All songs where the singer mentions their age should be updated to the correct age of singer. Suede: "Now you're over fifty-two, ooh-ooh-ooh" Stooges: "Last year I was 71 / I didn't have a lot of fun" Beatles: "Will you still need me, will you still feed me When I'm 77" ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF The content made by others and sweeter for it * WORLD'S LONGEST URL - An internet record for Norris McWhirter, who would probably have loved the web. Especially all the right wing libertarian guff. http://a.b.c.d.e.f.g.h.i.j.k.l.m.n.oo.pp.qqq.rrrr.... * EMOTION ERIC INTERVIEW - King of web 1.0 Emotion Eric is back! Well, for one interview. https://roboppy.net/posts/emotion-eric-wu-intervie... * TUBE SPEED RUNNING - people are speed running challenges on the London Underground. Apparently you can visit all lines in just over 30 mins. Might try that. http://explorerticket.co.uk/tubechallenge/ * NEAT PUZZLE GAME - An enjoyable puzzler, starring David Bellamy. https://mmatt-ugh.itch.io/wiz * JOHNNY BALL ON NUMBERPHILE - Number nonce Ball, beloved of middle-aged maths nerds proves that he still exists. https://b3ta.com/links/Simbospam_Ancient_maths * REMEMBER PLINKY THE CAT - Joyous seeing this again. Pure internet. https://b3ta.com/links/Pinky_the_cat ------------------------------------------------- : IMAGE CHALLENGE Monty Python Here's the best images from last week: * This entry from Atomic http://b3ta.com/board/11304709 * This one from S4RK http://b3ta.com/board/11304885 * And this one from Captain Howdy http://b3ta.com/board/11304932 * See all the other images from the 'Monty Python' challenge: http://b3ta.com/challenge/montypython/popular/ >> This week: Swearing << Everything's going to hell so lets let off some steam with a few days of comedy swearing. Photoshop your favourite swears in funny ways or animate the heck out of some hand gestures. http://b3ta.com/challenge/swearing/popular/ ------------------------------------------------- Pleased to announce that Practical Computing Magazine has been added to the Yore Computer bot and will pop up randomly from now on in. So if you want random pages from old computer mags in your Twitter feed - do follow. And thank you to Jason Scott at The Internet Archive for helping this happen. https://twitter.com/yorecomputer ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Ideas for get you started * REALISTIC PHIL COLLINS SIMULATOR - A game where you play Phil Collins and you have to divorce your wife by fax but the game is a very accurate and slightly boring fax machine simulator. * REALISTIC AIRPODS SIMULATOR - A game where you can't find them, and if you they've gone flat anyway. "Greetings Professors Falcon, strange game, the only winning move is to use £20 wired headphones from Argos" * REALISTIC PUB SIMULATOR - A game where you consider going to the pub but decided nah, cans from the supermarket and bed. You know what to do. Mail us. https://b3ta.com/mailus ------------------------------------------------- For Sale, Baby Shoes, Never Worn. (This isn't tragic, babies don't need shoes as they can't walk, dad was a dumbo buying them.) ------------------------------------------------- : PATREON THANKS We love all these people *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON JAMES* *STOOBERT* 24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY, SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW, ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright, lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna, Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster, blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green, Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane, Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase, Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt Please join the patreon so we can afford to eat. And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim Clarke, Simon Balch - and even newer ones Clemence Saussez, Derek Colley and Martin Pritchard. http://patreon.com/b3ta next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive