we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "VAN HALEN. IT'S AN APP FOR HAILING VANS." next issue » « previous issue This Week: * THE GAME 'SIMON' - played with real Simons * FAWLTY TOWERS - Anagram joke hammered with code * FESSHOLE - Solution to bad art from kids, at last ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We shitted up the web ___/ _ |/_ > Simon le Bon memory game << Matt Round writes, "That old electronic game but now featuring Simon, Simon, Simon and Simon. May break your brain within minutes with sound on." We're looking forward to the lady version with Simone, Simone, Simone, and our favouite, Simone. https://vole.wtf/simons/ >> 10,000 Fawlty Towers sign gags << Fawlty Tower's had an opening gag where they'd make an anagram out the name of the show. Monkeon has used code to find ALL 10,000 of them. His favs? Tory Fleas, Fart Toys, Lefty Arts and Lowest Wart. https://monkeon.co.uk/fawltytowers/ >> Tom Cruise head turn animation using 27 posters << Dunk3d has been amusing himself matching photos of Tom Cruise to the exact rotation of of how an owl moves its head. https://imgur.com/gallery/GtNBfNI ------------------------------------------------- If John Lydon were to advertise a different butter than Country Life then we suggest Anchor Is An Energy ------------------------------------------------- : FESSHOLE Your confessed fessed up like sick Each week we collect your lies into a handy Twitter account for favs and shame. Here's some of our favourite of your recent confessions: * HONK IF YOU'RE HORNY - "I live next to a park that is a well known dogging area, when I see a couple going at it I set off an air horn." * GENIUS - "I told by 4 year old there is an 'art fairy' who collects the shit art he brings back from pre school, and takes it to a big fairy gallery in the sky." * ITV CRIME DRAMA IDEA - "I live alone. In case something happens to me, but I'm not found for some time, I wear day-of-the-week socks hoping it will help establish my time of death." Over 200,000 words now submitted, nearly 27k followers. Please stop. We only started it to mock our cats. https://twitter.com/fesshole ------------------------------------------------- Why does the media never use the Lib-Dems full name? The Library Demons. ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Content made by other other lovely people >> Pachelbel played by train horns << AKA All Together Now by The Farm as performed by horny trains. Somehow very funny, probably the combination of being superbly enthusiastic and slightly out of tune. https://b3ta.com/links/Pachelbel_train_horn_Prague... >> How a Twitter artists gamed t-shirt bots << We really liked the thing where people gamed artwork-stealing t shirt bots. Fuck bots. We won't go near them. https://waxy.org/2019/12/how-artists-on-twitter-tr... >> Real time drum macnhine << Someone has had a go at building a drum machine that listens as you play and then taps along, just like a real drummer. It nearly works too. This technology is going to be so good in a couple of years and the Beatles can finally sack Ringo. https://magenta.tensorflow.org/drumbot >> Turn photos into Lego << Legra.js is a lovely little script that allows you to draw pictures made of Lego in the HTML Canvas. Can you tell this newsletter is written by ex-devs? https://legra-draw-image.glitch.me >> Trump font << Trump's big marker pen writing as a font. It's also an easter egg hunt in which typing things like Hillary gets a response. https://finalwordfromthepres.com >> Pretend you're working << Read Twitter whilst pretending to work. By devs for devs since we can't imagine many other people are on Stack Overflow all the time. They should do a version for Social Media Experts in which your personal Twitter account looks like the work Twitter account. https://stacksocialflow.com/Twitflow/ ------------------------------------------------- As Wham had two members, surely a better name for them wouldve been The Double Whammy. ------------------------------------------------- : IMAGE CHALLENGE Literal Brands Here's the best images from last week: * VASELINE from robneymcplum http://b3ta.com/board/11301257 * VERY EASY JET from Pizopop http://b3ta.com/board/11301261 * TED BAKER from Redbull_(UK) http://b3ta.com/board/11301598 * See all the other images from the 'Literal Brands' challenge: http://b3ta.com/challenge/literalbrands >> This week: Religious Games << There's a new VR game coming out where you get to play Jesus Christ, which sounds like the perfect Christmas gift. What other religious themed computer or board games can you come up with? http://b3ta.com/challenge/religiousgames ------------------------------------------------- Our favourite google search? "Abbey Road length" 1.4km (although if you measure the length of the grooves, it's more like 0.9km) ------------------------------------------------- : VOTE EGGPOD FOR PODCAST AWARDS Vote for B3ta's fav B3atles podcast If you get a spare moment could you help by casting a vote for "I am the EggPod" in the Pod Bible Awards? We filled this on and voted for EggPod coz the middle-aged need a safe space to talk about the Beatles without being mocked by Generation Z for liking 50 y/o music made by people not staring at a laptop. Type it in, in the Oh. My. Pod Independent Podcast category: http://podbiblemag.com/poll-winners-2019/ ------------------------------------------------- Ever wondered how alcohol guidelines differ around the world? Basically if you tell yourself you're living on "Spanish Rules" you can have 35 units per week* as compared to the UK's measly 14. Que viva Espaa! * That's about half a bottle of red wine a day. You'll be fine. Hic. ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make some content to become "e-famous" * HOW DEPRESSED IS THIS CONTENT? - Interesting study suggesting a correlation of self pronouns (me, I) to depression whilst non-depressed people talk about other people (they, her, him) more. This could utterly be turned into a tool to analyse Twitter feeds. But shouldn't. https://qz.com/1198671/depression-warning-signs-pa... * FOX TOSSING GAME - Just read about the ancient blood sport of Fox Tossing - animals would run across a court and the players would pull cords tight to propel the animal in the air. Obviously quite barbaric and should never be brought back, but... it would make an appealing mobile game. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fox_tossing * "FATALLY KILLED" BOT - probably not a good idea but we've noticed how many people use the tautology "fatally killed" when saying someone was killed is enough. A bot that pointed this out to grieving people would be a terrible idea. Send photos of your shits to: http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- Hobbies? Clicking 'like' on self-deprecating tweets to make strangers feel bad. ------------------------------------------------- : TOP TIP Install an ad blocker as the Daily Mail has ad blocker detection code and it'll stick up a message saying "disable your ad blocker" and not let you read the site. Yes, you can get round this easily if you wish, but it works as a handy reminder "don't look" ------------------------------------------------- No one ever tells children off for having a favourite parent. ------------------------------------------------- : PATREON THANKS We love all these people *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON JAMES* *STOOBERT* 24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY, SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW, ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright, lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna, Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster, blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green, Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane, Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase, Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt Please join the patreon so we can afford to eat. Thank you. http://patreon.com/b3ta ------------------------------------------------- Our problem with writing is that it's 95% thinking and not who has the best handwriting, which would be us. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive