we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "YOUR MR MEN NAME IS MR + THE MOST NEGATIVE THING A TEACHER SAID ABOUT YOU IN A SCHOOL REPORT" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * THEME TUNE SHUFFLE - Best thing ever, we promise * CHALLENGE - Pop sell-outs / website typos * LIES - About what content you'll find here ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving the web ___/ _ |/_ > This week: Pop Adverts << Pop songs and singers are always being signed up for adverts, but there are loads of opportunities that have been missed. Where's Sinitta's "So Paxo", John Lydon's "Anchory in the UK" or George Michael's "Careless Wispa"? Combine songs and products in ways that make us laugh and which inevitably become real when the ad agencies read this. http://b3ta.com/challenge/popadverts ------------------------------------------------- : HEADLINES OF THE WEEK Sentences from the world's finest journalists * "A PENSIONER who eats ten sausage rolls a day was horrified to find that his packet only had nine" (theargus) * "Scientists Gave Antisocial Octopuses Ecstasy And It Made Them More Friendly" (Newsweek) * "Motorists devastated as iconic 'Give Peas a Chance' M25 graffiti is erased" (standard.co.uk) * "Watford woman left with nothing to eat after failed food delivery" (watfordobserver) * "Cat in Bristol brings home bag of suspected class A drugs" (bbc) * "Man accused of posing as special needs man to get help changing diaper" (fox10phoenix) * "I wanted to understand Europe's populism. So I talked to Bono" (Washington Post) * "Woman tries to sell four 50ps for £1" (Devon Live) Compiled with help from Scaryduck. http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B07GL8ZDL... ------------------------------------------------- : DICTAPHONE MUSIC We're enjoying this guy's videos at the moment. His shtick is to make ambient music tracks and explain in great detail all the old tapes and stuff he uses. In this video he reviews 9 old dictaphones and then finishes with a performance. https://www.youtube.com/watch Your editor writes, "This inspired me and although I haven't got a dictaphone to hand, it made me explore recording music badly. Here's a little piano loop I wrote - I made it a bit spooky by playing it through phone and then pointing phone at a mic. I like the effect. It's got atmosphere I think." https://soundcloud.com/robmanuel/sets/air-recordin... ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates * SILENT TREK - This guy has written a script to glue together all the silences from Star Trek - the whole thread is worth a read. https://twitter.com/Foone/status/10432620249715752... * COMEDY WILDLIFE PICS 2018 - harmless jollity. https://www.bbc.co.uk/newsround/45521504 * I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T A CLUE—THE COMPLETE LIONEL BLAIR (1993-2007) - A compilation of every single Lionel Blair joke (as well as a few with Una Stubbs and Christopher Biggins). https://www.b3ta.com/links/Im_Sorry_I_Havent_a_Clu... * TAKING NUMBERWANG TOO SERIOUSLY - Monkeon writes, "Whilst researching theme tunes, I discovered that UK Game Shows has an entry on Numberwang!" http://www.ukgameshows.com/ukgs/Numberwang * MARKY MARK LOLS - No longer topical, but someone turned Marky Mark's weirdo routine into this. http://www.whatismarkwahlbergdoing.com/ ------------------------------------------------- : GOATSE CORNER Please stop sending us this stuff. Please. "Grim..." writes, "I was in San Francisco earlier in the summer, and went to an ace pizza restaurant that was staffed by deaf people as part of a program to help them find work. It was good pizza and a good idea, but their logo... Well, there's no way it was actually an accident..." https://media-cdn.tripadvisor.com/media/photo-s/09... ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Be in this newsletter with your piss * SHORTER BEATLES WHITE ALBUM EDIT - The truly brave re-release would have cut it down to 40 minutes by piling a load of the weaker songs into the Abbey Road style medley that it should have always been. Imagine The Continuing Story of Bungalow Bill cut from the tedium of 3mins+ to an enticing 25 seconds. * SILENT PODCAST - What about a John Cage podcast. Guests are invited. People are mic'd up. An audience attends and everyone has to be both utterly engaged and completely silent. * NON TEDIOUS TV - "Alexa, Give me Netflix that just plays one thing a night but it's the best thing" Send your stuff to: https://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : PATREON THANKS You lovely people *STOOBERT*, *JOSH MCMILLAN*, *TOM JENKINS BATES*, *JON GRANT*, *SHOWRAT*, *SIMON JAMES*, *TREVOR BURTON-MCCREADIE*, *MR PHIL DONNELLY*, *KATE*, *JAMES PETTS*, *STEWART NOLAN*, *MARK MCCREADIE*, *ALEX MORRIS*, *JAMES O'BRIEN* GEORGE STEPHENSON, NAT KING COLESLAW, ANDREW WREN, JAMES CRONIN, ALISTAIR, IAN SHEEN, MARK ADAMSON, ANDREW FLEMMING, ALAN CHARLTON, SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, JAIMIE VANDENBERGH, CHRIS BLAKENEY, BEVAN JOHNSON, CRISS MORENO, JO APPS, CHRIS LOCKE, ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, GREG MCGOWAN, RICHARD BARCLAY, PATRICK CATES, 24-7 DEATH, TOM WRIGHT, JON BINSTEAD, SIMON NICHOLLS, CHRIS CARLINE, BRIAN EELES, MICHAEL TRINDER, 5 + REWARD DESCRIPTION, EUGENIE VT, TOM DOLAN. lee burnett, Bloonface , Shane McHugh, Joe Banner, Chris Garratt, Jim Woodward, Rebecca McManus, Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Martin Davies, George Preston, Chris Saunders, Mike Middleton, Richard Matthias, AuntieSash Hazlewood, Brad Gregory, Graham Licence, Paul Rose (Mr Biffo), Ed Can Do, C Bond, Fergus McKay, Steve herman, Alex Walsh Atkins, Mick Curtis, Craig Turner, Joshua Thomasson, Dog Byte, Fearghas , Chris Gough, fourstar , Jonty Wareing, Nathaniel Bandersnatch, Montocat , Rob Affleck, Rhys Wynne, Marina de Joslin, Jasper Koning, Ryan Rhodes, Chris Whitworth, James Macinnes, Geoff Tidey, John Higgs, Daniel Chote, Geoffrey Balme, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Mark Wilson, Paul Cherry, Nick Ross, Ian Beveridge, Alex Mastin, Raul Arreola, Faith H. 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