we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "I'M AS SERIOUS AS MEASLES WHEN I SAY RHYTHM IS SOME WEASELS" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * GAME - Can you draw the perfect circle? * BREXIT - The disco album * TOY - Realistic bargain-bin simulator ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're shaving the cat ___/ _ |/_ > Can You Draw a Perfect Circle? << Matt Round writes, "This is one of those stupidly simple ideas I've kicked around for YEARS, but it needed to feel properly interactive and have perfect=100% without fudging the maths, recently solved all that so I've built it. I reckon anything over 97% is pretty good." https://vole.wtf/perfect-circle/ >> Brexit: the disco LP << Rhrodri Marsden writes, "I spent ten weeks channelling my Brexit-related anxiety into what I'm calling a disco symphony, but it's really a wail of impotent sarcasm. The Hustle takes some of the vague reassurances and blithely stated bullshit that we've been fed over the past three years, and sets it to the most relentlessly upbeat soundtrack that my eleven colleagues and I could muster. From Let's Go WTO ("We'll have a sunlit upland glow / when we go WTO") to Alternative Arrangements ("If you're in a mess you helped to create / alternative arrangements make it all great") we whoop our way through 35 minutes of deeply unconvincing Brexit propaganda, in disco format." This is actually great and we recommend clicking the YouTube link - kept us giggling for ages and then we actually enjoyed the music. https://article54.eu/ >> Bargain Bin simulator << Monkeon writes, "I've made a Bargain Bin simulator. Mostly for dead format nostalgia, but it also throws up interesting things on YouTube with 32 views and so also functions as a random video generator." https://monkeon.co.uk/bargainbin/ >> 80s platform game << Benjymous writes, "I built a little 80s inspired platformer for the #js13k compo - first time I've released something complete as a solo dev, so quite a milestone for me!" https://grapefruitopia.itch.io/singsongdingdong ------------------------------------------------- Song titles that could be euphemisms for wanking: Pump up the Jam Ernie, The Fastest Milkman in the West While my guitar gently weeps Stand and Deliver Here I Go Again (On My Own) Sowing The Seeds Of Love Union of the Snake Champagne Supernova 21 seconds to go Knock on Wood Icky Thump ------------------------------------------------- : FESSHOLE Your horrid confessions confessed anonymously There have been 11 separate confessions of fancying Priti Patel submitted to @fesshole. We don't know if it's one guy with an obsession or a whole nation with a Tory fetish. Anyway. JUST STOP. Anyway, here's three recent favs. * VEG HYPOCRISY - "Everyone thinks I'm a vegan except for the lady at the roadside cafe where I get a bacon and egg sandwich 2 or 3 times a week." * BREAD WIFE - "I hide the bread knife from the missus because she uses it for spreading butter rather than a proper knife and it really annoys me." * SQUISHY SHITE - "I used to catch my poos in toilet paper and squash them because it was squishy and fun. I was 29 when I stopped after my boyfriend caught me." 66,432 words submitted so far. Same length as Brave New World by Aldous Huxley, and every word an equal prediction of a terrifying future. https://twitter.com/fesshole ------------------------------------------------- Things to ban on the Tube before food: * Non-Londoners complaining that no one talks to each other * Drivers doing comedy patter * Free papers dribbling rightwing nonsense into your brain * The recorded V/o pronouncing Highgate wrong. It's HI-GATE, not HIG-UT ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff made by Tories in fancier sheds * SAND DROPPER THINGIE - we found this relaxing - kind of a living version of MS Paint: https://maxbittker.itch.io/sandspiel * BREAK WEBSITES WITH 'HONK' - and we like the format of presenting silly code projects like this in a formal way: https://honkify.netlify.com * WRITE BBC BASIC ON TWITTER - genius idea for a bot - send it 10 PRINT "HELLO" and remember to RUN. https://twitter.com/bbcbasicbot * GIANT MILITARY CATS - Just giant cats with military hardware. B3tatastic. We mean it's badly photoshopped cats like it's 2002. And what's wrong with that? https://twitter.com/GiantCat9 * COUNCIL NAMING FUN - Enjoying the names suggested by the public for the new Manchester city gritters: LS Ploughry; Usain Salt; Lionel Gritchie; Grita Thunberg; Snow Patrol; Gritney Spears; Grittersweet Symphony; Northern Plougherhouse; Spready Mercury. https://twitter.com/ManCityCouncil/status/11815248... ------------------------------------------------- : COLEEN VS VARDY The B3ta opinion 1. Rebekah did it 2. Rebekah's account is compromised 3. Coleen's account is compromised (this one worries me as she didn't show much attempt to rule this out) 4. They're colluding to promote the pair of them 5. Coleen is telling on herself in her sleep like Tyler Durden Who the fuck knows actually. ------------------------------------------------- : IMAGE CHALLENGE Celebrity Computer Games Here's the best images from last week: * THE FARAGE COLLECTION RE-ISSUED from Barbarossa: http://b3ta.com/board/11296499 * MOG QWOP from Tribs: http://b3ta.com/board/11296437 * UNTITLED AIDE GAME from Captain Howdy: http://b3ta.com/board/11296606 * See all the other images from the 'Celebrity Computer Games' challenge: https://b3ta.com/challenge/celebritycomputergames/... >> This week: Fish Albums << Photoshop classic LP covers as if they were performed, or are about fish. Or just make terrible fish / music puns. http://b3ta.com/challenge/fishalbums/popular/ ------------------------------------------------- People should have seasons like TV shows, but we just go on and on and on. Everyone needs a break and the opportunity to come back for season two as a robot or with a talking dog sidekick. ------------------------------------------------- : FOLLOW UPS What happened next on B3ta stories * HAPPY TOASY DOES VIDEO THAT BREAKS INTERNET - mocking Boris and look at those numbers. https://b3ta.com/links/no:5 * B3TA IMAGE ON TV - thanks to Coleen and i124nk8. https://twitter.com/i124nk8/status/118223285235788... * SHARDCORE IN BBC DOC - look it up on iPlayer or see the clip here: https://www.youtube.com/watch * YOUR EDITOR REVIEWS DAVID CAMERON - Rob aka Barry Sausages writes, "Yay. My review of David Cameron's book is the top review on Amazon. This means the chances of our ex Prime Minister having read it are pretty damn high." https://twitter.com/robmanuel/status/1182668629868... * FESSHOLE IN THE TABLOIDS - reached the Metro, Daily Mail and Daily Star. Link does to Daily Star as yeah, not linking the DM here. https://www.dailystar.co.uk/news/weird-news/people... ------------------------------------------------- 22% of the world's energy resources are currently being used to store unpopular podcasts by men who are too scared to phone their friends for a chat instead. ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make some shit and get in "it" * MR MASH BOT - You know those bots that mix up emoji to make new emojis? Something like that but mixing up Mr Men to make new Mr Men. * MOZZA FAN DOC - We'd like a documentary about how Morrissey's drift to the far right must have split Moz fandom. The tribute bands that are still singing Smiths songs, the young lefty people who got Morrissey tattoos before this blew up as bad as it is now (they exist). * SPOTIFY LP MODE - You tell it to play an album. And it plays the album and STOPS. That beautiful silence where you can still hear the last track in your head, then decide what's next. That's what's wrong with streaming: no silence. Just more sound until you hate music Tell us about your stinky whims: https://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- 1 like = one bit of data entered into sophisticated advertising system that builds a profile of you and then shows you an ad saying "Join the British Army" regardless ------------------------------------------------- : PATREON THANKS Thanking you, the best crew * BIGGEST BROTHERS: *EUGENIE VT*, *ALEX MORRIS*, *HEBTROCO*, *JAMES O'BRIEN*, *JAMES PETTS*, *JON GRANT*, *KATE*, *MARK MCCREADIE*, *MR PHIL DONNELLY*, *SHOWRAT*, *SIMON JAMES*, *STOOBERT*, *24-7 DEATH*, *ALAN CHARLTON*, *ALISTAIR*, *ANDREW FLEMMING*, *ANDREW WREN*, *BEVAN JOHNSON*, *BRIAN EELES*, *CHRIS BLAKENEY*, *CHRIS CARLINE*, *CHRIS LOCKE*, *CRISS MORENO*, *GEORGE STEPHENSON*, *GREG MCGOWAN*, *IAN SHEEN*, *JAIMIE VANDENBERGH*, *JAMES CRONIN*, *JON BINSTEAD*, *MARK ADAMSON*, *MICHAEL TRINDER*, *NAT KING COLESLAW*, *PATRICK CATES*, *RICHARD BARCLAY*, *SIMON NICHOLLS*, *SPAZZCAPTAIN*, *TOM DOLAN*, *WENDY GOODE * BIGGER BROTHERS: NICK MORGAN, LEE BURNETT, @MATTDAWHIT, ADAM ATACK, ADAM COONEY, ADAM INGLIS, ADAM LLOYD, ADRIAN WOODFIELD, AL DAVIDSON, ALBION GRAY, ANDREW SCHEUBER, ANDY ASHTON, ANDY STORRAR, ANDY TILLETT, ANDY WEBBER, ANDY YATES`, ANNA, ANNE-MARIE SCOTT, AUNTIESASH HAZLEWOOD, BEN BRICE, BEN WARD, BEN WATSON, BERTIL HANSSON, BERTRAM WOOSTER, BEX COOK, BLOSSOMSHED, BRAD GREGORY, BYRON GEOFFREY FARROW, C BOND, CARL MORGAN, CATHERINE MCALLISTER, CATROASTER, CHEF TWAT, CHRIS BRANCH, CHRIS EVANS, CHRIS GARRATT, CHRIS GOUGH, CHRIS PATERSON, CHRIS SAUNDERS, CHRIS SHAW, CHRIS WHITWORTH, CIARÁN R, COURTENAY FERRIS, CRAIG LIDDELL, CRAIG TONKS, CRAIG TURNER, DAMIEN SMITH, DAN STOTT, DANIEL BROWN, DANIEL CHOTE, DAVE NATTRISS, DAVE TICKLE, DAVID AULT, DAVID CATLEY, DAVID GARDINER, DAVID GREEN, DAVID KING, DAVID KNOLL, DAVID MILLS, DEREK LAW, DEREK ROBERTS, DOMINIC HAIGH, ED CAN DO, ED COOK, EDWARD ALMOND, EMMA LAY, ERIC VON BORSTEL, ESSY DAVE, FAITH H. MARTIN, FEARGHAS, FERGUS MCKAY, FIONA JAMES, FOURSTAR, FRASER LEWRY, FUNKSTER, GAYNOR CLARKSON, GEOFF TIDEY, GEOFFREY BALME, GEORGE PRESTON, GIA MILINOVICH, GNEISSROCKS, GRAHAM LICENCE, GREENFOX, GREG NEILSON, GUS NICOL, HANNAH CHUBB, HEIDI COLTHUP, HELEN GASKELL, IAIN, IAIN BRASSINGTON, IAIN FULLER, IAIN HENSHAW, IAIN MOFFATT, IAIN RUXTON, IAN BEVERIDGE, IAN BOLTZ, IVAN KELLY, JAMES CLAYTON, JAMES DONNELLY, JAMES GOLBEY, JAMES KERRY-BARNARD, JAMES MACINNES, JAMES O'MALLEY, JAMES PEARSON, JAMES SHAKESPEARE, JAMIE TAYLOR, JANE BAKER, JASON STEWART, JAY ROCHE, JAYMIE THOMAS, JERRY QUARTLEY, JIM DABELL, JIM FRAYLING, JIM HALFPENNY, JIM MACARTHUR, JIM WOODWARD, JOE BANNER, JOE MCNALLY, JOE SIMMONDS, JOEY MOORE, JOHN FARAGHER, JOHN FOSTER, JOHN HAMMERSLEY, JOHN HIGGS, JOHN MATTHEWS, JOHNNIE SHANNON, JOHNNY WATTERS, JONTY WAREING, JOSH MCMILLAN, JOSHUA THOMASSON, JUDE EVANS, JUSTIN BRETT, JǏM MCNǏVEN, KATE DEVLIN, KEV ADAMS, KONRAD PETRUSEWICZ, LISA WESTHAVEN, LOUISE ALLEN, LUKE MEPHAM, MARINA DE JOSLIN, MARK HIBBETT, MARK WILSON, MARTIN BEER, MARTIN DAVIES, MARTIN HOLLOWAY, MARTIN PEACHE, MATHEW CLAYTON, MATSIMPSK, MATT BUCHANAN, MATT DREWRY, MATTHEW COLLINGE, MATTHEW FORMAN, MATTHEW MORRIS, MATTHEW WILKES, MICK CURTIS, MIDNIGHTRAMBLER, MIKE MIDDLETON, MIL JAMIESON, MONTOCAT, NEIL DE CARTERET, NICK ROSS, OBIW4N SHINOBI, OLIVER BEWES, PAUL CHERRY, PAUL LEADER, PAUL SMITH, PAUL WESTERMAN, PETER ASHTRAY, PETER COOMBE, PETER GOSLING, PETER MCMINN, PETER WOUDA, PHILIP KINCHINGTON, POOKONG, REBECCA MCMANUS, RHYS WYNNE, RICH POPE, RICHARD BECKETT, RICHARD MATTHIAS, RICK LINDLEY, RIVEN A BUCKLEY, ROB AFFLECK, ROB MAHON, ROB VINCENT, ROBBIE LESIUK, ROBERT HILLS, ROBIN, ROSS CARTER, ROSSOVERTHERE, RUPERT HULL, RYAN DORAN, RYAN RHODES, SALEEM AHMAD, SAM ANDERSON, SAM RUSSELL, SARAH WILLIAMSON, SCOTT S. KRAMER, SEAN CASELY, SIMON COWAN, SIMON HOLMES, SIMON MCDOUGALL, SIMON SMITH, SIMON WATERFALL, STARLORD MIXTAPE, STEPHEN WALLER, STEVE ANGLESEY, STEVE LAKER, STEVE PROWSE, , STEVEN SMITH, STEVEY GARLAND, STEWART NOLAN, STUART ALLDRED, STUART ASHEN, TIM JOKL, TIM MOUNCER, TIM WEAVER, TOM CRICK, TOM HEBBRON, TOM REES-WILLIAMS, TOM RYAN, TOM WRIGHT, TOWNSENDSPUBLISHER, TYRONNE MANN, VICKI JAKES, WIL HADDEN, WILL GOULDEN, GAVIN TOMMEY, IAN APPLEBY, PETE, STUART RICHARDS, TOBIE FYSH, CARL MESNER LYONS, CHRIS JOHNSON, EMMA SYKES, JAN SPIELHOFF, JESS BAKER, JOHN FIELD, MIKE CONGREVE, SEAN FLANAGAN, TOM FREKE, ED ZITRON, ADAM BEARDWOOD, DAVID STARK, ALASTAIR DODD, ALEXANDRE STRUBE, ANDREW ROBINSON, ANDY CANDLER, CHRIS GOODE, CONNOR PARSLOW, CRAIG NAPLES, DAN TASSE, DANIEL MOELLER, DANNY KODICEK, DOMINIC LE GARSMEUR, DUNCAN STRICKLAND, HARRY, IRENE SEMANCHUK, JOSEPH MULVANEY, JULIE BEACOCK, MARK BENSON, MICHAEL KITT, NICKY HEWGILL, PAUL TOPPING, PETER ROYAL, RICHARD SPEED, ROSE JOHNSON, SENTIENT MEATBAG, TIM BEACHY * BIG BROTHERS: Deny Coughlan, Peter Cooper, Nick Kent, Russ Anderson, 5telios, Adam Kaczmarek, Adam Tickner, Al Napp, Alex Wren, Alex Wrottesley, Amy Oliver, Andrea Vail, Andrew Harris, Andy Nattan, Andy Shirling, Ben, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben Groom, Ben Sugden, Ben Webb, Bobod, BSG, Cat Conner, Centuries of Sound, Chris Ward, Christina Freeman, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Dan Fairs, Darren John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David Ellinor, David Whittam, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol, Fenris Games, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Graham Freeman, Gwyn Fisher, Hadleigh Charles, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ian Silvester, Ilya, Ivan Shiel, Jace Otting, James, James Meers, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John Griffiths, John M, Jon Bounds, Julie Brumlik, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Mark Ryan, Martin Vindahl Olsen, Matt Carr, Matt Loren, Michael Bryan, Mike Booth, Mike Carter, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick, Nick Murdoch, Nigel Ford, Oli, P Underwood, Paul Bayfield, Paul Braithwaite, Paul Mancini, Paul Slade, Peter, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Rob Potter, Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Russell Webster, Sam Brown, Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen McAuley, Stephen Williams, Stewart C. Russell, Stéphane, Swedemason, Tanya Kant, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Knight, Tim Polglase, Tom Clark, Tony East, Victoria Wood, wigglywigglyworm, Wine School of Philadelphia. Written by Rob Manuel. Also thanks to Matt Round, Snotters, Monkeon, HappyToast (site help). ------------------------------------------------- Day 4,380 in the Twitter house and journalists are moaning about other journalists for the 4,380th day running. ------------------------------------------------- Please sub us some cash, thank you: https://www.patreon.com/b3ta next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive