we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "READING THIS NEWSLETTER WILL GIVE YOU 24 HOURS GOOD LUCK" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * QUIZ - Can you name the Sleeperblokes? * CHALLENGE - Rename a movie, badly * FREE HANDJOB FOR EVERY READER - and other lies ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're watching the ___/ _ |/_ > This week: Rename Films Badly << We're renaming famous films this week. Pick a movie, throw away it's carefully considered and focus group tested title and replace it with something stupider. http://b3ta.com/challenge/renamefilmsbadly BTW: A few to start you off: Back To The Future - Incest Time Machine Psycho - Don't Shower! Schindler's List - The Good Nazi Raiders of the Lost Ark - Mr Whippy Alien - SPACE JAWS! Aliens - SPACE JAWES! ------------------------------------------------- Ted was an excellent movie that told the story of how male friendship changes when men get serious girlfriends and wives, whereas Ted 2 was lost in it's own world building and didn't work as an allegory at all. In this TED talk... ------------------------------------------------- : FOLLOW FRIDAY Stupid Twitter accounts to follow this week * DARTBOARDS OF FILM AND TV - this account collects images of when dartboards can be seen in the background of films and TV. Beyond pointless but amusing. https://twitter.com/dartsfilmtv * ACTUAL JAPANESE P**N VIDEO TITLES - Ok let's try and quote some of the ones without words that'll upset the filters: "Embarrassing Farts In Front Of Strangers", "Chasing The Big S**t Woman. The Invisible Man Camera" and "I Was Being F***ed In Front Of The Photo Of My Dead Husband, And I Went Insane With Orgasmic Pleasure" https://twitter.com/JAVdottxt * PARTRIDGE TREK - Your favorite Alan Partridge quotes on photos of the AHA Enterprise. https://twitter.com/partridgetrek ------------------------------------------------- Radio 4 is doing Adrian Mole: The Cappuccino Years and it's delightful. It's not the best known stuff as it's not the iconic teenage diaries but covering Tony Blair's election gives it double nostalgia and Sue Townsend's writing is as sharp as ever. Such an eye for a comic skewering with specific detail and class observation. https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0001t9k ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BEEF Stuff from outside the official B3ta universe * HAMPSTERDANCE ORAL HISTORY - fascinating long read about Hampsterdance and the various people who tried to cash in on it. And yes the P is intentional, an attempt to make it trademarkable. https://www.cbc.ca/arts/the-oral-history-of-the-ha... * CHARLIE BROOKER ON CULTURE WARS - we miss Charlie Brooker. We don't want pessimistic techno dramas. We want him ranting about stuff. On second thoughts maybe Charlie took a sniff of the air and realised everyone was ranting their thoughts into the abyss and figured he'd be best of doing something else. Got out before the hoards took over. Smart move. https://www.youtube.com/watch * OLD BUT GOLD - Wonderful Facebook post with the guy who whose robot vacuum cleaner smeared dog shit over his entire house https://www.facebook.com/jesse.newton.37/posts/776... … * VERY SLOW MOVIE PLAYER - 24 frames per hour on a Kindle. "You don't watch them because they're not films; they're portraits so you see them, and it just so happens that you see them in four dimensions." https://medium.com/@bryan/very-slow-movie-player-4... * COCK DRAWING TOOL - whatever you draw it turns into cocks. Hooray! http://seoi.net/penint/ ------------------------------------------------- "Is the bit the Allen key fits into just called an 'Alan'?" ------------------------------------------------- : FOLLOW UPS What happened "next" * SWEDEMASON'S MORRISEY VIDEO NABBED BY MORRISSEY - "I pinch Morrissey's song, Morrissey nicks my vid. Tit for tat." https://www.facebook.com/Morrissey/videos/vb.13044... ------------------------------------------------- : IDEAS FOR HORROR MOVIES WITH VERY SHORT TITLES Can print the title big you see EX - evil ex HE - evil man HO - evil Santa HA - evil clown BA - evil sheep ------------------------------------------------- : THANKS EricHitchmough @itskatelliott @mattround tubaman HappyToast Monkeon ------------------------------------------------- Next year let's not have #whamageddon and instead do #whamcember and just play George Michael records all month because he was great. This is our TED talk and goodnight. ------------------------------------------------- : PATREON THANKS BIGGEST BROTHERS: *EUGENIE VT*, *ALEX MORRIS*, *HEBTROCO*, *JAMES O'BRIEN*, *JAMES PETTS*, *JON GRANT*, *KATE*, *MARK MCCREADIE*, *MR PHIL DONNELLY*, *SHOWRAT*, *SIMON JAMES*, *STOOBERT*, *24-7 DEATH*, *ALAN CHARLTON*, *ALISTAIR*, *ANDREW FLEMMING*, *ANDREW WREN*, *BEVAN JOHNSON*, *BRIAN EELES*, *CHRIS BLAKENEY*, *CHRIS CARLINE*, *CHRIS LOCKE*, *CRISS MORENO*, *GEORGE STEPHENSON*, *GREG MCGOWAN*, *IAN SHEEN*, *JAIMIE VANDENBERGH*, *JAMES CRONIN*, *JON BINSTEAD*, *MARK ADAMSON*, *MICHAEL TRINDER*, *NAT KING COLESLAW*, *PATRICK CATES*, *RICHARD BARCLAY*, *SIMON NICHOLLS*, *SPAZZCAPTAIN*, *TOM DOLAN*, *WENDY GOODE BIGGER BROTHERS: NICK MORGAN, LEE BURNETT, @MATTDAWHIT, ADAM ATACK, ADAM COONEY, ADAM INGLIS, ADAM LLOYD, ADRIAN WOODFIELD, AL DAVIDSON, ALBION GRAY, ANDREW SCHEUBER, ANDY ASHTON, ANDY STORRAR, ANDY TILLETT, ANDY WEBBER, ANDY YATES`, ANNA, ANNE-MARIE SCOTT, AUNTIESASH HAZLEWOOD, BEN BRICE, BEN WARD, BEN WATSON, BERTIL HANSSON, BERTRAM WOOSTER, BEX COOK, BLOSSOMSHED, BRAD GREGORY, BYRON GEOFFREY FARROW, C BOND, CARL MORGAN, CATHERINE MCALLISTER, CATROASTER, CHEF TWAT, CHRIS BRANCH, CHRIS EVANS, CHRIS GARRATT, CHRIS GOUGH, CHRIS PATERSON, CHRIS SAUNDERS, CHRIS SHAW, CHRIS WHITWORTH, CIARÁN R, COURTENAY FERRIS, CRAIG LIDDELL, CRAIG TONKS, CRAIG TURNER, DAMIEN SMITH, DAN STOTT, DANIEL BROWN, DANIEL CHOTE, DAVE NATTRISS, DAVE TICKLE, DAVID AULT, DAVID CATLEY, DAVID GARDINER, DAVID GREEN, DAVID KING, DAVID KNOLL, DAVID MILLS, DEREK LAW, DEREK ROBERTS, DOMINIC HAIGH, ED CAN DO, ED COOK, EDWARD ALMOND, EMMA LAY, ERIC VON BORSTEL, ESSY DAVE, FAITH H. MARTIN, FEARGHAS, FERGUS MCKAY, FIONA JAMES, FOURSTAR, FRASER LEWRY, FUNKSTER, GAYNOR CLARKSON, GEOFF TIDEY, GEOFFREY BALME, GEORGE PRESTON, GIA MILINOVICH, GNEISSROCKS, GRAHAM LICENCE, GREENFOX, GREG NEILSON, GUS NICOL, HANNAH CHUBB, HEIDI COLTHUP, HELEN GASKELL, IAIN, IAIN BRASSINGTON, IAIN FULLER, IAIN HENSHAW, IAIN MOFFATT, IAIN RUXTON, IAN BEVERIDGE, IAN BOLTZ, IVAN KELLY, JAMES CLAYTON, JAMES DONNELLY, JAMES GOLBEY, JAMES KERRY-BARNARD, JAMES MACINNES, JAMES O'MALLEY, JAMES PEARSON, JAMES SHAKESPEARE, JAMIE TAYLOR, JANE BAKER, JASON STEWART, JAY ROCHE, JAYMIE THOMAS, JERRY QUARTLEY, JIM DABELL, JIM FRAYLING, JIM HALFPENNY, JIM MACARTHUR, JIM WOODWARD, JOE BANNER, JOE MCNALLY, JOE SIMMONDS, JOEY MOORE, JOHN FARAGHER, JOHN FOSTER, JOHN HAMMERSLEY, JOHN HIGGS, JOHN MATTHEWS, JOHNNIE SHANNON, JOHNNY WATTERS, JONTY WAREING, JOSH MCMILLAN, JOSHUA THOMASSON, JUDE EVANS, JUSTIN BRETT, JǏM MCNǏVEN, KATE DEVLIN, KEV ADAMS, KONRAD PETRUSEWICZ, LISA WESTHAVEN, LOUISE ALLEN, LUKE MEPHAM, MARINA DE JOSLIN, MARK HIBBETT, MARK WILSON, MARTIN BEER, MARTIN DAVIES, MARTIN HOLLOWAY, MARTIN PEACHE, MATHEW CLAYTON, MATSIMPSK, MATT BUCHANAN, MATT DREWRY, MATTHEW COLLINGE, MATTHEW FORMAN, MATTHEW MORRIS, MATTHEW WILKES, MICK CURTIS, MIDNIGHTRAMBLER, MIKE MIDDLETON, MIL JAMIESON, MONTOCAT, NEIL DE CARTERET, NICK ROSS, OBIW4N SHINOBI, OLIVER BEWES, PAUL CHERRY, PAUL LEADER, PAUL SMITH, PAUL WESTERMAN, PETER ASHTRAY, PETER COOMBE, PETER GOSLING, PETER MCMINN, PETER WOUDA, PHILIP KINCHINGTON, POOKONG, REBECCA MCMANUS, RHYS WYNNE, RICH POPE, RICHARD BECKETT, RICHARD MATTHIAS, RICK LINDLEY, RIVEN A BUCKLEY, ROB AFFLECK, ROB MAHON, ROB VINCENT, ROBBIE LESIUK, ROBERT HILLS, ROBIN, ROSS CARTER, ROSSOVERTHERE, RUPERT HULL, RYAN DORAN, RYAN RHODES, SALEEM AHMAD, SAM ANDERSON, SAM RUSSELL, SARAH WILLIAMSON, SCOTT S. KRAMER, SEAN CASELY, SIMON COWAN, SIMON HOLMES, SIMON MCDOUGALL, SIMON SMITH, SIMON WATERFALL, STARLORD MIXTAPE, STEPHEN WALLER, STEVE ANGLESEY, STEVE LAKER, STEVE PROWSE, , STEVEN SMITH, STEVEY GARLAND, STEWART NOLAN, STUART ALLDRED, STUART ASHEN, TIM JOKL, TIM MOUNCER, TIM WEAVER, TOM CRICK, TOM HEBBRON, TOM REES-WILLIAMS, TOM RYAN, TOM WRIGHT, TOWNSENDSPUBLISHER, TYRONNE MANN, VICKI JAKES, WIL HADDEN, WILL GOULDEN, GAVIN TOMMEY, IAN APPLEBY, PETE, STUART RICHARDS, TOBIE FYSH, CARL MESNER LYONS, CHRIS JOHNSON, EMMA SYKES, JAN SPIELHOFF, JESS BAKER, JOHN FIELD, MIKE CONGREVE, SEAN FLANAGAN, TOM FREKE, ED ZITRON, ADAM BEARDWOOD, DAVID STARK, ALASTAIR DODD, ALEXANDRE STRUBE, ANDREW ROBINSON, ANDY CANDLER, CHRIS GOODE, CONNOR PARSLOW, CRAIG NAPLES, DAN TASSE, DANIEL MOELLER, DANNY KODICEK, DOMINIC LE GARSMEUR, DUNCAN STRICKLAND, HARRY, IRENE SEMANCHUK, JOSEPH MULVANEY, JULIE BEACOCK, MARK BENSON, MICHAEL KITT, NICKY HEWGILL, PAUL TOPPING, PETER ROYAL, RICHARD SPEED, ROSE JOHNSON, SENTIENT MEATBAG, TIM BEACHY BIG BROTHERS: Deny Coughlan, Peter Cooper, Nick Kent, Russ Anderson, 5telios, Adam Kaczmarek, Adam Tickner, Al Napp, Alex Wren, Alex Wrottesley, Amy Oliver, Andrea Vail, Andrew Harris, Andy Nattan, Andy Shirling, Ben, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben Groom, Ben Sugden, Ben Webb, Bobod, BSG, Cat Conner, Centuries of Sound, Chris Ward, Christina Freeman, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Dan Fairs, Darren John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David Ellinor, David Whittam, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol, Fenris Games, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Graham Freeman, Gwyn Fisher, Hadleigh Charles, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ian Silvester, Ilya, Ivan Shiel, Jace Otting, James, James Meers, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John Griffiths, John M, Jon Bounds, Julie Brumlik, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Mark Ryan, Martin Vindahl Olsen, Matt Carr, Matt Loren, Michael Bryan, Mike Booth, Mike Carter, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick, Nick Murdoch, Nigel Ford, Oli, P Underwood, Paul Bayfield, Paul Braithwaite, Paul Mancini, Paul Slade, Peter, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Rob Potter, Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Russell Webster, Sam Brown, Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen McAuley, Stephen Williams, Stewart C. Russell, Stéphane, Swedemason, Tanya Kant, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Knight, Tim Polglase, Tom Clark, Tony East, Victoria Wood, wigglywigglyworm, Wine School of Philadelphia. Please bung us your cash: https://www.patreon.com/b3ta ------------------------------------------------- How old were you when you learnt you could mute annoying replies and not spend all day locked in a battle with a stranger whose mind you'll never change? ------------------------------------------------- : AND SPECIAL THANKS TO ED For being our biggest patreon Follow him on the Twitter. Go on. https://twitter.com/edzitron ------------------------------------------------- The logic of Stoptober & Dry January being two months apart means you could complete the sequence by opting out of booze in April & July too. Just need some catchy names. Abstinencepril & Juldry. ------------------------------------------------- : TOP TIP If you fill a whoopee cushion with brown sauce it will make it look like the person who sat on it has followed through. (samgasm) Add your own at: http://b3ta.com/questions/toptips next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive