we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "FORGET EVERYTHING AND LOOK AT SOME STUPID BOLLOCKS INSTEAD!" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * GAME - Can you sing the high notes like Sting? * CODE - Michael Gove is a Knob (Amstrad edition) * KUNT - Interview with a popstar ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "Saving the web was an ___/ _ |/_ > Hit the High Notes Singing Game << Malevole writes, "Instead of howling into the void, screeeeam at your browser to find your highest note, Mariah Carey is the FINAL BOSS Spent ages bodging together decent pitch detection, should work in most recent browsers." https://vole.wtf/high-notes/ >> Song about animals << Michaelmphysics AKA bloke who invented that slugs/guitar meme writes, "Trying to break into doing music for kids, so i wrote this quick song about animals." https://twitter.com/michaelmphysics/status/1196546... >> Kunt and the Gang Interview << B3ta's favourite pop star gives an honest interview to a blog about balancing internet stardom, chucking it all in and making a living as a decorator. Love him. https://thejohnfleming.wordpress.com/2019/11/22/ku... ------------------------------------------------- Find out your 'nonce name' by taking your first name and adding HRH Prince to the front. ------------------------------------------------- : FESSHOLE Your fessfessions, fessfessed * WIFE - "My wife insists on me making her a cup of tea in front of the telly, which I really can't be arsed with, so I've been making it progressively weaker over time, hoping she'll stop. She now says she only likes her tea barely brewed. I've forgotten who's trolling who at this point." * THEFT - "I work in an Amazon warehouse. Every shift I steal stuff and then sell it on Amazon Marketplace." * LIES - "I've lied on my CV for over 30yrs and climbed the greasy pole on the strength of it. Last week I signed off a 3Bn++ IT project that I really don't understand. I've only got a BTEC." (It's how everything is run. Idiots from the bottom to the top and 1 person in ten frantically trying to unfuck the chaos.) You have now submitted 170,000 words to fesshole. That's like three shit books. Please will you just stop. https://twitter.com/fesshole ------------------------------------------------- Paul Heaton might want to "sail this ship alone" but he'd be breaking maritime law and risking a court martial. ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff made by non-B3tans, the talented wankers * FAMILY GUY THROUHG A VOCODER - reminds us of being teenage stoners and feeding the audio of the Doors movie through an Amiga and making everyone squeaky and high pitched in real time. https://b3ta.com/links/Family_Guy_Vocoded * IF FIGHTING FANTASY BOOKS HAD NEW TITLRS - we like Mr Biffo's one-man Fighting Fantasy image challenge. https://digitiser2000.com/main-page/what-fighting-... * UFO CHICKEN COUP - if you can keep a straight face whilst watching chickens being abducted then you're someone who can keep a straight face. Well done, what do you want, a fuck medal for your straight fucking face? Fuck off. https://b3ta.com/links/UFO_Chicken_Coop * SUPER-8 ARCHIVE - this collection of old film, mostly recorded by families, is like looking into memories. Voyeuristic, a little bit creepy and utterly compelling. https://open-memory-box.de * INSTNT 3D PHOTOS - A new Python machine learning library turns static photos into 2.5D animations. The effect is like rostrum filler from TV docs from 10 years ago. https://waxy.org/2019/11/turning-photos-into-2-5d-... * TV TEST CARDS - We like that there's still part of the internet who are obsessed by things like test cards, and this is a fine use of HTML5. https://625.uk.com/tv_logos/svg.htm#clocks ------------------------------------------------- Roger Moore is its own Bond Girl name. "I'm Roger Moore" "I bet you do" ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING THIS WEEK #2 Bonus b3ta content - hooray! >> "Michael Gove is a knob" << Your editor's swearing clock project has become self-aware and written the most profound bit of computer programming ever made, and he wasted newsletter writing time by making a video. The twat. https://twitter.com/robmanuel/status/1198014572751... >> B3tan makes book << Old b3tan Dr Dunno AKA @christhebarker has collected together the newspaper front pages he's designed in a book with commentary. You should spunk all your money on it NOW. http://www.coveringbrexit.com >> Mail Order Sex Robot << A sketch from jurassicpaul about how realistic they're getting. https://b3ta.com/links/Mail_Order_Robot ------------------------------------------------- Coldplay 'not touring' until concerts are 'environmentally beneficial' . Good news in these dark times ------------------------------------------------- : IMAGE CHALLENGE Film Anagrams Here's the best images from last week: * AT MY SIGNAL, UNLEASH GLITTER! - (S4RK) http://b3ta.com/board/11298985 * THIS ONE - (Flash_Bastard) http://b3ta.com/board/11299156 * SHOEHORN! - (thecrapgatsby) http://b3ta.com/board/11299188 * See all the other images from the 'Film Anagrams' challenge: http://b3ta.com/challenge/filmanagrams >> This week: Add a letter actors << Add a letter to an actors name and do a funny picture. You know, like Dusting Hoffman, Glenn Closer or Michael Cained. http://b3ta.com/challenge/addaletteractors ------------------------------------------------- Hive mind. How do bees think? ------------------------------------------------- : FRIDAY GAME Yes, it's Friday. Let's play games * TETRIS SNAKE - Tetris on the left, Snake on the right. You play both at the same time. With the same controls. You lose in one, you lose in both. Good luck. https://grgrdvrt.com/codevember_2019/9_game/ We also enjoyed this amusingly cynical countdown of how long it will be until Google Stadia shuts down. http://stadiacountdown.com ------------------------------------------------- If Who Wants To Be A Millionaire changed its name in line with inflation it would now be called Who Wants To Be A 1,728,602.55aire ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make some stuff you lazy cunts * SIMPLE INNOVATION ON CLASSIC PRODUCTS - e.g. Sellotape with perforated breaks every 2 inches. * PUT OUT THE SUN - Make a list of Sun newspaper Twitter accounts and journalists. Write a Crome plug-in so you can zap them in one go. Call it... SUN BLOCK. * SHILLING THE TROLLS - A bot that winds up Brexity types by pointing out that there's no such thing as the EU shilling as they use the Euro. * PHONE CAST - Make cards. Stick them in phone boxes. Make content out of the people who call. Send photos of your balls to us and we'll report you. Holy shit we will. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : TOP TIP Prevent your free to play iPhone game from displaying adverts by sticking your phone in Airplane Mode. ------------------------------------------------- : PATREON THANKS We love all these people *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON JAMES* *STOOBERT* 24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY, SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW, ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright, lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna, Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster, blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green, Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane, Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase, Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt Please join the patreon so we can afford to eat. Thank you. http://patreon.com/b3ta next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive