we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "WHAT IDIOT DIDN'T MAKE AN S CLUB JUNIORS VERSION OF STEPS AND CALL IT BABY STEPS?!" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * BOT - What if Polpot had a baby with ET? * QUIZ - Davos or Davros? * NSFW ANIM - Eamonn Holmes Gives Birth to a Swan ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're shitting-up ___/ _ |/_ > Gruesome Twosome bot << Shardcore has made a bot that combines celebrity faces with other celebrity faces. You can tell we didn't make it as it's not all "what would happen if Bungle had a baby with Hitler?" http://shardcore.org/shardpress2019/2020/01/14/cel... >> A Quiz for You << Bounder writes, "The World Economic Forum kicks off this week, and the private jet engines are warming up - but can you tell who said it: the global economic elite or the creator of the DALEKs? Meaning: was it Davos or Davros?" http://davosordavros.co.uk/ >> Eamonn Holmes Gives Birth to a Swan << Unclepills informs us that old B3tonian Russ Butter has made something truly wondrous / terrible. NSFW as your own tits. http://rossbutter.com/eamonn-holmes-gives-birth-to... ------------------------------------------------- Crowdfunding half a million quid to spend on a single bong of a clock is like something the KLF might have done. We're now totally pro it as the most vicious bit of satire on capitalism ever conceived. ------------------------------------------------- : BUY THIS? WHY THE FUCK NOT Handheld Nintendo Emulator We just bought a £16 handheld Nintendo copy on Amazon - 400 NES games built in. Costs fuck all - might keep you entertained for a bit before Nintendo stop Amazon selling them. https://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B07LBG2D... ------------------------------------------------- : FESSHOLE Your confessions confessed for clicks Here's our favs this week: * NICE PIZZA - "Used to work at Pizza Hut. Sometimes a big takeout order late at night would make the restaurant run out of pizza and close. If no one came to collect the pizza, staff got to eat it. When I wasn't at work I would ring up and order 20 large pizzas at 10PM. I never collected." * ADULTRY - "I know my wife has been fucking a bloke down the road but, presumably out of guilt, the house has never been cleaner, my clothes are always clean and I get dinner made every night. I'm happy to live this lie." * RELATBLE (FOR PARENTS) - "When our kids were small the only way my wife and I could have sex was by distracting them with Peppa Pig videos. To this day when I hear the theme tune I get very aroused." Join the 48K (hello ZX Spectrum fans) who Follow @Fesshole NOW! https://twitter.com/fesshole ------------------------------------------------- Can @swearclock crowdfund £500k so that when we leave the EU it tweets "probably a shit idea lads" ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff made by udders >> Mark Fowler AIDS Song << If you remember Tucker getting HIV in Eastenders then this is funniest 3 mins you'll watch today. Although if you're younger than about 40 you might be baffled and horrified. http://b3ta.com/links/1531356 >> Design a sweater for a rat << Only a matter of time before a rat sweater cock is created. https://algorat.club/sweater/ >> Best of Internet Archive account << ArcOnInternet does a good job of finding interesting things from the Internet Archive - which is an amazing site, but an arse to rummage through all the rubbish to find the gold in amongst all the spam sites and Grateful Dead live recordings, so curators are always welcome. https://twitter.com/ArcOnInternet >> What the fuck is going on with Mr Bean YouTube << Most interesting video we've seen recently: the hugely popular Mr Bean YouTube channel is churning out awful low-quality crap aimed at kids, with Rowan providing bits of shoddy greenscreen footage etc. Colin Furze responded in comments to being associated with it https://www.youtube.com/watch >> Roadman Peppa Pig << A suggestion from your editor's 10 y/o son - and the torch has been passed - he's better at finding funny stuff that us. https://www.youtube.com/watch >> Racoon plays harp << Perfect comedy marriage of music and visuals. https://b3ta.com/links/Raccoon_Plays_Harp ------------------------------------------------- Sex is great yeah but have you ever had a new laptop? ------------------------------------------------- : PODCASTS (YOUTUBE FOR THE UGLY) "My Dog's Favourite Podcast" And in ideas you wish you'd thought of, someone has made a podcast for your dog that tells him he's a nice boy whilst you're out at work. Is it better than leaving Radio 3 on? No idea, but the streams from dog parents are going to be HUGE. https://open.spotify.com/show/0STnwcEaUq6mdrs4EKLy... ------------------------------------------------- : IMAGE CHALLENGE Meat Here's the best images from last week: * A SALT BATTERY AND GRIEVOUS BODILY HAM from amoebaboy. http://b3ta.com/board/11303956 * SHOTS FIRED IN THE WAR AGAINST MEAT from S4RK. http://b3ta.com/board/11303762 * SWEET MEAT from TheCrookitFigger. http://b3ta.com/board/11303981 * See all the other images from the 'Meat' challenge: http://b3ta.com/challenge/meat/popular/ >> This week: Letter Change Computer Games << Change one letter of a favourite computer game to make something so funny you need to photoshop it. It's Letter Change Computer Games week. http://b3ta.com/challenge/letterchangegames/popula... ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make some junk and send it in drunk * DOM BOT - write bot that replies "Classic Dom" to everything @fesshole posts. * FUCK OFF EMAIL SURVEY - wonder how many email addresses collected on website nag screens are [email protected] - because as of 1 minute ago, we can promise you it's more than zero. * SEND CHEQUES TO FAMOUS PEOPLE - see who cashes them. This project should be redone for modern times. https://twitter.com/Natt/status/121778165779055001... ------------------------------------------------- Free valentines messages for your special lady friend: "I'd like to bum you from the front" "Be my Eva Braun" "I've given up wanking (quite as much) for you" "Hey cohabiter, I think our relationship is solid enough to get a cat" ------------------------------------------------- : PATREON THANKS We love all these people *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON JAMES* *STOOBERT* 24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY, SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW, ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright, lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna, Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster, blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green, Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane, Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase, Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt Please join the patreon so we can afford to eat. And thank you to newish Patreon Ben Rout and even newer one Tim Clarke. BYE! http://patreon.com/b3ta next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive