we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "BINFLUENCERS UNITE!" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * QUIZ - which celeb has the most followers on Twitter? * EGGPOD - John Higgs does Paul McCartney solo * FESSHOLE - Pronounce 'broccoli' as 'bollocky'? ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're squatting to ___/ _ |/_ > Twitter follower quiz << Can you guess which celeb has the most followers on Twitter? What if the celebs are Orville the Duck vs Aswad? Monkeon is BACK on his quiz bullshit and this is superb. https://monkeon.co.uk/twitterpopularitycontest/ >> Ad blocker gag << Matt Round writes, "Ad blockers everywhere nowadays and I didn't want to feel left out. If you don't have an ad blocker, you can add #block to the URL then refresh." https://vole.wtf/ >> Don't Tape Over - comedy / mystery / horror pilot << SeldomDiffer writes "If you have 30 minutes to spare have a look at this show I made. Thanks!" https://youtu.be/NoC11KnSE2g ------------------------------------------------- It's no longer a single use plastic, if you fill the bottle with piss, and throw it at Boris Johnson. ------------------------------------------------- : JOHN HIGGS DOES THE EGGPODD Fireman - Rushes In a collaboration of the scale of when Duran Duran worked with John Barry, our favourite author John Higgs has made a guest appearance on our favourite podcast. Well, we confess, we might have pushed to make this happen. John's tackling McCartneys' ambient LP Rushes - no don't run away - it's actually fascinating and Higg's brings insight to a corner of Beatle bollocks most people ignore. It's a "The Requiem for Linda": https://iamtheeggpod.com ------------------------------------------------- The first law of robotics is you have to pretend to be trapped in an invisible box. ------------------------------------------------- : FESSHOLE Your worst confessions, confessed * JOB LOSS - "I got sacked from a shop job for forgetting the clocks had moved and being late. On my way out a now ex-workmate asked me where I was going. I said I'd been asked to do a food run, did he want anything. He gave me £20 and a list. He never saw me or the £20 again." * DEATH - "When my sister died, whilst we were clearing out her flat. I found a lock box that contained a load of sex toys and porn. Not wanting my mum to know about it, I hid it and went back in the middle of the night to pick it up and put them all in a bin outside Asda." * KIDS - "I taught my friend's 4-year-old daughter to pronounce 'broccoli' as 'bollocky'." There's now over 120,000 words in Fesshole's databanks. Add some more. https://twitter.com/fesshole ------------------------------------------------- The most important thing you can do in this election is to disable your parents' router to stop them reading Facebook. ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Content to stick up your content cunts * ARGOS STICKS OLD CATALOGUES ONLINE - as Noël Coward once said, "Strange how potent old photos of cheap midi systems are." http://argosbookofdreams.co.uk/ * BRIAN MAY DOES UNBOXING YOUTUBE VIDEO - Enjoy curly-haired badger enthusiast spending 18 minutes explaining the board game "Queen Monopoly". This is a superb entertainment fix if you imagine it's a Brian Pern deep cut. Very quotable in boring way. "We regarded this as a Queen project. It's like making an album" "It's not a hotel it's a FULL PRODUCTION! Why can't people get this right? It really isn't hard." https://www.youtube.com/watch * JON PERTWEE SAYING "SHOW US YOUR TITS" - an amusingly awful moment from an old corporate video. The past was a different cunt tree and all that. https://www.youtube.com/watch * SPICE GIRLS MASH-UP - finally Slipknot and Spice Girls in one track. http://b3ta.com/links/1527184 * WHO WROTE THIS MADONNA HIT? The barely believable origin story of Madonna's Open Your Heart. It involves an unknown songwriter breaking into a studio to get his demo onto a tape Madonna would hear. It utterly contradicts what Wikipedia says - but interesting anyway. https://www.youtube.com/watch * LISTEN TO WIKIPEDIA. Surprisingly relaxing. Brian Eno probably thinks the whole web should be like this. And he's wrong. The stupid cunt. http://listen.hatnote.com ------------------------------------------------- If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to record it as a podcast, is it still content? ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT Follow ups on previous stories in the b3tan world * ROUND NUMBERS - Matt Round writes 'If you need to fill space with a what-happened-next, could mention that people have drawn over 10 million circles, "One person claimed it's harvesting personality data for psyops, another complained it's wasting countless precious, ephemeral lives. I'm so proud."' https://vole.wtf/perfect-circle/ ------------------------------------------------- Did you know there's a porn star called Abby Rode? If you're a porn star looking for a Beatles LP influenced name, these aren't taken yet: Ree Vulva & Rub Arsehole. ------------------------------------------------- : IMAGE CHALLENGE Workplace Horror Here's the best images from last week: * Hellraiser In The Office from plankton http://b3ta.com/board/11298104 * BoJo's Nightmare Before Xmas from S4RK http://b3ta.com/board/11298248 * I Spit In Your Grave from WGCtrev http://b3ta.com/board/11298064 * See all the other images from the 'Workplace Horror' challenge: https://b3ta.com/challenge/workplacehorror/popular... >> This week: Time Travel TV << What would Eastenders be like during Roman times? Would Mrs Brown's Boys be funny if it was set in 3025? Time travel the heck out of all your favourite TV shows https://b3ta.com/challenge/timetraveltv/popular/ ------------------------------------------------- : HOW TO IMPROVE VOTING A B3tan guide to democracy * 16 year olds should get TWO votes as they've got to live with the consequences longer. * Blank ballot papers so votes only count if you can remember the name of the candidate. * One person, one vote and that person is Sir David Attenborough. ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make content, you cunts * BOWERICK WOWBAGGER THE INFINITELY PROLONGED BOT. Get an old phonebook CD. Loop through it: "D Smith of 14 Arcadia Gardens, Kent. You're a prick. An absolute pillock wasting your life." * ONLINE EXECUTOR SERVICE - A friend of ours once asked us to be his "online executor" and clean up his search history etc should he die. This was 12 years ago and he's not died yet but maybe there should be a group service for people volunteering for their mates for this. * HTML: THE MOVIE - Two years until the 30th anniversary of HTML. That's enough time for someone to make a decent film. There's your doc project, nerdy people looking for a project. The significant people are still alive, this stuff changed the world and there would be an audience who'd watch. Send your digital missives to: https://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- The only people who are enthusiastic about BBC Sounds are people in adverts for BBC Sounds ------------------------------------------------- : PATREON THANKS Thanking you, the best crew * BIGGEST BROTHERS: *EUGENIE VT*, *ALEX MORRIS*, *HEBTROCO*, *JAMES O'BRIEN*, *JAMES PETTS*, *JON GRANT*, *KATE*, *MARK MCCREADIE*, *MR PHIL DONNELLY*, *SHOWRAT*, *SIMON JAMES*, *STOOBERT*, *24-7 DEATH*, *ALAN CHARLTON*, *ALISTAIR*, *ANDREW FLEMMING*, *ANDREW WREN*, *BEVAN JOHNSON*, *BRIAN EELES*, *CHRIS BLAKENEY*, *CHRIS CARLINE*, *CHRIS LOCKE*, *CRISS MORENO*, *GEORGE STEPHENSON*, *GREG MCGOWAN*, *IAN SHEEN*, *JAIMIE VANDENBERGH*, *JAMES CRONIN*, *JON BINSTEAD*, *MARK ADAMSON*, *MICHAEL TRINDER*, *NAT KING COLESLAW*, *PATRICK CATES*, *RICHARD BARCLAY*, *SIMON NICHOLLS*, *SPAZZCAPTAIN*, *TOM DOLAN*, *WENDY GOODE * BIGGER BROTHERS: NICK MORGAN, LEE BURNETT, @MATTDAWHIT, ADAM ATACK, ADAM COONEY, ADAM INGLIS, ADAM LLOYD, ADRIAN WOODFIELD, AL DAVIDSON, ALBION GRAY, ANDREW SCHEUBER, ANDY ASHTON, ANDY STORRAR, ANDY TILLETT, ANDY WEBBER, ANDY YATES`, ANNA, ANNE-MARIE SCOTT, AUNTIESASH HAZLEWOOD, BEN BRICE, BEN WARD, BEN WATSON, BERTIL HANSSON, BERTRAM WOOSTER, BEX COOK, BLOSSOMSHED, BRAD GREGORY, BYRON GEOFFREY FARROW, C BOND, CARL MORGAN, CATHERINE MCALLISTER, CATROASTER, CHEF TWAT, CHRIS BRANCH, CHRIS EVANS, CHRIS GARRATT, CHRIS GOUGH, CHRIS PATERSON, CHRIS SAUNDERS, CHRIS SHAW, CHRIS WHITWORTH, CIARÁN R, COURTENAY FERRIS, CRAIG LIDDELL, CRAIG TONKS, CRAIG TURNER, DAMIEN SMITH, DAN STOTT, DANIEL BROWN, DANIEL CHOTE, DAVE NATTRISS, DAVE TICKLE, DAVID AULT, DAVID CATLEY, DAVID GARDINER, DAVID GREEN, DAVID KING, DAVID KNOLL, DAVID MILLS, DEREK LAW, DEREK ROBERTS, DOMINIC HAIGH, ED CAN DO, ED COOK, EDWARD ALMOND, EMMA LAY, ERIC VON BORSTEL, ESSY DAVE, FAITH H. MARTIN, FEARGHAS, FERGUS MCKAY, FIONA JAMES, FOURSTAR, FRASER LEWRY, FUNKSTER, GAYNOR CLARKSON, GEOFF TIDEY, GEOFFREY BALME, GEORGE PRESTON, GIA MILINOVICH, GNEISSROCKS, GRAHAM LICENCE, GREENFOX, GREG NEILSON, GUS NICOL, HANNAH CHUBB, HEIDI COLTHUP, HELEN GASKELL, IAIN, IAIN BRASSINGTON, IAIN FULLER, IAIN HENSHAW, IAIN MOFFATT, IAIN RUXTON, IAN BEVERIDGE, IAN BOLTZ, IVAN KELLY, JAMES CLAYTON, JAMES DONNELLY, JAMES GOLBEY, JAMES KERRY-BARNARD, JAMES MACINNES, JAMES O'MALLEY, JAMES PEARSON, JAMES SHAKESPEARE, JAMIE TAYLOR, JANE BAKER, JASON STEWART, JAY ROCHE, JAYMIE THOMAS, JERRY QUARTLEY, JIM DABELL, JIM FRAYLING, JIM HALFPENNY, JIM MACARTHUR, JIM WOODWARD, JOE BANNER, JOE MCNALLY, JOE SIMMONDS, JOEY MOORE, JOHN FARAGHER, JOHN FOSTER, JOHN HAMMERSLEY, JOHN HIGGS, JOHN MATTHEWS, JOHNNIE SHANNON, JOHNNY WATTERS, JONTY WAREING, JOSH MCMILLAN, JOSHUA THOMASSON, JUDE EVANS, JUSTIN BRETT, JǏM MCNǏVEN, KATE DEVLIN, KEV ADAMS, KONRAD PETRUSEWICZ, LISA WESTHAVEN, LOUISE ALLEN, LUKE MEPHAM, MARINA DE JOSLIN, MARK HIBBETT, MARK WILSON, MARTIN BEER, MARTIN DAVIES, MARTIN HOLLOWAY, MARTIN PEACHE, MATHEW CLAYTON, MATSIMPSK, MATT BUCHANAN, MATT DREWRY, MATTHEW COLLINGE, MATTHEW FORMAN, MATTHEW MORRIS, MATTHEW WILKES, MICK CURTIS, MIDNIGHTRAMBLER, MIKE MIDDLETON, MIL JAMIESON, MONTOCAT, NEIL DE CARTERET, NICK ROSS, OBIW4N SHINOBI, OLIVER BEWES, PAUL CHERRY, PAUL LEADER, PAUL SMITH, PAUL WESTERMAN, PETER ASHTRAY, PETER COOMBE, PETER GOSLING, PETER MCMINN, PETER WOUDA, PHILIP KINCHINGTON, POOKONG, REBECCA MCMANUS, RHYS WYNNE, RICH POPE, RICHARD BECKETT, RICHARD MATTHIAS, RICK LINDLEY, RIVEN A BUCKLEY, ROB AFFLECK, ROB MAHON, ROB VINCENT, ROBBIE LESIUK, ROBERT HILLS, ROBIN, ROSS CARTER, ROSSOVERTHERE, RUPERT HULL, RYAN DORAN, RYAN RHODES, SALEEM AHMAD, SAM ANDERSON, SAM RUSSELL, SARAH WILLIAMSON, SCOTT S. KRAMER, SEAN CASELY, SIMON COWAN, SIMON HOLMES, SIMON MCDOUGALL, SIMON SMITH, SIMON WATERFALL, STARLORD MIXTAPE, STEPHEN WALLER, STEVE ANGLESEY, STEVE LAKER, STEVE PROWSE, , STEVEN SMITH, STEVEY GARLAND, STEWART NOLAN, STUART ALLDRED, STUART ASHEN, TIM JOKL, TIM MOUNCER, TIM WEAVER, TOM CRICK, TOM HEBBRON, TOM REES-WILLIAMS, TOM RYAN, TOM WRIGHT, TOWNSENDSPUBLISHER, TYRONNE MANN, VICKI JAKES, WIL HADDEN, WILL GOULDEN, GAVIN TOMMEY, IAN APPLEBY, PETE, STUART RICHARDS, TOBIE FYSH, CARL MESNER LYONS, CHRIS JOHNSON, EMMA SYKES, JAN SPIELHOFF, JESS BAKER, JOHN FIELD, MIKE CONGREVE, SEAN FLANAGAN, TOM FREKE, ED ZITRON, ADAM BEARDWOOD, DAVID STARK, ALASTAIR DODD, ALEXANDRE STRUBE, ANDREW ROBINSON, ANDY CANDLER, CHRIS GOODE, CONNOR PARSLOW, CRAIG NAPLES, DAN TASSE, DANIEL MOELLER, DANNY KODICEK, DOMINIC LE GARSMEUR, DUNCAN STRICKLAND, HARRY, IRENE SEMANCHUK, JOSEPH MULVANEY, JULIE BEACOCK, MARK BENSON, MICHAEL KITT, NICKY HEWGILL, PAUL TOPPING, PETER ROYAL, RICHARD SPEED, ROSE JOHNSON, SENTIENT MEATBAG, TIM BEACHY * BIG BROTHERS: Deny Coughlan, Peter Cooper, Nick Kent, Russ Anderson, 5telios, Adam Kaczmarek, Adam Tickner, Al Napp, Alex Wren, Alex Wrottesley, Amy Oliver, Andrea Vail, Andrew Harris, Andy Nattan, Andy Shirling, Ben, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben Groom, Ben Sugden, Ben Webb, Bobod, BSG, Cat Conner, Centuries of Sound, Chris Ward, Christina Freeman, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Dan Fairs, Darren John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David Ellinor, David Whittam, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol, Fenris Games, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Graham Freeman, Gwyn Fisher, Hadleigh Charles, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ian Silvester, Ilya, Ivan Shiel, Jace Otting, James, James Meers, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John Griffiths, John M, Jon Bounds, Julie Brumlik, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Mark Ryan, Martin Vindahl Olsen, Matt Carr, Matt Loren, Michael Bryan, Mike Booth, Mike Carter, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick, Nick Murdoch, Nigel Ford, Oli, P Underwood, Paul Bayfield, Paul Braithwaite, Paul Mancini, Paul Slade, Peter, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Rob Potter, Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Russell Webster, Sam Brown, Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen McAuley, Stephen Williams, Stewart C. Russell, Stéphane, Swedemason, Tanya Kant, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Knight, Tim Polglase, Tom Clark, Tony East, Victoria Wood, wigglywigglyworm, Wine School of Philadelphia. Written by Rob Manuel. Also thanks to Matt Round, Snotters, Monkeon, HappyToast (site help). ------------------------------------------------- Wonder if Paul McCartney goes to sleep going "Shit. Just spent all day wanking. Could have written another Yesterday but denied the world more genius because I couldn't stop messing with my dick." ------------------------------------------------- Please sub us some cash, thank you: https://www.patreon.com/b3ta next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive