we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "IMAGINE IF TWEETS WERE 17,181 CHARS LONG..." next issue » « previous issue This Week: * PROJECT - Mini Daily Mail * PODCAST - White Album chat * FILM SEQUELS - Finally, as an image challenge ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're shitting the bed ___/ _ |/_ > This week: Film Sequels << Unbelievably we've never actually done a film sequels challenge. So this is it! Give us your "Schindler's Other List", your "12 Angry Men And A Baby" and your "Return of the Jedi Returns" http://b3ta.com/challenge/filmsequels ------------------------------------------------- : DO YOU NEED PR STUFF? Patreon ad thingie Ed does media relations that actually works. Give him a tinkle. Using your tinkle hose. https://www.ezpr.com/ ------------------------------------------------- Real titles for 'Dragons Den' in different countries. Croatia: Dragon's Nest Belgium: Lion's pit Germany: The Lions' Cave Japan: The Tigers of Money Israel: Sharks US: Shark Tank Ukraine: Business Sharks Sri Lanka: Wall of Tuskers Afghanistan: Dream and Achieve Russia: KAPITAL ------------------------------------------------- : MONKEON RECOMMENDS A TV SHOW Pls Like In this one off feature, B3ta Stalwart Monkeon recommends a TV show. He writes, "Not sure if BBC3 shows now count as web stuff, but the new series of 'Pls Like' is funny and doesn't seem to be getting the attention it deserves - it's a mockumentary about social media stars, not a million miles away from People Like Us. It seems to understand it's subject matter and so this series is inevitably about things like alt-right twats. Episodes are nice and short, too!" https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p06l2nvb ------------------------------------------------- : SPINAL TAP PODCAST "They were still booing him when we came on stage" 'This Is Spinal Tap' is officially B3ta's favourite film and we enjoyed Rule Of Three's podcast this week where writers Jason Hazeley & Joel Morris with TV presenter Sue Perkins analysed it before an audience who were quite quiet as they were probably young and had never seen it. https://www.ruleofthreepod.com/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates * ABBEY ROAD DANGER CAM - the Abbey Road webcam never fails to entertain. Tourists trying to take photos in the middle of traffic. The whole thing is nuts. It's the photographer who's in the really dangerous position - middle of the road, off the crossing and back to traffic. Of all the unintended consequences of making a record - encouraging people to play in traffic 50 years later is one of the oddest. https://www.earthcam.com/world/england/london/abbe... * TWITTER MOMENTS LOL - this is hilarious and also illustrates a conceptual flaw in the Twitter moments product - anyone can fill one with nonsense and they look sorta authoritative because Twitter went big on them as a news format. https://twitter.com/hrtbps/status/1044618756314415... * BBC DOES NEWS GOOD - this is almost the definition of public service news. Go to where the people are. Report. Don't worry that it's not generating clicks for a website. But it's also very grim. Click with caution. https://twitter.com/BBCAfrica/status/1044186344153... * WHICH HUMAN NUMBER ARE YOU? - this really demonstrates how quickly global population is climbing. Nearly doubled in this editor's lifetime. What are the odds on someone like Jeff Bezos developing a killer virus that reduces human population down to about 100,000 whilst his chums all hide in a sci-fi dome in New Zealand? 100% we reckon. http://worldpopulationhistory.org/my-population-nu... * BLOKE SINGS 'TEQUILA' ON KARAOKE - good, deadpan idea. https://youtu.be/UM8pwnmcLb0 ------------------------------------------------- : HOLY FUCKING PISS, FUNNY NAME CORNER IS BACK A return from the bog like an unflushable shit Introducing "Mr Anus" the politician who Facebook refuses to mention because his name is just too sphincteresque. https://www.theguardian.com/technology/shortcuts/2... ------------------------------------------------- Urgent message for Apple: A confirmation dialogue box on the phone going "You're switching to selfie mode, are you sure?" would prevent the heart-stopping horror of accidentally seeing your own three chins and haggard face. ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories * SHARDCORE SONG - B3ta's favourite art-terrorist writes, "The second single from The Private Sector. A little bit sweary, so not strictly SFW, depending on your workplace." https://b3ta.com/links/Raw_Murder_The_Private_Sect... * CROWDFUND OLD B3TAN'S FALL BOOK - TommyReckless writes, "Hi B3ta. We're running out of time to get my book on The Fall crowdfunded. It's had some great preview reviews already and has a brilliant opening line of 'The only time I met Mark E Smith I told him his band were shite' by Aidan Moffat (of Arab Strap). I'm sure there must be some Fall fans still on b3ta. Would be great if you could give it a plug here:" https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/40-odd-years-of... ------------------------------------------------- Alexa. Mute all replies that start with "but" ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Free ideas for you to use * DRAGONS' DEN STYLE TV SHOW - random members of the public pitch to big brands going "what you should do is... Get Gina G to advertise Lidl... 'ooh ahh just a Lidl bit, ooh ahh a Lidl bit more'" * A LIFE PROGRESS BAR - that replies to you on Twitter every few weeks and gives you too much fucking perspective by saying "39% of your life left" according to your age. * GET CHRIS MARTIN & GWYNETH PALTROW SHOULD RUN BREXIT - If we have to have Brexit let's have a "conscious uncoupling" rather than acrimonious divorce that makes everyone broke and hate each other. (Also it would keep Coldplay out of action. Double win.) Send it all to: https://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : PATREON THANKS You lovely people *STOOBERT*, *JOSH MCMILLAN*, *TOM JENKINS BATES*, *JON GRANT*, *SHOWRAT*, *SIMON JAMES*, *TREVOR BURTON-MCCREADIE*, *MR PHIL DONNELLY*, *KATE*, *JAMES PETTS*, *STEWART NOLAN*, *MARK MCCREADIE*, *ALEX MORRIS*, *JAMES O'BRIEN* GEORGE STEPHENSON, NAT KING COLESLAW, ANDREW WREN, JAMES CRONIN, ALISTAIR, IAN SHEEN, MARK ADAMSON, ANDREW FLEMMING, ALAN CHARLTON, SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, JAIMIE VANDENBERGH, CHRIS BLAKENEY, BEVAN JOHNSON, CRISS MORENO, JO APPS, CHRIS LOCKE, ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, GREG MCGOWAN, RICHARD BARCLAY, PATRICK CATES, 24-7 DEATH, TOM WRIGHT, JON BINSTEAD, SIMON NICHOLLS, CHRIS CARLINE, BRIAN EELES, MICHAEL TRINDER, 5 + REWARD DESCRIPTION, EUGENIE VT, TOM DOLAN. lee burnett, Bloonface , Shane McHugh, Joe Banner, Chris Garratt, Jim Woodward, Rebecca McManus, Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Martin Davies, George Preston, Chris Saunders, Mike Middleton, Richard Matthias, AuntieSash Hazlewood, Brad Gregory, Graham Licence, Paul Rose (Mr Biffo), Ed Can Do, C Bond, Fergus McKay, Steve herman, Alex Walsh Atkins, Mick Curtis, Craig Turner, Joshua Thomasson, Dog Byte, Fearghas , Chris Gough, fourstar , Jonty Wareing, Nathaniel Bandersnatch, Montocat , Rob Affleck, Rhys Wynne, Marina de Joslin, Jasper Koning, Ryan Rhodes, Chris Whitworth, James Macinnes, Geoff Tidey, John Higgs, Daniel Chote, Geoffrey Balme, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Mark Wilson, Paul Cherry, Nick Ross, Ian Beveridge, Alex Mastin, Raul Arreola, Faith H. 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Russell, John M, P Underwood, Thepfy , Hadleigh Charles, Mark McIntosh, Stephen Williams, Peter Wood, Darren John Harris, Mike Booth, Simon Lumb, Tim Knight, FuzzyFreaks , Stephen McAuley, Phil Barns, wigglywigglyworm , Lyra Jay, Lee Ball, Richard keeling, David Ellinor, Rachel Tougas, Ben Groom, Mr Flibble, Dave The Hammer Parry, Emma Nicol, Paul Bayfield, Swedemason , Jon Bounds, Stéphane. Bung us some money. Thank you. https://www.patreon.com/b3ta ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK /GOLD/ Sex misconceptions: "cat" "Whilst a student I used to while away most of my days smoking copious amounts of weed and watching crap afternoon telly. My companion for many of these wasted days was Cat, a stray tortoiseshell who often came into the house ostensibly to keep us company, but most probably because we used to feed her copious amounts of tuna and pickled onion space raider crisps. "Cat was special in that she seemed to be completely bat-shit insane. She'd walk in and fall over randomly. She'd rub herself with a little bit too much enthusiasm on anyone and anything, was always dribbling, and her behaviour often seemed, well, sexual. It was almost like some weird bestial foreplay. "I thought I was wise to the ways of the world, especially concerning sex, but it was only when I woke up from a stoned and highly erotically charged dream on the sofa to find Cat attempting to hump my nose that I realised I knew nothing. "Yes, I was raped in the face by a cat." (roflH) https://www.b3ta.com/questions/sexualmisconception... ------------------------------------------------- : ANY OTHER BUSINESS? * Sub to the newsletter via https://www.b3ta.com/subscribe/ * Unsub If you must but you shouldn't * Submit YOUR content to newsletter: https://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ * Fund the newsletter via the patreon: https://www.patreon.com/b3ta next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive