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   NEWSLETTER: "HAPPY LEAP FRIDAY!"
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 This Week:
 * CHALLENGE - Remove letters from LPs
 * VOTE - Vote on 'Shed of the year' NOW!
 * QOTW GOLD - 'Wank Alarm'
 -------------------------------------------------
 ________  ____ __  ___
 ____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're saving the webs
 ___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |  by never bothing with
 __/____/____/\__/_/ |_|     any dusting"
 B3ta sex telex 69-zero  - 18th Aug 2018
 Read this issue after rubbing LSD on your balls:
 http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue690
 -------------------------------------------------
 : THIS WEEK'S IMAGE CHALLENGE
   Remove a letter from LPs
   Similar to last week, but this time it's LPs
   and very specifically removing a letter.
 https://www.b3ta.com/challenge/letterremovedlps/
 -------------------------------------------------
 If you're a band please call your next LP "Alexa, stop"
 -------------------------------------------------
 : VOTE ON SHED OF THE YEAR
   It's that time of year again
   For the past 10 or so years Uncle Wilco has
   been posting his 'Shed Of The Year' on the b3ta
   boards and it's taken him from his own shed to
   being a TV show. Although he says, "We are not
   on the telly this year but you can still vote
   for your favourite from the finalists."
 https://www.shedblog.co.uk/2018/08/14/shed-of-the-...
 -------------------------------------------------
 Add your age to 1940 and then google the number
 plus Cliff Richard to see what Cliff Richard
 looked like at your age.
 -------------------------------------------------
 : QUESTION OF THE WEEK /GOLD/
   Wank Alarm
  
   "When I was 11, I was into electronics. My best
   ever project was to install Maplin type
   pressure pads around the house under the
   carpet, and wire them all up to little light
   bulbs, attach all the bulbs to a wooden board,
   and label them with their locations. I did all
   of this when my parents were out, and for
   years, I could tell where people were in the
   house - roughly.
   "As I became a teenager, this actually proved
   fantastically useful as a rudimentary wank
   alert, and allow me enough time to hide my
   tadger should anyone head toward my bedroom
   door.
   "I moved out of there 20 years ago, but bought
   the house off my parents about 5 years ago.
   "Funnily enough, the system is still there, and
   god bless, it mostly still works. As my old
   childrens bedroom is now my grown up office, it
   still performs the exact job it did all those
   years ago. Only it now warns me of my missus'
   approach. I'm never going to reveal it to her
   but I shall pass it on to my son one day."
 https://www.b3ta.com/questions/technohacks/
 -------------------------------------------------
 The oldest millennial was born in 1981. There's
 millennial parents out there who had children at
 18 whose kids got their A-level results this week.
 -------------------------------------------------
 : TROUSER TROUBLE? CALL HEBTRO
   Sponsored Patreon
   We reckon 99% of our readers probably have
   legs. And most people who have legs probably
   want to cover them in some trousers. Speak to
   Hebtro. They'll sort you the shit out.
 https://hebtro.co/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : HEADLINES OF THE WEEK
   Real sentences from the web's finest journalists
   * "An escaped parrot stuck on a roof told its
   rescuers to ‘f*** off’" (The Scotsman)
   * "The couple didn’t order a strip tease at the
   steakhouse. But they got one anyway." (Miami
   Herald)
   * British gran complains her holiday in
   Benidorm was ruined by ‘too many Spanish
   people’ (The Mirror and pretty much everyone)
   Compiled with the help of Alistair Coleman who
   has a book out soon and wants some publicity
   ok? So pre-order it NOW!
 http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B07GL8ZDL...
 -------------------------------------------------
 We know we're meant to hate Elon Musk but doing
 acid, hanging out with pop stars and posting
 jokes on Twitter sounds like he's living the best
 life.
 -------------------------------------------------
 : LAST WEEK'S IMAGE CHALLENGE
   Letter Change Companies
   Last week we played with company logos and
   changing letters. It was a pretty strong
   challenge as it's clear and easy to enter so
   there were over 100 entries. Which was nice.
   It's still open actually if you want to either
   add new ones or just look at the results.
 https://www.b3ta.com/challenge/letterchangecompany...
 -------------------------------------------------
 Best explanation of Bitcoin so far: imagine if
 keeping your car idling 24/7 produced solved
 Sudokus you could trade for heroin. (@Theophite)
 -------------------------------------------------
 : SITES IN BRIEF
   Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates
   * CIRCUIT BENT BIBLE - did you know you could
   buy an electronic bible for about £20 on
   Amazon? Well you can, to read you the Lord's
   words as you skip through the hell we call
   life. And this rather too perky chap has
   circuit bent it to make it all wibbly wobbly.
 https://www.youtube.com/watch
   * "ENHANCE! ZOOM!" - shout Bladerunner inspired
   phrases like "up! zoom! enhance" at your
   computer until you get shot in about 17 moves.
   But still, fun interface.
 https://www.enhance.computer/
   * FAIL GIFS - 60 short videos that should be
   titled "we now go live, over to Brexit"
 https://imgur.com/gallery/krJ3g3Y
   * AI DRAWINGS - interprets text and tries to
   draw it. It's not very good.
 http://t2i.cvalenzuelab.com/
   * OLD COMPUTER MUSEUM - we want to go to this
   museum but it's too far away from us.
 https://twitter.com/ThatAndromeda/status/102798891...
   * LOOPING ANIMATIONS - this guy must be a
   psychopath, it's all too nest and perfect
 https://www.instagram.com/wannerstedt/
 -------------------------------------------------
 Offering our services to pop stars who want 12”
 undance mixes. Techniques include: adding /
 removing beats in the bar to trip up dancers,
 slowing the song as it goes, changing the order
 of the lyrics, a bit in 3/4, and making the
 record unexpectedly too quiet.
 -------------------------------------------------
 : ED ZITRON = PUBLIC RELATIONS
   Sponsored Patreon
   Do you need some PR in your life? Best call ED.
 https://twitter.com/edzitron
 -------------------------------------------------
 : LISTEN TO THE SOUNDS OF 1905
   Using the audio facilities of your computer
   Zuowan makes mixes based on ancient recordings
   and writes "only 12 years away from the dawn of
   the jazz age, here is 1905. This was one of
   those mixes where I started off lamenting the
   paucity of good material, then by the end found
   I had no way to cram in all the best stuff
   unless I made the mix 6 minutes too long, so
   that's what it is. So it starts a bit slowly,
   with many of the best bits towards the end."
 https://centuriesofsound.wordpress.com/2018/08/10/...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : SHIT MIDI YOUTUBE CHANNEL
   The entertainment never stops at b3ta dot com
   Simon Carless writes, "If you've ever wanted to
   hear MIDI versions of Baby D's 'Let Me Be Your
   Fantasy' or The Beloved's 'Sweet Harmony'
   played on a special MIDI jukebox in a tiki bar
   (actually my basement), then my new MIDI Tiki
   Show YouTube channel is for you."
 https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtRtOAXaRMvfI2Uch...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
   Follow-ups on previous stories
   * WHO THE HELL UPDATES CELEB DEATHS ON
   WIKIPEDIA SO QUICKLY? - "I included a reference
   to your newsletter question in my latest
   article for Slate" speaks Stephen Harrison
 https://slate.com/technology/2018/08/the-people-wh...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
   Show us your shit and get famous a bit
   * TWITTER DEATH - The truly brave way to leave
   Twitter would be to write a bit of code that
   soft blocked all your followers until it was
   zero. Then you’d have nothing to come back to.
   * PAYWALL BUSTER - A Chrome extension that
   keeps a list of sites with a paywall - that
   automatically opens a incognito browser if you
   click them to get past the "four free articles
   a month" bollocks.
   * JOURNALIST TIME WASTER - A bot that replies
   to every single #journorequests with 100
   variations on the phrase "yeah, me", "I know
   all about that" & "you've come to the right
   place" and keeps replying similarly to their
   every request for more info
   Send your stuff to:
 https://b3ta.com/mailus/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : PATREON THANKS
   They bought ads: EdZitron & HebTroCo.
   *THEY BOUGHT CAPS AND ASTERISKS!* *STOOBERT*,
   *JOSH MCMILLAN*, *AARON HOLMES*, *TOM JENKINS
   BATES*, *JON GRANT*, *SHOWRAT*, *SIMON JAMES*,
   *TREVOR BURTON-MCCREADIE*, *MR PHIL DONNELLY*,
   *KATE*, *JAMES PETTS*, *STEWART NOLAN*, *MARK
   MCCREADIE*, *ALEX MORRIS*, *JAMES O'BRIEN*
   THEY BOUGHT CAPS: GEORGE STEPHENSON, NAT KING
   COLESLAW, ANDREW WREN, JAMES CRONIN, ALISTAIR ,
   IAN SHEEN, NEIL HEPBURN, MARK ADAMSON, ANDREW
   FLEMMING, ALAN CHARLTON, SPAZZCAPTAIN , WENDY
   GOODE, JAIMIE VANDENBERGH, CHRIS BLAKENEY,
   BEVAN JOHNSON, CRISS MORENO, JO APPS, CHRIS
   LOCKE, ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, GREG MCGOWAN,
   RICHARD BARCLAY, PATRICK CATES, 24-7 DEATH, TOM
   WRIGHT, JON BINSTEAD, SIMON NICHOLLS, CHRIS
   CARLINE, BRIAN EELES, MICHAEL TRINDER
   They bought a mention: Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan,
   lee burnett, Peter Cooper, Rebecca McManus, Bex
   Cook, Hannah Chubb, Martin Davies, George
   Preston, Chris Saunders, Mike Middleton,
   Richard Matthias, AuntieSash Hazlewood, Brad
   Gregory, Graham Licence, Paul Rose (Mr Biffo),
   Ed Can Do, C Bond, Fergus McKay, Steve herman,
   Alex Walsh Atkins, Mick Curtis, Craig Turner,
   Joshua Thomasson, Dog Byte, Fearghas ,
   unklefiction , Chris Gough, fourstar , Jonty
   Wareing, Basel Kirmani, Montocat , Rob Affleck,
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   James Macinnes, Geoff Tidey, John Higgs, Daniel
   Chote, Geoffrey Balme, Byron Geoffrey Farrow,
   Mark Wilson, Paul Cherry, Nick Ross, Ian
   Beveridge, Alex Mastin, Raul Arreola, Faith H.
   Martin, Tim Williams, David King, Jaymie
   Thomas, Sam Russell, David Knoll, Ben Watson,
   Simon Holmes, Steve P, Gaynor Clarkson, Saleem
   Ahmad, nicholas martin, Jim MacArthur, John
   Hammersley, Andy Yates`, Andy Webber, Jack
   Barton, David Gardiner, Adam Molloy, Simon
   McDougall, Craig Tonks, Anna , Peter Gosling,
   Jason Stewart, Dave Nattriss, Philip
   Kinchington, Ian Boltz, Matt Drewry, Derek
   ROBERTS, Robbie Lesiuk, Bertram Wooster, Adam
   Inglis, James Clayton, David Harrison, Jim
   Frayling,  Mike Middleton, Scott S. Kramer, Joe
   Simmonds, Julie Brumlik, Rob Mahon, Paul
   Leader, Ivan Kelly, J&#464;m McN&#464;ven, Paul
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   Ruxton, Jim Woodward, Alexander Jamieson, Tom
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   AC , Derek Law, David Catley, John Foster, Matt
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   Hill, Joe McNally, Tom Ryan, Peter McMinn, Ryan
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   for No Reward), Nick Morgan, Rog Sharples, Ben
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   Meatbag, Dan Tasse, peter royal, Harry Wearne,
   Duncan STrickland, Andy Candler, Deny Coughlan,
   Russ Anderson, Nick Kent, Jonathan , Phil H,
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   School of Philadelphia, John Griffiths, Nick
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   Paul Mancini, Al Napp, Tanya Kant, Jon Ramster,
   David Whittam, Jace Otting, BSG , Andrew
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   Payne, Tim Polglase, Ted Bowyer, Matt Carr,
   Bobod , Michael Bryan, Richard Midwinter, Neil
   Ives, Mark Ryan, Ben Chapman, David Bond, Ben ,
   Robert Simpson, Gary Sharp, Andy Shirling,
   Fenris Games, James , Jim Lucking, mark
   madgwick, Ben Sugden, Russell Webster, Sham
   Courtney, Louis E, Andrea Vail, Rohan , Sam
   Brown, Marc Lindberg, Hugh Noble, Nigel Ford,
   Gwyn Fisher, Matt Loren, Centuries of Sound,
   Amy Oliver, Christina Freeman, Paul
   Braithwaite, Tom Clark, Gregg Kuljian, Richard
   Abraham, Paul Slade, Alex Wrottesley, Ivan
   Shiel, Claire Allen, Iain M Barker, Dan Fairs,
   Tony East, Cat Conner, Jennifer Moquin, Claire
   Zolkwer, Seirian Hanner, Thea Mallett, Nick ,
   ben cowell-thomas, Robert Purkis, Oli , Andy
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   &#268;olak-Anti&#263;, Adam Kaczmarek, Mike
   Carter, Daz Wright, Stewart C. Russell, John M,
   P Underwood, Thepfy , Hadleigh Charles, Mark
   McIntosh, Stephen Williams, Peter Wood, Darren
   John Harris, Mike Booth, Simon Lumb, Tim
   Knight, FuzzyFreaks , Stephen McAuley, Phil
   Barns, wigglywigglyworm , Lyra Jay, Lee Ball,
   Richard keeling, David Ellinor, Rachel Tougas,
   Ben Groom, Mr Flibble, David Parry, Emma Nicol,
   Paul Bayfield, Swedemason , Jon Bounds,
   Stéphane.
 Thanks everyone for supporting us, and if you
 don't, please consider it.
 https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
 -------------------------------------------------
 : NEWSLETTER CREDIT CRAWL
   Thanks to Wil, Kris, Alistair Coleman, Happy Toast.
   Links from Tusk & Simbosan
   Joke by Monkeon. A bit of proofing by CCC.
   Newsletter written by Rob Manuel in a bad mood.
 -------------------------------------------------
 : SOCIAL MEDIA PROMO
   Block / unfriend B3ta NOW!
  
   Apparently people are moving to Mastodon? Fuck
   knows why, follow us there and enough people do
   we'll start posting on it properly.
 https://mastodon.social/@b3ta
 https://www.facebook.com/b3tan
 https://www.twitter.com/b3ta
 -------------------------------------------------
 How many gammon does it take to change a
 lightbulb?
 Millions. First to successfully campaign to leave
 the EU, and then to wait in the dark for the
 proper inefficient incandescent light bulbs to
 make a comeback.
 https://www.b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenaj...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : ANY OTHER BUSINESS?
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