we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "PETER GABRIEL NAMES AGONY UNCLE SERVICE PG TIPS" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * QUIZ - Play Your Postcards RIGHT * BOT - How long until Chernobyl is livable? * CHALLENGE - Animals in movies ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're eating our earwax, ___/ _ |/_ > Play your postcards right << Monkeon writes, "An unlaunched game I made for UsVsTh3m a few years back, which I thought I'd fish out of the bin." Ah glad you did Monkeon, this is a fine bit of interactive entertainment. https://www.monkeon.co.uk/playyourpostcardsright/ >> Can You Recognise the Facial Features of These Celebrity Chefs? << Bill G Christmas writes, "I've not posted on here in an age but this thing I made while looking at face detection APIs seems appropriate." https://www.isthisjamieoliversnose.com/ >> Tory Leadership Racer << Andrew-T writes, "The Tory leadership race is both boring and terrifying so I thought I'd turn it into a Snes-style kart-racing game that is hopefully neither." https://github.andrewt.net/tory-leadership-racer/ ------------------------------------------------- Fuck it - let's do new names for Chuka's party The Glib Dems Middlemen The alt-shite Neu Labour Centrist Duds Chuka Can'ts HDMI Splitters People's Front of Judea Remainers who love to Leave The who now? ------------------------------------------------- Amazon doing smart plugs for £10. We simultaneously think this is cool but can't think of a single way this would improve our lives. Home automation was always some sci-fi dream but now it's here we're just a bit "but it's pointless". Use promo code SMARTPLUG at checkout, or don't. Who cares? (To be fair, might be quite useful if you struggle with mobility) https://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B01NAXS2... ------------------------------------------------- "People who measure in feet and inches are twats" says man who eats 30cm pizza whilst watching his 101.6cm TV, wearing his 81.28cm jeans. ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Feed this content into your open maw * CHERNOBYL BOT - world has gone mad for the Hangover 3 sequel Chernobyl, but the thing we're really enjoying is this real-time bot that shows how long it'll take before the abandoned town is safe again. Well done humanity, making our world uninhabitable for humans one square inch at a time. https://twitter.com/chernobylstatus/status/1134444... * NEAT ENCODING METHOD - A novel way of sending encoded messages. We can't think of anything that we could be bothered doing a 15x15 puzzle for, so that's presumably a secure way of sending your banking details to someone. https://pycto.io/decrypt/ * WORZEL GUMMIDGE PAEDOPHILE SONG - we hope the BBC Worzel Gummidge reboot includes "never talk to a stranger" - possibly the creepiest thing ever made in the name of protecting kids. "No matter what is said you could just end up dead" is the greatest lyric in the history of pop, and so gleefully delivered: Worzel wants these kids dead. All of them. https://www.youtube.com/watch * ETCH-A-SKETCH CAMERA - a fun Raspberry Pi project. Hopefully to be followed by a *picks random 80s Toy and electronic gadget* Teddy Ruxpin Alexa. https://www.donttakepictures.com/dtp-blog/2019/5/2... * PHOTOGRAPHER REUNITES PEOPLE HE FIRST SPOTTED ON THE STREETS 40 YEARS AGO - Chris Porsz took photos of people in his hometown of Peterborough, Cambridgeshire in the late 1970s and 80s. Decades later he set out to find them. http://flashbak.com/photographer-reunites-people-h... * TALK TO TRANSFORMER - AI thing which autocompletes based on a chunk of text. You have to play around with it a bit, but when it works the results are rofl etc. https://talktotransformer.com/ ------------------------------------------------- Hollywood porn films we've just made up: One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Breast Das Booty American History XXX Casawanker The Great Dicktator Bravehardon Dr Strangelover Paths Of Gloryholes Sex Toy Story 3 Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Behind Good Will Cunting Reservoir Snogs Sorry. ------------------------------------------------- : IMAGE CHALLENGE Food Weapons Here's the best images from last week: * SHAKEN NOT STIRRED - monkeon. http://b3ta.com/board/11286795 * I'D BUY THAT FOR A DOLLAR - HappyToast. http://b3ta.com/board/11286839 * HE'LL TEAR YOUR ROULE APART - (Captain Howdy) http://b3ta.com/board/11286978 And here's them all: https://b3ta.com/challenge/foodweapons/popular/ >> This week: Animal Movie Posters << Replace actors with animals in movie posters to give us some wonderful movie/animal puns. The Codfather, Fight Cub, Apocalypse Cow. It's a classic b3ta animals in movie posters challenge. http://b3ta.com/challenge/animalmovieposters ------------------------------------------------- Bands could play their own names on a keyboard: ABBA ABC AC/DC (There's probably more but we got bored looking) ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Dubious but free ideas for you dear reader * VIZ CARTOON - called Piers' Organ, where it's like The Numskulls but it's lots of dicks living instead Piers' dick and they control what he does. "Oh god, someone is getting attention on the internet, how can I insert myself in the middle of it and make it about ME." * COVER VERSIONS - Sledgehammer covered by Sister Sledge and MC Hammer please. * 1980s HOME AUTOMATION - People get into retro stuff but we want to see someone automate their house with their Amstrad CPC. Seriously we just read about "red box" - a system for turning individual plugs on and off all powered by Alan's finest. Send your shite to: http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- New song titles that you can also play as notes and suggestions on who should perform them: Bad Beef (Kanye West) Edge Decade (Bowie) Bed Face (Ariana Grande) Dada Babe (Ultravox) Obviously you could also have stuff like "dead cabbage" but that would be silly and we don't like silly songs. ------------------------------------------------- : CREDIT Edited / written whatever you call it, by Rob Manuel. Additional links from Monkeon & Matt Round, i124nk8 & Zuowan. Joke by Delay Tactics. Tip by The Archduke of South London. ------------------------------------------------- : TOP TIP * INTERNET GEEKS - trick your online friends into thinking you have real friends by not logging online for a few hours. http://b3ta.com/questions/toptips/all ------------------------------------------------- : PATREON THANKS BIGGEST BROTHERS: *EUGENIE VT*, *ALEX MORRIS*, *HEBTROCO*, *JAMES O'BRIEN*, *JAMES PETTS*, *JON GRANT*, *KATE*, *MARK MCCREADIE*, *MR PHIL DONNELLY*, *SHOWRAT*, *SIMON JAMES*, *STOOBERT*, *24-7 DEATH*, *ALAN CHARLTON*, *ALISTAIR*, *ANDREW FLEMMING*, *ANDREW WREN*, *BEVAN JOHNSON*, *BRIAN EELES*, *CHRIS BLAKENEY*, *CHRIS CARLINE*, *CHRIS LOCKE*, *CRISS MORENO*, *GEORGE STEPHENSON*, *GREG MCGOWAN*, *IAN SHEEN*, *JAIMIE VANDENBERGH*, *JAMES CRONIN*, *JON BINSTEAD*, *MARK ADAMSON*, *MICHAEL TRINDER*, *NAT KING COLESLAW*, *PATRICK CATES*, *RICHARD BARCLAY*, *SIMON NICHOLLS*, *SPAZZCAPTAIN*, *TOM DOLAN*, *WENDY GOODE BIGGER BROTHERS: NICK MORGAN, LEE BURNETT, @MATTDAWHIT, ADAM ATACK, ADAM COONEY, ADAM INGLIS, ADAM LLOYD, ADRIAN WOODFIELD, AL DAVIDSON, ALBION GRAY, ANDREW SCHEUBER, ANDY ASHTON, ANDY STORRAR, ANDY TILLETT, ANDY WEBBER, ANDY YATES`, ANNA, ANNE-MARIE SCOTT, AUNTIESASH HAZLEWOOD, BEN BRICE, BEN WARD, BEN WATSON, BERTIL HANSSON, BERTRAM WOOSTER, BEX COOK, BLOSSOMSHED, BRAD GREGORY, BYRON GEOFFREY FARROW, C BOND, CARL MORGAN, CATHERINE MCALLISTER, CATROASTER, CHEF TWAT, CHRIS BRANCH, CHRIS EVANS, CHRIS GARRATT, CHRIS GOUGH, CHRIS PATERSON, CHRIS SAUNDERS, CHRIS SHAW, CHRIS WHITWORTH, CIARÁN R, COURTENAY FERRIS, CRAIG LIDDELL, CRAIG TONKS, CRAIG TURNER, DAMIEN SMITH, DAN STOTT, DANIEL BROWN, DANIEL CHOTE, DAVE NATTRISS, DAVE TICKLE, DAVID AULT, DAVID CATLEY, DAVID GARDINER, DAVID GREEN, DAVID KING, DAVID KNOLL, DAVID MILLS, DEREK LAW, DEREK ROBERTS, DOMINIC HAIGH, ED CAN DO, ED COOK, EDWARD ALMOND, EMMA LAY, ERIC VON BORSTEL, ESSY DAVE, FAITH H. 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KRAMER, SEAN CASELY, SIMON COWAN, SIMON HOLMES, SIMON MCDOUGALL, SIMON SMITH, SIMON WATERFALL, STARLORD MIXTAPE, STEPHEN WALLER, STEVE ANGLESEY, STEVE LAKER, STEVE PROWSE, , STEVEN SMITH, STEVEY GARLAND, STEWART NOLAN, STUART ALLDRED, STUART ASHEN, TIM JOKL, TIM MOUNCER, TIM WEAVER, TOM CRICK, TOM HEBBRON, TOM REES-WILLIAMS, TOM RYAN, TOM WRIGHT, TOWNSENDSPUBLISHER, TYRONNE MANN, VICKI JAKES, WIL HADDEN, WILL GOULDEN, GAVIN TOMMEY, IAN APPLEBY, PETE, STUART RICHARDS, TOBIE FYSH, CARL MESNER LYONS, CHRIS JOHNSON, EMMA SYKES, JAN SPIELHOFF, JESS BAKER, JOHN FIELD, MIKE CONGREVE, SEAN FLANAGAN, TOM FREKE, ED ZITRON, ADAM BEARDWOOD, DAVID STARK, ALASTAIR DODD, ALEXANDRE STRUBE, ANDREW ROBINSON, ANDY CANDLER, CHRIS GOODE, CONNOR PARSLOW, CRAIG NAPLES, DAN TASSE, DANIEL MOELLER, DANNY KODICEK, DOMINIC LE GARSMEUR, DUNCAN STRICKLAND, HARRY, IRENE SEMANCHUK, JOSEPH MULVANEY, JULIE BEACOCK, MARK BENSON, MICHAEL KITT, NICKY HEWGILL, PAUL TOPPING, PETER ROYAL, RICHARD SPEED, ROSE JOHNSON, SENTIENT MEATBAG, TIM BEACHY BIG BROTHERS: Deny Coughlan, Peter Cooper, Nick Kent, Russ Anderson, 5telios, Adam Kaczmarek, Adam Tickner, Al Napp, Alex Wren, Alex Wrottesley, Amy Oliver, Andrea Vail, Andrew Harris, Andy Nattan, Andy Shirling, Ben, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben Groom, Ben Sugden, Ben Webb, Bobod, BSG, Cat Conner, Centuries of Sound, Chris Ward, Christina Freeman, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Dan Fairs, Darren John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David Ellinor, David Whittam, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol, Fenris Games, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Graham Freeman, Gwyn Fisher, Hadleigh Charles, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ian Silvester, Ilya, Ivan Shiel, Jace Otting, James, James Meers, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John Griffiths, John M, Jon Bounds, Julie Brumlik, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Mark Ryan, Martin Vindahl Olsen, Matt Carr, Matt Loren, Michael Bryan, Mike Booth, Mike Carter, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick, Nick Murdoch, Nigel Ford, Oli, P Underwood, Paul Bayfield, Paul Braithwaite, Paul Mancini, Paul Slade, Peter, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Rob Potter, Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Russell Webster, Sam Brown, Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen McAuley, Stephen Williams, Stewart C. Russell, Stéphane, Swedemason, Tanya Kant, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Knight, Tim Polglase, Tom Clark, Tony East, Victoria Wood, wigglywigglyworm, Wine School of Philadelphia. Please bung us your cash: https://www.patreon.com/b3ta ------------------------------------------------- : YAY WE HAVE A NEW(ISH) NEWSLETTER SPONSOR Mediamasters Podcast Paul Blanchard has got in touch to sponsor the newsletter "My primary purpose is to see you prosper! Love your work" and also promote his podcast. There's lots of big media names on it like Sir Trevor McDonald and Alan Rusbridger, so get stuck in: http://www.mediamasters.fm/ And if YOU also want to be a big sponsor then fill "company sponsorship" in on the old Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/b3ta ------------------------------------------------- The human urge to correct strangers on the internet is why Twitter is so bad and Wikipedia is so good. ------------------------------------------------- : AND SPECIAL THANKS TO ED For being our longest patreon Follow him on the Twitter. Go on. https://twitter.com/edzitron ------------------------------------------------- : I'M SORRY I'VE WRITTEN A JOKE How do they put the holes in a colander? Sieve I care. https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/... next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive