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   NEWSLETTER: "WE HOPE DRY WANKUARY ISN'T MAKING YOU TOO CHAFED!"
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 This Week:
 * SWEARS - 750+ of them written by YOU
 * GODLEY + CREME - Fucked up by AI
 * CONTENT - to appeal to Generation Z (hashtag fibs)
 -------------------------------------------------
 ________  ____ __  ___
 ____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're hoping that
 ___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |   the world isn't
 __/____/____/\__/_/ |_|    shit ... together"
 B3ta email 736 - 06 Jan 2020
 Read this issue whilst farting the national anthem:
 http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue736
 -------------------------------------------------
 : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING THIS WEEK #1
   Other than sicking up old mince pies
   >> Sgt Pepper 2019 final update <<
   Chris Barker has been murdering people all year
   and recording the results in his annual Sgt.
   Pepper death pic. Keep killing them Chris, we
   need the content.
 https://twitter.com/christhebarker/status/12127216...
   >> Godley & Creme's Cry, but older <<
   Shardcore writes, "I ran Godley & Creme's
   seminal 1985 video through a StyleGAN." This is
   a bit weird to watch - everyone spontaneously
   gets glasses. Still, love the song.
 http://www.shardcore.org/shardpress2019/2020/01/01...
   >> Attenborough made of animals <<
   "I drew a few animals and stuck them together."
   writes Q4nobody. Nice. Hopefully won't be a
   2020 entry to Chris Barker's murder catalogue.
 https://www.youtube.com/watch
   >> Things that look like other things <<
   "Been collating a thread of pictures for the
   dirty mind on Twitter" writes i124nk8. Good for
   you mate. Nice to have a hobby.
 https://twitter.com/i124nk8/status/120329272652512...
 -------------------------------------------------
 "Happy Ex-mas!" You can have this text message
 for free if you wish to dump anyone next
 Christmas.
 -------------------------------------------------
 : B3TA TWITTER BOT STUFF
   Contribute and join in
   >> 750+ user submitted swears <<
   Our Twitter account @Swearclock needs you help
   and some new swears for 2020. Read the
   submissions so far here - there's also a link
   to add your own. Please help. We need your foul
   language.
 http://bit.ly/swearclock
   >> Real time 1980s charts <<
   Bot Of The Pops isn't the bot we've promoted
   the most but it's fun - it does the charts from
   the 1980s in real time -  the complete top 40
   spread over a week - and with the start of the
   new year it's switched over from 1989 to 1980.
   Do follow. https://twitter.com/botofthepops
 -------------------------------------------------
 The New Year does not start until February 1st.
 Stop celebrating early you idiots.
 -------------------------------------------------
 : SITES IN BRIEF
   Some sort of stuff made by not b3tans
   >> AI Generated Text Adventure <<
   Sn0tters writes, "I have no idea how this works
   but it's really like being in a dream." We
   managed to make this spit out quite sexy porn
   very quickly, which is exactly what we do the
   odd time we lucid dream too.
 https://play.aidungeon.io/
   >>  "Hey Siri! Have a stroke" <<
   Turns out that setting your name to a hot mess
   creates some cheap lols out of Apple's finest.
 http://b3ta.com/links/1530943
   >> UUU EEE U. UUU U UUU UUU EEEU UU. UUU YY <<
   What if you made a video ONLY out of the er
   bits you might normally chop out? Well, you've
   made art that's what.
 https://b3ta.com/links/EEEEEEE
   >> Shania Twain interactive <<
   We think it's mostly the shit MIDI we enjoyed
   about this. <bgsound> used to always cheer up
   the web. Thanks a lot for getting rid of it,
   web-Hitler, Tim Berners-Lee.
 https://profaniti.itch.io/shania-twine
   >> Number game<<
   This game has a nice 2048 feel to it. Although
   we are shit at it.
 https://gridentify.com
   >> ZX Spectrum:  Super Enquiry Simulator<<
   Looks like there wasn't a Crap Spectrum Games
   competition this year, but people are still
   making stupid things like this 8-bit game which
   simulates the tedium of trying to use a phone
   for enquiries.
 http://arbitraryfiles.com/games/ses/playonline.htm...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : IMPORTANT DIGRESSION INTO BEATLES STUFF
   Because obsessions have to go somewhere
   The final Apple LP release from a non-Beatles
   artist was Badfinger's Ass.
   Yes that's the title. The LP is called "ASS".
   The cover has a picture of donkey's arse (an
   ass's ass) with a big carrot, horribly
   suggestive of insertion - lurking in the sky.
   Guess what? It didn't sell.
   "Hey have you listened to ass?" "I'm really
   getting into ass right now" "Hello shopkeeper,
   do you have ass by badfinger?"
   It's really making us giggle. It's absolute
   self-sabotage.
 -------------------------------------------------
 : STICK THIS IN YOUR OGG VORBIS PLAYER
   Eggpod vs Mark Lewisohn
   The Beatles nerd' Beatles nerd Mark Lewisohn a
   stunning booking for Chris Shaw and he's done a
   fab job with it. Sit back and learn about the
   proto-Wings in Hamburg in their final gigs as a
   club band.
 https://iamtheeggpod.com/2019/12/31/the-star-club-...
 -------------------------------------------------
 The correct way to pronounce 2020? Double tops - like darts.
 -------------------------------------------------
 : FESSHOLE
   Your terrible confessions confessed
  
   * GUARDIAN FEATURE - Fesshole did some good
   numbers over the Xmas break growing to about
   46,000 followers on Twitter. This was partly
   down to a best of that we retweeted like balls
   and also down to writing an article for the
   Guardian which did about a million views for
   them and was their number one article for
   Boxing Day. If you missed it, here's "I asked
   the public to send me anonymous confessions. I
   learned some terrible truths"
 https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2019/dec...
   * LIVESTREAM - This generated over 1200 new
   confessions, and your editor figured it might
   be fun to live stream moderating whilst dressed
   as a priest. So if you've got 7 hours, watch
   the damn thing. Ha ha.
 https://www.facebook.com/fesshole/videos/581104776...
   * BEST OF - And if you want something easier to
   digest then this 'best of December' should do
   the trick.
 https://twitter.com/fesshole/status/12127688709871...
 -------------------------------------------------
 Alternate 'Champagne Socialist' phrases to
 improve your word power:
 * Cava Communist
 * Red-wine Red
 * Lambrusco Leftie
 * Lager Labourite
 * Liebfraumilch Leftist
 * Rum Radical
 * Pink-gin Progressive
 -------------------------------------------------
 : IMAGE CHALLENGE
   Rats
   Here's the best images from last week:
   * GOLDEN RAT-IO -  (TheCrookitFigger)
 http://b3ta.com/board/11303003
   * ARE WE HOME ALONE ON B3TA TODAY? -  (LS18)
 http://b3ta.com/board/11302746
   * RATATORY. -   (S4RK)
 http://b3ta.com/board/11302780
   * See all the other images from the 'Rats' challenge:
 http://b3ta.com/challenge/rats
   >> This week: Apocalypse TV <<
   It might be the end of the world again, so
   let's get ready by re-imagining all our
   favourite tv shows from a world war
   3/apocalyptic perspective.  Show us Central
   Perk under siege and Thomas the Tank engine
   carrying troops to the front line - fun!
 http://b3ta.com/challenge/apocalypsetv
 -------------------------------------------------
 "Mystify,  mystify me" Best ever song written about a humidifier.
 -------------------------------------------------
 : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
   Make some content you content humans
  
   * "LOOK MUM, IT WASN'T A PHASE" SAYS ROBERT
   SMITH - we'd happily page through hundreds of
   photos of people who've stuck with fashion
   choices they made at 16 all the way to 60.
   * NOT NICE BOT - A bot that looks for the
   tweets that says "has died aged 69" and quotes
   them going "NOT NICE."
   * 'THEY LIVE' CHROME PLUG-IN - A version of
   They Live where the glasses reveal the real
   truth about advertising. "Oh God, will people
   laugh at this?" "How many of these do we have
   to right to a/b test?" "I hear Mark is leaving
   and he's going to take the client with him, the
   cunt"
   * MAKE A RETRO POP-UP SANDWICH SHOP - based on
   this early 1970s photo. People would eat the
   shit out of these sandwiches. Literally.
 https://twitter.com/robnitm/status/120808083002902...
   Send photos of your man boobs to:
 https://b3ta.com/mailus/
 -------------------------------------------------
 All chess is 3D chess as the third dimension is time.
 -------------------------------------------------
 : BONUS SWEARS FROM OUR REQUEST FOR SWEARS
   * Draw Your Cock In Ms Paint And Send It As A
   Dick-Pic
   * Take Your Auntie Dogging Then Ask Her Why Her
   Breath Smells Of Cock
   * Shit Into Your Kid's Lunch Box Then Send Them
   Off To School
   * Don't Wank Now The Window Cleaner Isn't Here
   Yet
   * Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road? Because
   You're A Cunt
   Read on. Some terrible stuff here:
 http://bit.ly/swearclock
 -------------------------------------------------
 : PATREON THANKS
   We love all these people
   *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
   MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
   JAMES* *STOOBERT*
   24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
   EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
   LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
   VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
   SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
   ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
   Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
   lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
   Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
   Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
   Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
   Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
   blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
   Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
   Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
   Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
   Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
   Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel,
   Faith H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry,
   Gaynor Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson,
   Gus Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller,
   Iain Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
   Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker,
   Jason Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
   Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
   McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
   Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
   Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
   Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
   Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
   Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
   Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes,
   midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
   Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
   bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul Westerman,
   Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter wouda,
   Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope, Richard
   Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk,
   Ross Carter, RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott
   S. Kramer, sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon
   Holmes, Simon McDougall, Simon waterfall,
   Stephen Waller, Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith,
   Stuart Ashen, Tim Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim
   Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan,
   TownsendsPublisher, Wil Hadden, Will Goulden,
   AuntieSash Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow,
   Chef Twat, Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig
   Turner, Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar,
   Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence,
   James Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
   Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
   Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
   Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook, Hannah
   Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane McHugh,
   Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig Liddell, Helen
   Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will Moody, Nick
   Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green, Justin Brett,
   Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey, Stuart
   Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner Lyons,
   Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff, Mike
   Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
   Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
   Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
   Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
   Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
   STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
   Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
   Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
   Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
   Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick
   Kent, Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea
   Vail, Andy Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben
   cowell-thomas, Ben Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat
   Conner, Centuries of Sound, Claire Allen,
   Claire Zolkwer, Darren John Harris, Dave The
   Hammer Parry, David Bond, David Ellinor, Daz
   Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks,
   Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M
   Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim
   Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E,
   Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt
   Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives,
   Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul
   Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas,
   Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert
   Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
   Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
   Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
   Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
   Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
   Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
   Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
   Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
   Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt
   Please join the patreon so we can afford to
   eat. And thank you to new Patreon Ben Rout.
 http://patreon.com/b3ta
 -------------------------------------------------
 Bands! Instead of saying "here's one from the new
 album" say "now we're going to lead the audience
 with a singalong of Joseph and his Technicolour
 Dream Coat"

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   * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS
   * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES
   * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS

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