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   NEWSLETTER: "ISSUE 700. HOLY FUCKING SHIT WE DIDN'T INTEND TO WRITE 700 OF
   THESE FUCKERS"
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 This Week:
 * GAME - How would you spend Jeff Bezos' money?
 * GIFS - Treated as the art that they are
 * NONSENSE - And plenty of it
 -------------------------------------------------
 ________  ____ __  ___
 ____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |   "Help save the web
 ___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |   by pressing CTRL+S
 __/____/____/\__/_/ |_|   if you see a good bit"
 B3ta email 700 - 26 Oct 2018
 Read this issue whilst mooing like a horse:
 http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue700
 -------------------------------------------------
 : RANDOM KOYAANISQATSI GENERATOR
   Arty random gifs + Philip Glass
   Monkeon writes "Koyaanisqatsi is a 1983
   wordless documentary primarily made up of slow
   motion and time-lapse footage. I wondered how
   easy it would be to make an internet version
   using random Giphy 'gifs' which have been
   tagged as slow motion or time-lapse, playing
   them along with the Philip Glass soundtrack."
   Light a big tea spliff and watch this on your
   22" CRT.
 https://www.monkeon.co.uk/gifaanisqatsi/
 -------------------------------------------------
 Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy books - a guide:
 1: Episodic comedy space adventure influenced by
 Monty Python
 2: More of this
 3: Recycled Doctor Who plot
 4: A quite sweet rom com
 5: I hate the thing that made me famous and I
 wish I'd done something else with my life, fuck
 everyone who likes this
 If you want more on Hitchhiker's, listen to
 one-time B3tan Ed Morrish / Martian on the Rule
 Of Three podcast on this very subject. (It's very
 cool and froody.)
 https://itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/rule-of-three/...
 -------------------------------------------------
 We see the biased BBC have not covered the Brexit
 protest we just left in our toilet.
 -------------------------------------------------
 : VINTAGE BOOK COVERS
   "Buttface rides again"
   C_kick informs us that he's "nearing 100
   covers" on his fucking with pulp book covers
   Instagram account. It's nice to have a hobby.
 https://www.instagram.com/vintage_covers/
 -------------------------------------------------
 All animals can be divided into cats or dogs.
 Spiders, lonesome, just chilling = cats.
 Giraffes, dorky = dogs.
 -------------------------------------------------
 : BUY HAPPY TOAST'S TARDIS T-SHIRT
   Before lawyers shut it down
   With Doctor Who claiming to Banksy ("Or am I?")
   Happy Toast has "put my Doctor Who/Banksy mash
   up 'Girl with Blue Box' picture on redbubble."
 https://www.redbubble.com/people/happytoast/works/...
 -------------------------------------------------
 You know how they stopped selling packs of 10
 cigs? Should make so you can only buy 200. It
 would make it difficult to give into that had "3
 pints fuck it buy some fags" thing that trips
 ex-smokers into smoking again. "Yes sir/madam.
 200 cigs. That'll be £110 please"
 -------------------------------------------------
 : SOME KIND OF FACEBOOK CHAT GAME
   'Bloody Slasher' Choose Your Own Adventure
   Alfie Waldron writes, "Hi! I've recently
   launched a free game that I think would make a
   great feature in your newsletter. It's called
   Another Bloody Slasher – a choose your own
   adventure game played through Facebook
   Messenger, which is inspired by all your
   favourite '90s slasher movies. Every choice has
   a consequence. Every turn could be your last.
   And in true movie style, you've got to scream,
   run and slash your way to survival." We'll be
   honest - we didn't get very far with this
   before we get fed up Facebook giving us alerts
   but we like the idea.
 http://m.me/AnotherBloodySlasher
 -------------------------------------------------
 Pedantic repliers on Twitter would be brilliant
 if they were instead fixing Wikipedia.
 -------------------------------------------------
 : IMAGE CHALLENGE
   This week: Animal Halloween
   Halloween is almost upon us, but why should
   humans be the only ones enjoying scary movies,
   dressing up as ghouls and stuffing ourselves
   with sweets? Let's give the animal kingdom the
   full Halloween treatment.
 https://b3ta.com/challenge/animalhalloween/popular...
 -------------------------------------------------
 "I get really angry about people with type 2
 diabetes who mismanage their condition. I mean,
 it's ridiculous. It's a straightforward condition
 to manage, with diet and exercise or medication
 if necessary. And yet, some patients neglect
 their own health so much that they end up costing
 the NHS a fortune with totally avoidable
 consequences: heart disease, eye problems, kidney
 damage... when it gets to the stage that people's
 toes have to be amputated, they really are taking
 the piss. I'm lack-toes intolerant."
 Joke from 'The Hedgehog From Hell' - write your
 own:
 https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : DO YOU NEED PR STUFF?
   Patreon ad thingie
   Do you want some PR? Maybe you want relations
   with the public? Then there's one man you
   should call and his name is ED.
 https://www.ezpr.com/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : SITES IN BRIEF
   Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates
  
   * YOU ARE JEFF BEZO - enjoyable text only game
   where you're asked to choose how you'd spend
   Jeff Bezos' money. (We'd spend it on making
   concept albums with Trevor Horn, but sadly
   there was no option for that.)
 https://direkris.itch.io/you-are-jeff-bezos
   * WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE HASSLED BY JOURNOS IN
   THE MIDDLE OF A PERSONAL TRAGEDY - Dan Hett is
   the brother of a victim in the Manchester
   bombings and explains, "Sorry To Bother You is
   a short video game I made about technology and
   journalists. Now you too can experience
   large-scale press intrusion from the comfort of
   your own home - every message in this game is
   real."
 http://danhett.itch.io/sorry
   * BEATLES FILM CURIO - in 1976, musical
   documentary maker Tony Palmer decided to mix
   WW2 footage and Beatles songs into a movie. The
   film bombed but Leo Sayer screaming "I Am The
   Walrus" over soldiers on fire is genuinely
   disturbing and might actually be art / a bit
   much.
 https://www.youtube.com/watch
   * MATHS 4CHAN PROOF - a mathematical proof
   based on work first published on 4chan as a way
   to work out how to optimally watch an anime
   series. Makes you wonder what other genius is
   hiding in the wilds.
 https://twitter.com/robinhouston/status/1054637891...
   * AI ART RIP OF - interesting story involving
   the first AI generated work of art selling for
   £400k or something mad. The interesting fact
   being that the code was taken from open source,
   from a guy I follow on twitter, and they didn't
   credit him. This guy: the story is in his
   thread. Was supposed to sell for 10k but sold
   for 400. It really pissed me off how he was not
   even mentioned in any of the news reports. He
   must be gutted
 https://twitter.com/DrBeef_/status/105528564042048...
   * CHUBBY CHECKER SINGING ABOUT DIG DUG - the
   unexpected retro game news of the week
 http://namcomuseum.tumblr.com/post/179152877493/fr...
  
 -------------------------------------------------
 : HEADLINES OF THE WEEK
   Sentences from the world's finest journalists
  
   * "Used condom flies out of Co-Op fridge and
   strikes shoppers" (Grimsby Telegraph)
   * "Man calls 999 because he refuses to break
   into a £10 note for 3p at petrol station"
   (Nottingham Post)
   * "Why does it smell of poo in Plymouth"
   (Plymouth Herald)
   * "Poster appears claiming seagulls are
   government surveillance drones" (Brighton
   Argus)
   * "Couple found sleeping in flat with a stolen
   sex toy and a packet of custard creams" (Dundee
   Evening Telegraph)
   * "Man advises "Don't let strippers in your
   house" after all his guns are stolen" (Fox 32)
   * "Mounties tell people to remember to lock
   their doors after couple enter wrong house,
   clean it" (Toronto GlobalNews)
   * "Train breaks down after driver honks its
   horn too much" (Edinburgh News)
   Compiled by Scaryduck. Buy his fucking book you
   fucks.
 http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B07GL8ZDL...
 -------------------------------------------------
 We've said it before and we'll say it again. If
 you want political change in the world you need
 to crowdfund assassins on the dark web to
 systematically murder the CEOs of the FTSE 100
 until they all agree to stop evading tax.
 -------------------------------------------------
 : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
   Make some shite and tell us
  
   * CLASSIC MOVIES FOR PHONES -  why not pan and
   scan films to portrait format for phones? OK,
   it's not a good idea but it might be fun to
   make film nerds angry.
   * RAZZLE REVIEW - Buy a copy of Razzle and read
   it for the articles. Apparently it's still
   being published, we haven't checked but
   * MORE PODCASTS - A podcast like Reply All's
   Yes Yes No, called "The Ratio" where they
   explore a tweet and explain to a confused third
   party why someone got ratio'd.
   Share yours doings:
 https://b3ta.com/mailus/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : PATREON THANKS
   You lovely people
   *STOOBERT*, *JOSH MCMILLAN*, *TOM JENKINS
   BATES*, *JON GRANT*, *SHOWRAT*, *SIMON JAMES*,
   *TREVOR BURTON-MCCREADIE*, *MR PHIL DONNELLY*,
   *KATE*, *JAMES PETTS*, *STEWART NOLAN*, *MARK
   MCCREADIE*, *ALEX MORRIS*, *JAMES O'BRIEN*
   GEORGE STEPHENSON, NAT KING COLESLAW, ANDREW
   WREN, JAMES CRONIN, ALISTAIR, IAN SHEEN, MARK
   ADAMSON, ANDREW FLEMMING, ALAN CHARLTON,
   SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, JAIMIE VANDENBERGH,
   CHRIS BLAKENEY, BEVAN JOHNSON, CRISS MORENO, JO
   APPS, CHRIS LOCKE, ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, GREG
   MCGOWAN, RICHARD BARCLAY, PATRICK CATES, 24-7
   DEATH, TOM WRIGHT, JON BINSTEAD, SIMON
   NICHOLLS, CHRIS CARLINE, BRIAN EELES, MICHAEL
   TRINDER, 5 + REWARD DESCRIPTION, EUGENIE VT,
   TOM DOLAN.
   lee burnett, Bloonface , Shane McHugh, Joe
   Banner, Chris Garratt, Jim Woodward, Rebecca
   McManus, Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Martin Davies,
   George Preston, Chris Saunders, Mike Middleton,
   Richard Matthias, AuntieSash Hazlewood, Brad
   Gregory, Graham Licence, Paul Rose (Mr Biffo),
   Ed Can Do, C Bond, Fergus McKay, Steve herman,
   Alex Walsh Atkins, Mick Curtis, Craig Turner,
   Joshua Thomasson, Dog Byte, Fearghas , Chris
   Gough, fourstar , Jonty Wareing, Nathaniel
   Bandersnatch, Montocat , Rob Affleck, Rhys
   Wynne, Marina de Joslin, Jasper Koning, Ryan
   Rhodes, Chris Whitworth, James Macinnes, Geoff
   Tidey, John Higgs, Daniel Chote, Geoffrey
   Balme, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Mark Wilson, Paul
   Cherry, Nick Ross, Ian Beveridge, Alex Mastin,
   Raul Arreola, Faith H. Martin, David King,
   Jaymie Thomas, Sam Russell, David Knoll, Ben
   Watson, Simon Holmes, Steve P, Gaynor Clarkson,
   Saleem Ahmad, nicholas martin, Jim MacArthur,
   John Hammersley, Andy Yates`, Andy Webber,
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   Craig Tonks, Anna , Peter Gosling, Jason
   Stewart, Dave Nattriss, Philip Kinchington, Ian
   Boltz, Matt Drewry, Derek ROBERTS, Robbie
   Lesiuk, Bertram Wooster, Adam Inglis, James
   Clayton, Jim Frayling,  Mike Middleton, Scott
   S. Kramer, Joe Simmonds, Julie Brumlik, Rob
   Mahon, Paul Leader, Ivan Kelly, J&#464;m
   McN&#464;ven, Paul Healey, Andy Ashton, Tom
   Rees-Williams, David Mills, Martin Beer,
   midnightrambler , matsimpsk , Jim Halfpenny,
   Dave Tickle, Matthew Forman, Gareth Noyce,
   Chris Paterson, James Woods, pookong , oliver
   bewes, Iain , Adam Cooney, Sam Anderson, Albion
   Gray, Rupert Hull, Simon waterfall, Paul
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   Dave, Martin Peache, Jerry Quartley, Bertil
   Hansson, Carl Morgan, Mark Hibbett, Daniel
   Brown, Rich Pope, John Matthews, JOHNNY
   WATTERS, Jamie Taylor, Adrian Woodfield, Stuart
   Ashen, Vicki Jakes, Jane Baker, Paul Smith,
   Will Goulden, Simon Cowan, Robin Whitmore,
   Steven Smith, Matthew Wilkes, Dan Stott,
   Siobhan McNally, Bill Atkinson, Starlord
   Mixtape, Gneissrocks , Steve Prowse, Tyronne
   Mann, Andy Storrar, Jay Roche, Peter Willman,
   Sarah Williamson, Kevin Johnston, Tom Gleeson,
   Ed Cook, Catroaster , Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
   mil jamieson, Tom Crick, Ben Burton, Peter
   Ashtray, Adam Atack, AC , Derek Law, David
   Catley, John Foster, Matt Buchanan, Matthew
   Collinge, Joey moore, Mark Hill, Joe McNally,
   Tom Ryan, Peter McMinn, Ryan Doran, Konrad
   Petrusewicz, Wil Hadden, James Donnelly, Frank
   Hollis, sean casely, Al Davidson, martin
   mackenzie, Gus Nicol, Martin Holloway, Mike
   Davis, Steve Thornton, Tim Mouncer, peter
   wouda, Fraser Lewry, Matthew Morris, Rob
   Vincent, Chris Shaw, Rick Lindley, Greg
   Neilson, blossomshed , Jude Evans, Kev Adams,
   Simon Smith, @mattdawhit , Brian Lancaster,
   Iain Henshaw, Mathew Smith, Gia Milinovich,
   Fiona James, Robert Hills, Anne-Marie Scott,
   James Kerry-Barnard, Greenfox , Neil de
   Carteret, Stephen Waller, Luke Mepham, Stuart
   Alldred, Adam Lloyd, Andrew Scheuber, Chris
   Branch, Jonathan Wooddin, OBiW4N SHiNOBi,
   Dominic Haigh, TownsendsPublisher , Steve
   Anglesey, Iain Brassington, Heidi Colthup, Ross
   Carter, Chris Evans, Edward Almond, James
   Golbey, Johnnie Shannon, Alex Lovett, Peter
   Coombe, David Ault, Kate Devlin, James
   Shakespeare, Tim Weaver, Lisa Westhaven, James
   O'Malley, Emma Lay, RossOverThere , Tim Jokl,
   Catherine McAllister, Steve Laker, Damien
   Smith, Jim Dabell, John Faragher, Eric von
   Borstel, Malcolm Franks, Richard Beckett, ,
   William Garratt, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, Iain
   Moffatt, Justin Brett, Louise Allen, David
   Green, Riven A Buckley, Robin , Luche , Ian
   Appleby, Pete , Tobie Fysh, Gavin Tommey,
   Stuart Richards, David Barton, Jess Baker, Tom
   Freke, Jan Spielhoff, Sean Flanagan, Mike
   Congreve, Chris Johnson, John Field, Emma
   Sykes, Carl Mesner Lyons, Ross Dobson, David
   Stark, Adam Beardwood, Danny Kodicek, Dominic
   Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson, Chris Goode, Andrew
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   Alexandre Strube, Craig Naples, Richard Speed,
   Alastair Dodd, Rhys Jones, Joseph Mulvaney,
   Julie Beacock, Sentient Meatbag, Dan Tasse,
   peter royal, Harry Wearne, Duncan STrickland,
   Andy Candler, Peter Cooper, Deny Coughlan, Russ
   Anderson, Nick Kent, Jonathan , Phil H, Andrew
   Anderson, Ian Silvester, Ben Webb, Graham
   Freeman, Dave Gee, Wine School of Philadelphia,
   John Griffiths, Nick Murdoch, Rob Potter, James
   Meers, 5telios , Paul Mancini, Al Napp, Tanya
   Kant, Jon Ramster, David Whittam, Jace Otting,
   BSG , Andrew Harris, Chris Ward, Adam Tickner,
   Peter , Emily Payne, Tim Polglase, Ted Bowyer,
   Matt Carr, Bobod , Michael Bryan, Richard
   Midwinter, Neil Ives, Mark Ryan, Ben Chapman,
   David Bond, Ben , Robert Simpson, Gary Sharp,
   Andy Shirling, Fenris Games, James , Jim
   Lucking, mark madgwick, Ben Sugden, Russell
   Webster, Sham Courtney, Louis E, Andrea Vail,
   Rohan , Sam Brown, Marc Lindberg, Hugh Noble,
   Nigel Ford, Gwyn Fisher, Matt Loren, Centuries
   of Sound, Amy Oliver, Christina Freeman, Paul
   Braithwaite, Tom Clark, Gregg Kuljian, Richard
   Abraham, Paul Slade, Alex Wrottesley, Ivan
   Shiel, Claire Allen, Iain M Barker, Dan Fairs,
   Tony East, Cat Conner, Jennifer Moquin, Claire
   Zolkwer, Seirian Hanner, Thea Mallett, Nick ,
   ben cowell-thomas, Robert Purkis, Oli , Andy
   Nattan, Alex Wren, Martin Vindahl Olsen, Ilya
   &#268;olak-Anti&#263;, Adam Kaczmarek, Mike
   Carter, Daz Wright, Stewart C. Russell, John M,
   P Underwood, Thepfy , Hadleigh Charles, Mark
   McIntosh, Stephen Williams, Peter Wood, Darren
   John Harris, Mike Booth, Simon Lumb, Tim
   Knight, FuzzyFreaks , Stephen McAuley, Phil
   Barns, wigglywigglyworm , Lyra Jay, Lee Ball,
   Richard keeling, David Ellinor, Rachel Tougas,
   Ben Groom, Mr Flibble, Dave The Hammer Parry,
   Emma Nicol, Paul Bayfield, Swedemason , Jon
   Bounds, Stéphane.
   Other thanks: Rob Manuel for writing this
   shite. Monkeon, HappyToast, Matt Round, Wil &
   Krix for other stuff.
   Bung us some money. Thank you.
 https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
 -------------------------------------------------
 : TOP TIP
   Help your neighbour to get a day off work by
   secretly injecting his pint of milk outside his
   house with exlax.  (robneymcplum)
 http://www.b3ta.com/questions/toptips/all
 -------------------------------------------------
 : ANY OTHER BUSINESS?
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   * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS

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