we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "WANT TO FEEL OLD? CATCH SIGHT OF YOUR OWN FACE REFLECTED IN THE LAPTOP SCREEN MID WANK" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * SUNSETS - And how to find them * VAMPIRES - More concentrated in the south UK * DEEP FAKES - Uk politics blah blah blah ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're chewing up bits of ___/ _ |/_ > Work Reply Soundboard << In a professional setting it can be hard to find the right words to get across your emotional reaction to requests & feedback, so Matt Round has built this tool to help. Our review? "Fine." https://vole.wtf/work-reply-soundboard/ >> Deep Fake Jacob Rees-Mogg << Shardcore writes, "been tinkering with some deepfakery...Jacob Rees-Mogg and The Child Catcher from Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang." There's also plenty of information in the blog post on how to do it yourself. BTW: TV commissioning types who are obviously commissioning a Deep Fakes comedy show as we type - remember to spend the money on writing rather than the tech. The tech isn't expensive. Good writing is. http://www.shardcore.org/shardpress2019/2019/08/15... >> Sunset webcam finder << Monkeon writes, "Webcams are relaxing to watch, as are sunrises and sunsets. To combine the two, I've made a list of 100 webcams from around the world and then used the sunrise-sunset.org API to flag up those which are broadcasting a sunrise or sunset at this very moment." Zambia's the best one we've seen, as you get a firefly light show at dusk. https://monkeon.co.uk/sunrisesearch/ >> What percent of the UK are vampires? << Matt Round has also used Google Surveys to generate statistically significant data about werewolves and vampires. People in London are more likely to think of themselves as vampires - and empirically we suspect the rest of the country would agree. https://vole.wtf/they-walk-among-us/ ------------------------------------------------- Location & kissing - a guide French kiss: w/ tongues Glasgow kiss: w/ forehead Australian kiss: much like a French kiss, only down-under. New Zealand kiss: like a Australian kiss, down under and round a bit. Rimming. ------------------------------------------------- : BOOK RECOMMENDATION The Ministry of Truth: A Biography of George Orwell's 1984 This week we've been mostly reading Dorian Lynskey's book on Orwell's Nineteen Eighty-Four. Best bit? Still laughing at HG Wells falling out with Orwell over Orwell characterising Wells' work in a limited way and Wells writing to him "Read my early works, you shit" So Alan Partridge. https://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B07L365W... ------------------------------------------------- What idiot called this Utah Saints' K Bush sampling hit 'Something Good' instead of "Are You On 1 Katie?" ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Content made by bastards who don't post on B3ta * DAILY MAIL RANDOM GENERATOR - Some cunt put this code together to generate fake headlines and the accompanying articles. It's scary how well it works. https://daily-fail-generator.herokuapp.com/ * JAPANESE MONEY INTERACTIVE - Simple game where you have to pay for things with Japanase money and try and get as little change in coins as possible. Maybe it was because we worked in bars, when younger, and enjoyed all that overpaying to make the change neat, that we found this utterly compelling. https://wendal.itch.io/japanese-money-simulator * GORBACHEV'S PIZZA HUT AD - a ridiculous ad from the recent past featuring the ex USSR premier chomping down on the delicious cheese of capitalism. https://www.youtube.com/watch * MAN DUETS "POSTMAN PAT" WITH KEIRA KNIGHTLEY - Comedy is an elusive thing, pretty sure this wouldn't sound funny if you read it as a script but it's extraordinarily good. https://b3ta.com/links/George_Cottier_is_Back * GAME SOUNDTRACK DOWNLOADS - Stuff your phone with a load of MP3s from old games and pretend you're Mario whilst jumping on fungus & walking the dog in the local murder park. https://downloads.khinsider.com/ * CREEPY MAN GOES "GARDENING" - someone is a fan of NosyBonk we think. https://b3ta.com/links/Quintens_been_gardening ------------------------------------------------- Knock knock Who's there? Spices Cumin? Yes I will thank you ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Send us some shit and we'll link it (maybe) * WAR ON HASHTAGS - A bot that monitors which hashtags Tory politicians are using and immediately switches to posting sweaty dicks on them. Yes it would get banned in minutes. Might need the Russian Bot Army to do it, so there's new bots created as fast as they're deleted. Get to work comrades. * RINGO DRUM MACHINE - noticed that there's no photos of the Beatles' drummer playing an electronic drum machine. So please make an art project where an animatronic Starr plays a real drum kit. Whilst we have a wank. * ABBA ROAD - With the Abbey Road anniversary we went to play the LP and typed "Ab" and it auto-suggested ABBA and we thought "there's a mashup idea for someone". Benny Lane. Job done. ------------------------------------------------- What's the difference between USA and USB? One has a white lead and never seems to be the correct way round, the other is an industry standard for cables. Read some jokes or write your own: https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/... ------------------------------------------------- : YAY WE HAVE A NEW(ISH-ISH) NEWSLETTER SPONSOR Mediamasters Podcast Paul Blanchard has got in touch to sponsor the newsletter "My primary purpose is to see you prosper! Love your work" and also promote his podcast. There's lots of big media names on it like Sir Trevor McDonald and Alan Rusbridger, so get stuck in: http://www.mediamasters.fm/ ------------------------------------------------- Controversial football opinion: the plural of football is feetballs. ------------------------------------------------- : PATREON THANKS * BIGGEST BROTHERS: *EUGENIE VT*, *ALEX MORRIS*, *HEBTROCO*, *JAMES O'BRIEN*, *JAMES PETTS*, *JON GRANT*, *KATE*, *MARK MCCREADIE*, *MR PHIL DONNELLY*, *SHOWRAT*, *SIMON JAMES*, *STOOBERT*, *24-7 DEATH*, *ALAN CHARLTON*, *ALISTAIR*, *ANDREW FLEMMING*, *ANDREW WREN*, *BEVAN JOHNSON*, *BRIAN EELES*, *CHRIS BLAKENEY*, *CHRIS CARLINE*, *CHRIS LOCKE*, *CRISS MORENO*, *GEORGE STEPHENSON*, *GREG MCGOWAN*, *IAN SHEEN*, *JAIMIE VANDENBERGH*, *JAMES CRONIN*, *JON BINSTEAD*, *MARK ADAMSON*, *MICHAEL TRINDER*, *NAT KING COLESLAW*, *PATRICK CATES*, *RICHARD BARCLAY*, *SIMON NICHOLLS*, *SPAZZCAPTAIN*, *TOM DOLAN*, *WENDY GOODE * BIGGER BROTHERS: NICK MORGAN, LEE BURNETT, @MATTDAWHIT, ADAM ATACK, ADAM COONEY, ADAM INGLIS, ADAM LLOYD, ADRIAN WOODFIELD, AL DAVIDSON, ALBION GRAY, ANDREW SCHEUBER, ANDY ASHTON, ANDY STORRAR, ANDY TILLETT, ANDY WEBBER, ANDY YATES`, ANNA, ANNE-MARIE SCOTT, AUNTIESASH HAZLEWOOD, BEN BRICE, BEN WARD, BEN WATSON, BERTIL HANSSON, BERTRAM WOOSTER, BEX COOK, BLOSSOMSHED, BRAD GREGORY, BYRON GEOFFREY FARROW, C BOND, CARL MORGAN, CATHERINE MCALLISTER, CATROASTER, CHEF TWAT, CHRIS BRANCH, CHRIS EVANS, CHRIS GARRATT, CHRIS GOUGH, CHRIS PATERSON, CHRIS SAUNDERS, CHRIS SHAW, CHRIS WHITWORTH, CIARÁN R, COURTENAY FERRIS, CRAIG LIDDELL, CRAIG TONKS, CRAIG TURNER, DAMIEN SMITH, DAN STOTT, DANIEL BROWN, DANIEL CHOTE, DAVE NATTRISS, DAVE TICKLE, DAVID AULT, DAVID CATLEY, DAVID GARDINER, DAVID GREEN, DAVID KING, DAVID KNOLL, DAVID MILLS, DEREK LAW, DEREK ROBERTS, DOMINIC HAIGH, ED CAN DO, ED COOK, EDWARD ALMOND, EMMA LAY, ERIC VON BORSTEL, ESSY DAVE, FAITH H. MARTIN, FEARGHAS, FERGUS MCKAY, FIONA JAMES, FOURSTAR, FRASER LEWRY, FUNKSTER, GAYNOR CLARKSON, GEOFF TIDEY, GEOFFREY BALME, GEORGE PRESTON, GIA MILINOVICH, GNEISSROCKS, GRAHAM LICENCE, GREENFOX, GREG NEILSON, GUS NICOL, HANNAH CHUBB, HEIDI COLTHUP, HELEN GASKELL, IAIN, IAIN BRASSINGTON, IAIN FULLER, IAIN HENSHAW, IAIN MOFFATT, IAIN RUXTON, IAN BEVERIDGE, IAN BOLTZ, IVAN KELLY, JAMES CLAYTON, JAMES DONNELLY, JAMES GOLBEY, JAMES KERRY-BARNARD, JAMES MACINNES, JAMES O'MALLEY, JAMES PEARSON, JAMES SHAKESPEARE, JAMIE TAYLOR, JANE BAKER, JASON STEWART, JAY ROCHE, JAYMIE THOMAS, JERRY QUARTLEY, JIM DABELL, JIM FRAYLING, JIM HALFPENNY, JIM MACARTHUR, JIM WOODWARD, JOE BANNER, JOE MCNALLY, JOE SIMMONDS, JOEY MOORE, JOHN FARAGHER, JOHN FOSTER, JOHN HAMMERSLEY, JOHN HIGGS, JOHN MATTHEWS, JOHNNIE SHANNON, JOHNNY WATTERS, JONTY WAREING, JOSH MCMILLAN, JOSHUA THOMASSON, JUDE EVANS, JUSTIN BRETT, JǏM MCNǏVEN, KATE DEVLIN, KEV ADAMS, KONRAD PETRUSEWICZ, LISA WESTHAVEN, LOUISE ALLEN, LUKE MEPHAM, MARINA DE JOSLIN, MARK HIBBETT, MARK WILSON, MARTIN BEER, MARTIN DAVIES, MARTIN HOLLOWAY, MARTIN PEACHE, MATHEW CLAYTON, MATSIMPSK, MATT BUCHANAN, MATT DREWRY, MATTHEW COLLINGE, MATTHEW FORMAN, MATTHEW MORRIS, MATTHEW WILKES, MICK CURTIS, MIDNIGHTRAMBLER, MIKE MIDDLETON, MIL JAMIESON, MONTOCAT, NEIL DE CARTERET, NICK ROSS, OBIW4N SHINOBI, OLIVER BEWES, PAUL CHERRY, PAUL LEADER, PAUL SMITH, PAUL WESTERMAN, PETER ASHTRAY, PETER COOMBE, PETER GOSLING, PETER MCMINN, PETER WOUDA, PHILIP KINCHINGTON, POOKONG, REBECCA MCMANUS, RHYS WYNNE, RICH POPE, RICHARD BECKETT, RICHARD MATTHIAS, RICK LINDLEY, RIVEN A BUCKLEY, ROB AFFLECK, ROB MAHON, ROB VINCENT, ROBBIE LESIUK, ROBERT HILLS, ROBIN, ROSS CARTER, ROSSOVERTHERE, RUPERT HULL, RYAN DORAN, RYAN RHODES, SALEEM AHMAD, SAM ANDERSON, SAM RUSSELL, SARAH WILLIAMSON, SCOTT S. KRAMER, SEAN CASELY, SIMON COWAN, SIMON HOLMES, SIMON MCDOUGALL, SIMON SMITH, SIMON WATERFALL, STARLORD MIXTAPE, STEPHEN WALLER, STEVE ANGLESEY, STEVE LAKER, STEVE PROWSE, , STEVEN SMITH, STEVEY GARLAND, STEWART NOLAN, STUART ALLDRED, STUART ASHEN, TIM JOKL, TIM MOUNCER, TIM WEAVER, TOM CRICK, TOM HEBBRON, TOM REES-WILLIAMS, TOM RYAN, TOM WRIGHT, TOWNSENDSPUBLISHER, TYRONNE MANN, VICKI JAKES, WIL HADDEN, WILL GOULDEN, GAVIN TOMMEY, IAN APPLEBY, PETE, STUART RICHARDS, TOBIE FYSH, CARL MESNER LYONS, CHRIS JOHNSON, EMMA SYKES, JAN SPIELHOFF, JESS BAKER, JOHN FIELD, MIKE CONGREVE, SEAN FLANAGAN, TOM FREKE, ED ZITRON, ADAM BEARDWOOD, DAVID STARK, ALASTAIR DODD, ALEXANDRE STRUBE, ANDREW ROBINSON, ANDY CANDLER, CHRIS GOODE, CONNOR PARSLOW, CRAIG NAPLES, DAN TASSE, DANIEL MOELLER, DANNY KODICEK, DOMINIC LE GARSMEUR, DUNCAN STRICKLAND, HARRY, IRENE SEMANCHUK, JOSEPH MULVANEY, JULIE BEACOCK, MARK BENSON, MICHAEL KITT, NICKY HEWGILL, PAUL TOPPING, PETER ROYAL, RICHARD SPEED, ROSE JOHNSON, SENTIENT MEATBAG, TIM BEACHY * BIG BROTHERS: Deny Coughlan, Peter Cooper, Nick Kent, Russ Anderson, 5telios, Adam Kaczmarek, Adam Tickner, Al Napp, Alex Wren, Alex Wrottesley, Amy Oliver, Andrea Vail, Andrew Harris, Andy Nattan, Andy Shirling, Ben, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben Groom, Ben Sugden, Ben Webb, Bobod, BSG, Cat Conner, Centuries of Sound, Chris Ward, Christina Freeman, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Dan Fairs, Darren John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David Ellinor, David Whittam, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol, Fenris Games, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Graham Freeman, Gwyn Fisher, Hadleigh Charles, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ian Silvester, Ilya, Ivan Shiel, Jace Otting, James, James Meers, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John Griffiths, John M, Jon Bounds, Julie Brumlik, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Mark Ryan, Martin Vindahl Olsen, Matt Carr, Matt Loren, Michael Bryan, Mike Booth, Mike Carter, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick, Nick Murdoch, Nigel Ford, Oli, P Underwood, Paul Bayfield, Paul Braithwaite, Paul Mancini, Paul Slade, Peter, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Rob Potter, Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Russell Webster, Sam Brown, Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen McAuley, Stephen Williams, Stewart C. Russell, Stéphane, Swedemason, Tanya Kant, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Knight, Tim Polglase, Tom Clark, Tony East, Victoria Wood, wigglywigglyworm, Wine School of Philadelphia. Also thanks to Monkeon, HappyToast, Sn0tters & Matt Round, JimmerUK, DerKommissar, Hoppitygoestotown, garidead, @christhebarker. Final thought & reward for scrolling down: You know what would be cool? If every time someone was born we planted an acorn. And then you could go and visit your tree as you grow up, and it would be next to your parents' trees which would be bigger. And there's Auntie Mable, who's gone now but her tree is 140 years old. Please sub us some cash, thank you: https://www.patreon.com/b3ta next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive