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   NEWSLETTER: "ED MILLIBAND'S COALITION OF CHAOS SOUNDS PRETTY GOOD RIGHT
   ABOUT NOW"
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 This Week:
 * PHOTOS - Of stuff dumped by a wall
 * IMAGE CHALLENGE - Kubrick's The Shining
 * ASHENS - Make his Hollywood dream come true
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 ________  ____ __  ___
 ____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We saved the web so that   
 ___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |   people can use it to
 __/____/____/\__/_/ |_|   download owl porn"
 B3ta email 685  - 14th July 2018
 Read this issue after ingesting delicious novichok
 http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue685
 -------------------------------------------------
 : ASHENS CROWDFUNDING NEW MOVIE
   Dig deep rich B3tans, dig deep
   King of retro technology and brown sofas,
   Stuart Ashen, is crowdfunding "a comedy heist
   movie where I must steal the most infamous
   video game of all: Polybius."
   We got in touch and said "Stu. Give us some
   quotes" and he gave us three:
   * "It's going to be like those films you enjoy,
   except funnier."
   * "We're turning the heist genre on its head
   and inserting a rectal thermometer."
   * "We're going to ask Rob Manuel to be in it
   again, and we hope he agrees."
   Make sure you chunk in some cash so Stu can do
   afford to do more of the set-piece stuff he
   plans:
 https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/ashens-and-the-...#/
 
   BTW: It's actually quite interesting to dig
   into the history of the urban legend Polybius -
   it's all alleged CIA stuff where they
   supposedly stuck a game into a few arcades,
   either to recruit super agents or for mind
   control reasons. Obviously all bollocks but fun
   bollocks.
 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polybius_(urban_legend)
 -------------------------------------------------
 If there's something strange in your
 neighbourhood. Who you gonna call?
 THE COUNCIL
 -------------------------------------------------
 : CYRIAK MAKES NEW ANIMATION
   That'll probably make you shit yourself
   Not content simply with writing horse books,
   Cyriak is back with a new creepy animation, as
   posted on our links board under the name
   "Mutated Monty" because B3ta still uses weird
   internet names instead of this modern trend of
   demanding everyone not be called
   'sputzy-trousers2'.
 https://www.b3ta.com/links/Indigestion
 -------------------------------------------------
 The Cure being good entirely lines up with
 Thatcher being Prime Minister
 • Three Imaginary Boys LP / Thatcher in: May 1979
 • Mixed-up / Thatcher out: Nov 1990
 Not sure what you should do with this
 information. Sorry.
 -------------------------------------------------
 : CREEPY UPPY
   Kick Donald in the head
   You might remember Matt Round from projects
   like "Serial Killer or Programmer" and he
   writes "It's been all "World Cup footyball's
   coming home!" recently & now the awful orange
   racist's has arrived, so naturally I've made a
   game where you kick him in the head.
   Repeatedly." Fine work Matt.
 https://theovertake.com/stuff/creepy-uppy/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : POINT YOUR BROWSER AT THESE TROUSERS
   P-p-p-p pick up a sponsored p-p-p-p-patreon
   Imagine you're naked. You'd probably want to
   put some trousers on wouldn't you? Then put
   these on, you nude idiot.
 https://hebtro.co/
 -------------------------------------------------
 If there's something weird and it don't look
 good. Who you gonna call?
 THE POLICE
 -------------------------------------------------
 : LITTER WATCH
   Photos of stuff dumped by a wall
   "Big news everyone!" writes Dannyl Harle, "My
   Mum has an Instagram where she regularly posts
   images of the wide variety of rubbish people
   leave on the small wall outside her house. It
   started as a project to send to the council but
   has now spiralled into micro-phenomenon."
 https://www.instagram.com/juliajaneeisner/
 -------------------------------------------------
 An anecdote told to us by a Mirror journalist was
 that when Piers Morgan was editor and 9/11
 happened a load of staff stood at the window in
 One Canada Sq looking for planes and Piers told
 them to move because he was worried it would make
 the building topple over.
 -------------------------------------------------
 : ENGLAND'S OTHER WORLD CUP GLORY
   Remember when football came home in the 80s?
  
   Ambegris has been researching the other time
   England won the world cup - unexpectedly in
   1986. Yes, totally true, if you believe
   cartoons are real. And we do.
 https://the-slipper.blogspot.com/2014/07/englands-...
   BTW: Here's a fact. "Football's Coming Home"
   was the slogan of Euro 96 before it was the
   Lightning Seeds song. Actually it read
   "Football's Come Home" referring to the fact
   the games were played in England. That simple
   change from "come" to "coming" added much of
   the magic to the phrase. It made it the dream.
 -------------------------------------------------
 If you're seeing things running through your
 head? Who you gonna call?
 NHS HOTLINE
 -------------------------------------------------
 : INTERVIEW WITH A B3TAN WITH CANCER
   A bit of a change of tone here...
  
   Karamoon writes "I think B3tan readers will
   enjoy this radio interview. I'm dying of cancer
   (at 38!) and was interviewed by a New York
   radio station about it. I managed to use the
   phrase 'bittorrent fairy'... And the radio
   station was kind enough to end the interview
   with Hey Hey 16k.
   "A bunch of B3tans and B3ta readers have been
   massively supportive of me since my terminal
   cancer diagnosis. For example Ashens got
   involved with a retro geek comedy night at the
   Cambridge Computer Museum to raise money for my
   immunotherapy. Leila and Roo from the Shift Run
   Stop podcast have helped me out too, as have
   Eben and Liz Upton from Raspberry Pi."
   Good luck dude. We're all thinking of you.
 https://www.youtube.com/watch
 -------------------------------------------------
 : IMAGE CHALLENGE
   The Shining Vs the B3tans
   If you're sick of the Donald Trump and football
   not coming home, then come and photoshop The
   Shining. We've done many movie challenges and
   we thought it would be interesting to go deep
   on one specific movie, and there's few more
   iconic that Stanley Kubrick's The Shining.
 https://www.b3ta.com/challenge/TheShining/popular/
 -------------------------------------------------
 An invisible man. Sleepin' in your bed. Who you
 gonna call?
 RELATE
 -------------------------------------------------
 : IF YOU NEED PR THEN CALL ED, OK?
   Sponsored patreon
   Ed Zitron = PR. Ed Zitron = PR. Ed Zitron = PR.
   Ed Zitron = PR. Ed Zitron = PR. Ed Zitron = PR.
   Ed Zitron = PR. Ed Zitron = PR.
 https://twitter.com/edzitron
 -------------------------------------------------
 : SITES IN BRIEFS
   Stuff made by our mortal enemies that's good
   * CREEPY SERVICE FOR CREEPS - retargeting ads
   in your partners browser to make them want more
   sex. Not quite sure if this is a gag or not -
   but it's grim either way.
 https://www.thespinner.net/
   * NERD CROSS STITCH - the lovely, old Mac
   interface done in stitches because pixels and
   stitches are basically the same thing.
 https://twitter.com/glenda_atom/status/10160851390...
   * STEWART LEE DUMPING MORRISSEY - Stew's Mozza
   article is excellent and we also like that he's
   clearly written it exactly like how we write
   stuff: get the shape of a joke and go "needs
   overly specific and obscure detail here - best
   crib Wikipedia page on Walruses"
 https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2018/jul...
   * WONDERING WHAT THE DOOM MODDING COMMUNITY ARE
   UP TO? They're making wonderful Seinfeld mods.
   Joyous.
 https://twitter.com/ultrabrilliant/status/10173281...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : STILL BANGING ON ABOUT GOATSE CORNER
   The butt meme that'll never die
 
   Matt Round writes, "In case you're still
   covering goatses in the newsletter and didn't
   see this..."
 https://twitter.com/Manglewood/status/101720604818...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
   Make some some shit. Post it to us.
   * STILL INTERESTED IN MOVIE RECOMMENDATIONS -
   quite fancy something that tells you what was
   on in your local cinema in 1986 so you can then
   bittorrent from that. Infinite choice is
   paralysing.
   * THE ABOVE BUT FOR MUSIC - Spotify but that
   only gives you the new releases from July 1986.
   * AND OTHER IDEAS WE DON'T HAVE THE BUDGET FOR
   LIKE...  Pokémon Go mechanic would work well
   for the Ghostbusters franchise. Your whole area
   haunted, you bustin' ghosts everywhere
   TELL US NOW YOU FUCKS:
 https://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : THANKS
   Wil, Cr3, Kris, Matt Round. Subjlols via
   Barbarossa. Proofing by @fatherjack.
 -------------------------------------------------
 : PATREON THANKS
   * JOSH MCMILLAN, * AARON HOLMES, * TOM JENKINS
   BATES, * JON GRANT, * SHOWRAT , * SIMON JAMES,
   * TREVOR BURTON-MCCREADIE, * MR PHIL DONNELLY,
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   Adam Lloyd, Andrew Scheuber, Chris Branch,
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   Stéphane.
 -------------------------------------------------
 : SOCIAL MEDIA PROMO
   Block / unfriend B3ta NOW!
  
   Social media is a disease. Unfollow us before
   it's too late:
 https://www.facebook.com/b3tan
 https://www.twitter.com/b3ta
 -------------------------------------------------
 : ANY OTHER BUSINESS?
   * Sub to the newsletter via
 https://www.b3ta.com/subscribe/
   * Submit YOUR content to newsletter:
 https://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
   * Fund the newsletter via the patreon:
 https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
   * Write a joke that we might stick in next week:
 https://www.b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenaj...
   I love all ethernet cables, especially when I see
   one that is very, very old. I always wonder how
   it survived, and what it has seen in its life. I wish
   the ethernet cable could whisper to me all it
   knows. (@yokoonobot)

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