we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "YOU SUBSCRIBED, WE SENT THE EMAIL. IT’S A DEAL THAT WON’T BE REJECTED BY PARLIAMENT" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * GAME - Realistic Type-in Simulator * BOOK - First ever Sisters of Mercy biography * VIDEO - Jacob Rees-Mogg rapping. Sorry. ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're clogging up the ___/ _ |/_ > This week: Sci-Fi Art << What goes better together than science fiction and art? Show us your Close Encounters of the Picasso Kind, Hokusai's Time Machine and stuff like that. http://b3ta.com/challenge/scifiart ------------------------------------------------- Pop groups should have pets. And for purposes of promotional appearances and videos they should be considered full members of the band. Like how Blue Peter had Shep the dog. When you’re a kid the animal is always the best member. Who’s the best in the Famous Five? Obviously Timmy the dog. Pop groups are leaving cash on the table by not having animal members. Fact. ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that was made by future B3tans * 2018 WEBSITE SIMULATOR - a perfect bit of satire about the state of the web in these terrible times. Pop-ups and bollocks everywhere. Mobile ruined everything and Steve Jobs was a wanker. https://2018.bloomca.me/en * NAZIS TAKING A SHIT, THE BOOK! You know what you need? a coffee table book about Nazis shitting. That's right, 100 quality pages of Nazis in WWII shitting in various places, possibly including the woods. Not bad for €35. https://rvb-books.com/book.php * HOUSE WITH WEIRD DECOR, CHECK THE PICS - If we clubbed together, it would cost us about £2600 for a couple to own this place for 1 night a year. Perfect for an annual LSD trip to reset the mind. (Previously owned by textile designer and photographer Henry Wilson who was killed in a cycling accident. Maybe someone rich should buy it and donate it to National Trust? It's a genuine curiosity and it would be a shame if someone just covered this all up.) https://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/prop... * POP MUSIC IN WHAT LANGUAGE QUIZ - neat idea that we wish we'd thought of. Plays a random pop song and you have to guess the language. https://languageguesser.com * BBC WRITES UP FURRY HACK - An article worth a scan for the cheap amusement of seeing the phrase “buxom zebras” in BBC copy. Still, let's hope that some random politician in outed as a plushie-fucker. Our bet is that most of the cabinet are yiffers. https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-46289639 * POPULISM QUIZ - Interesting Guardian quiz that maps you on a populism graph which flatters to create shares by telling you you're not like Donald Trump. Oddly Corbyn is missing, and considering the amount of articles and debate out there saying Corbyn is or isn't a populist, a quiz about populism from a UK publisher should either have Corbyn in it or a line saying why he isn't. https://www.theguardian.com/world/ng-interactive/2... * AND FINALLY IT'S MONKEON'S CORNER - Richard writes, "And when researching for the type-in games I found that Micro User ran a Mornington Crescent game." Madness but glorious madness. http://www.dirtyfeed.org/2015/04/acorn-fools-day/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories * KUNT'S BOOK REACHES £20k IN PLEDGES - Kunt tells us, "It's a book that lifts the lid on what it's like to spend 13 years on the bottom rung of the showbiz ladder. It's not just the ramblings of a bloke who started off on MySpace then managed to make a living by driving round the country, stopping off at pubs to wank and cry. It's a story set against the backdrop of how social media and the Internet have changed the world, taking into account that ten years ago 'seagull', 'trombone' and 'teabag' were still nouns." Make sure you pledge if you haven't already, so Kunt doesn't have to do more painting and decorating. Although, frankly, we're wondering about hiring him to decorate the shitter so we can tell people it's a Kunt Original. https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/kuntandthegan... * HELIUM BUBBLE-WRAP - Klepsydra writes "Helium balloons to make postage cheaper? Old hat, lads. See this column from a 1958 SF magazine which details how to take this wheeze to its ultimate level and bring down the government." http://efanzines.com/Willis/fanorama32.htm * SGT PEPPER 2018 - that Dr Dunno is pleased 2018 is shite so so he can do his celebrity death montage again in the style of the Beatles's most overrated LP. https://www.b3ta.com/board/11271053 ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Free ideas to get your brain rolling * SHED TALKS - it would be a good name if David Cameron did a podcast. It might be as popular as Clegg's one. * DUMP THEM BOT - A bot that replies to every bit of relationship advice going "DUMP THEM!" E.g. this: https://twitter.com/redditships/status/10634857198... * MONOPOLY WITH REAL MONEY - can someone give us £20k so we can play Monopoly with real cash? Reckon it would be fun. Tell us about the size of your man giblets here: https://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : PATREON THANKS You lovely people *STOOBERT*, *JOSH MCMILLAN*, *TOM JENKINS BATES*, *JON GRANT*, *SHOWRAT*, *SIMON JAMES*, *TREVOR BURTON-MCCREADIE*, *MR PHIL DONNELLY*, *KATE*, *JAMES PETTS*, *STEWART NOLAN*, *MARK MCCREADIE*, *ALEX MORRIS*, *JAMES O'BRIEN* GEORGE STEPHENSON, NAT KING COLESLAW, ANDREW WREN, JAMES CRONIN, ALISTAIR, IAN SHEEN, MARK ADAMSON, ANDREW FLEMMING, ALAN CHARLTON, SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, JAIMIE VANDENBERGH, CHRIS BLAKENEY, BEVAN JOHNSON, CRISS MORENO, JO APPS, CHRIS LOCKE, ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, GREG MCGOWAN, RICHARD BARCLAY, PATRICK CATES, 24-7 DEATH, TOM WRIGHT, JON BINSTEAD, SIMON NICHOLLS, CHRIS CARLINE, BRIAN EELES, MICHAEL TRINDER, 5 + REWARD DESCRIPTION, EUGENIE VT, TOM DOLAN. lee burnett, Bloonface , Shane McHugh, Joe Banner, Chris Garratt, Jim Woodward, Rebecca McManus, Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Martin Davies, George Preston, Chris Saunders, Mike Middleton, Richard Matthias, AuntieSash Hazlewood, Brad Gregory, Graham Licence, Paul Rose (Mr Biffo), Ed Can Do, C Bond, Fergus McKay, Steve herman, Alex Walsh Atkins, Mick Curtis, Craig Turner, Joshua Thomasson, Dog Byte, Fearghas , Chris Gough, fourstar , Jonty Wareing, Nathaniel Bandersnatch, Montocat , Rob Affleck, Rhys Wynne, Marina de Joslin, Jasper Koning, Ryan Rhodes, Chris Whitworth, James Macinnes, Geoff Tidey, John Higgs, Daniel Chote, Geoffrey Balme, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Mark Wilson, Paul Cherry, Nick Ross, Ian Beveridge, Alex Mastin, Raul Arreola, Faith H. Martin, David King, Jaymie Thomas, Sam Russell, David Knoll, Ben Watson, Simon Holmes, Steve P, Gaynor Clarkson, Saleem Ahmad, nicholas martin, Jim MacArthur, John Hammersley, Andy Yates`, Andy Webber, David Gardiner, Adam Molloy, Simon McDougall, Craig Tonks, Anna , Peter Gosling, Jason Stewart, Dave Nattriss, Philip Kinchington, Ian Boltz, Matt Drewry, Derek ROBERTS, Robbie Lesiuk, Bertram Wooster, Adam Inglis, James Clayton, Jim Frayling, Mike Middleton, Scott S. Kramer, Joe Simmonds, Julie Brumlik, Rob Mahon, Paul Leader, Ivan Kelly, Jǐm McNǐven, Paul Healey, Andy Ashton, Tom Rees-Williams, David Mills, Martin Beer, midnightrambler , matsimpsk , Jim Halfpenny, Dave Tickle, Matthew Forman, Gareth Noyce, Chris Paterson, James Woods, pookong , oliver bewes, Iain , Adam Cooney, Sam Anderson, Albion Gray, Rupert Hull, Simon waterfall, Paul Westerman, Courtenay Ferris, Andy Tillett, Essy Dave, Martin Peache, Jerry Quartley, Bertil Hansson, Carl Morgan, Mark Hibbett, Daniel Brown, Rich Pope, John Matthews, JOHNNY WATTERS, Jamie Taylor, Adrian Woodfield, Stuart Ashen, Vicki Jakes, Jane Baker, Paul Smith, Will Goulden, Simon Cowan, Robin Whitmore, Steven Smith, Matthew Wilkes, Dan Stott, Siobhan McNally, Bill Atkinson, Starlord Mixtape, Gneissrocks , Steve Prowse, Tyronne Mann, Andy Storrar, Jay Roche, Peter Willman, Sarah Williamson, Kevin Johnston, Tom Gleeson, Ed Cook, Catroaster , Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton, mil jamieson, Tom Crick, Ben Burton, Peter Ashtray, Adam Atack, AC , Derek Law, David Catley, John Foster, Matt Buchanan, Matthew Collinge, Joey moore, Mark Hill, Joe McNally, Tom Ryan, Peter McMinn, Ryan Doran, Konrad Petrusewicz, Wil Hadden, James Donnelly, Frank Hollis, sean casely, Al Davidson, martin mackenzie, Gus Nicol, Martin Holloway, Mike Davis, Steve Thornton, Tim Mouncer, peter wouda, Fraser Lewry, Matthew Morris, Rob Vincent, Chris Shaw, Rick Lindley, Greg Neilson, blossomshed , Jude Evans, Kev Adams, Simon Smith, @mattdawhit , Brian Lancaster, Iain Henshaw, Mathew Smith, Gia Milinovich, Fiona James, Robert Hills, Anne-Marie Scott, James Kerry-Barnard, Greenfox , Neil de Carteret, Stephen Waller, Luke Mepham, Stuart Alldred, Adam Lloyd, Andrew Scheuber, Chris Branch, Jonathan Wooddin, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, Dominic Haigh, TownsendsPublisher , Steve Anglesey, Iain Brassington, Heidi Colthup, Ross Carter, Chris Evans, Edward Almond, James Golbey, Johnnie Shannon, Alex Lovett, Peter Coombe, David Ault, Kate Devlin, James Shakespeare, Tim Weaver, Lisa Westhaven, James O'Malley, Emma Lay, RossOverThere , Tim Jokl, Catherine McAllister, Steve Laker, Damien Smith, Jim Dabell, John Faragher, Eric von Borstel, Malcolm Franks, Richard Beckett, , William Garratt, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, Iain Moffatt, Justin Brett, Louise Allen, David Green, Riven A Buckley, Robin , Luche , Ian Appleby, Pete , Tobie Fysh, Gavin Tommey, Stuart Richards, David Barton, Jess Baker, Tom Freke, Jan Spielhoff, Sean Flanagan, Mike Congreve, Chris Johnson, John Field, Emma Sykes, Carl Mesner Lyons, Ross Dobson, David Stark, Adam Beardwood, Danny Kodicek, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson, Chris Goode, Andrew Robinson, Nicky Hewgill, Michael Kitt, Tim Beachy, Rose Johnson, Paul Topping, Connor Parslow, Daniel Moeller, Irene Semanchuk, Alexandre Strube, Craig Naples, Richard Speed, Alastair Dodd, Rhys Jones, Joseph Mulvaney, Julie Beacock, Sentient Meatbag, Dan Tasse, peter royal, Harry Wearne, Duncan STrickland, Andy Candler, Peter Cooper, Deny Coughlan, Russ Anderson, Nick Kent, Jonathan , Phil H, Andrew Anderson, Ian Silvester, Ben Webb, Graham Freeman, Dave Gee, Wine School of Philadelphia, John Griffiths, Nick Murdoch, Rob Potter, James Meers, 5telios , Paul Mancini, Al Napp, Tanya Kant, Jon Ramster, David Whittam, Jace Otting, BSG , Andrew Harris, Chris Ward, Adam Tickner, Peter , Emily Payne, Tim Polglase, Ted Bowyer, Matt Carr, Bobod , Michael Bryan, Richard Midwinter, Neil Ives, Mark Ryan, Ben Chapman, David Bond, Ben , Robert Simpson, Gary Sharp, Andy Shirling, Fenris Games, James , Jim Lucking, mark madgwick, Ben Sugden, Russell Webster, Sham Courtney, Louis E, Andrea Vail, Rohan , Sam Brown, Marc Lindberg, Hugh Noble, Nigel Ford, Gwyn Fisher, Matt Loren, Centuries of Sound, Amy Oliver, Christina Freeman, Paul Braithwaite, Tom Clark, Gregg Kuljian, Richard Abraham, Paul Slade, Alex Wrottesley, Ivan Shiel, Claire Allen, Iain M Barker, Dan Fairs, Tony East, Cat Conner, Jennifer Moquin, Claire Zolkwer, Seirian Hanner, Thea Mallett, Nick , ben cowell-thomas, Robert Purkis, Oli , Andy Nattan, Alex Wren, Martin Vindahl Olsen, Ilya Čolak-Antić, Adam Kaczmarek, Mike Carter, Daz Wright, Stewart C. Russell, John M, P Underwood, Thepfy , Hadleigh Charles, Mark McIntosh, Stephen Williams, Peter Wood, Darren John Harris, Mike Booth, Simon Lumb, Tim Knight, FuzzyFreaks , Stephen McAuley, Phil Barns, wigglywigglyworm , Lyra Jay, Lee Ball, Richard keeling, David Ellinor, Rachel Tougas, Ben Groom, Mr Flibble, Dave The Hammer Parry, Emma Nicol, Paul Bayfield, Swedemason , Jon Bounds, Stéphane. Other thanks: Rob Manuel for writing this shite. Monkeon, HappyToast, Matt Round, Wil & Kris for other stuff. And linky thanks to The_cold_stare, secretbatcave, head-doctor, & @michaelmphysics. Subjlols via @JimmerUK. Bung us some money. Thank you. https://www.patreon.com/b3ta ------------------------------------------------- : ED ZITRON - "WHY I'M ADDICTED TO PELOTON" Patreon ad "I wrote for Motherboard about why I'm addicted to peloton and how it helps keep my obsessive thoughts about my weight down" writes Ed. https://motherboard.vice.com/en_us/article/vba4dx/... ------------------------------------------------- HAVING PROBLEMS PAYING FOR LAUNDRY BILLS? - Don't worry. Give all your dirty clothes to Oxfam. They will wash them, dry them and iron them. Then you can buy them all back for 50p. http://www.b3ta.com/questions/toptips/ ------------------------------------------------- : ANY OTHER BUSINESS? * Sub to the newsletter via https://www.b3ta.com/subscribe/ * Unsub If you must but you shouldn't * Submit YOUR content to newsletter: https://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ * Fund the newsletter via the patreon: https://www.patreon.com/b3ta next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive